CHAPTER XLIV
Our Housekeeping
IT WAS A STRANGE CONDITION OF THINGS, THE
HONEYMOON being over, and the bridesmaids gone home, when I found
myself sitting down in my own small house with Dora, quite thrown
out of employment, as I may say, in respect of the delicious old
occupation of making love.
It seemed such an extraordinary thing to have Dora
always there. It was so unaccountable not to be obliged to go out
to see her, not to have any occasion to be tormenting myself about
her, not to have to write to her, not to be scheming and devising
opportunities of being alone with her. Sometimes, of an evening,
when I looked up from my writing, and saw her seated opposite, I
would lean back in my chair, and think how queer it was that there
we were, alone together as a matter of course—nobody’s business any
more—all the romance of our engagement put away upon a shelf, to
rust—no one to please but one another—one another to please, for
life.
When there was a debate, and I was kept out very
late, it seemed so strange to me, as I was walking home, to think
that Dora was at home! It was such a wonderful thing, at first, to
have her coming softly down to talk to me as I ate my supper. It
was such a stupendous thing to know for certain that she put her
hair in papers. It was altogether such an astonishing event to see
her do it!
I doubt whether two young birds could have known
less about keeping house, than I and my pretty Dora did. We had a
servant, of course. She kept house for us. I have still a latent
belief that she must have been Mrs. Crupp’s daughter in disguise,
we had such an awful time of it with Mary Anne.
Her name was Paragon. Her nature was represented to
us, when we engaged her, as being feebly expressed in her name. She
had a written character, as large as a proclamation, and, according
to this document, could do everything of a domestic nature that
ever I heard of, and a great many things that I never did hear of.
She was a woman in the prime of life, of a severe countenance, and
subject (particularly in the arms) to a sort of perpetual measles
or fiery rash. She had a cousin in the Life Guards, with such long
legs that he looked like the afternoon shadow of somebody else. His
shell-jacket was as much too little for him as he was too big for
the premises. He made the cottage smaller than it need have been,
by being so very much out of proportion to it. Besides which, the
walls were not thick, and whenever he passed the evening at our
house, we always knew of it by hearing one continual growl in the
kitchen.
Our treasure was warranted sober and honest. I am
therefore willing to believe that she was in a fit when we found
her under the boiler, and that the deficient teaspoons were
attributable to the dustman.
But she preyed upon our minds dreadfully. We felt
our inexperience, and were unable to help ourselves. We should have
been at her mercy, if she had had any, but she was a remorseless
woman, and had none. She was the cause of our first little
quarrel.
“My dearest life,” I said one day to Dora, “do you
think Mary Anne has any idea of time?”
“Why, Doady?” inquired Dora, looking up,
innocently, from her drawing.
“My love, because it’s five, and we were to have
dined at four.”
Dora glanced wistfully at the clock, and hinted
that she thought it was too fast.
“On the contrary, my love,” said I, referring to my
watch, “it’s a few minutes too slow.”
My little wife came and sat upon my knee, to coax
me to be quiet, and drew a line with her pencil down the middle of
my nose, but I couldn’t dine off that, though it was very
agreeable.
“Don’t you think, my dear,” said I, “it would be
better for you to remonstrate with Mary Anne?”
“Oh no, please! I couldn‘t, Doady!” said
Dora.
“Why not, my love?” I gently asked.
“Oh, because I am such a little goose,” said Dora,
“and she knows I am!”
I thought this sentiment so incompatible with the
establishment of any system of check on Mary Anne, that I frowned a
little.
“Oh, what ugly wrinkles in my bad boy’s forehead!”
said Dora, and, still being on my knee, she traced them with her
pencil, putting it to her rosy lips to make it mark blacker, and
working at my forehead with a quaint little mockery of being
industrious, that quite delighted me in spite of myself.
“There’s a good child,” said Dora, “it makes its
face so much prettier to laugh.”
“But, my love,” said I.
“No, no! please!” cried Dora, with a kiss, “don’t
be a naughty Blue Beard! Don’t be serious!”
“My precious wife,” said I, “we must be serious
sometimes. Come! Sit down on this chair, close beside me! Give me
the pencil! There! Now let us talk sensibly. You know, dear”—what a
little hand it was to hold, and what a tiny wedding-ring it was to
see! “You know, my love, it is not exactly comfortable to have to
go out without one’s dinner. Now, is it?”
“N—n—no!” replied Dora, faintly.
“My love, how you tremble!”
“Because I KNOW you’re going to scold me,”
exclaimed Dora, in a piteous voice.
“My sweet, I am only going to reason.”
“Oh, but reasoning is worse than scolding!”
exclaimed Dora, in despair. “I didn’t marry to be reasoned with. If
you meant to reason with such a poor little thing as I am, you
ought to have told me so, you cruel boy!”
I tried to pacify Dora, but she turned away her
face, and shook her curls from side to side, and said “You cruel,
cruel boy!” so many times, that I really did not exactly know what
to do, so I took a few turns up and down the room in my
uncertainty, and came back again.
“Dora, my darling!”
“No, I am not your darling. Because you must
be sorry that you married me, or else you wouldn’t reason with me!”
returned Dora.
I felt so injured by the inconsequential nature of
this charge, that it gave me courage to be grave.
“Now, my own Dora,” said I, “you are very childish,
and are talking nonsense. You must remember, I am sure, that I was
obliged to go out yesterday when dinner was half-over, and that,
the day before, I was made quite unwell by being obliged to eat
underdone veal in a hurry, today, I don’t dine at all—and I am
afraid to say how long we waited for breakfast—and then the
water didn’t boil. I don’t mean to reproach you, my dear, but this
is not comfortable.”
“Oh, you cruel, cruel boy, to say I am a
disagreeable wife!” cried Dora.
“Now, my dear Dora, you must know that I never said
that!”
“You said I wasn’t comfortable!” said Dora.
“I said the housekeeping was not
comfortable.”
“It’s exactly the same thing!” cried Dora. And she
evidently thought so, for she wept most grievously.
I took another turn across the room, full of love
for my pretty wife, and distracted by self-accusatory inclinations
to knock my head against the door. I sat down again, and
said:
“I am not blaming you, Dora. We have both a great
deal to learn. I am only trying to show you, my dear, that you must
—you really must” (I was resolved not to give this up) “accustom
yourself to look after Mary Anne. Likewise to act a little for
yourself, and me.”
“I wonder, I do, at your making such ungrateful
speeches,” sobbed Dora. “When you know that the other day, when you
said you would like a little bit of fish, I went out myself, miles
and miles, and ordered it, to surprise you.”
“And it was very kind of you, my own darling,” said
I. “I felt it so much that I wouldn’t on any account have even
mentioned that you bought a Salmon—which was too much for two. Or
that it cost one pound six—which was more than we can
afford.”
“You enjoyed it very much,” sobbed Dora. “And you
said I was a Mouse.”
“And I’ll say so again, my love,” I returned, “a
thousand times!”
But I had wounded Dora’s soft little heart, and she
was not to be comforted. She was so pathetic in her sobbing and
bewailing, that I felt as if I had said I don’t know what to hurt
her. I was obliged to hurry away, I was kept out late, and I felt
all night such pangs of remorse as made me miserable. I had the
conscience of an assassin, and was haunted by a vague sense of
enormous wickedness.
It was two or three hours past midnight when I got
home. I found my aunt, in our house, sitting up for me.
“Is anything the matter, Aunt?” said I,
alarmed.
“Nothing, Trot,” she replied. “Sit down, sit down.
Little Blossom has been rather out of spirits, and I have been
keeping her company. That’s all.”
I leaned my head upon my hand, and felt more sorry
and downcast, as I sat looking at the fire, than I could have
supposed possible so soon after the fulfilment of my brightest
hopes. As I sat thinking, I happened to meet my aunt’s eyes, which
were resting on my face. There was an anxious expression in them,
but it cleared directly.
“I assure you, Aunt,” said I, “I have been quite
unhappy myself all night, to think of Dora’s being so. But I had no
other intention than to speak to her tenderly and lovingly about
our home-affairs.”
My aunt nodded encouragement.
“You must have patience, Trot,” said she.
“Of course. Heaven knows I don’t mean to be
unreasonable, Auntl”
“No, no,” said my aunt. “But Little Blossom is a
very tender little blossom, and the wind must be gentle with
her.”
I thanked my good aunt, in my heart, for her
tenderness towards my wife, and I was sure that she knew I
did.
“Don’t you think, Aunt,” said I, after some further
contemplation of the fire, “that you could advise and counsel Dora
a little, for our mutual advantage, now and then?”
“Trot,” returned my aunt, with some emotion, “no!
Don’t ask me such a thing.”
Her tone was so very earnest that I raised my eyes
in surprise.
“I look back on my life, child,” said my aunt, “and
I think of some who are in their graves, with whom I might have
been on kinder terms. If I judged harshly of other people’s
mistakes in marriage, it may have been because I had bitter reason
to judge harshly of my own. Let that pass. I have been a grumpy,
frumpy, wayward sort of a woman, a good many years. I am still, and
I always shall be. But you and I have done one another some good,
Trot—at all events, you have done me good, my dear, and division
must not come between us, at this time of day.”
“Division between us!” cried I.
“Child, child!” said my aunt, smoothing her dress,
“how soon it might come between us, or how unhappy I might make our
Little Blossom, if I meddled in anything, a prophet couldn’t say. I
want our pet to like me, and be as gay as a butterfly. Remember
your own home, in that second marriage, and never do both me and
her the injury you have hinted at!”
I comprehended, at once, that my aunt was right,
and I comprehended the full extent of her generous feeling towards
my dear wife.
“These are early days, Trot,” she pursued, “and
Rome was not built in a day, nor in a year. You have chosen freely
for yourself,” a cloud passed over her face for a moment, I
thought, “and you have chosen a very pretty and a very affectionate
creature. It will be your duty, and it will be your pleasure too—of
course I know that, I am not delivering a lecture—to estimate her
(as you chose her) by the qualities she has, and not by the
qualities she may not have. The latter you must develop in her, if
you can. And if you cannot, child,” here my aunt rubbed her nose,
“you must just accustom yourself to do without ‘em. But remember,
my dear, your future is between you two. No one can assist you, you
are to work it out for yourselves. This is marriage, Trot, and
Heaven bless you both in it, for a pair of babes in the wood as you
are!”
My aunt said this in a sprightly way, and gave me a
kiss to ratify the blessing.
“Now,” said she, “light my little lantern, and see
me into my bandbox by the garden path,” for there was a
communication between our cottages in that direction. “Give Betsey
Trotwood’s love to Blossom, when you come back, and whatever you
do, Trot, never dream of setting Betsey up as a scarecrow, for if
I ever saw her in the glass, she’s quite grim enough and
gaunt enough in her private capacity!”
With this, my aunt tied her head up in a
handkerchief, with which she was accustomed to make a bundle of it
on such occasions, and I escorted her home. As she stood in her
garden, holding up her little lantern to light me back, I thought
her observation of me had an anxious air again, but I was too much
occupied in pondering on what she had said, and too much
impressed—for the first time, in reality—by the conviction that
Dora and I had indeed to work out our future for ourselves, and
that no one could assist us, to take much notice of it.
Dora came stealing down in her little slippers, to
meet me, now that I was alone, and cried upon my shoulder, and said
I had been hard-hearted and she had been naughty, and I said much
the same thing in effect, I believe, and we made it up, and agreed
that our first little difference was to be our last, and that we
were never to have another if we lived a hundred years.
The next domestic trial we went through was the
Ordeal of Servants. Mary Anne’s cousin deserted into our
coal-bole, and was brought out, to our great amazement, by a
piquet of his companions in arms, who took him away handcuffed, in
a procession that covered our front-garden with ignominy. This
nerved me to get rid of Mary Anne, who went so mildly, on receipt
of wages, that I was surprised, until I found out about the
teaspoons, and also about the little sums she had borrowed in my
name of the tradespeople without authority. After an interval of
Mrs. Kidgerbury—the oldest inhabitant of Kentish Town, I believe,
who went out charing, but was too feeble to execute her conceptions
of that art-we found another treasure, who was one of the
most amiable of women, but who generally made a point of falling
either up or down the kitchen stairs with the tray, and almost
plunged into the parlour, as into a bath, with the tea-things. The
ravages committed by this unfortunate rendering her dismissal
necessary, she was succeeded (with intervals of Mrs. Kidgerbury) by
a long line of Incapables, terminating in a young person of genteel
appearance, who went to Greenwich Fair in Dora’s bonnet. After whom
I remember nothing but an average equality of failure.
Everybody we had anything to do with seemed to
cheat us. Our appearance in a shop was a signal for the damaged
goods to be brought out immediately. If we bought a lobster, it was
full of water. All our meat turned out to be tough, and there was
hardly any crust to our loaves. In search of the principle on which
joints ought to be roasted, to be roasted. enough, and not too
much, I myself referred to the cookery book, and found it there
established as the allowance of a quarter of an hour to every
pound, and say a quarter over. But the principle always failed us
by some curious fatality, and we never could hit any medium between
redness and cinders.
I had reason to believe that in accomplishing these
failures we incurred a far greater expence than if we had achieved
a series of triumphs. It appeared to me, on looking over the
tradesmen’s books, as if we might have kept the basement story
paved with butter, such was the extensive scale of our consumption
of that article. I don’t know whether the Excise returns of the
period may have exhibited any increase in the demand for pepper,
but, if our performances did not affect the market, I should say
several families must have left off using it. And the most
wonderful fact of all was that we never had anything in the
house.
As to the washerwoman pawning the clothes, and
coming in a state of penitent intoxication to apologize, I suppose
that might have happened several times to anybody. Also the chimney
on fire, the parish engine, and perjury on the part of the Beadle.
But I apprehend that we were personally unfortunate in engaging a
servant with a taste for cordials, who swelled our running account
for porter at the public-house by such inexplicable item as
“quartern rum shrub (Mrs. C.),” “Half-quartern gin and cloves (Mrs.
C.),” “Glass rum and peppermint (Mrs. C.)”—the parentheses always
referring to Dora, who was supposed, it appeared on explanation, to
have imbibed the whole of these refreshments.
One of our first feats in the housekeeping way was
a little dinner to Traddles. I met him in town, and asked him to
walk out with me that afternoon. He readily consenting, I wrote to
Dora, saying I would bring him home. It was pleasant weather, and
on the road we made my domestic happiness the theme of
conversation. Traddles was very full of it, and said that,
picturing himself with such a home, and Sophy waiting and preparing
for him, he could think of nothing wanting to complete his
bliss.
I could not have wished for a prettier little wife
at the opposite end of the table, but I certainly could have
wished, when we sat down, for a little more room. I did not know
how it was, but though there were only two of us, we were at once
always cramped for room, and yet had always room enough to lose
everything in. I suspect it may have been because nothing had a
place of its own, except Jip’s pagoda, which invariably blocked up
the main-thoroughfare. On the present occasion, Traddles was so
hemmed in by the pagoda and the guitar-case, and Dora’s
flower-painting, and my writing-table, that I had serious doubts of
the possibility of his using his knife and fork, but he protested,
with his own good-humour, “Oceans of room, Copperfield! I assure
you, Oceans!”
There was another thing I could have wished,
namely, that Jip had never been encouraged to walk about the
table-cloth during dinner. I began to think there was something
disorderly in his being there at all, even if he had not been in
the habit of putting his foot in the salt or the melted-butter. On
this occasion he seemed to think he was introduced expressly to
keep Traddles at bay, and he barked at my old friend, and made
short runs at his plate, with such undaunted pertinacity, that he
may be said to have engrossed the conversation.
However, as I knew how tender-hearted my dear Dora
was, and how sensitive she would be to any slight upon her
favourite, I hinted no objection. For similar reasons I made no
allusion to the skirmishing plates upon the floor, or to the
disreputable appearance of the castors, which were all at sixes and
sevens, and looked drunk, or to the further blockade of Traddles by
wandering vegetable dishes and jugs. I could not help wondering in
my own mind, as I contemplated the boiled leg of mutton before me,
previous to carving it, how it came to pass that our joints of meat
were of such extraordinary shapes—and whether our butcher
contracted for all the deformed sheep that came into the world, but
I kept my reflections to myself.
“My love,” said I to Dora, “what have you got in
that dish?”
I could not imagine why Dora had been making
tempting little faces at me, as if she wanted to kiss me.
“Oysters, dear,” said Dora, timidly.
“Was that your thought?” said I,
delighted.
“Ye-yes, Doady,” said Dora.
“There never was a happier one!” I exclaimed,
laying down the carving-knife and fork. “There is nothing Traddles
likes so much!”
“Ye-yes, Doady,” said Dora, “and so I bought a
beautiful little barrel of them, and the man said they were very
good. But I—I am afraid there’s something the matter with them.
They don’t seem right.” Here Dora shook her head, and diamonds
twinkled in her eyes.
“They are only opened in both shells,” said I.
“Take the top one off, my love.”
“But it won’t come off,” said Dora, trying very
hard, and looking very much distressed.
“Do you know, Copperfield,” said Traddles,
cheerfully examining the dish, “I think it is in consequence—they
are capital oysters, but I think it is in consequence—of
their never having been opened.”
They never had been opened, and we had no
oyster-knives —and couldn’t have used them if we had, so we looked
at the oysters and ate the mutton. As least we ate as much of it as
was done, and made up with capers. If I had permitted him, I am
satisfied that Traddles would have made a perfect savage of
himself, and eaten a plateful of raw meat, to express enjoyment of
the repast, but I would hear of no such immolation on the altar of
friendship, and we had a course of bacon instead, there happening,
by good fortune, to be cold bacon in the larder.
My poor little wife was in such affliction when she
thought I should be annoyed, and in such a state of joy when she
found I was not, that the discomfiture I had subdued very soon
vanished, and we passed a happy evening, Dora sitting with her arm
on my chair while Traddles and I discussed a glass of wine, and
taking every opportunity of whispering in my ear that it was so
good of me not to be a cruel, cross old boy. By-and-by she made tea
for us, which it was so pretty to see her do, as if she was busying
herself with a set of doll’s tea-things, that I was not particular
about the quality of the beverage. Then Traddles and I played a
game or two at cribbage, and, Dora singing to the guitar the while,
it seemed to me as if our courtship and marriage were a tender
dream of mine, and the night when I first listened to her voice
were not yet over.
When Traddles went away, and I came back into the
parlour from seeing him out, my wife planted her chair close to
mine, and sat down by my side.
“I am very sorry,” she said. “Will you try to teach
me, Doady?”
“I must teach myself, first, Dora,” said I. “I am
as bad as you, love.”
“Ahl But you can learn,” she returned, “and you are
a clever, clever man!”
“Nonsense, Mouse!” said I.
“I wish,” resumed my wife, after a long silence,
“that I could have gone down into the country for a whole year, and
lived with Agnes!”
Her hands were clasped upon my shoulder, and her
chin rested on them, and her blue eyes looked quietly into
mine.
“Why so?” I asked.
“I think she might have improved me, and I think I
might have learned from her,” said Dora.
“All in good time, my love. Agnes has had her
father to take care of for these many years, you should remember.
Even when she was quite a child, she was the Agnes whom we know,”
said I.
“Will you call me a name I want you to call me?”
inquired Dora, without moving.
“What is it?” I asked with a smile.
“It’s a stupid name,” she said, shaking her curls
for a moment. “Child-wife.”
I laughingly asked my child-wife what her fancy was
in desiring to be so called. She answered without moving, otherwise
than as the arm I twined about her may have brought her blue eyes
nearer to me:
“I don’t mean, you silly fellow, that you should
use the name instead of Dora. I only mean that you should think of
me that way. When you are going to be angry with me, say to
yourself, ‘it’s only my child-wife!’ When I am very disappointing,
say, ‘I knew, a long time ago, that she would make but a
child-wife!’ When you miss what I should like to be, and I think I
can never be, say, ‘still my foolish child-wife loves me!’ For
indeed I do.”
I had not been serious with her, having no idea,
until now, that she was serious herself. But her affectionate
nature was so happy in what I now said to her with my whole heart,
that her face became a laughing one before her glittering eyes were
dry. She was soon my child-wife indeed, sitting down on the floor
outside the Chinese House, ringing all the little bells one after
another, to punish Jip for his recent bad behaviour, while Jip lay
blinking in the doorway with his head out, even too lazy to be
teased.
This appeal of Dora’s made a strong impression on
me. I look back on the time I write of, I invoke the innocent
figure that I dearly loved, to come out from the mists and shadows
of the past, and turn its gentle head towards me once again, and I
can still declare that this one little speech was constantly in my
memory. I may not have used it to the best account, I was young and
inexperienced, but I never turned a deaf ear to its artless
pleading.
Dora told me, shortly afterwards, that she was
going to be a wonderful housekeeper. Accordingly, she polished the
tablets, pointed the pencil, bought an immense account-book,
carefully stitched up with a needle and thread all the leaves of
the cookery book which Jip had torn, and made quite a desperate
little attempt “to be good,” as she called it. But the figures had
the old obstinate propensity—they would not add up. When she
had entered two or three laborious items in the account-book, Jip
would walk over the page, wagging his tail, and smear them all out.
Her own little right-hand middle finger got steeped to the very
bone in ink, and I think that was the only decided result
obtained.
Sometimes, of an evening, when I was at home and at
work —for I wrote a good deal now, and was beginning in a small way
to be known as a writer—I would lay down my pen, and watch my
child-wife trying to be good. First of all, she would bring out the
immense account-book, and lay it down upon the table, with a deep
sigh. Then she would open it at the place where Jip had made it
illegible last night, and call Jip up to look at his misdeeds. This
would occasion a diversion in Jip’s favour, and some inking of his
nose, perhaps, as a penalty. Then she would tell Jip to lie down on
the table instantly, “like a lion”—which was one of his tricks,
though I cannot say the likeness was striking—and, if he were in an
obedient humour, he would obey. Then she would take up a pen, and
begin to write, and find a hair in it. Then she would take up
another pen, and begin to write, and find that it spluttered. Then
she would take up another pen, and begin to write, and say in a low
voice, “Oh, it’s a talking pen, and will disturb Doady!” And then
she would give it up as a bad job, and put the account-book away,
after pretending to crush the lion with it.
Or, if she were in a very sedate and serious state
of mind, she would sit down with the tablets, and a little basket
of bills and other documents, which looked more like curl-papers
than anything else, and endeavour to get some result out of them.
After severely comparing one with another, and making entries on
the tablets, and blotting them out, and counting all the fingers of
her left hand over and over again, backwards and forwards, she
would be so vexed and discouraged, and would look so unhappy, that
it gave me pain to see her bright face clouded—and for me!—and I
would go softly to her, and say:
“What’s the matter, Dora?”
Dora would look up hopelessly, and reply, “They
won’t come right. They make my head ache so. And they won’t do
anything I want!”
Then I would say, “Now let us try together. Let me
show you, Dora.”
Then I would commence a practical demonstration, to
which Dora would pay profound attention, perhaps for five minutes,
when she would begin to be dreadfully tired, and would lighten the
subject by curling my hair, or trying the effect of my face with my
shirt-collar turned down. If I tacitly checked this playfulness,
and persisted, she would look so scared and disconsolate, as she
became more and more bewildered, that the remembrance of her
natural gaiety when I first strayed into her path, and of her being
my child-wife, would come reproachfully upon me, and I would lay
the pencil down, and call for the guitar.
I had a great deal of work to do, and had many
anxieties, but the same considerations made me keep them to myself.
I am far from sure, now, that it was right to do this, but I did it
for my child-wife’s sake. I search my breast, and I commit its
secrets, if I know them, without any reservation to this paper. The
old unhappy loss or want of something had, I am conscious, some
place in my heart, but not to the embitterment of my life. When I
walked alone in the fine weather, and thought of the summer days
when all the air had been filled with my boyish enchantment, I did
miss something of the realization of my dreams, but I thought it
was a softened glory of the Past, which nothing could have thrown
upon the present time. I did feel, sometimes, for a little while,
that I could have wished my wife had been my counsellor, had had
more character and purpose, to sustain me, and improve me by, had
been endowed with power to fill up the void which somewhere seemed
to be about me, but I felt as if this were an unearthly
consummation of my happiness, that never had been meant to be, and
never could have been.
I was a boyish husband as to years. I had known the
softening influence of no other sorrows or experiences than those
recorded in these leaves. If I did any wrong, as I may have done
much, I did it in mistaken love, and in my want of wisdom. I write
the exact truth. It would avail me nothing to extenuate it
now.
Thus it was that I took upon myself the toils and
cares of our life, and had no partner in them. We lived much as
before, in reference to our scrambling household arrangements, but
I had got used to those, and Dora, I was pleased to see, was seldom
vexed now. She was bright and cheerful in the old childish way,
loved me dearly, and was happy with her old trifles.
When the debates were heavy—I mean as to length,
not quality, for in the last respect they were not often otherwise
—and I went home late, Dora would never rest when she heard my
footsteps, but would always come downstairs to meet me. When my
evenings were unoccupied by the pursuit for which I had qualified
myself with so much pains, and I was engaged in writing at home,
she would sit quietly near me, however late the hour, and be so
mute, that I would often think she had dropped asleep. But,
generally, when I raised my head, I saw her blue eyes looking at me
with the quiet attention of which I have already spoken.
“Oh, what a weary boy!” said Dora one night, when I
met her eyes as I was shutting up my desk.
“What a weary girll” said I. “That’s more to the
purpose. You must go to bed another time, my love. It’s far too
late for you.”
“No, don’t send me to bed!” pleaded Dora, coming to
my side. “Pray, don’t do that!”
“Dora!”
To my amazement she was sobbing on my neck.
“Not well, my dear! not happy!”
“Yes! quite well, and very happy!” said Dora. “But
say you’ll let me stop, and see you write.”
“Why, what a sight for such bright eyes at
midnight!” I replied.
“Are they bright, though?” returned Dora, laughing.
“rm so glad they’re bright.”
“Little Vanity!” said L
But it was not vanity, it was only harmless delight
in my admiration. I knew that very well, before she told me
so.
“If you think them pretty, say I may always stop,
and see you write!” said Dora. “Do you think them pretty?”
“Very pretty.”
“Then let me always stop and see you write.”
“I am afraid that won’t improve their brightness,
Dora.”
“Yes it will! Because, you clever boy, you’ll not
forget me then, while you are full of silent fancies. Will you mind
it, if I say something very, very silly?—more than usual?” inquired
Dora, peeping over my shoulder into my face.
“What wonderful thing is that?” said I.
“Please let me hold the pens,” said Dora. “I want
to have something to do with all those many hours when you are so
industrious. May I hold the pens?”
The remembrance of her pretty joy when I said yes,
brings tears into my eyes. The next time I sat down to write, and
regularly afterwards, she sat in her old place, with a spare bundle
of pens at her side. Her triumph in this connexion with my work,
and her delight when I wanted a new pen—which I very often feigned
to do—suggested to me a new way of pleasing my child-wife. I
occasionally made a pretence of wanting a page or two of manuscript
copied. Then Dora was in her glory. The preparations she made for
this great work, the aprons she put on, the bibs she borrowed from
the kitchen to keep off the ink, the time she took, the innumerable
stoppages she made to have a laugh with Jip as if he understood it
all, her conviction that her work was incomplete unless she signed
her name at the end, and the way in which she would bring it to me,
like a school-copy, and then, when I praised it, clasp me round the
neck, are touching recollections to me, simple as they might appear
to other men.
She took possession of the keys soon after this,
and went jingling about the house with the whole bunch in a little
basket, tied to her slender waist. I seldom found that the places
to which they belonged were locked, or that they were of any use
except as a plaything for Jip—but Dora was pleased, and that
pleased me. She was quite satisfied that a good deal was effected
by this make-belief of housekeeping; and was as merry as if we had
been keeping a baby-house, for a joke.
So we went on. Dora was hardly less affectionate to
my aunt than to me, and often told her of the time when she was
afraid she was “a cross old thing.” I never saw my aunt unbend more
systematically to anyone. She courted Jip, though Jip never
responded, listened, day after day, to the guitar, though I am
afraid she had no taste for music, never attacked the Incapables,
though the temptation must have been severe, went wonderful
distances on foot to purchase, as surprises, any trifles that she
found out Dora wanted, and never came in by the garden, and missed
her from the room, but she would call out, at the foot of the
stairs, in a voice that sounded cheerfully all over the
house:
“Where’s Little Blossom?”