Chapter XXII
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It was six o’clock already, and so, in
order to be there quickly, and at the same time not to drive with
his own horses, known to every one, Vronsky got into Yashvin’s
hired fly, and told the driver to drive as quickly as possible. It
was a roomy, old-fashioned fly, with seats for four. He sat in one
corner, stretched his legs out on the front seat, and sank into
meditation.
A vague sense of the order into which his affairs
had been brought, a vague recollection of the friendliness and
flattery of Serpuhovskoy, who had considered him a man that was
needed, and most of all, the anticipation of the interview before
him—all blended into a general, joyous sense of life. This feeling
was so strong that he could not help smiling. He dropped his legs,
crossed one leg over the other knee, and taking it in his hand,
felt the springy muscle of the calf, where it had been grazed the
day before by his fall, and leaning back he drew several deep
breaths.
“I’m happy, very happy!” he said to himself. He had
often before had this sense of physical joy in his own body, but he
had never felt so fond of himself, of his own body, as at that
moment. He enjoyed the slight ache in his strong leg, he enjoyed
the muscular sensation of movement in his chest as he breathed. The
bright, cold August day, which had made Anna feel so hopeless,
seemed to him keenly stimulating, and refreshed his face and neck
that still tingled from the cold water. The scent of brilliantine
on his whiskers struck him as particularly pleasant in the fresh
air. Everything he saw from the carriage-window, everything in that
cold pure air, in the pale light of the sunset, was as fresh, and
gay, and strong as he was himself: the roofs of the houses shining
in the rays of the setting sun, the sharp outlines of fences and
angles of buildings, the figures of passers-by, the carriages that
met him now and then, the motionless green of the trees and grass,
the fields with evenly drawn furrows of potatoes, and the slanting
shadows that fell from the houses, and trees, and bushes, and even
from the rows of potatoes—everything was bright like a pretty
landscape just finished and freshly varnished.
“Get on, get on!” he said to the driver, putting
his head out of the window, and pulling a three-rouble note out of
his pocket he handed it to the man as he looked round. The driver’s
hand fumbled with something at the lamp, the whip cracked, and the
carriage rolled rapidly along the smooth highroad.
“I want nothing, nothing but this happiness,” he
thought, staring at the bone button of the bell in the space
between the windows, and picturing to himself Anna just as he had
seen her last time. “And as I go on, I love her more and more.
Here’s the garden of the Vrede Villa. Whereabouts will she be?
Where? How? Why did she fix on this place to meet me, and why does
she write in Betsy’s letter?” he thought, wondering now for the
first time at it. But there was now no time for wonder. He called
to the driver to stop before reaching the avenue, and opening the
door, jumped out of the carriage as it was moving, and went into
the avenue that led up to the house. There was no one in the
avenue; but looking round to the right he caught sight of her. Her
face was hidden by a veil, but he drank in with glad eyes the
special movement in walking, peculiar to her alone, the slope of
the shoulders, and the setting of the head, and at once a sort of
electric shock ran all over him. With fresh force, he felt
conscious of himself from the springy motions of his legs to the
movements of his lungs as he breathed, and something set his lips
twitching.
Joining him, she pressed his hand tightly.
“You’re not angry that I sent for you? I absolutely
had to see you,” she said; and the serious and set line of her
lips, which he saw under the veil, transformed his mood at
once.
“I angry! But how have you come, where from?”
“Never mind,” she said, laying her hand on his,
“come along, I must talk to you.”
He saw that something had happened, and that the
interview would not be a joyous one. In her presence he had no will
of his own: without knowing the grounds of her distress, he already
felt the same distress unconsciously passing over him.
“What is it? what?” he asked her, squeezing her
hand with his elbow, and trying to read her thoughts in her
face.
She walked on a few steps in silence, gathering up
her courage; then suddenly she stopped.
“I did not tell you yesterday,” she began,
breathing quickly and painfully, “that coming home with Alexey
Alexandrovitch I told him everything . . . told him I could not be
his wife, that . . . and told him everything.”
He heard her, unconsciously bending his whole
figure down to her as though hoping in this way to soften the
hardness of her position for her. But directly she had said this he
suddenly drew himself up, and a proud and hard expression came over
his face.
“Yes, yes, that’s better, a thousand times better!
I know how painful it was,” he said. But she was not listening to
his words, she was reading his thoughts from the expression of his
face. She could not guess that that expression arose from the first
idea that presented itself to Vronsky—that a duel was now
inevitable. The idea of a duel had never crossed her mind, and so
she put a different interpretation on this passing expression of
hardness.
When she got her husband’s letter, she knew then at
the bottom of her heart that everything would go on in the old way,
that she would not have the strength of will to forego her
position, to abandon her son, and to join her lover. The morning
spent at Princess Tverskaya’s had confirmed her still more in this.
But this interview was still of the utmost gravity for her. She
hoped that this interview would transform her position, and save
her. If on hearing this news he were to say to her resolutely,
passionately, without an instant’s wavering: “Throw up everything
and come with me!” she would give up her son and go away with him.
But this news had not produced what she had expected in him; he
simply seemed as though he were resenting some affront.
“It was not in the least painful to me. It happened
of itself,” she said irritably; “and see . . .” She pulled her
husband’s letter out of her glove.
“I understand, I understand,” he interrupted her,
taking the letter, but not reading it, and trying to soothe her.
“The one thing I longed for, the one thing I prayed for, was to cut
short this position, so as to devote my life to your
happiness.”
“Why do you tell me that?” she said. “Do you
suppose I can doubt it? If I doubted . . .”
“Who’s that coming?” said Vronsky suddenly,
pointing to two ladies walking towards them. “Perhaps they know
us!” and he hurriedly turned off, drawing her after him into a side
path.
“Oh, I don’t care!” she said. Her lips were
quivering. And he fancied that her eyes looked with strange fury at
him from under the veil. “I tell you that’s not the point—I can’t
doubt that; but see what he writes to me. Read it.” She stood still
again.
Again, just as at the first moment of hearing of
her rupture with her husband, Vronsky, on reading the letter, was
unconsciously carried away by the natural sensation aroused in him
by his own relation to the betrayed husband. Now while he held his
letter in his hands, he could not help picturing the challenge,
which he would most likely find at home to-day or to-morrow, and
the duel itself in which, with the same cold and haughty expression
that his face was assuming at this moment he would await the
injured husband’s shot, after having himself fired into the air.
And at that instant there flashed across his mind the thought of
what Serpuhovskoy had just said to him, and what he had himself
been thinking in the morning—that it was better not to bind
himself—and he knew that this thought he could not tell her.
Having read the letter, he raised his eyes to her,
and there was no determination in them. She saw at once that he had
been thinking about it before by himself. She knew that whatever he
might say to her, he would not say all he thought. And she knew
that her last hope had failed her. This was not what she had been
reckoning on.
“You see the sort of man he is,” she said, with a
shaking voice; “he...”
“Forgive me, but I rejoice at it,” Vronsky
interrupted. “For God’s sake, let me finish!” he added, his eyes
imploring her to give him time to explain his words. “I rejoice,
because things cannot, cannot possibly remain as he
supposes.”
“Why can’t they?” Anna said, restraining her tears,
and obviously attaching no sort of consequence to what he said. She
felt that her fate was sealed.
Vronsky meant that after the duel—inevitable, he
thought—things could not go on as before, but he said something
different.
“It can’t go on. I hope that now you will leave
him. I hope”—he was confused, and reddened—“that you will let me
arrange and plan our life. To-morrow ...” he was beginning.
She did not let him go on.
“But my child!” she shrieked. “You see what he
writes! I should have to leave him, and I can’t and won’t do
that.”
“But, for God’s sake, which is better?—leave your
child, or keep up this degrading position?”
“To whom is it degrading?”
“To all, and most of all to you.”
“You say degrading . . . don’t say that. Those
words have no meaning for me,” she said in a shaking voice. She did
not want him now to say what was untrue. She had nothing left her
but his love, and she wanted to love him. “Don’t you understand
that from the day I loved you everything has changed for me? For me
there is one thing, and one thing only—your love. If that’s mine, I
feel so exalted, so strong, that nothing can be humiliating to me.
I am proud of my position, because . . . proud of being . . . proud
. . .” She could not say what she was proud of. Tears of shame and
despair choked her utterance. She stood still and sobbed.
He felt, too, something swelling in his throat and
twitching in his nose, and for the first time in his life he felt
on the point of weeping. He could not have said exactly what it was
touched him so. He felt sorry for her, and he felt he could not
help her, and with that he knew that he was to blame for her
wretchedness, and that he had done something wrong.
“Is not a divorce possible?” he said feebly. She
shook her head, not answering. “Couldn’t you take your son, and
still leave him?”
“Yes; but it all depends on him. Now I must go to
him,” she said shortly. Her presentiment that all would again go on
in the old way had not deceived her.
“On Tuesday I shall be in Petersburg, and
everything can be settled.”
“Yes,” she said. “But don’t let us talk any more of
it.”
Anna’s carriage, which she had sent away, and
ordered to come back to the little gate of the Vrede garden, drove
up. Anna said good-bye to Vronsky, and drove home.