Chapter III
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When she went into Kitty’s little room, a
pretty, pink little room, full of knick-knacks in vieux
saxe,1as fresh,
and pink, and white, and gay as Kitty herself had been two months
ago, Dolly remembered how they had decorated the room the year
before together, with what love and gaiety. Her heart turned cold
when she saw Kitty sitting on a low chair near the door, her eyes
fixed immovably on a corner of the rug. Kitty glanced at her
sister, and the cold, rather ill-tempered expression of her face
did not change.
“I’m just going now, and I shall have to keep in
and you won’t be able to come to see me,” said Dolly, sitting down
beside her. “I want to talk to you.”
“What about?” Kitty asked swiftly, lifting her head
in dismay.
“What should it be, but your trouble?”
“I have no trouble.”
“Nonsense, Kitty. Do you suppose I could help
knowing? I know all about it. And believe me, it’s of so little
consequence.... We’ve all been through it.”
Kitty did not speak, and her face had a stern
expression.
“He’s not worth your grieving over him,” pursued
Darya Alexandrovna, coming straight to the point.
“No, because he has treated me with contempt,” said
Kitty, in a breaking voice. “Don’t talk of it! Please, don’t talk
of it!”
“But who can have told you so? No one has said
that. I’m certain he was in love with you, and would still be in
love with you, if it hadn’t...”
“Oh, the most awful thing of all for me is this
sympathizing!” shrieked Kitty, suddenly flying into a passion. She
turned round on her chair, flushed crimson, and rapidly moving her
fingers, pinched the clasp of her belt first with one hand and then
with the other. Dolly knew this trick her sister had of clenching
her hands when she was much excited; she knew, too, that in moments
of excitement Kitty was capable of forgetting herself and saying a
great deal too much, and Dolly would have soothed her, but it was
too late.
“What, what is it you want to make me feel, eh?”
said Kitty quickly. “That I’ve been in love with a man who didn’t
care a straw for me, and that I’m dying of love for him? And this
is said to me by my own sister, who imagines that . . . that . . .
that she’s sympathizing with me! . . . I don’t want these
condolences and this humbug!”
“Kitty, you’re unjust.”
“Why are you tormenting me?”
“But I . . . quite the contrary . . . I see you’re
unhappy. . . .”
But Kitty in her fury did not hear her.
“I’ve nothing to grieve over and be comforted
about. I am too proud ever to allow myself to care for a man who
does not love me.”
“Yes, I don’t say so either. . . . Only one thing.
Tell me the truth,” said Darya Alexandrovna, taking her by the
hand: “tell me, did Levin speak to you? . . .”
The mention of Levin’s name seemed to deprive Kitty
of the last vestige of self-control. She leaped up from her chair,
and flinging her clasp on the ground, she gesticulated rapidly with
her hands and said:
“Why bring Levin in too? I can’t understand what
you want to torment me for. I’ve told you, and I say it again, that
I have some pride, and never, never would I do as you’re doing—go
back to a man who’s deceived you, who has cared for another woman.
I can’t understand it! You may, but I can’t!”
And saying these words she glanced at her sister,
and seeing that Dolly sat silent, her head mournfully bowed, Kitty,
instead of running out of the room, as she had meant to do, sat
down near the door, and hid her face in her handkerchief.
The silence lasted for two minutes: Dolly was
thinking of herself. That humiliation of which she was always
conscious came back to her with a peculiar bitterness when her
sister reminded her of it. She had not looked for such cruelty in
her sister, and she was angry with her. But suddenly she heard the
rustle of a skirt, and with it the sound of heart-rending,
smothered sobbing, and felt arms about her neck. Kitty was on her
knees before her.
“Dolinka, I am so, so wretched!” she whispered
penitently. And the sweet face covered with tears hid itself in
Darya Alexandrovna’s skirt.
As though tears were the indispensable oil, without
which the machinery of mutual confidence could not run smoothly
between the two sisters, the sisters after their tears talked, not
of what was uppermost in their minds, but, though they talked of
outside matters, they understood each other. Kitty knew that the
words she had uttered in anger about her husband’s infidelity and
her humiliating position had cut her poor sister to the heart, but
that she had forgiven her. Dolly for her part knew all she had
wanted to find out. She felt certain that her surmises were
correct; that Kitty’s misery, her inconsolable misery, was due
precisely to the fact that Levin had made her an offer and she had
refused him, and Vronsky had deceived her, and that she was fully
prepared to love Levin and to detest Vronsky. Kitty said not a word
of that; she talked of nothing but her spiritual condition.
“I have nothing to make me miserable,” she said,
getting calmer; “but can you understand that everything has become
hateful, loathsome, coarse to me, and I myself most of all? You
can’t imagine what loathsome thoughts I have about
everything.”
“Why, whatever loathsome thoughts can you have?”
asked Dolly, smiling.
“The most utterly loathsome and coarse: I can’t
tell you. It’s not unhappiness, or low spirits, but much worse. As
though everything that was good in me was all hidden away, and
nothing was left but the most loathsome. Come, how am I to tell
you?” she went on, seeing the puzzled look in her sister’s eyes.
“Father began saying something to me just now.... It seems to me he
thinks all I want is to be married. Mother takes me to a ball: it
seems to me she only takes me to get me married off as soon as may
be, and be rid of me. I know it’s not the truth, but I can’t drive
away such thoughts. Eligible suitors, as they call them—I can’t
bear to see them. It seems to me they’re taking stock of me and
summing me up. In old days to go anywhere in a ball-dress was a
simple joy to me, I admired myself; now I feel ashamed and awkward.
And then! The doctor . . . Then . . .” Kitty hesitated; she wanted
to say further that ever since this change had taken place in her,
Stepan Arkadyevitch had become insufferably repulsive to her, and
that she could not see him without the grossest and most hideous
conceptions rising before her imagination.
“Oh, well, everything presents itself to me, in the
coarsest, most loathsome light,” she went on. “That’s my illness.
Perhaps it will pass off.”
“But you mustn’t think about it.”
“I can’t help it. I’m never happy except with the
children at your house.”
“What a pity you can’t be with me!”
“Oh, yes, I’m coming. I’ve had scarlatina, and I’ll
persuade mamma to let me.”
Kitty insisted on having her way, and went to stay
at her sister’s and nursed the children all through the scarlatina,
for scarlatina it turned out to be. The two sisters brought all the
six children successfully through it, but Kitty was no better in
health, and in Lent the Shtcherbatskys went abroad.