How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

Rapport by Design

When the interests or the behavior of two or more people are synchronized, these people are said to be in rapport. As we already know, rapport can happen in response to a shared interest or when you find yourself in certain situations or circumstances. But when none of these conditions is present, there is a way to establish rapport “by design”and that's what this book is about.

Mark is attending a formal dinner, eight to a table. He hates coming to these events and as usual is stuck for words. He's beginning to get that squirmy feeling. He doesn't know anyone except for his accountant, who's sitting at the other end of the banquet hall and making everyone laugh. Suddenly the guest across from him, a young woman in a shiny blue dress who caught his eye a few moments ago even though they hadn't spoken, tells the man on her left that she is an avid stamp collector. Gust like Mark!

Mark is relieved and overjoyed because chance has given him an excuse to talk to her. They have something in commonstamps. Mark speaks up and tells Tanya all about his rare 1948 Poached Egg stamp and how he found it when his Pontiac broke down in Cortlandville in upper New York State. With both elbows on the edge of the table and a -È

When we set out to establish rapport by design, we purposely reduce the distance and differences between another person and ourselves by finding common ground. When this happens, we feel a natural connection with the person, or persons, because we are akin we have become like each other.

As rapport develops between Mark and Tanya in the finger poised gently on her cheek, close to her ear, Tanya leans toward Mark; her pupils dilate slightly as her shoulders become softer and more relaxed. Mark too leans for ward on his elbows, smiling as Tanya smiles, nodding as she nods. She sips her water; he finds himself doing the same ...

Mark and Tanya have established rapport. They connected and initiated a relationship through a common interest. Their rapport is evident on many levelsthe cues and rhythms they are taking from and sending to eachother,theimperceptiblemodificationsofbehavior they are making without thinking. The shared interest has given them proximity, and they are adjusting to one another. Who knows where it will lead? They like each other because they are like each other, and the dance of rapport has begun to calibrate itself. They have made a favorable connection in 90 seconds or less.

story box above, there is a lot more going on than meets the eye. The average person would perhaps not notice, but to the trained eye and ear there is plenty happening. As their shared interest in stamps emerges, so does a similarity in their behavior toward each other. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, breathing patterns, body rhythms and many more physiological activities come into alignment. Simply put, they unconsciously start to behave in a like manner. They start synchronizing their actions.

Rapport by design is established by deliberately altering your behavior, just for a short time, in order to become like the other person. You become an adapter, just long enough to establish a connection. Precisely what you can adapt and how to do it is what you are about to learn in the chapters that follow.

All you will need at your disposal is your attitude, your appearance, your body, your facial expressions, your eyes, the tone and rhythms of your voice, your talent for structuring words into engaging conversation and your about-to-be-revealed gift for discovering another person's favorite sense. Add to this an ability to listen to and observe other people and a very large helping of curiosity. No gadgets, no appliances, no aphrodisiacs, no pills, no checkbook, no big stick. Just the wonderful gifts you were born withand your heartwarming desire for the company of other people.

air and clap your hands, or try to be happy as you slouch in a chair and let your head droop. Your attitude controls your mind, and your mind delivers the body language.

Attitudes set the quality and mood of your thoughts,

your voice tone, your spoken words. Most importantly,

they govern your facial and body language. Attitudes are like trays on which we serve ourselves up to other people. Once your mind is set into a particular attitude,

you have very little ongoing conscious control over the signals your body sends out. Your body has a mind of its own, and it will play out the patterns of behavior associated with whatever attitude you find yourself experiencing.