How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

Matches and Mismatches

You can probably see for yourself that the chances of establishing a loving relationship with someone “like” you are high. But is this always a good idea? Yes and no. If you want to spend your life with someone very much like you, then yes. But what if you want some spark and excitement?

I am frequently asked whether there is any validity in the age-old aphorism that opposites attract. The answer is yes, they most definitely do. But how? And what do they attract?

First let me say that this book is about establishing rapport and making people like you. If rapport and liking lead to friendship and romance, that's up to you. I like, trust and care about a lot of people, but they are not all my friends and they are definitely not my partners. Falling for someone romantically is more complex. Many of the old classic languages refer to three different types of love or affection. Roughly translated, they include general, brotherly and sexual love. When all three are present, a relationship is indeed rich.

In my opinion, and it has no scientific basis other than my close enough acquaintanceships with more than 35 couples whose relationships have lasted more than 20 years and are still vibrant, the following observation holds true. Relationships that have endured more than 20 years have an interesting pattern of sensory preference. They are complete opposites.

You'll remember from the self-test in Chapter 8 that the tally at the end allowed you to rank your preferences. Let's use my own rating as an example. I ranked first A, then V and last K, or AVK. The complete opposite of my ranking would be KVA. Stack these side by side and they look like this:

AK VV KA

This would give us opposites at the top, A and K, for spark and interest, but the same in the middle in this case, V. The relationship is held together by the common visual link, a mutual subconscious sharing of the same wavelength. And the relationship is kept vital by the opposing A and K as primary personal sensory preferences.

My observation is that when two people “meet in the middle” and share a central sensory preference, whether Visual, Auditory or Kinesthetic, it is that bond that will get them through the rough times and add sparkle to the good times. Any shared sensory preferences, be they primary, secondary or tertiary, will work in the favor of the relationship when the going gets tough.