How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

Give and Take

With practice, easy, natural conversation will become second nature to you. Here are some handy tips to work on as you develop and improve. First, as ever,

assume a Really Useful Attitude. Be curious and show concern for others. Encourage them to talk with you by giving sincere feedback. Work toward finding common interests, goals and experiences, and communicate with enthusiasm, knowledge and interest.

Futility is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

At the same time, hold up your own end of the conversation. Speak clearly and deliberately. Slowing down your rate of speech will make you feel more confident; so will a low-key display of your sense of humor. It helps if you keep abreast of current events and the issues that affect our lives, so read a newspaper every day and be up to date on

All conversation, big or small, is about painting word pictures of your experiences for other people. The more vividly you can convey these experiences, the more interesting people will think you are.

Here's a serviceable description of an everyday event:

“We stood in line for the streetcar for more than 20 minutes. I was so fed up.”

There's nothing here to engage the other person's imagination. Instead of talking in black and white, learn to talk in color. Involve as many senses as you can in your conver sation. Describe what things look like, what they sound like, how they make you feel and, if appropriate, what they smell and taste like:

“It was amazing standing there in silence among all those people. The rain had just stopped, and my collar was wet. The lights of the buildings were shining in the puddles, and the hot dog vendor behind us was wringing out...”

This is sensory-rich language, and the imagination yours and theirsrevels in it.

what's going on in the worldthe big issues, at least. In my seminars I have the participants prepare their own “10-second commercial.” It's really just a way of telling others who you are and what you do in a few short sentences.

Be yourself. People will like you for who you are. The more you learn to relax, the easier this will become.