Chapter XXXV
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The prince communicated his good-humor to
his own family and his friends, and even to the German landlord in
whose rooms the Shtcherbatskys were staying.
On coming back with Kitty from the springs, the
prince, who had asked the colonel, and Marya Yevgenyevna, and
Varenka all to come and have coffee with them, gave orders for a
table and chairs to be taken into the garden under the
chestnut-tree, and lunch to be laid there. The landlord and the
servants, too, grew brisker under the influence of his good
spirits. They knew his open-handedness; and half an hour later the
invalid doctor from Hamburg, who lived on the top floor, looked
enviously out of the window at the merry party of healthy Russians
assembled under the chestnut-tree. In the trembling circles of
shadow cast by the leaves, at a table, covered with a white cloth,
and set with coffee-pot, bread-and-butter, cheese, and cold game,
sat the princess in a high cap with lilac ribbons, distributing
cups and bread-and-butter. At the other end sat the prince, eating
heartily, and talking loudly and merrily. The prince had spread out
near him his purchases, carved boxes, and knick-knacks,
paper-knives of all sorts, of which he bought a heap at every
watering-place, and bestowed them upon every one, including
Lieschen, the servant girl, and the landlord, with whom he jested
in his comically bad German, assuring him that it was not the water
had cured Kitty, but his splendid cookery, especially his
plum-soup. The princess laughed at her husband for his Russian
ways, but she was more lively and good-humored than she had been
all the while she had been at the waters. The colonel smiled, as he
always did, at the prince’s jokes, but as far as regards Europe, of
which he believed himself to be making a careful study, he took the
princess’s side. The simple-hearted Marya Yevgenyevna simply roared
with laughter at everything absurd the prince said, and his jokes
made Varenka helpless with feeble but infectious laughter, which
was something Kitty had never seen before.
Kitty was glad of all this, but she could not be
light-hearted. She could not solve the problem her father had
unconsciously set her by his good-humored view of her friends, and
of the life that had so attracted her. To this doubt there was
joined the change in her relations with the Petrovs, which had been
so conspicuously and unpleasantly marked that morning. Every one
was good-humored, but Kitty could not feel good-humored, and this
increased her distress. She felt a feeling such as she had known in
childhood, when she had been shut in her room as a punishment, and
had heard her sisters’ merry laughter outside.
“Well, but what did you buy this mass of things
for?” said the princess, smiling, and handing her husband a cup of
coffee.
“One goes for a walk, one looks in a shop, and they
ask you to buy. ‘Erlaucht, Durchlaucht?’ar
Directly they say ‘Durchlaucht,’ I can’t hold out. I lose
ten thalers.”
“It’s simply from boredom,” said the
princess.
“Of course it is. Such boredom, my dear, that one
doesn’t know what to do with oneself.”
“How can you be bored, prince? There’s so much
that’s interesting now in Germany,” said Marya Yevgenyevna.
“But I know everything that’s interesting: the
plum-soup I know, and the pea-sausages I know. I know
everything.”
“No, you may say what you like, prince, there’s the
interest of their institutions,” said the colonel.
“But what is there interesting about it? They’re
all as pleased as brass halfpence. They’ve conquered
everybody,1 and why
am I to be pleased at that? I haven’t conquered any one; and I’m
obliged to take off my own boots, yes, and put them away too; in
the morning, get up and dress at once, and go to the dining-room to
drink bad tea! How different it is at home! You get up in no haste,
you get cross, grumble a little, and come round again. You’ve time
to think things over, and no hurry.”
“But time’s money, you forget that,” said the
colonel.
“Time, indeed, that depends! Why, there’s time one
would give a month of for sixpence, and time you wouldn’t give half
an hour of for any money. Isn’t that so, Katinka? What is it? why
are you so depressed?”
“I’m not depressed.”
“Where are you off to? Stay a little longer,” he
said to Varenka.
“I must be going home,” said Varenka, getting up,
and again she went off into a giggle. When she had recovered, she
said good-bye, and went into the house to get her hat.
Kitty followed her. Even Varenka struck her as
different. She was not worse, but different from what she had
fancied her before.
“Oh, dear! it’s a long while since I’ve laughed so
much!” said Varenka, gathering up her parasol and her bag. “How
nice he is, your father !”
Kitty did not speak.
“When shall I see you again?” asked Varenka.
“Mamma meant to go and see the Petrovs. Won’t you
be there?” said Kitty, to try Varenka.
“Yes,” answered Varenka. “They’re getting ready to
go away, so I promised to help them pack.”
“Well, I’ll come too, then.”
“No, why should you?”
“Why not? why not? why not?” said Kitty, opening
her eyes wide, and clutching at Varenka’s parasol, so as not to let
her go. “No, wait a minute; why not?”
“Oh, nothing; your father has come, and besides,
they will feel awkward at your helping.”
“No, tell me why you don’t want me to be often at
the Petrovs’. You don’t want me to—why not?”
“I didn’t say that,” said Varenka quietly.
“No, please tell me!”
“Tell you everything?” asked Varenka.
“Everything, everything!” Kitty assented.
“Well, there’s really nothing of any consequence;
only that Mihail Alexeyevitch” (that was the artist’s name) “had
meant to leave earlier, and now he doesn’t want to go away,” said
Varenka, smiling.
“Well, well!” Kitty urged impatiently, looking
darkly at Varenka.
“Well, and for some reason Anna Pavlovna told him
that he didn’t want to go because you are here. Of course, that was
nonsense; but there was a dispute over it—over you. You know how
irritable these sick people are.”
Kitty, scowling more than ever, kept silent, and
Varenka went on speaking alone, trying to soften or soothe her, and
seeing a storm coming—she did not know whether of tears or of
words.
“So you’d better not go.... You understand; you
won’t be offended ? ...”
“And it serves me right! And it serves me right!”
Kitty cried quickly, snatching the parasol out of Varenka’s hand,
and looking past her friend’s face.
Varenka felt inclined to smile, looking at her
childish fury, but she was afraid of wounding her.
“How does it serve you right? I don’t understand,”
she said.
“It serves me right, because it was all sham;
because it was all done on purpose, and not from the heart. What
business had I to interfere with outsiders? And so it’s come about
that I’m a cause of quarrel, and that I’ve done what nobody asked
me to do. Because it was all a sham! a sham! a sham! ...”
“A sham! with what object?” said Varenka
gently.
“Oh, it’s so idiotic! so hateful! There was no need
whatever for me. . . . Nothing but sham!” she said, opening and
shutting the parasol.
“But with what object?”
“To seem better to people, to myself, to God; to
deceive every one. No! now I won’t descend to that. I’ll be bad;
but anyway not a liar, a cheat.”
“But who is a cheat?” said Varenka reproachfully.
“You speak as if . . .”
But Kitty was in one of her gusts of fury, and she
would not let her finish.
“I don’t talk about you, not about you at all.
You’re perfection. Yes, yes, I know you’re all perfection; but what
am I to do if I’m bad? This would never have been if I weren’t bad.
So let me be what I am. I won’t be a sham. What have I to do with
Anna Pavlovna? Let them go their way, and me go mine. I can’t be
different.... And yet it’s not that, it’s not that.”
“What is not that?” asked Varenka in
bewilderment.
“Everything. I can’t act except from the heart, and
you act from principle. I liked you simply, but you most likely
only wanted to save me, to improve me.”
“You are unjust,” said Varenka.
“But I’m not speaking of other people, I’m speaking
of myself.”
“Kitty,” they heard her mother’s voice, “come here,
show papa your necklace.”
Kitty, with a haughty air, without making peace
with her friend, took the necklace in a little box from the table
and went to her mother.
“What’s the matter? Why are you so red?” her mother
and father said to her with one voice.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I’ll be back directly,”
and she ran back.
“She’s still here,” she thought. “What am I to say
to her? Oh, dear! what have I done, what have I said? Why was I
rude to her? What am I to do? What am I to say to her?” thought
Kitty, and she stopped in the doorway.
Varenka in her hat and with the parasol in her
hands was sitting at the table examining the spring which Kitty had
broken. She lifted her head.
“Varenka, forgive me, do forgive me,” whispered
Kitty, going up to her. “I don’t remember what I said. I . .
.”
“I really didn’t mean to hurt you,” said Varenka,
smiling.
Peace was made. But with her father’s coming all
the world in which she had been living was transformed for Kitty.
She did not give up everything she had learned, but she became
aware that she had deceived herself in supposing she could be what
she wanted to be. Her eyes were, it seemed, opened; she felt all
the difficulty of maintaining herself without hypocrisy and
self-conceit on the pinnacle to which she had wished to mount.
Moreover, she became aware of all the dreariness of the world of
sorrow, of sick and dying people, in which she had been living. The
efforts she had made to like it seemed to her intolerable, and she
felt a longing to get back quickly into the fresh air, to Russia,
to Ergushovo, where, as she knew from letters, her sister Dolly had
already gone with her children.
But her affection for Varenka did not wane. As she
said good-bye, Kitty begged her to come to them in Russia.
“I’ll come when you get married,” said
Varenka.
“I shall never marry.”
“Well, then, I shall never come.”
“Well, then, I shall be married simply for that.
Mind now, remember your promise,” said Kitty.
The doctor’s prediction was fulfilled. Kitty
returned home to Russia cured. She was not so gay and thoughtless
as before, but she was serene. Her Moscow troubles had become a
memory to her.