How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
Free Information
It's actually easy to get free information from a stranger. This doesn't mean trying to learn someone's credit-card number. What it means is learning the other person's name, interests, personal situation, and more. As you will see, almost everybody is more than eager to give away this information if it's requested in the proper way.
In fact, people will tend to follow your lead in offering information. That's why you say your name first. And the more you give, the more they will, too.
If you say, “Hi, I'm Carlos,” you're likely to get “Hi, I'm Paul.”
If you start with “Hi, I'm Carlos Garcia,” you'll probably get “Hi, I'm Paul Tanaka.”
And if you start with “Hi, I'm Carlos Garcia, I'm a friend of Gail's,” Paul will probably respond in a similar way: “Hi, I'm Paul Tanaka, and I work with Gail's husband.”
When you add information tags to your name, people tend to respond to them because you've offered
Mike arrives at the train station five minutes earlier than usual. It's a warm, misty morning, and there are about 20 other people on the platform. Most of the usual commuter crowd hasn't shown up yet. Mike tucks his newspaper under his arm, stirs his coffee with a plastic stirrer, then turns and flicks the stirrer successfully into the garbage can just behind him. As he moves back to his spot, he notices an auburn-haired young woman in a dark gray suit walking toward him. The woman stops about 10 feet away and sits on a bench. She carefully places her briefcase next to her and looks at her watch.
Mike casts a sideways glance at her, half closing his eyes and pursing his lips slightly in appreciation. He has found himself in this type of situation almost more often than he cares to remember: eyeing someone, longing to approach her and yet scared stiff at the prospect of making the connection. This time, he reminds himself that all he wants to do is start a conversation and get the young woman talking. His objective is not to have dinner with her tonight, not to go on holiday with her next Saturday, not to marry her by the end of the month. Just to say a few words to see if she wants to be friendly. He says the most obvious thing he can think of:
“Hi, do you mind if I sit here?” -È
The woman moves slightly to her left. “No, I don't mind,” she murmurs, and Mike sits down.
“I haven't seen you at the station before,” he says.
“This is my first day,” she responds. “I'm starting work in an ad agency in town.”
“The train gets pretty crowded at this time,” Mike says, “but sometimes you can get a seat all the way.”
Mike missed out on the free information. First day, ad agency. He should have picked up on this and used the conversation starters: where, what, why, when, who and how. What will you do there? Who are your main clients? Where is the agency? How did you get the job?
All right, let's try it from a woman's point of view:
Dorita, a Web site designer, is walking along the platform and sees an attractive if rather tired-looking man seated on a bench. She sits down beside him and notices he's reading the latest P.D. James mystery. P.D. James is her favorite author! He smiles at her as she sits, and knowing that they have the book in common, she smiles back.
But the man has gone back to reading. Dorita decides to plunge ahead.
“So, are you a P.D. James fan?”
“No,” says the man. “Would you believe this is only the second mystery I've ever read?” -È
“Why is that?”
“I don't get much time for reading. I'm a resident at a hospital in the city.”
“Well, I've read all her books. She's my favorite mystery author. Although I also like Dick Francis a lot.”
What response can Dorita expect? The last thing out of her mouth is a series of statements, not questions. Dorita was on track with her second query, a “why” question, but then she ignored the free information that Joel had given her. Instead, she went on to talk about herself. If she'd been tistening actively, she would have followed up with “Which hospital? A resident in what? Why did you pick that specialty?” the “where,” “what” and “why” that would have led to further conversation.
them the opportunity. If they don't respond, you've at least set up the situation. They know what you want, so give them a little encouragement. A raised eyebrow or a straight-out “And you?” will spur them on.
The idea is to respectfully gather as much information as possible by first offering information about yourself. You can use this information to broaden and deepen your rapport. This is something to get your teeth into. You are building momentum.