Chapter XXVIII
236
It was bright and sunny. A fine rain had been falling all the morning, and now it had not long cleared up. The iron roofs, the flags of the roads, the flints of the pavements, the wheels and leather, the brass and the tinplate of the carriages—all glistened brightly in the May sunshine. It was three o’clock, and the very liveliest time in the streets.
As she sat in a corner of the comfortable carriage, that hardly swayed on its supple springs, while the grays trotted swiftly, in the midst of the unceasing rattle of wheels and the changing impressions in the pure air, Anna ran over the events of the last days, and she saw her position quite differently from how it had seemed at home. Now the thought of death seemed no longer so terrible and so clear to her, and death itself no longer seemed so inevitable. Now she blamed herself for the humiliation to which she had lowered herself. “I entreat him to forgive me. I have given in to him. I have owned myself in fault. What for? Can’t I live without him?” And leaving unanswered the question how she was going to live without him, she fell to reading the signs on the shops. “Office and warehouse. Dental surgeon. Yes, I’ll tell Dolly all about it. She doesn’t like Vronsky. I shall be sick and ashamed, but I’ll tell her. She loves me, and I’ll follow her advice. I won’t give in to him; I won’t let him train me as he pleases. Filippov, bun-shop. They say they send their dough to Petersburg. The Moscow water is so good for it. Ah, the springs at Mitishtchen, and the pancakes!”
And she remembered how, long, long ago, when she was a girl of seventeen, she had gone with her aunt to Troitsa. “Riding, too. Was that really me, with red hands? How much that seemed to me then splendid and out of reach has become worthless, while what I had then has gone out of my reach forever! Could I ever have believed then that I could come to such humiliation? How conceited and self-satisfied he will be when he gets my note! But I will show him.... How horrid that paint smells! Why is it they’re always painting and building? Modes et robes,” she read. A man bowed to her. It was Annushka’s husband. “Our parasites” ; she remembered how Vronsky had said that. “Our? Why our? What’s so awful is that one can’t tear up the past by its roots. One can’t tear it out, but one can hide one’s memory of it. And I’ll hide it.” And then she thought of her past with Alexey Alexandrovitch, of how she had blotted the memory of it out of her life. “Dolly will think I’m leaving my second husband, and so I certainly must be in the wrong. As if I cared to be right! I can’t help it!” she said, and she wanted to cry. But at once she fell to wondering what those two girls could be smiling about. “Love, most likely. They don’t know how dreary it is, how low ... The boulevard and the children. Three boys running, playing at horses. Seryozha! And I’m losing everything and not getting him back. Yes, I’m losing everything, if he doesn’t return. Perhaps he was late for the train and has come back by now. Longing for humiliation again!” she said to herself. “No, I’ll go to Dolly, and say straight out to her, I’m unhappy, I deserve this, I’m to blame, but still I’m unhappy, help me. These horses, this carriage—how loathsome I am to myself in this carriage—all his; but I won’t see them again.”
Thinking over the words in which she would tell Dolly, and mentally working her heart up to great bitterness, Anna went up-stairs.
“Is there any one with her?” she asked in the hall.
“Katerina Alexandrovna Levin,” answered the footman.
“Kitty! Kitty, whom Vronsky was in love with!” thought Anna, “the girl he thinks of with love. He’s sorry he didn’t marry her. But me he thinks of with hatred, and is sorry he had anything to do with me.”
The sisters were having a consultation about nursing when Anna called. Dolly went down alone to see the visitor who had interrupted their conversation.
“Well, so you’ve not gone away yet? I meant to have come to you,” she said; “I had a letter from Stiva to-day.”
“We had a telegram too,” answered Anna, looking round for Kitty.
“He writes that he can’t make out quite what Alexey Alexandrovitch wants, but he won’t go away without a decisive answer.”
“I thought you had some one with you. Can I see the letter?”
“Yes; Kitty,” said Dolly, embarrassed. “She stayed in the nursery. She has been very ill.”
“So I heard. May I see the letter?”
“I’ll get it directly. But he doesn’t refuse; on the contrary, Stiva has hopes,” said Dolly, stopping in the doorway.
“I haven’t, and indeed I don’t wish it,” said Anna.
“What’s this? Does Kitty consider it degrading to meet me?” thought Anna when she was alone. “Perhaps she’s right, too. But it’s not for her, the girl who was in love with Vronsky, it’s not for her to show me that, even if it is true. I know that in my position I can’t be received by any decent woman. I knew that from the first moment I sacrificed everything to him. And this is my reward! Oh, how I hate him! And what did I come here for? I’m worse here, more miserable.” She heard from the next room the sisters’ voices in consultation. “And what am I going to say to Dolly now? Amuse Kitty by the sight of my wretchedness, submit to her patronizing? No; and besides, Dolly wouldn’t understand. And it would be no good my telling her. It would only be interesting to see Kitty, to show her how I despise every one and everything, how nothing matters to me now.”
Dolly came in with the letter. Anna read it and handed it back in silence.
“I knew all that,” she said, “and it doesn’t interest me in the least.”
“Oh, why so? On the contrary, I have hopes,” said Dolly, looking inquisitively at Anna. She had never seen her in such a strangely irritable condition. “When are you going away?” she asked.
Anna, half-closing her eyes, looked straight before her and did not answer.
“Why does Kitty shrink from me?” she said, looking at the door and flushing red.
“Oh, what nonense! She’s nursing, and things aren’t going right with her, and I’ve been advising her.... She’s delighted. She’ll be here in a minute,” said Dolly awkwardly, not clever at lying. “Yes, here she is.”
Hearing that Anna had called, Kitty had wanted not to appear, but Dolly persuaded her. Rallying her forces, Kitty went in, walked up to her, blushing, and shook hands.
“I am so glad to see you,” she said with a trembling voice.
Kitty had been thrown into confusion by the inward conflict between her antagonism to this bad woman and her desire to be nice to her. But as soon as she saw Anna’s lovely and attractive face, all feeling of antagonism disappeared.
“I should not have been surprised if you had not cared to meet me. I’m used to everything. You have been ill? Yes, you are changed,” said Anna.
Kitty felt that Anna was looking at her with hostile eyes. She ascribed this hostility to the awkward position in which Anna, who had once patronized her, must feel with her now, and she felt sorry for her.
They talked of Kitty’s illness, of the baby, of Stiva, but it was obvious that nothing interested Anna.
“I came to say good-bye to you,” she said, getting up.
“Oh, when are you going?”
But again not answering, Anna turned to Kitty.
“Yes, I am very glad to have seen you,” she said with a smile. “I have heard so much of you from every one, even from your husband. He came to see me, and I liked him exceedingly,” she said, unmistakably with malicious intent. “Where is he?”
“He has gone back to the country,” said Kitty, blushing.
“Remember me to him, be sure you do.”
“I’ll be sure to!” Kitty said naïvely, looking compassionately into her eyes.
“So good-bye, Dolly.” And kissing Dolly and shaking hands with Kitty, Anna went out hurriedly.
“She’s just the same and just as charming! She’s very lovely!” said Kitty, when she was alone with her sister. “But there’s something piteous about her. Awfully piteous!”
“Yes, there’s something unusual about her to-day,” said Dolly. “When I went with her into the hall, I fancied she was almost crying.”
Anna Karenina
bano_9781411431775_oeb_cover_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_toc_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_fm1_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_tp_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_cop_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_fm2_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_fm3_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_itr_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p01_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c01_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c02_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c03_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c04_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c05_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c06_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c07_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c08_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c09_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c10_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c11_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c12_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c13_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c14_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c15_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c16_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c17_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c18_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c19_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c20_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c21_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c22_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c23_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c24_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c25_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c26_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c27_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c28_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c29_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c30_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c31_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c32_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c33_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c34_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p02_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c35_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c36_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c37_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c38_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c39_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c40_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c41_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c42_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c43_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c44_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c45_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c46_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c47_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c48_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c49_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c50_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c51_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c52_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c53_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c54_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c55_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c56_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c57_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c58_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c59_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c60_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c61_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c62_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c63_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c64_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c65_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c66_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c67_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c68_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c69_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p03_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c70_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c71_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c72_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c73_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c74_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c75_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c76_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c77_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c78_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c79_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c80_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c81_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c82_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c83_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c84_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c85_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c86_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c87_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c88_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c89_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c90_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c91_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c92_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c93_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c94_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c95_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c96_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c97_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c98_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c99_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c100_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c101_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p04_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c102_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c103_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c104_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c105_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c106_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c107_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c108_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c109_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c110_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c111_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c112_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c113_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c114_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c115_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c116_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c117_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c118_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c119_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c120_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c121_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c122_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c123_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c124_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p05_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c125_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c126_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c127_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c128_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c129_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c130_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c131_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c132_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c133_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c134_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c135_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c136_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c137_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c138_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c139_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c140_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c141_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c142_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c143_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c144_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c145_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c146_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c147_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c148_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c149_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c150_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c151_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c152_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c153_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c154_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c155_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c156_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c157_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p06_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c158_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c159_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c160_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c161_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c162_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c163_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c164_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c165_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c166_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c167_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c168_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c169_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c170_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c171_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c172_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c173_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c174_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c175_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c176_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c177_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c178_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c179_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c180_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c181_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c182_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c183_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c184_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c185_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c186_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c187_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c188_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c189_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p07_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c190_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c191_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c192_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c193_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c194_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c195_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c196_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c197_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c198_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c199_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c200_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c201_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c202_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c203_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c204_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c205_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c206_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c207_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c208_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c209_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c210_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c211_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c212_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c213_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c214_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c215_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c216_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c217_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c218_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c219_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c220_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_p08_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c221_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c222_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c223_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c224_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c225_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c226_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c227_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c228_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c229_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c230_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c231_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c232_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c233_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c234_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c235_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c236_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c237_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c238_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_c239_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_nts_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_bm1_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_bm2_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_bm3_r1.html
bano_9781411431775_oeb_ftn_r1.html