Chapter XXIII
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In order to carry through any undertaking
in family life, there must necessarily be either complete division
between the husband and wife, or loving agreement. When the
relations of a couple are vacillating and neither one thing nor the
other, no sort of enterprise can be undertaken.
Many families remain for years in the same place,
though both husband and wife are sick of it, simply because there
is neither complete division nor agreement between them.
Both Vronsky and Anna felt life in Moscow
insupportable in the heat and dust, when the spring sunshine was
followed by the glare of summer, and all the trees in the
boulevards had long since been in full leaf, and the leaves were
covered with dust. But they did not go back to Vozdvizhenskoe, as
they had arranged to do long before; they went on staying in
Moscow, though they both loathed it, because of late there had been
no agreement between them.
The irritability that kept them apart had no
external cause, and all efforts to come to an understanding
intensified it, instead of removing it. It was an inner irritation,
grounded in her mind on the conviction that his love had grown
less; in his, on regret that he had put himself for her sake in a
difficult position, which she, instead of lightening, made still
more difficult. Neither of them gave full utterance to their sense
of grievance, but they considered each other in the wrong, and
tried on every pretext to prove this to one another.
In her eyes the whole of him, with all his habits,
ideas, desires, with all his spiritual and physical temperament,
was one thing—love for women, and that love, she felt, ought to be
entirely concentrated on her alone. That love was less;
consequently, as she reasoned, he must have transferred part of his
love to other women or to another woman—and she was jealous. She
was jealous not of any particular woman but of the decrease of his
love. Not having got an object for her jealousy, she was on the
lookout for it. At the slightest hint she transferred her jealousy
from one object to another. At one time she was jealous of those
low women with whom he might so easily renew his old bachelor ties;
then she was jealous of the society women he might meet; then she
was jealous of the imaginary girl whom he might want to marry, for
whose sake he would break with her. And this last form of jealousy
tortured her most of all, especially as he had unwarily told her,
in a moment of frankness, that his mother knew him so little that
she had had the audacity to try and persuade him to marry the young
Princess Sorokina.
And being jealous of him, Anna was indignant
against him and found grounds for indignation in everything. For
everything that was difficult in her position she blamed him. The
agonizing condition of suspense she had passed in Moscow, the
tardiness and indecision of Alexey Alexandrovitch, her solitude—she
put it all down to him. If he had loved her he would have seen all
the bitterness of her position, and would have rescued her from it.
For her being in Moscow and not in the country, he was to blame
too. He could not live buried in the country as she would have
liked to do. He must have society, and he had put her in this awful
position, the bitterness of which he would not see. And again, it
was his fault that she was forever separated from her son.
Even the rare moments of tenderness that came from
time to time did not soothe her; in his tenderness now she saw a
shade of complacency, of self-confidence, which had not been of old
and which exasperated her.
It was dusk. Anna was alone, and waiting for him to
come back from a bachelor dinner. She walked up and down in his
study (the room where the noise from the street was least heard),
and thought over every detail of their yesterday’s quarrel. Going
back from the well-remembered, offensive words of the quarrel to
what had been the ground of it, she arrived at last at its origin.
For a long while she could hardly believe that their dissension had
arisen from a conversation so inoffensive, of so little moment to
either. But so it actually had been. It all arose from his laughing
at the girls’ high schools, declaring they were useless, while she
defended them. He had spoken slightingly of women’s education in
general, and had said that Hannah, Anna’s English protégée, had not
the slightest need to know anything of physics.
This irritated Anna. She saw in this a contemptuous
reference to her occupations. And she bethought her of a phrase to
pay him back for the pain he had given her. “I don’t expect you to
understand me, my feelings, as any one who loved me might, but
simple delicacy I did expect,” she said.
And he had actually flushed with vexation, and had
said something unpleasant. She could not recall her answer, but at
that point, with an unmistakable desire to wound her too, he had
said:
“I feel no interest in your infatuation over this
girl, that’s true, because I see it’s unnatural.”
The cruelty with which he shattered the world she
had built up for herself so laboriously to enable her to endure her
hard life, the injustice with which he had accused her of
affectation, of artificiality, aroused her.
“I am very sorry that nothing but what’s coarse and
material is comprehensible and natural to you,” she said and walked
out of the room.
When he had come in to her yesterday evening, they
had not referred to the quarrel, but both felt that the quarrel had
been smoothed over, but was not at an end.
To-day he had not been at home all day, and she
felt so lonely and wretched in being on bad terms with him that she
wanted to forget it all, to forgive him, and be reconciled with
him; she wanted to throw the blame on herself and to justify
him.
“I am myself to blame. I’m irritable, I’m insanely
jealous. I will make it up with him, and we’ll go away to the
country; there I shall be more at peace.”
“Unnatural!” She suddenly recalled the word that
had stung her most of all, not so much the word itself as the
intent to wound her with which it was said. “I know what he meant;
he meant—unnatural, not loving my own daughter, to love another
person’s child. What does he know of love for children, of my love
for Seryozha, whom I’ve sacrificed for him? But that wish to wound
me! No, he loves another woman, it must be so.”
And perceiving that, while trying to regain her
peace of mind, she had gone round the same circle that she had been
round so often before, and had come back to her former state of
exasperation, she was horrified at herself. “Can it be impossible?
Can it be beyond me to control myself ?” she said to herself, and
began again from the beginning. “He’s truthful, he’s honest, he
loves me. I love him, and in a few days the divorce will come. What
more do I want? I want peace of mind and trust, and I will take the
blame on myself. Yes, now when he comes in, I will tell him I was
wrong, though I was not wrong, and we will go away
to-morrow.”
And to escape thinking any more, and being overcome
by irritability, she rang, and ordered the boxes to be brought up
for packing their things for the country.
At ten o’clock Vronsky came in.