How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

Connect and Feel Love

Finally, we benefit from each other emotionally. We are not closed, self-regulating systems, but open loops regulated, disciplined, encouraged, reprimanded, supported and validated by the emotional feedback we receive from others. From time to time, we meet someone who influences our emotions and vital body rhythms in such a pleasurable way that we call it love. Be it through body language, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice or words alone, other people make our hard times more bearable, our good times much sweeter.

We use the emotional input of other humans as much as we do the air we breathe and the food we eat. Deprive us of emotional and physical contact (a hug and a smile can go a long way), and we will wither and die just as surely as if we were deprived of food. That's why we hear stories of children in orphanages who grow sickly and weak despite being adequately fed and clothed. People with autism may desire emotional and physical contact but can languish because they are hindered by their lack of social skills. And how often have you heard about one spouse in a 50-year marriage who,

The Internet has been touted as the ultimate tool for bringing people together into shared communities of interest. And it's true: if you're searching for other teddy bear collectors in Toledo or mud wrestlers in Minsk, you'll find them on the Web. For people who are housebound because of disabilities or illness, the Web can also be a godsend.

Still, we have to remember that spending hours in front of a screen, typing into cyberspace, is a poor substitute for the full spectrum of experience offered by face-to-face time with another person. You might well meet someone in a chat room who interests you romantically, but would you agree to marry before meeting a few times in person?

You need to be in a person's presence for a while in order to pick up all the verbal and nonverbal cues. The atmosphere created by physical and mental presence is as important as surface attraction, if not more so. For example, what sort of environment do the two of you create? How spontaneous are you? How strong is your need for conversation? What about your openness, supportiveness and companionship?

If you don't meet each other's emotional needs, you may be heading for failure. These things can only be determined by face-to-face contact. Only then can you tell if you're really “connecting.”

despite being medically healthy, dies a few short months or even weeks after the death of the other spouse? Food and shelter aren't enough. We need each other, and we need love.