Chapter XIV
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The doctor was not yet up, and the footman
said that he had been up late, and had given orders not to be
waked, but would get up soon. The footman was cleaning the
lamp-chimneys, and seemed very busy about them. This concentration
of the footman upon his lamps, and his indifference to what was
passing in Levin, at first astounded him, but immediately on
considering the question he realized that no one knew or was bound
to know his feelings, and that it was all the more necessary to act
calmly, sensibly, and resolutely to get through this wall of
indifference and attain his aim.
“Don’t be in a hurry or let anything slip,” Levin
said to himself, feeling a greater and greater flow of physical
energy and attention to all that lay before him to do.
Having ascertained that the doctor was not getting
up, Levin considered various plans, and decided on the following
one: that Kouzma should go for another doctor, while he himself
should go to the chemist’s for opium, and if when he came back the
doctor had not yet begun to get up, he would either by tipping the
footman, or by force, wake the doctor at all hazards.
At the chemist’s the lank shopman sealed up a
packet of powders for a coachman who stood waiting, and refused him
opium with the same callousness with which the doctor’s footman had
cleaned his lamp-chimneys. Trying not to get flurried or out of
temper, Levin mentioned the names of the doctor and midwife, and
explaining what the opium was needed for, tried to persuade him.
The assistant inquired in German whether he should give it, and
receiving an affirmative reply from behind the partition, he took
out a bottle and a funnel, deliberately poured the opium from a
bigger bottle into a little one, stuck on a label, sealed it up, in
spite of Levin’s request that he would not do so, and was about to
wrap it up too. This was more than Levin could stand; he took the
bottle firmly out of his hands, and ran to the big glass doors. The
doctor was not even now getting up, and the footman, busy now in
putting down the rugs, refused to wake him. Levin deliberately took
out a ten-rouble note, and, careful to speak slowly, though losing
no time over the business, he handed him the note, and explained
that Pyotr Dmitrievitch (what a great and important personage he
seemed to Levin now, this Pyotr Dmitrievitch, who had been of so
little consequence in his eyes before!) had promised to come at any
time; that he would certainly not be angry! and that he must
therefore wake him at once.
The footman agreed, and went up-stairs, taking
Levin into the waiting-room.
Levin could hear through the door the doctor
coughing, moving about, washing, and saying something. Three
minutes passed; it seemed to Levin that more than an hour had gone
by. He could not wait any longer.
“Pyotr Dmitrievitch, Pyotr Dmitrievitch!” he said
in an imploring voice at the open door. “For God’s sake, forgive
me! See me as you are. It’s been going on more than two hours
already.”
“In a minute; in a minute!” answered a voice, and
to his amazement Levin heard that the doctor was smiling as he
spoke.
“For one instant.”
“In a minute.”
Two minutes more passed while the doctor was
putting on his boots, and two minutes more while the doctor put on
his coat and combed his hair.
“Pyotr Dmitrievitch!” Levin was beginning again in
a plaintive voice, just as the doctor came in dressed and ready.
“These people have no conscience,” thought Levin. “Combing his
hair, while we’re dying!”
“Good-morning!” the doctor said to him, shaking
hands, and, as it were, teasing him with his composure. “There’s no
hurry. Well now?”
Trying to be as accurate as possible Levin began to
tell him every unnecessary detail of his wife’s condition,
interrupting his account repeatedly with entreaties that the doctor
would come with him at once.
“Oh, you needn’t be in any hurry. You don’t
understand, you know. I’m certain I’m not wanted, still I’ve
promised, and if you like, I’ll come. But there’s no hurry. Please
sit down; won’t you have some coffee?”
Levin stared at him with eyes that asked whether he
was laughing at him; but the doctor had no notion of making fun of
him.
“I know, I know,” the doctor said, smiling; “I’m a
married man myself; and at these moments we husbands are very much
to be pitied. I’ve a patient whose husband always takes refuge in
the stables on such occasions.”
“But what do you think, Pyotr Dmitrievitch? Do you
suppose it may go all right?”
“Everything points to a favorable issue.”
“So you’ll come immediately?” said Levin, looking
wrathfully at the servant who was bringing in the coffee.
“In an hour’s time.”
“Oh, for mercy’s sake!”
“Well, let me drink my coffee, anyway.”
The doctor started upon his coffee. Both were
silent.
“The Turks are really getting beaten, though. Did
you read yesterday’s telegrams?” said the doctor, munching some
roll.
“No, I can’t stand it!” said Levin, jumping up. “So
you’ll be with us in a quarter of an hour.”
“In half an hour.”
“On your honor?”
When Levin got home, he drove up at the same time
as the princess, and they went up to the bedroom door together. The
princess had tears in her eyes, and her hands were shaking. Seeing
Levin, she embraced him, and burst into tears.
“Well, my dear Lizaveta Petrovna?” she queried,
clasping the hand of the midwife, who came out to meet them with a
beaming and anxious face.
“She’s going on well,” she said; “persuade her to
lie down. She will be easier so.”
From the moment when he had waked up and understood
what was going on, Levin had prepared his mind to bear resolutely
what was before him, and without considering or anticipating
anything, to avoid upsetting his wife, and on the contrary to
soothe her and keep up her courage. Without allowing himself even
to think of what was to come, of how it would end, judging from his
inquiries as to the usual duration of these ordeals, Levin had in
his imagination braced himself to bear up and to keep a tight rein
on his feelings for five hours, and it had seemed to him he could
do this. But when he came back from the doctor’s and saw her
sufferings again, he fell to repeating more and more frequently!
“Lord, have mercy on us, and succor us!” He sighed, and flung his
head up, and began to feel afraid he could not bear it, that he
would burst into tears or run away. Such agony it was to him. And
only one hour had passed.
But after that hour there passed another hour, two
hours, three, the full five hours he had fixed as the furthest
limit of his sufferings, and the position was still unchanged; and
he was still bearing it because there was nothing to be done but
bear it; every instant feeling that he had reached the utmost
limits of his endurance, and that his heart would break with
sympathy and pain.
But still the minutes passed by and the hours, and
still hours more, and his misery and horror grew and were more and
more intense.
All the ordinary conditions of life, without which
one can form no conception of anything, had ceased to exist for
Levin. He lost all sense of time. Minutes—those minutes when she
sent for him and he held her moist hand, that would squeeze his
hand with extraordinary violence and then push it away—seemed to
him hours, and hours seemed to him minutes. He was surprised when
Lizaveta Petrovna asked him to light a candle behind a screen, and
he found that it was five o‘clock in the afternoon. If he had been
told it was only ten o’clock in the morning he would not have been
more surprised. Where he was all this time, he knew as little as
the time of anything. He saw her swollen face, sometimes bewildered
and in agony, sometimes smiling and trying to reassure him. He saw
the old princess too, flushed and overwrought, with her gray curls
in disorder, forcing herself to gulp down her tears, biting her
lips; he saw Dolly too and the doctor, smoking fat cigarettes, and
Lizaveta Petrovna with a firm, resolute, reassuring face, and the
old prince walking up and down the hall with a frowning face. But
why they came in and went out, where they were, he did not know.
The princess was with the doctor in the bedroom, then in the study,
where a table set for dinner suddenly appeared; then she was not
there, but Dolly was. Then Levin remembered he had been sent
somewhere. Once he had been sent to move a table and sofa. He had
done this eagerly, thinking it had to be done for her sake, and
only later on he found it was his own bed he had been getting
ready. Then he had been sent to the study to ask the doctor
something. The doctor had answered and then had said something
about the irregularities in the municipal council. Then he had been
sent to the bedroom to help the old princess to move the holy
picture in its silver and gold setting, and with the princess’s old
waiting-maid he had clambered on a shelf to reach it and had broken
the little lamp, and the old servant had tried to reassure him
about the lamp and about his wife, and he carried the holy picture
and set it at Kitty’s head, carefully tucking it in behind the
pillow. But where, when, and why all this had happened, he could
not tell. He did not understand why the old princess took his hand,
and looking compassionately at him, begged him not to worry
himself, and Dolly persuaded him to eat something and led him out
of the room, and even the doctor looked seriously and with
commiseration at him and offered him a drop of something.
All he knew and felt was that what was happening
was what had happened nearly a year before in the hotel of the
country town at the deathbed of his brother Nikolay. But that had
been grief—this was joy. Yet that grief and this joy were alike
outside all the ordinary conditions of life; they were loopholes,
as it were, in that ordinary life through which there came glimpses
of something sublime. And in the contemplation of this sublime
something the soul was exalted to inconceivable heights of which it
had before had no conception, while reason lagged behind, unable to
keep up with it.
“Lord, have mercy on us, and succor us!” he
repeated to himself incessantly, feeling, in spite of his long and,
as it seemed, complete alienation from religion, that he turned to
God just as trustfully and simply as he had in his childhood and
first youth.
All this time he had two distinct spiritual
conditions. One was away from her, with the doctor, who kept
smoking one fat cigarette after another and extinguishing them on
the edge of a full ash-tray, with Dolly, and with the old prince,
where there was talk about dinner, about politics, about Marya
Petrovna’s illness, and where Levin suddenly forgot for a minute
what was happening, and felt as though he had waked up from sleep;
the other was in her presence, at her pillow, where his heart
seemed breaking and still did not break from sympathetic suffering,
and he prayed to God without ceasing. And every time he was brought
back from a moment of oblivion by a scream reaching him from the
bedroom, he fell into the same strange terror that had come upon
him the first minute. Every time he heard a shriek, he jumped up,
ran to justify himself, remembered on the way that he was not to
blame, and he longed to defend her, to help her. But as he looked
at her, he saw again that help was impossible, and he was filled
with terror and prayed: “Lord, have mercy on us, and help us!” And
as time went on, both these conditions became more intense; the
calmer he became away from her, completely forgetting her, the more
agonizing became both her sufferings and his feeling of
helplessness before them. He jumped up, would have liked to run
away, but ran to her.
Sometimes, when again and again she called upon
him, he blamed her; but seeing her patient, smiling face, and
hearing the words, “I am worrying you,” he threw the blame on God;
but thinking of God, at once he fell to beseeching God to forgive
him and have mercy.