CHAPTER XLV
Mr. Dick Julfils My Aunt’s
Predictions
IT WAS SOME TIME NOW, SINCE I HAD LEFT THE
DOCTOR. Living in his neighbourhood, I saw him frequently, and we
all went to his house on two or three occasions to dinner or tea.
The Old Soldier was in permanent quarters under the Doctor’s roof.
She was exactly the same as ever, and the same immortal butterflies
hovered over her cap.
Like some other mothers, whom I have known in the
course of my life, Mrs. Markleham was far more fond of pleasure
than her daughter was. She required a great deal of amusement, and,
like a deep old soldier, pretended, in consulting her own
inclinations, to be devoting herself to her child. The Doctor’s
desire that Annie should be entertained, was therefore particularly
acceptable to this excellent parent, who expressed unqualified
approval of his discretion.
I have no doubt, indeed, that she probed the
Doctor’s wound without knowing it. Meaning nothing but a certain
matured frivolity and selfishness, not always inseparable from
full-blown years, I think she confirmed him in his fear that he was
a constraint upon his young wife, and that there was no
congeniality of feeling between them, by so strongly commending his
design of lightening the load of her life.
“My dear soul,” she said to him one day when I was
present, “you know there is no doubt it would be a little pokey for
Annie to be always shut up here.”
The Doctor nodded his benevolent head.
“When she comes to her mother’s age,” said Mrs.
Markleham, with a flourish of her fan, “then it’ll be another
thing. You might put ME into a Jail, with genteel society and a
rubber, and I should never care to come out. But I am not Annie,
you know, and Annie is not her mother.”
“Surely, surely,” said the Doctor.
“You are the best of creatures—no, I beg your
pardon!” for the Doctor made a gesture of deprecation, “I must say
before your face, as I always say behind your back, you are the
best of creatures, but of course you don‘t—now do you? —enter into
the same pursuits and fancies as Annie.”
“No,” said the Doctor, in a sorrowful tone.
“No, of course not,” retorted the Old Soldier.
“Take your Dictionary, for example. What a useful work a Dictionary
is! What a necessary work! The meanings of words! Without Doctor
Johnson, or somebody of that sort, we might have been at this
present moment calling an Italian-iron a bedstead. But we can’t
expect a Dictionary—especially when it’s making—to interest Annie,
can we?”
The Doctor shook his head.
“And that’s why I so much approve,” said Mrs.
Markleham, tapping him on the shoulder with her shut-up fan, “of
your thoughtfulness. It shows that you don’t expect, as many
elderly people do expect, old heads on young shoulders. You have
studied Annie’s character, and you understand it. That’s
what I find so charming!”
Even the calm and patient face of Doctor Strong
expressed some little sense of pain, I thought, under the
infliction of these compliments.
“Therefore, my dear Doctor,” said the Soldier,
giving him several affectionate taps, “you may command me, at all
times and seasons. Now, do understand that I am entirely at your
service. I am ready to go with Annie to operas, concerts,
exhibitions, all kinds of places, and you shall never find that I
am tired. Duty, my dear Doctor, before every consideration in the
universe!”
She was as good as her word. She was one of those
people who can bear a great deal of pleasure, and she never
flinched in her perseverance in the cause. She seldom got hold of
the newspaper (which she settled herself down in the softest chair
in the house to read through an eye-glass, every day, for two
hours), but she found out something that she was certain Annie
would like to see. It was in vain for Annie to protest that she was
weary of such things. Her mother’s remonstrance always was, “Now,
my dear Annie, I am sure you know better, and I must tell you, my
love, that you are not making a proper return for the kindness of
Doctor Strong.”
This was usually said in the Doctor’s presence, and
appeared to me to constitute Annie’s principal inducement for
withdrawing her objections when she made any. But, in general, she
resigned herself to her mother, and went where the Old Soldier
would.
It rarely happened now that Mr. Maldon accompanied
them. Sometimes my aunt and Dora were invited to do so, and
accepted the invitation. Sometimes Dora only was asked. The time
had been when I should have been uneasy in her going, but
reflection on what had passed that former night in the Doctor’s
study, had made a change in my mistrust. I believed that the Doctor
was right, and I had no worse suspicions.
My aunt rubbed her nose sometimes when she happened
to be alone with me, and said she couldn’t make it out; she wished
they were happier; she didn’t think our military friend (so she
always called the Old Soldier) mended the matter at all. My aunt
further expressed her opinion, “that if our military friend would
cut off those butterflies, and give ‘em to the chimney-sweepers for
May-day, it would look like the beginning of something sensible on
her part.”
But her abiding reliance was on Mr. Dick. That man
had evidently an idea in his head, she said, and if he could only
once pen it up into a corner, which was his great difficulty, he
would distinguish himself in some extraordinary manner.
Unconscious of this prediction, Mr. Dick continued
to occupy precisely the same ground in reference to the Doctor and
to Mrs. Strong. He seemed neither to advance nor to recede. He
appeared to have settled into his original foundation, like a
building, and I must confess that my faith in his ever moving was
not much greater than if he had been a building.
But one night, when I had been married some months,
Mr. Dick put his head into the parlour, where I was writing alone
(Dora having gone out with my aunt to take tea with the two little
birds), and said, with a significant cough:
“You couldn’t speak to me without inconveniencing
yourself, Trotwood, I am afraid?”
“Certainly, Mr. Dick,” said I, “come in!”
“Trotwood,” said Mr. Dick, laying his finger on the
side of his nose, after he had shaken hands with me. “Before I sit
down, I wish to make an observation. You know your aunt?”
“A little,” I replied.
“She is the most wonderful woman in the world,
sir!”
After the delivery of this communication, which he
shot out of himself as if he were loaded with it, Mr. Dick sat down
with greater gravity than usual, and looked at me.
“Now, boy,” said Mr. Dick, “I am going to put a
question to you.”
“As many as you please,” said I.
“What do you consider me, sir?” asked Mr. Dick,
folding his arms.
“A dear old friend,” said I.
“Thank you, Trotwood,” returned Mr. Dick, laughing,
and reaching across in high glee to shake hands with me. “But I
mean, boy,” resuming his gravity, “what do you consider me in this
respect?” touching his forehead.
I was puzzled how to answer, but he helped me with
a word.
“Weak!” said Mr. Dick.
“Well,” I replied, dubiously. “Rather so.”
“Exactly!” cried Mr. Dick, who seemed quite
enchanted by my reply. “That is, Trotwood, when they took some of
the trouble out of you-know-who’s head, and put it you-know-where,
there was a—” Mr. Dick made his two hands revolve very fast about
each other a great number of times, and then brought them into
collision, and rolled them over and over one another, to express
confusion. “There was that sort of thing done to me somehow.
Eh?”
I nodded at him, and he nodded back again.
“In short, boy,” said Mr. Dick, dropping his voice
to a whisper, “I am simple.”
I would have qualified that conclusion, but he
stopped me.
“Yes I am! She pretends I am not. She won’t hear of
it, but I am. I know I am. If she hadn’t stood my friend, sir, I
should have been shut up, to lead a dismal life these many years.
But I’ll provide for her! I never spend the copying money. I put it
in a box. I have made a will. I’ll leave it all to her. She shall
be rich—noble!”
Mr. Dick took out his pocket-handkerchief, and
wiped his eyes. He then folded it up with great care, pressed it
smooth between his two hands, put it in his pocket, and seemed to
put my aunt away with it.
“Now you are a scholar, Trotwood,” said Mr. Dick.
“You are a fine scholar. You know what a learned man, what a great
man, the Doctor is. You know what honour he has always done me. Not
proud in his wisdom. Humble, humble—condescending even to poor
Dick, who is simple and knows nothing. I have sent his name up, on
a scrap of paper, to the kite, along the string, when it has been
in the sky, among the larks. The kite has been glad to receive it,
sir, and the sky has been brighter with it.”
I delighted him by saying, most heartily, that the
Doctor was deserving of our best respect and highest esteem.
“And his beautiful wife is a star,” said Mr. Dick.
“A shining star. I have seen her shine, sir. But,” bringing his
chair nearer, and laying one hand upon my knee—“clouds,
sir—clouds.”
I answered the solicitude which his face expressed,
by conveying the same expression into my own, and shaking my
head.
“What clouds?” said Mr. Dick.
He looked so wistfully into my face, and was so
anxious to understand, that I took great pains to answer him slowly
and distinctly, as I might have entered on an explanation to a
child.
“There is some unfortunate division between them,”
I replied. “Some unhappy cause of separation. A secret. It may be
inseparable from the discrepancy in their years. It may have grown
up out of almost nothing.”
Mr. Dick, who told off every sentence with a
thoughtful nod, paused when I had done, and sat considering, with
his eyes upon my face, and his hand upon my knee.
“Doctor not angry with her, Trotwood?” he said,
after some time.
“No. Devoted to her.”
“Then, I have got it boy!” said Mr. Dick.
The sudden exultation with which he slapped me on
the knee, and leaned back in his chair, with his eyebrows lifted up
as high as he could possibly lift them, made me think him farther
out of his wits than ever. He became as suddenly grave again, and
leaning forward as before, said—first respectfully taking out his
pocket-handkerchief, as if it really did represent my aunt:
“Most wonderful woman in the world, Trotwood. Why
has she done nothing to set things right?”
“Too delicate and difficult a subject for such
interference,” I replied.
“Fine scholar,” said Mr. Dick, touching me with his
finger. “Why has he done nothing?”
“For the same reason,” I returned.
“Then, I have got it, boy!” said Mr. Dick. And he
stood up before me, more exultingly than before, nodding his head,
and striking himself repeatedly upon the breast, until one might
have supposed that he had nearly nodded and struck all the breath
out of his body.
“A poor fellow with a craze, sir,” said Mr. Dick,
“a simpleton, a weak-minded person—present company, you know!”
striking himself again, “may do what wonderful people may not do.
I’ll bring them together, boy. I’ll try. They’ll not blame me.
They’ll not object to me. They’ll not mind what I do, if
it’s wrong. I’m only Mr. Dick. And who minds Dick? Dick’s nobody!
Whoo!” He blew a slight, contemptuous breath, as if he blew himself
away.
It was fortunate he had proceeded so far with his
mystery, for we heard the coach stop at the little garden gate,
which brought my aunt and Dora home.
“Not a word, boy!” he pursued in a whisper, “leave
all the blame with Dick—simple Dick—mad Dick. I have been thinking,
sir, for some time, that I was getting it, and now I have got it.
After what you have said to me, I am sure I have got it. All
right!”
Not another word did Mr. Dick utter on the subject,
but he made a very telegraph of himself for the next half-hour (to
the great disturbance of my aunt’s mind), to enjoin inviolable
secrecy on me.
To my surprise, I heard no more about it for some
two or three weeks, though I was sufficiently interested in the
result of his endeavours, descrying a strange gleam of good sense—I
say nothing of good feeling, for that he always exhibited—in the
conclusion to which he had come. At last I began to believe that,
in the flighty and unsettled state of his mind, he had either
forgotten his intention or abandoned it.
One fair evening, when Dora was not inclined to go
out, my aunt and I strolled up to the Doctor’s cottage. It was
autumn, when there were no debates to vex the evening air, and I
remember how the leaves smelt like our garden at Blunderstone as we
trod them underfoot, and how the old, unhappy feeling, seemed to go
by, on the sighing wind.
It was twilight when we reached the cottage. Mrs.
Strong was just coming out of the garden, where Mr. Dick yet
lingered, busy with his knife, helping the gardener to point some
stakes. The Doctor was engaged with someone in his study, but the
visitor would be gone directly, Mrs. Strong said, and begged us to
remain and see him. We went into the drawing-room with her, and sat
down by the darkening window. There was never any ceremony about
the visits of such old friends and neighbours as we were.
We had not sat here many minutes, when Mrs.
Markleham, who usually contrived to be in a fuss about something,
came bustling in, with her newspaper in her hand, and said, out of
breath, “My goodness gracious, Annie, why didn’t you tell me there
was some one in the Study!”
“My dear Mama,” she quietly returned, “how could I
know that you desired the information?”
“Desired the information!” said Mrs. Markleham,
sinking on the sofa. “I never had such a turn in all my
life!”
“Have you been to the Study, then, Mama?” asked
Annie.
“Been to the Study, my dear!” she returned
emphatically. “Indeed I have! I came upon the amiable creature—if
you’ll imagine my feelings, Miss Trotwood and David—in the act of
making his will.”
Her daughter looked round from the window
quickly.
“In the act, my dear Annie,” repeated Mrs.
Markleham, spreading the newspaper on her lap like a table-cloth,
and patting her hands upon it, “of making his last Will and
Testament. The foresight and affection of the dear! I must tell you
how it was. I really must, in justice to the darling—for he is
nothing less!—tell you how it was. Perhaps you know, Miss Trotwood,
that there is never a candle lighted in this house, until one’s
eyes are literally falling out of one’s head with being stretched
to read the paper. And that there is not a chair in this house, in
which a paper can be what I call read, except one in the
Study. This took me to the Study, where I saw a light. I opened the
door. In company with the dear Doctor were two professional people,
evidently connected with the law, and they were all three standing
at the table, the darling Doctor pen in hand. ‘This simply
expresses then,’ said the Doctor—Annie, my love, attend to the very
words—‘this simply expresses then, gentlemen, the confidence I have
in Mrs. Strong, and gives her all unconditionally?’ One of the
professional people replied, ‘And gives her all unconditionally.’
Upon that, with the natural feelings of a mother, I said, ‘Good
God, I beg your pardon!’ fell over the door-step, and came away
through the little back passage where the pantry is.”
Mrs. Strong opened the window, and went out into
the verandah, where she stood leaning against a pillar.
“But now isn’t it, Miss Trotwood, isn’t it, David,
invigorating,” said Mrs. Markleham, mechanically following her with
her eyes, “to find a man at Doctor Strong’s time of life, with the
strength of mind to do this kind of thing? It only shows how right
I was. I said to Annie, when Doctor Strong paid a very flattering
visit to myself, and made her the subject of a declaration and an
offer, I said, ‘My dear, there is no doubt whatever, in my opinion,
with reference to a suitable provision for you, that Doctor Strong
will do more than he binds himself to do.’”
Here the bell rang, and we heard the sound of the
visitors’ feet as they went out.
“It’s all over, no doubt,” said the Old Soldier,
after listening, “the dear creature has signed, sealed, and
”delivered, and his mind’s at rest. Well it may be! What a mind!
Annie, my love, I am going to the Study with my paper, for I am a
poor creature without news. Miss Trotwood, David, pray come and see
the Doctor.“
I was conscious of Mr. Dick’s standing in the
shadow of the room, shutting up his knife, when we accompanied her
to the Study, and of my aunt’s rubbing her nose violently, by the
way, as a mild vent for her intolerance of our military friend, but
who got first into the Study, or how Mrs. Markleham settled herself
in a moment in her easy-chair, or how my aunt and I came to be left
together near the door (unless her eyes were quicker than mine, and
she held me back), I have forgotten if I ever knew. But this I
know—that we saw the Doctor before he saw us, sitting at his table,
among the folio volumes in which he delighted, resting his head
calmly on his hand. That, in the same moment, we saw Mrs. Strong
glide in, pale and trembling. That Mr. Dick supported her on his
arm. That he laid his other hand upon the Doctor’s arm, causing him
to look up with an abstracted air. That, as the Doctor moved his
head, his wife dropped down on one knee at his feet, and, with her
hands imploringly lifted, fixed upon his face the memorable look I
had never forgotten. That at this sight Mrs. Markleham dropped the
newspaper, and stared more like a figure-head intended for a ship
to be called The Astonishment, than anything else I can think
of.
The gentleness of the Doctor’s manner and surprise,
the dignity that mingled with the supplicating attitude of his
wife, the amiable concern of Mr. Dick, and the earnestness with
which my aunt said to herself, “That man mad!” (triumphantly
expressive of the misery from which she had saved him)—I see and
hear, rather than remember, as I write about it.
“Doctor!” said Mr. Dick. “What is it that’s amiss?
Look here!”
“Annie!” cried the Doctor. “Not at my feet, my
dear!”
“Yes!” she said. “I beg and pray that no one will
leave the room! Oh, my husband and father, break this long silence.
Let us both know what it is that has come between us!”
Mrs. Markleham, by this time recovering the power
of speech, and seeming to swell with family pride and motherly
indignation, here exclaimed, “Annie, get up immediately, and don’t
disgrace everybody belonging to you by humbling yourself like that,
unless you wish to see me go out of my mind on the spot!”
“Mama!” returned Annie. “Waste no words on me, for
my appeal is to my husband, and even you are nothing here.”
“Nothing!” exclaimed Mrs. Markleham. “Me, nothing!
The child has taken leave of her senses. Please to get me a glass
of water!”
I was too attentive to the Doctor and his wife to
give any heed to this request, and it made no impression on anybody
else, so Mrs. Markleham panted, stared, and fanned herself.
“Annie!” said the Doctor, tenderly taking her in
his hands. “My dear! If any unavoidable change has come, in the
sequence of time, upon our married life, you are not to blame. The
fault is mine, and only mine. There is no change in my affection,
admiration, and respect. I wish to make you happy. I truly love and
honour you. Rise, Annie, pray!”
But she did not rise. After looking at him for a
little while, she sank down closer to him, laid her arm across his
knee, and dropping her head upon it, said:
“If I have any friend here, who can speak one word
for me, or for my husband in this matter, if I have any friend
here, who can give a voice to any suspicion that my heart has
sometimes whispered to me, if I have any friend here, who honours
my husband, or has ever cared for me, and has anything within his
knowledge, no matter what it is, that may help to mediate between
us—I implore that friend to speak!”
There was a profound silence. After a few moments
of painful hesitation, I broke the silence.
“Mrs. Strong,” I said, “there is something within
my knowledge, which I have been earnestly entreated by Doctor
Strong to conceal, and have concealed until tonight. But I believe
the time has come when it would be mistaken faith and delicacy to
conceal it any longer, and when your appeal absolves me from his
injunction.”
She turned her face towards me for a moment, and I
knew that I was right. I could not have resisted its entreaty, if
the assurance that it gave me had been less convincing.
“Our future peace,” she said, “may be in your
hands. I trust it confidently to your not suppressing anything. I
know beforehand that nothing you, or anyone, can tell me, will show
my husband’s noble heart in any other light than one. Howsoever it
may seem to you to touch me, disregard that. I will speak for
myself, before him, and before God afterwards.”
Thus earnestly besought, I made no reference to the
Doctor for his permission, but, without any other compromise of the
truth than a little softening of the coarseness of Uriah Heep,
related plainly what had passed in that same room that night. The
staring of Mrs. Markleham during the whole narration, and the
shrill, sharp interjections with which she occasionally interrupted
it, defy description.
When I had finished, Annie remained, for some few
moments, silent, with her head bent down as I have described. Then,
she took the Doctor’s hand (he was sitting in the same attitude as
when we had entered the room), and pressed it to her breast, and
kissed it. Mr. Dick softly raised her, and she stood, when she
began to speak, leaning on him, and looking down upon her
husband—from whom she never turned her eyes.
“All that has ever been in my mind, since I was
married,” she said in a low, submissive, tender voice, “I will lay
bare before you. I could not live and have one reservation, knowing
what I know now.”
“Nay, Annie,” said the Doctor, mildly, “I have
never doubted you, my child. There is no need, indeed there is no
need, my dear.”
“There is great need,” she answered, in the same
way, “that I should open my whole heart before the soul of
generosity and truth, whom, year by year, and day by day, I have
loved and venerated more and more, as Heaven knows!”
“Really,” interrupted Mrs. Markleham, “if I have
any discretion at all—”
“Which you haven‘t, you Marplot,” observed my aunt,
in an indignant whisper.)
—“I must be permitted to observe that it cannot be
requisite to enter into these details.”
“No one but my husband can judge of that, Mama,”
said Annie, without removing her eyes from his face, and he will
hear me. If I say anything to give you pain, Mama, forgive me. I
have borne pain first, often and long, myself.“
“Upon my word!” gasped Mrs. Markleham.
“When I was very young,” said Annie, “quite a
little child, my first associations with knowledge of any kind were
inseparable from a patient friend and teacher—the friend of my dead
father—who was always dear to me. I can remember nothing that I
know, without remembering him. He stored my mind with its first
treasures, and stamped his character upon them all. They never
could have been, I think, as good as they have been to me, if I had
taken them from any other hands.”
“Makes her mother nothing!” exclaimed Mrs.
Markleham.
“Not so, Mama,” said Annie, “but I make him what he
was. I must do that. As I grew up, he occupied the same place
still. I was proud of his interest, deeply, fondly, gratefully
attached to him. I looked up to him I can hardly describe how—as a
father, as a guide, as one whose praise was different from all
other praise, as one in whom I could have trusted and confided, if
I had doubted all the world. You know, Mama, how young and
inexperienced I was, when you presented him before me; of a sudden,
as a lover.”
“I have mentioned the fact, fifty times at least,
to everybody here!” said Mrs. Markleham.
(“Then hold your tongue, for the Lord’s sake, and
don’t mention it any more!” muttered my aunt.)
“It was so great a change, so great a loss, I felt
it at first,” said Annie, still preserving the same look and tone,
“that I was agitated and distressed. I was but a girl, and when so
great a change came in the character in which I had so long looked
up to him, I think I was sorry. But nothing could have made him
what he used to be again, and I was proud that he should think me
so worthy, and we were married.”
“—At Saint Alphage, Canterbury,” observed Mrs.
Markleham.
(“Confound the woman!” said my aunt, “she
won’t be quiet!”)
“I never thought,” proceeded Annie, with a
heightened colour, “of any worldly gain that my husband would bring
to me. My young heart had no room in its homage for any such poor
reference. Mama, forgive me when I say that it was you who first
presented to my mind the thought that any one could wrong me, and
wrong him, by such a cruel suspicion.”
“Me!” cried Mrs. Markleham.
(“Ah! You, to be sure!” observed my aunt, “and you
can’t fan it away, my military friend!”)
“It was the first unhappiness of my new life,” said
Annie. “It was the first occasion of every unhappy moment I have
known. Those moments have been more, of late, than I can count, but
not—my generous husband!—not for the reason you suppose, for in my
heart there is not a thought, a recollection, or a hope, that any
power could separate from you!”
She raised her eyes, and clasped her hands, and
looked as beautiful and true, I thought, as any Spirit. The Doctor
looked on her, henceforth, as steadfastly as she on him.
“Mama is blameless,” she went on, “of having ever
urged you for herself, and she is blameless in intention every way,
I am sure—but when I saw how many importunate claims were pressed
upon you in my name, how you were traded on in my name, how
generous you were, and how Mr. Wickfield, who had your welfare very
much at heart, resented it, the first sense of my exposure to the
mean suspicion that my tenderness was bought—and sold to you, of
all men, on earth —fell upon me, like unmerited disgrace, in which
I forced you to participate. I cannot tell you what it was—Mama
cannot imagine what it was—to have this dread and trouble always on
my mind, yet know in my own soul that on my marriage-day I crowned
the love and honour of my life!”
“A specimen of the thanks one gets,” cried Mrs.
Markleham, in tears, “for taking care of one’s family! I wish I was
a Turk!”
(“I wish you were, with all my heart—and in your
native country!” said my aunt.)
“It was at that time that Mama was most solicitous
about my Cousin Maldon. I had liked him,” she spoke softly, but
without any hesitation, “very much. We had been little lovers once.
If circumstances had not happened otherwise, I might have come to
persuade myself that I really loved him, and might have married
him, and been most wretched. There can be no disparity in marriage
like unsuitabiliy of mind and purpose.”
I pondered on those words, even while I was
studiously attending to what followed, as if they had some
particular interest, or some strange application that I could not
divine. “There can be no disparity in marriage like unsuitability
of mind and purpose”—“no disparity in marriage like unsuitability
of mind and purpose.”
“There is nothing,” said Annie, “that we have in
common. I have long found that there is nothing. If I were thankful
to my husband for no more, instead of for so much, I should be
thankful to him for having saved me from the first mistaken impulse
of my undisciplined heart.”
She stood quite still, before the Doctor, and spoke
with an earnestness that thrilled me. Yet her voice was just as
quiet as before.
“When he was waiting to be the object of your
munificence, so freely bestowed for my sake, and when I was unhappy
in the mercenary shape I was made to wear, I thought it would have
become him better to have worked his own way on. I thought that if
I had been he, I would have tried to do it, at the cost of almost
any hardship. But I thought no worse of him, until the night of his
departure for India. That night I knew he had a false and thankless
heart. I saw a double meaning, then, in Mr. Wickfield’s scrutiny of
me. I perceived, for the first time, the dark suspicion that
shadowed my life.”
“Suspicion, Annie!” said the Doctor. “No, no,
no!”
“In your mind there was none, I know, my husband!”
she returned. “And when I came to you, that night, to lay down all
my load of shame and grief, and knew that I had to tell that,
underneath your roof, one of my own kindred, to whom you had been a
benefactor, for the love of me, had spoken to me words that should
have found no utterance, even if I had been the weak and mercenary
wretch he thought me—my mind revolted from the taint the very tale
conveyed. It died upon my lips, and from that hour till now has
never passed them.”
Mrs. Markleham, with a short groan, leaned back in
her easy-chair, and retired behind her fan, as if she were never
coming out any more.
“I have never, but in your presence, interchanged a
word with him from that time, then, only when it has been necessary
for the avoidance of this explanation. Years have passed since he
knew, from me, what his situation here was. The kindnesses you have
secretly done for his advancement, and then disclosed to me, for my
surprise and pleasure, have been, you will believe, but
aggravations of the unhappiness and burden of my secret.”
She sunk down gently at the Doctor’s feet, though
he did his utmost to prevent her, and said, looking up, tearfully,
into his face:
“Do not speak to me yet! Let me say a little more!
Right or wrong, if this were to be done again, I think I should do
just the same. You never can know what it was to be devoted to you,
with those old associations, to find that anyone could be so hard
as to suppose that the truth of my heart was bartered away, and to
be surrounded by appearances confirming that belief. I was very
young, and had no adviser. Between Mama and me, in all relating to
you, there was a wide division. If I shrunk into myself, hiding the
disrespect I had undergone, it was because I honoured you so much,
and so much wished that you should honour me!”
“Annie, my pure heart!” said the Doctor, “my dear
girl!”
“A little more! a very few words more! I used to
think there were so many whom you might have married, who would not
have brought such charge and trouble on you, and who would have
made your home a worthier home. I used to be afraid that I had
better have remained your pupil, and almost your child. I used to
fear that I was so unsuited to your learning and wisdom. If all
this made me shrink within myself (as indeed it did), when I had
that to tell, it was still because I honoured you so much, and
hoped that you might one day honour me.”
“That day has shone this long time, Annie,” said
the Doctor, “and can have but one long night, my dear.”
“Another word! I afterwards meant—steadfastly
meant, and purposed to myself—to bear the whole weight of knowing
the unworthiness of one to whom you had been so good. And now a
last word, dearest and best of friends! The cause of the late
change in you, which I have seen with so much pain and sorrow, and
have sometimes referred to my old apprehension—at other times to
lingering suppositions nearer to the truth—has been made clear
tonight, and by an accident I have also come to know, tonight, the
full measure of your noble trust in me, even under that mistake. I
do not hope that any love and duty I may render in return, will
ever make me worthy of your priceless confidence, but with all this
knowledge fresh upon me, I can lift my eyes to this dear face,
revered as a father‘s, loved as a husband’s, sacred to me in my
childhood as a friend‘s, and solemnly declare that in my lightest
thought I had never wronged you, never wavered in the love and the
fidelity I owe youl”
She had her arms around the Doctor’s neck, and he
leant his head down over her, mingling his grey hair with her dark
brown tresses.
“Oh, hold me to your heart, my husband! Never cast
me out! Do not think or speak of disparity between us, for there is
none, except in all my many imperfections. Every succeeding year I
have known this better, as I have esteemed you more and more. Oh,
take me to your heart, my husband, for my love was founded on a
rock, and it endures!”
In the silence that ensued, my aunt walked gravely
up to Mr. Dick, without at all hurrying herself, and gave him a hug
and a sounding kiss. And it was very fortunate, with a view to his
credit, that she did so, for I am confident that I detected him at
that moment in the act of making preparations to stand on one leg,
as an appropriate expression of delight.
“You are a very remarkable man, Dickl” said my
aunt, with an air of unqualified approbation, “and never pretend to
be anything else, for I know betterl”
With that, my aunt pulled him by the sleeve, and
nodded to me, and we three stole quietly out of the room, and came
away.
“That’s a settler for our military friend, at any
rate,” said my aunt, on the way home. “I should sleep the better
for that, if there was nothing else to be glad of!”
“She was quite overcome, I am afraid,” said Mr.
Dick, with great commiseration.
“What! Did you ever see a crocodile overcome?”
inquired my aunt.
“I don’t think I ever saw a crocodile,” returned
Mr. Dick, mildly.
“There never would have been anything the matter,
if it hadn’t been for that old Animal,” said my aunt, with strong
emphasis. “It’s very much to be wished that some mothers would
leave their daughters alone after marriage, and not be so violently
affectionate. They seem to think the only return that can be made
them for bringing an unfortunate young woman into the world—God
bless my soul, as if she asked to be brought, or wanted to come!—is
full liberty to worry her out of it again. What are you thinking
of, Trot?”
I was thinking of all that had been said. My mind
was still running on some of the expressions used. “There can be no
disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose.” “The
first mistaken impulse of an undisciplined heart.” “My love was
founded on a rock.” But we were at home; and the trodden leaves
were lying underfoot, and the autumn wind was blowing.