Chapter XIX

Stepan Arkadyevitch was about to go away
when Korney came in to announce:
“Sergey Alexeitch!”
“Who’s Sergey Alexeitch?” Stepan Arkadyevitch was
beginning, but he remembered immediately.
“Ah, Seryozha!” he said aloud. “Sergey Alexeitch! I
thought it was the director of a department. Anna asked me to see
him too,” he thought.
And he recalled the timid, piteous expression with
which Anna had said to him at parting: “Anyway, you will see him.
Find out exactly where he is, who is looking after him. And Stiva
... if it were possible! Could it be possible?” Stepan Arkadyevitch
knew what was meant by that “if it were possible,”—if it were
possible to arrange the divorce so as to let her have her son....
Stepan Arkadyevitch saw now that it was no good to dream of that,
but still he was glad to see his nephew.
Alexey Alexandrovitch reminded his brother-in-law
that they never spoke to the boy of his mother, and he begged him
not to mention a single word about her.
“He was very ill after that interview with his
mother, which we had not foreseen,” said Alexey Alexandrovitch.
“Indeed, we feared for his life. But with rational treatment, and
sea-bathing in the summer, he regained his strength, and now, by
the doctor’s advice, I have let him go to school. And certainly the
companionship of school has had a good effect on him, and he is
perfectly well, and making good progress.”
“What a fine fellow he’s grown! He’s not Seryozha
now, but quite full-fledged Sergey Alexeitch!” said Stepan
Arkadyevitch, smiling, as he looked at the handsome,
broad-shouldered lad in blue coat and long trousers, who walked in
alertly and confidently. The boy looked healthy and good-humored.
He bowed to his uncle as to a stranger, but recognizing him, he
blushed and turned hurriedly away from him, as though offended and
irritated at something. The boy went up to his father and handed
him a note of the marks he had gained in school.
“Well, that’s very fair,” said his father, “you can
go.”
“He’s thinner and taller, and has grown out of
being a child into a boy; I like that,” said Stepan Arkadyevitch.
“Do you remember me?”
The boy looked back quickly at his uncle.
“Yes, mon oncle,”en he
answered, glancing at his father, and again he looked
downcast.
His uncle called him to him, and took his
hand.
“Well, and how are you getting on?” he said,
wanting to talk to him, and not knowing what to say.
The boy, blushing and making no answer, cautiously
drew his hand away. As soon as Stepan Arkadyevitch let go his hand,
he glanced doubtfully at his father, and like a bird set free, he
darted out of the room.
A year had passed since the last time Seryozha had
seen his mother. Since then he had heard nothing more of her. And
in the course of that year he had gone to school, and made friends
among his schoolfellows. The dreams and memories of his mother,
which had made him ill after seeing her, did not occupy his
thoughts now. When they came back to him, he studiously drove them
away, regarding them as shameful and girlish, below the dignity of
a boy and a schoolboy. He knew that his father and mother were
separated by some quarrel, he knew that he had to remain with his
father, and he tried to get used to that idea.
He disliked seeing his uncle, so like his mother,
for it called up those memories of which he was ashamed. He
disliked it all the more as from some words he had caught as he
waited at the study door, and still more from the faces of his
father and uncle, he guessed that they must have been talking of
his mother. And to avoid condemning the father with whom he lived
and on whom he was dependent, and, above all, to avoid giving way
to sentimentality, which he considered so degrading, Seryozha tried
not to look at his uncle who had come to disturb his peace of mind,
and not to think of what he recalled to him.
But when Stepan Arkadyevitch, going out after him,
saw him on the stairs, and calling to him, asked him how he spent
his playtime at school, Seryozha talked more freely to him away
from his father’s presence.
“We have a railway now,” he said in answer to his
uncle’s question. “It’s like this, do you see: two sit on a
bench—they’re the passengers; and one stands up straight on the
bench. And all are harnessed to it by their arms or by their belts,
and they run through all the rooms—the doors are left open
beforehand. Well, and it’s pretty hard work being the
conductor!”
“That’s the one that stands?” Stepan Arkadyevitch
inquired, smiling. “Yes, you want pluck for it, and cleverness too,
especially when they stop all of a sudden, or some one falls
down.”
“Yes, that must be a serious matter,” said Stepan
Arkadyevitch, watching with mournful interest the eager eyes, like
his mother’s; not childish now—no longer fully innocent. And though
he had promised Alexey Alexandrovitch not to speak of Anna, he
could not restrain himself.
“Do you remember your mother?” he asked
suddenly.
“No, I don’t,” Seryozha said quickly. He blushed
crimson, and his face clouded over. And his uncle could get nothing
more out of him. His tutor found his pupil on the staircase half an
hour later, and for a long while he could not make out whether he
was ill-tempered or crying.
“What is it? I expect you hurt yourself when you
fell down?” said the tutor. “I told you it was a dangerous game.
And we shall have to speak to the director.”
“If I had hurt myself, nobody should have found it
out, that’s certain.”
“Well, what is it, then?”
“Leave me alone! If I remember, or if I don’t
remember? ... what business is it of his? Why should I remember?
Leave me in peace!” he said, addressing not his tutor, but the
whole world.