Chapter XIX
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Going out of the nursery and being again
alone, Levin went back at once to the thought, in which there was
something not clear.
Instead of going into the drawing-room, where he
heard voices, he stopped on the terrace, and leaning his elbows on
the parapet, he gazed up at the sky.
It was quite dark now, and in the south, where he
was looking, there were no clouds. The storm had drifted on to the
opposite side of the sky, and there were flashes of lightning and
distant thunder from that quarter. Levin listened to the monotonous
drip from the lime-trees in the garden, and looked at the triangle
of stars he knew so well, and the Milky Way with its branches that
ran through its midst. At each flash of lightning the Milky Way,
and even the bright stars, vanished, but as soon as the lightning
died away, they reappeared in their places as though some hand had
flung them back with careful aim.
“Well, what is it perplexes me?” Levin said to
himself, feeling beforehand that the solution of his difficulties
was ready in his soul, though he did not know it yet. “Yes, the one
unmistakable, incontestable manifestation of the Divinity is the
law of right and wrong, which has come into the world by
revelation, and which I feel in myself, and in the recognition of
which—I don’t make myself, but whether I will or not—I am made one
with other men in one body of believers, which is called the
church. Well, but the Jews, the Mohammedans, the Confucians, the
Buddhists—1 what of
them?” he put to himself the question he had feared to face. “Can
these hundreds of millions of men be deprived of that highest
blessing without which life has no meaning?” He pondered a moment,
but immediately corrected himself. “But what am I questioning ?” he
said to himself. “I am questioning the relation to Divinity of all
the different religions of all mankind. I am questioning the
universal manifestation of God to all the world with all those
misty blurs. What am I about? To me individually, to my heart has
been revealed a knowledge beyond all doubt, and unattainable by
reason, and here I am obstinately trying to express that knowledge
in reason and words.
“Don’t I know that the stars don’t move?” he asked
himself, gazing at the bright planet which had shifted its position
up to the topmost twig of the birch-tree. “But looking at the
movements of the stars, I can’t picture to myself the rotation of
the earth, and I’m right in saying that the stars move.
“And could the astronomers have understood and
calculated anything, if they had taken into account all the
complicated and varied motions of the earth? All the marvelous
conclusions they have reached about the distances, weights,
movements, and deflections of the heavenly bodies are only founded
on the apparent motions of the heavenly bodies about a stationary
earth, on that very motion I see before me now, which has been so
for millions of men during long ages, and was and will be always
alike, and can always be trusted. And just as the conclusions of
the astronomers would have been vain and uncertain if not founded
on observations of the seen heavens, in relation to a single
meridian and a single horizon, so would my conclusions be vain and
uncertain if not founded on that conception of right, which has
been and will be always alike for all men, which has been revealed
to me as a Christian, and which can always be trusted in my soul.
The question of other religions and their relations to Divinity I
have no right to decide, and no possibility of deciding.”
“Oh, you haven’t gone in then?” he heard Kitty’s
voice all at once, as she came by the same way to the
drawing-room.
“What is it? you’re not worried about anything?”
she said, looking intently at his face in the starlight.
But she could not have seen his face if a flash of
lightning had not hidden the stars and revealed it. In that flash
she saw his face distinctly, and seeing him calm and happy, she
smiled at him.
“She understands,” he thought; “she knows what I’m
thinking about. Shall I tell her or not? Yes, I’ll tell her.” But
at the moment he was about to speak, she began speaking.
“Kostya! do something for me,” she said; “go into
the corner room and see if they’ve made it all right for Sergey
Ivanovitch. I can’t very well. See if they’ve put the new
wash-stand in it.”
“Very well, I’ll go directly,” said Levin, standing
up and kissing her.
“No, I’d better not speak of it,” he thought, when
she had gone in before him. “It is a secret for me alone, of vital
importance for me, and not to be put into words.
“This new feeling has not changed me, has not made
me happy and enlightened all of a sudden, as I had dreamed, just
like the feeling for my child. There was no surprise in this
either. Faith—or not faith—I don’t know what it is—but this feeling
has come just as imperceptibly through suffering, and has taken
firm root in my soul.
“I shall go on in the same way, losing my temper
with Ivan the coachman, falling into angry discussions, expressing
my opinions tactlessly; there will be still the same wall between
the holy of holies of my soul and other people, even my wife; I
shall still go on scolding her for my own terror, and being
remorseful for it; I shall still be as unable to understand with my
reason why I pray, and I shall still go on praying; but my life
now, my whole life apart from anything that can happen to me, every
minute of it is no more meaningless, as it was before, but it has
the positive meaning of goodness, which I have the power to put
into it.”