Chapter 37

Goodbye

Monday

After attempting to eat her breakfast to find she couldn’t stomach it again, Chelsea decided to get up and shower before packing her things. Gingerly, she undertook the task and it ended up taking most of the morning to ready herself to leave. Once the doctor had cleared her, she decided to visit Charlotte on her way out.

“Hey, honey, how are you feeling?’

“Like someone shot me in the shoulder.”

“Good, you’re still as feisty as ever. You must be feeling better.”

“I want to leave but I have to stay one more day. I just want to go home.”

“I know, honey. When you’re discharged from the hospital tomorrow, I’ll have packed my clothes and we can go home altogether.”

“I guess you haven’t changed your mind then.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Suit yourself, but I wouldn’t let him get away.”

“It’s not my choice, it’s his. He broke up with me. Now I have to go, Mum will be waiting. See you tomorrow.”

On the way home in the car, Sarah began to drill her eldest child.

“Chelsea there really is no hurry to leave. I can stay with you for a few weeks while you consider some more.”

“I don’t need to consider anything, Mum. Nothing has gone right for me since moving to the city. I give up and I just want to go home.”

“At least think about leasing Bloom out for a while, in case you want to come back.”

“I won’t be coming back.”

“Are you sure, Chelsea? Once it’s done, you can’t change your mind.”

“I know and I won’t change my mind.”

Sarah dropped the subject and Chelsea remained silent. As soon as they walked in the door, Chelsea headed upstairs.

“That’s a good idea, honey, you go and rest. I’ll pick up some groceries.”

“I’m not going to rest, Mum, I’m going to pack.”

“That can wait. I’ll help you with it later. There really is no hurry. Charlotte won’t be leaving the hospital until tomorrow. Besides, you should be resting.”

“Mum, I rested in the hospital. I just want to get started.”

Sarah knew to argue with her would be pointless and let her go.

As Chelsea entered her room she flashed back to the last morning she’d seen Lucas sleeping in her bed, his handsome face so peaceful and .....

Stop it!

She opened her wardrobe, determined to make a start and cease the memories that threatened to take over her thoughts. As she began to pull clothes from the hangers and throw them on the bed, she noticed an overnight bag sitting on the floor of the cupboard. Puzzled, she picked it up and after opening it, regretted it instantly. Lucas’ masculine aroma assaulted her. Dropping the bag back where she had retrieved it, she stepped back until she ran into the bed and fell back onto it.

She lay down and put her head on the pillow Lucas had slept on and his scent greeted her once more. How am I going to get through this again? Heart wrenching sobs overcame her and she released the heartache she thought would never leave.

* * *

Lucas blew off work, something of a habit of late. He knew Chelsea would be leaving the hospital today and wondered again whether he’d made the right decision. He'd failed to protect her. It was the best thing for them both. He tried to convince himself and his heart that he’d made the right decision, but it did little to remove the emptiness living inside him. Why was this so hard?

I need closure. Once I have that, I can move on.

Remembering he’d left some of his possessions at her house, he thought it a perfect opportunity to collect them and to say goodbye. He drove slowly, dreading the thought of having to see her one last time and then never seeing her again. Sarah answered the door and her expression was a combination of hope and irritation.

“Hello, Lucas, please come in. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, thanks. I just came by to say goodbye.”

“I think she’s resting and I would prefer that you didn’t disturb her right now.”

“Maybe I should go.”

“No, have a coffee with me. I want to talk to you.”

Leaving no room for argument, she walked to the kitchen, poured two cups and gestured for him to join her outside.

“Is this really what you want?” she asked him bluntly.

“No, yes. It’s the best thing for both of us.”

“No, Lucas, it’s best for you.”

“I ... can’t ... I didn’t protect her, I ...” He stopped, unable to find the right words. “I’m not going to change my mind. She’s better off.”

Sarah shook her head and took away his untouched coffee. “She’s upstairs. Just say goodbye and leave. She’s been through enough.”

She disappeared into the house while Lucas sat for several moments, preparing himself to face Chelsea again.

Entering the house had been like walking straight into his memory. He’d relived each moment as he walked up the stairs, the visions flooding his mind, suffocated him. As he walked into her room, he swallowed down the lump in his throat.

His breath caught when he saw her curled up asleep on the bed, hugging the pillow on what had been, for a short time, his side. It took every ounce of his willpower not to join her. Instead, he sat at the foot of the bed and gently called her name.

“Sorry for intruding,” he said quietly when she opened her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” She sat up abruptly at the sound of his voice. Wincing, she brought a hand to her chest to press on her bandage. His throat constricted as his heart leapt into it. He cleared it.

“I heard you were leaving. I came to say goodbye.”

“Why? Wait, don’t answer that.” She furrowed her brow and crinkled her nose. Lucas went to lift his hand to touch her face. It took all his resolve to stop himself. “You’ve said it now, so goodbye.”

He said nothing for a moment. “Did I leave any of my things here?”

“Probably,” she mumbled, well aware that he had but trying to make it as hard for him as possible.

She climbed tentatively from the bed and it was Lucas’ turn to wince. Chelsea opened her wardrobe and retrieved the bag holding his belongings. She threw the bag at him before walking over to her side table and retrieving his journal.

“Here have your old life back while you’re at it.” She threw the book at him. The gesture and her bitterness nearly broke him

“Chelsea, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” she answered through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t protect you from him.”

She looked at him, puzzled. “You blame yourself?”

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”

“How can it be your fault?”

“You obviously don’t know the full story then.”

Damn he should have read the file. What could possibly have happened for her to even think this was her fault. “There is no way you could have done anything to make that .... him do what he did. The only one to blame is me. I should have done more.”

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you and neither should you. Now you have got that off your chest, you can go.”

She walked slowly out to the balcony and shut the sliding door tentatively behind her. The exertion caused her face to grimace in pain. Again his heart mirrored her expression.

He stared sadly after her for a moment before standing abruptly. He collected his bag and strode out, leaving his leather bound memories on her bed.