CHAPTER XXXII
The Beginning of a Long
Journey
WHAT IS NATURAL IN ME, IS NATURAL IN MANY
OTHER men, I infer, and so I am not afraid to write that I never
had loved Steerforth better than when the ties that bound me to him
were broken. In the keen distress of the discovery of his
unworthiness, I thought more of all that was brilliant in him, I
softened more towards all that was good in him, I did more justice
to the qualities that might have made him a man of a noble nature
and a great name, than ever I had done in the height of my devotion
to him. Deeply as I felt my own unconscious part in his pollution
of an honest home, I believed that if I had been brought face to
face with him, I could not have uttered one reproach. I should have
loved him so well still—though he fascinated me no longer—I should
have held in so much tenderness the memory of my affection for him,
that I think I should have been as weak as a spirit-wounded child,
in all but the entertainment of a thought that we could ever be
reunited. That thought I never had. I felt, as he had felt, that
all was at an end between us. What his remembrances of me were, I
have never known—they were light enough, perhaps, and easily
dismissed—but mine of him were as the remembrances of a cherished
friend, who was dead.
Yes, Steerforth, long removed from the scenes of
this poor history! My sorrow may bear involuntary witness against
you at the Judgment Throne, but my angry thoughts or my reproaches
never will, I know!
The news of what had happened soon spread through
the town, insomuch that, as I passed along the streets next
morning, I overheard the people speaking of it at their doors. Many
were hard upon her, some few were hard upon him, but towards her
second father and her lover there was but one sentiment. Among all
kinds of people a respect for them in their distress prevailed,
which was full of gentleness and delicacy. The seafaring men kept
apart, when those two were seen early, walking with slow steps on
the beach, and stood in knots, talking compassionately among
themselves.
It was on the beach, close down by the sea, that I
found them. It would have been easy to perceive that they had not
slept all last night, even if Peggotty had failed to tell me of
their still sitting just as I left them, when it was broad day.
They looked worn, and I thought Mr. Peggotty’s head was bowed in
one night more than in all the years I had known him. But they were
both as grave and steady as the sea itself, then lying beneath a
dark sky, waveless—yet with a heavy roll upon it, as if it breathed
in its rest—and touched, on the horizon, with a strip of silvery
light from the unseen sun.
“We have had a mort of talk, sir,” said Mr.
Peggotty to me, when we had all three walked a little while in
silence, “of what we ought and doen’t ought to do. But we see our
course now.”
I happened to glance at Ham, then looking out to
sea upon the distant light, and a frightful thought came into my
mind —not that his face was angry, for it was not; I recall nothing
but an expression of stern determination in it—that if ever he
encountered Steerforth, he would kill him.
“My dooty here, sir,” said Mr. Peggotty, “is done.
I’m a going to seek my—” he stopped, and went on in a firmer voice:
“I’m a-going to seek her. That’s my dooty evermore.”
He shook his head when I asked him where he would
seek her, and inquired if I were going to London tomorrow? I told
him I had not gone today, fearing to lose the chance of being of
any service to him, but that I was ready to go when he would.
“I’ll go along with you, sir,” he rejoined, “if
you’re agreeable; tomorrow.”
We walked again, for a while, in silence.
“Ham,” he presently resumed, “he’ll hold to his
present work, and go and live along with my sister. The old boat
yonder—”
“Will you desert the old boat, Mr. Peggotty?” I
gently interposed.
“My station, Mas‘r Davy,” he returned, “ain’t there
no longer, and if ever a boat foundered, since there was darkness
on the face of the deep, that one’s gone down. But no, sir, no, I
doen’t mean as it should be deserted. Fur from that.”
We walked again for a while, as before, until he
explained:
“My wishes is, sir, as it shall look, day and
night, winter and summer, as it has always looked, since she fust
know’d it. If ever she should come a-wandering back, I wouldn’t
have the old place seem to cast her off, you understand, but seem
to tempt her to draw nigher to‘t, and to peep in, maybe, like a
ghost, out of the wind and rain, through the old winder, at the old
seat by the fire. Then, maybe, Mas’r Davy, seein’ none but Missis
Gummidge there, she might take heart to creep in, trembling, and
might come to be laid down in her old bed, and rest her weary head
where it was once so gay.”
I could not speak to him in reply, though I
tried.
“Every night,” said Mr. Peggotty, “as reg‘lar as
the night comes, the candle must be stood in its old pane of glass,
that if ever she should see it, it may seem to say ’Come back, my
child, come back!‘ If ever there’s a knock, Ham (partic’ler a soft
knock), arter dark, at your aunt’s door, doen’t you go nigh it. Let
it be her—not you—that sees my fallen child!”
He walked a little in front of us, and kept before
us for some minutes. During this interval, I glanced at Ham again,
and observing the same expression on his face, and his eye, still
directed to the distant light, I touched his arm.
Twice I called him by his name, in the tone in
which I might have tried to rouse a sleeper, before he heeded me.
When I at last inquired on what his thoughts were so bent, he
replied:
“On what’s afore me, Mas‘r Davy, and over
you.”
“On the life before you, do you mean?” He had
pointed confusedly out to sea.
“Ay, Mas‘r Davy. I doen’t rightly know how ’tis,
but from over yon there seemed to me to come—the end of it like,”
looking at me as if he were waking, but with the same determined
face.
“What end?” I asked, possessed by my former
fear.
“I doen’t know,” he said, thoughtfully, “I was
calling to mind that the beginning of it all did take place
here—and then the end come. But it’s gone! Mas‘r Davy,” he added,
answering, as I think, my look, “you han’t no call to be afeerd of
me, but I’m kiender muddled; I don’t fare to feel no
matters,”—which was as much as to say that he was not himself, and
quite confounded.
Mr. Peggotty stopping for us to join him, we did
so, and said no more. The remembrance of this, in connexion with my
former thought, however, haunted me at intervals, even until the
inexorable end came at its appointed time.
We insensibly approached the old boat, and entered.
Mrs. Gummidge, no longer moping in her especial corner, was busy
preparing breakfast. She took Mr. Peggotty’s hat, and placed his
seat for him, and spoke so comfortably and softly, that I hardly
knew her.
“Dan‘l, my good man,” said she, “you must eat and
drink, and keep up your strength, for without it you’ll do nowt.
Try, that’s a dear soul! And if I disturb you with my clicketten,”
she meant her chattering, “tell me so, Dan’l, and I won’t.”
When she had served us all, she withdrew to the
window, where she sedulously employed herself in repairing some
shirts and other clothes belonging to Mr. Peggotty, and neatly
folding and packing them in an old oilskin bag, such as sailors
carry. Meanwhile, she continued talking, in the same quiet
manner:
“All times and seasons, you know, Dan‘l,” said Mrs.
Gummidge, “I shall be allus here, and everythink will look
accordin’ to your wishes. I’m a poor scholar, but I shall write to
you, odd times, when you’re away, and send my letters to Mas’r
Davy. Maybe you’ll write to me too, Dan‘l, odd times, and tell me
how you fare to feel upon your lone lorn journeys.”
“You’ll be a solitary woman here, I’m afeerd!” said
Mr. Peggotty.
“No, no, Dan‘l,” she returned, “I shan’t be that.
Doen’t you mind me. I shall have enough to do to keep a Beein for
you” (Mrs. Gummidge meant a home), “again you come back —to keep a
Beein here for any that may hap to come back, Dan’!. In the fine
time, I shall set outside the door as I used to do. If any should
come nigh, they shall see the old widder woman true to ‘em, a long
way off.”
What a change in Mrs. Gummidge in a little time!
She was another woman. She was so devoted, she had such a quick
perception of what it would be well to say, and what it would be
well to leave unsaid, she was so forgetful of herself, and so
regardful of the sorrow about her, that I held her in a sort of
veneration. The work she did that day! There were many things to be
brought up from the beach and stored in the outhouse—as oars, nets,
sails, cordage, spars, lobster-pots, bags of ballast, and the like,
and though there was abundance of assistance rendered, there being
not a pair of working hands on all that shore but would have
laboured hard for Mr. Peggotty, and been well paid in being asked
to do it, yet she persisted, all day long, in toiling under weights
that she was quite unequal to, and fagging to and fro on all sorts
of unnecessary errands. As to deploring her misfortunes, she
appeared to have entirely lost the recollection of ever having had
any. She preserved an equable cheerfulness in the midst of her
sympathy, which was not the least astonishing part of the change
that had come over her. Querulousness was out of the question. I
did not even observe her voice to falter, or a tear to escape from
her eyes, the whole day through, until twilight, when she and I and
Mr. Peggotty being alone together, and he having fallen asleep in
perfect exhaustion, she broke into a half-suppressed fit of sobbing
and crying, and, taking me to the door, said, “Ever bless you,
Mas‘r Davy, be a friend to him, poor dear!” Then, she immediately
ran out of the house to wash her face, in order that she might sit
quietly beside him, and be found at work there, when he should
awake. In short I left her, when I went away at night, the prop and
staff of Mr. Peggotty’s affliction, and I could not meditate enough
upon the lesson that I read in Mrs. Gummidge, and the new
experience she unfolded to me.
It was between nine and ten o‘clock when, strolling
in a melancholy manner through the town, I stopped at Mr. Omer’s
door. Mr. Omer had taken it so much to heart, his daughter told me,
that he had been very low and poorly all day, and had gone to bed
without his pipe.
“A deceitful, bad-hearted girl,” said Mrs. Joram.
“There was no good in her, ever!”
“Don’t say so,” I returned. “You don’t think
so.”
“Yes, I do!” cried Mrs. Joram, angrily.
“No, no,” said L
Mrs. Joram tossed her head, endeavouring to be very
stern and cross, but she could not command her softer self, and
began to cry. I was young, to be sure, but I thought much the
better of her for this sympathy, and fancied it became her, as a
virtuous wife and mother, very well indeed.
“What will she ever do!” sobbed Minnie. “Where will
she go! What will become of her! Oh, how could she be so cruel, to
herself and him!”
I remembered the time when Minnie was a young and
pretty girl, and I was glad that she remembered it too, so
feelingly.
“My little Minnie,” said Mrs. Joram, “has only just
now been got to sleep. Even in her sleep she is sobbing for Em‘ly.
All day long, little Minnie has cried for her, and asked me, over
and over again, whether Em’ly was wicked? What can I say to her,
when Em‘ly tied a ribbon off her own neck round little Minnie’s the
last night she was here, and laid her head down on the pillow
beside her till she was fast asleep! The ribbon’s round my little
Minnie’s neck now. It ought not to be, perhaps, but what can I do?
Em’ly is very bad, but they were fond of one another. And the child
knows nothing!”
Mrs. Joram was so unhappy that her husband came out
to take care of her. Leaving them together, I went home to
Peggotty‘s, more melancholy myself, if possible, than I had been
yet,
That good creature—I mean Peggotty—all untired by
her late anxieties and sleepless nights, was at her brother‘s,
where she meant to stay till morning. An old woman, who had been
employed about the house for some weeks past, while Peggotty had
been unable to attend to it, was the house’s only other occupant
besides myself. As I had no occasion for her services, I sent her
to bed, by no means against her will, and sat down before the
kitchen fire a little while, to think about all this.
I was blending it with the deathbed of the late Mr.
Barkis, and was driving out with the tide towards the distance at
which Ham had looked so singularly in the morning, when I was
recalled from my wanderings by a knock at the door. There was a
knocker upon the door, but it was not that which made the sound.
The tap was from a hand, and low down upon the door, as if it were
given by a child.
It made me start as much as if it had been the
knock of a footman to a person of distinction. I opened the door,
and at first looked down, to my amazement, on nothing but a great
umbrella that appeared to be walking about of itself. But presently
I discovered underneath it, Miss Mowcher.
I might not have been prepared to give the little
creature a very kind reception, if, on her removing the umbrella,
which her utmost efforts were unable to shut up, she had shown me
the “volatile” expression of face which had made so great an
impression on me at our first and last meeting. But her face, as
she turned it up to mine, was so earnest, and when I relieved her
of the umbrella (which would have been an inconvenient one for the
Irish giant), she wrung her little hands in such an afflicted
manner, that I rather inclined towards her.
“Miss Mowcher!” said I, after glancing up and down
the empty street, without distinctly knowing what I expected to see
besides, “how do you come here? What is the matter?”
She motioned to me with her short right arm, to
shut the umbrella for her, and, passing me hurriedly, went into the
kitchen. When I had closed the door, and followed, with the
umbrella in my hand, I found her sitting on the corner of the
fender—it was a low iron one, with two flat bars at top to stand
plates upon—in the shadow of the boiler, swaying herself backwards
and forwards, and chafing her hands upon her knees like a person in
pain.
Quite alarmed at being the only recipient of this
untimely visit, and the only spectator of this portentous
behaviour, I exclaimed again, “Pray tell me, Miss Mowcher, what is
the matter! are you ill?”
“My dear young soul,” returned Miss Mowcher,
squeezing her hands upon her heart one over the other, “I am ill
here, I am very ill. To think that it should come to this, when I
might have known it and perhaps prevented it, if I hadn’t been a
thoughtless fool!”
Again her large bonnet (very disproportionate to
her figure) went backwards and forwards, in her swaying of her
little body to and fro, while a most gigantic bonnet rocked, in
unison with it, upon the wall.
“I am surprised,” I began, “to see you so
distressed and serious”—when she interrupted me.
“Yes, it’s always so!” she said. “They are all
surprised, these inconsiderate young people, fairly and full grown,
to see any natural feeling in a little thing like me! They make a
plaything of me, use me for their amusement, throw me away when
they are tired, and wonder that I feel more than a toy horse or a
wooden soldier! Yes, yes, that’s the way. The old way!”
“It may be, with others,” I returned, “but I do
assure you it is not with me. Perhaps I ought not to be at all
surprised to see you as you are now; I know so little of you. I
said, without consideration, what I thought.”
“What can I do?” returned the little woman,
standing up, and holding out her arms to show herself. “Seel What I
am, my father was, and my sister is, and my brother is. I have
worked for sister and brother these many yearn—hard, Mr.
Copperfield—all day. I must live. I do no harm. If there are people
so unreflecting or so cruel, as to make a jest of me, what is left
for me to do but to make a jest of myself, them, and everything? If
I do so, for the time, whose fault is that? Mine?”
No. Not Miss Mowcher‘s, I perceived.
“If I had shown myself a sensitive dwarf to your
false friend,” pursued the little woman, shaking her head at me,
with reproachful earnestness, “how much of his help or good- will
do you think I should ever have had? If little Mowcher (who
had no hand, young gentleman, in the making of herself)
addressed herself to him, or the like of him,
because of her misfortunes, when do you suppose her small voice
would have been heard? Little Mowcher would have as much need to
live, if she was the bitterest, and dullest of pigmies, but she
couldn’t do it. No. She might whistle for her bread and butter till
she died of Air.“
Miss Mowcher sat down on the fender again, and took
out her handkerchief, and wiped her eyes.
“Be thankful for me, if you have a kind heart, as I
think you have,” she said, “that, while I know well what I am, I
can be cheerful and endure it all. I am thankful for myself, at any
rate, that I can find my tiny way through the world, without being
beholden to anyone, and that in return for all that is thrown at
me, in folly or vanity, as I go along, I can throw bubbles back. If
I don’t brood over all I want, it is the better for me, and not the
worse for anyone. If I am a plaything for you giants, be gentle
with me.”
Miss Mowcher replaced her handkerchief in her
pocket, looking at me with very intent expression all the while,
and pursued:
“I saw you in the street just now. You may suppose
I am not able to walk as fast as you, with my short legs and short
breath, and I couldn’t overtake you, but I guessed where you came,
and came after you. I have been here before, today, but the good
woman wasn’t at home.”
“Do you know her?” I demanded.
“I know of her, and about her,” she replied,
“from Omer and Joram. I was there at seven o‘clock this morning. Do
you remember what Steerforth said to me about this unfortunate
girl, that time when I saw you both at the inn?”
The great bonnet on Miss Mowcher’s head, and the
greater bonnet on the wall, began to go backwards and forwards
again when she asked this question.
I remembered very well what she referred to, having
had it in my thoughts many times that day. I told her so.
“May the Father of all Evil confound him,” said the
little woman, holding up her forefinger between me and her
sparkling eyes, “and ten times more confound that wicked servant,
but I believed it was you who had a boyish passion for
her!”
“I?” I repeated.
“Child, child! In the name of blind ill-fortune,”
cried Miss Mowcher, wringing her hands impatiently, as she went to
and fro again upon the fender, “why did you praise her so, and
blush, and look disturbed?”
I could not conceal from myself that I had done
this, though for a reason very different from her
supposition.
“What did I know?” said Miss Mowcher, taking out
her handkerchief again, and giving one little stamp on the ground
whenever, at short intervals, she applied it to her eyes with both
hands at once. “He was crossing you and wheedling you, I saw, and
you were soft wax in his hands, I saw. Had I left the room a
minute, when his man told me that ‘Young Innocence’ (so he called
you, and you may call him ’Old Guilt’ all the days of your life)
had set his heart upon her, and she was giddy and liked him, but
his master was resolved that no harm should come of it—more for
your sake than for hers—and that that was their business here? How
could I but believe him? I saw Steerforth soothe and please
you by his praise of her! You were the first to mention her name.
You owned to an old admiration of her. You were hot and cold, and
red and white, all at once when I spoke to you of her. What could I
think—what did I think—but that you were a young libertine
in everything but experience, and had fallen into hands that had
experience enough, and could manage yon (having the fancy) for your
own good? Oh! oh! oh! They were afraid of my finding out the
truth,” exclaimed Miss Mowcher, getting off the fender, and
trotting up and down the kitchen with her two short arms
distressfully lifted up, “because I am a sharp little thing—I need
be, to get through the world at all!—and they deceived me
altogether, and I gave the poor unfortunate girl a letter, which I
fully believe was the beginning of her ever speaking to Littimer,
who was left behind on purpose!”
I stood amazed at the revelation of all this
perfidy, looking at Miss Mowcher as she walked up and down the
kitchen until she was out of breath, when she sat upon the fender
again, and, drying her face with her handkerchief, shook her head
for a long time, without otherwise moving, and without breaking
silence.
“My country rounds,” she added at length, “brought
me to Norwich, Mr. Copperfield, the night before last. What I
happened to find out there, about their secret way of coming and
going, without you—which was strange—led to my suspecting something
wrong. I got into the coach from London last night, as it came
through Norwich, and was here this morning. Oh, oh, oh! too
late!”
Poor little Mowcher turned so chilly after all her
crying and fretting, that she turned round on the fender, putting
her poor little wet feet in among the ashes to warm them, and sat
looking at the fire, like a large doll. I sat in a chair on the
other side of the hearth, lost in unhappy reflections, and looking
at the fire too, and sometimes at her.
“I must go,” she said at last, rising as she spoke.
“It’s late. You don’t mistrust me?”
Meeting her sharp glance, which was as sharp as
ever when she asked me, I could not on that short challenge answer
no, quite frankly.
“Come!” said she, accepting the offer of my hand to
help her over the fender, and looking wistfully up into my face,
“you know you wouldn’t mistrust me, if I was a full-sized
woman!”
I felt that there was much truth in this, and I
felt rather ashamed of myself.
“You are a young man,” she said, nodding. “Take a
word of advice, even from three foot nothing. Try not to associate
bodily defects with mental, my good friend, except for a solid
reason.”
She had got over the fender now, and I had got over
my suspicion. I told her that I believed she had given me a
faithful account of herself, and that we had both been hapless
instruments in designing hands. She thanked me, and said I was a
good fellow.
“Now, mind!” she exclaimed, turning back on her way
to the door, and looking shrewdly at me, with her forefinger up
again. “I have some reason to suspect, from what I have heard —my
ears are always open; I can’t afford to spare what powers I
have—that they are gone abroad. But if ever they return, if ever
any one of them returns, while I am alive, I am more likely than
another, going about as I do, to find it out soon. Whatever I know,
you shall know. If ever I can do anything to serve the poor
betrayed girl, I will do it faithfully, please Heaven! And Littimer
had better have a bloodhound at his back, than little
Mowcherl”
I placed implicit faith in this last statement,
when I marked the look with which it was accompanied.
“Trust me no more, but trust me no less, than you
would trust a full-sized woman,” said the little creature, touching
me appealingly on the wrist. “If ever you see me again, unlike what
I am now, and like what I was when you first saw me, observe what
company I am in. Call to mind that I am a very helpless and
defenceless little thing. Think of me at home with my brother like
myself and sister like myself, when my day’s work is done. Perhaps
you won‘t, then, be very hard upon me, or surprised if I can be
distressed and serious. Good nightl”
I gave Miss Mowcher my hand, with a very different
opinion of her from that which I had hitherto entertained, and
opened the door to let her out. It was not a trifling business to
get the great umbrella up, and properly balanced in her grasp, but
at last I successfully accomplished this, and saw it go bobbing
down the street through the rain, without the least appearance of
having anybody underneath it, except when a heavier fall than usual
from some overcharged water-spout sent it toppling over, on one
side, and discovered Miss Mowcher struggling violently to get it
right. After making one or two sallies to her relief, which were
rendered futile by the umbrella’s hopping on again, like an immense
bird, before I could reach it, I came in, went to bed, and slept
till morning.
In the morning I was joined by Mr. Peggotty and by
my old nurse, and we went at an early hour to the coach-office,
where Mrs. Gummidge and Ham were waiting to take leave of us.
“Mas‘r Davy,” Ham whispered, drawing me aside,
while Mr. Peggotty was stowing his bag among the luggage, “his life
is quite broke up. He doen’t know wheer he’s going; he doen’t know
what’s afore him; he’s bound upon a voyage that’ll last, on and
off, all the rest of his days, take my wured for’t, unless he finds
what he’s a-seeking of. I am sure you’ll be a friend to him, Mas‘r
Davy? ”
“Trust me, I will indeed,” said I, shaking hands
with Ham earnestly.
“Thankee. Thankee, very kind, sir. One thing
furder. I’m in good employ, you know, Mas‘r Davy, and I han’t no
way now of spending what I gets. Money’s of no use to me no more,
except to live. If you can lay it out for him, I shall do my work
with a better art. Though as to that, sir,” and he spoke very
steadily and mildly, “you’re not to think but I shall work at all
times like a man, and act the best that lays in my power!”
I told him I was well convinced of it, and I hinted
that I hoped the time might even come, when he would cease to lead
the lonely life he naturally contemplated now.
“No, sir,” he said, shaking his head, “all that’s
past and over with me, sir. No one can never fill the place that’s
empty. But you’ll bear in mind about the money, as theer’s at all
times some laying by for him?”
Reminding him of the fact that Mr. Peggotty derived
a steady, though certainly a very moderate income from the bequest
of his late brother-in-law, I promised to do so. We then took leave
of each other. I cannot leave him even now, without remembering
with a pang, at once his modest fortitude and his great
sorrow.
As to Mrs. Gummidge, if I were to endeavour to
describe how she ran down the street by the side of the coach,
seeing nothing but Mr. Peggotty on the roof, through the tears she
tried to repress, and dashing herself against the people who were
coming in the opposite direction, I should enter on a task of some
difficulty. Therefore I had better leave her sitting on a baker’s
door-step, out of breath, with no shape at all remaining in her
bonnet, and one of her shoes off, lying on the pavement at a
considerable distance.
When we got to our journey’s end, our first pursuit
was to look about for a little lodging for Peggotty, where her
brother could have a bed. We were so fortunate as to find one, of a
very clean and cheap description, over a chandler’s shop, only two
streets removed from me. When we had engaged this domicile, I
bought some cold meat at an eating-house, and took my
fellow-travellers home to tea, a proceeding, I regret to state,
which did not meet with Mrs. Crupp’s approval, but quite the
contrary. I ought to observe, however, in explanation of that
lady’s state of mind, that she was much offended by Peggotty’s
tucking up her widow’s gown before she had been ten minutes in the
place, and setting to work to dust my bedroom. This Mrs. Crupp
regarded in the light of a liberty, and a liberty, she said, was a
thing she never allowed.
Mr. Peggotty had made a communication to me on the
way to London for which I was not unprepared. It was that he
purposed first seeing Mrs. Steerforth. As I felt bound to assist
him in this, and also to mediate between them, with the view of
sparing the mother’s feelings as much as possible, I wrote to her
that night. I told her as mildly as I could what his wrong was, and
what my own share in his injury. I said he was a man in very common
life, but of a most gentle and upright character, and that I
ventured to express a hope that she would not refuse to see him in
his heavy trouble. I mentioned two o‘clock in the afternoon as the
hour of our coming, and I sent the letter myself by the first coach
in the morning.
At the appointed time, we stood at the door—the
door of that house where I had been, a few days since, so happy,
where my youthful confidence and warmth of heart had been yielded
up so freely, which was closed against me henceforth, which was now
a waste, a ruin.
No Littimer appeared. The pleasanter face which had
replaced his, on the occasion of my last visit, answered to our
summons, and went before us to the drawing-room. Mrs. Steerforth
was sitting there. Rosa Dartle glided, as we went in, from another
part of the room, and stood behind her chair.
I saw, directly, in his mother’s face, that she
knew from himself what he had done. It was very pale, and bore the
traces of deeper emotion than my letter alone, weakened by the
doubts her fondness would have raised upon it, would have been
likely to create. I thought her more like him than ever I had
thought her, and I felt, rather than saw, that the resemblance was
not lost on my companion.
She sat upright in her arm-chair, with a stately,
immovable, passionless air, that it seemed as if nothing could
disturb. She looked very steadfastly at Mr. Peggotty when he stood
before her, and he looked, quite as steadfastly at her. Rosa
Dartle’s keen glance comprehended all of us. For some moments not a
word was spoken. She motioned to Mr. Peggotty to be seated. He
said, in a low voice, “I shouldn’t feel it nat‘ral, ma’am, to sit
down in this house. I’d sooner stand.” And this was succeeded by
another silence, which she broke thus:
“I know, with deep regret, what has brought you
here. What do you want of me? What do you ask me to do?”
He put his hat under his arm, and, feeling in his
breast for Emily’s letter, took it out, unfolded it, and gave it to
her.
“Please to read that, ma‘am. That’s my niece’s
hand!”
She read it, in the same stately and impassive
way—untouched by its contents, as far as I could see—and returned
it to him.
“‘Unless he brings me back a lady,”’ said Mr.
Peggotty, tracing out that part with his finger. “I come to know,
ma‘am, whether he will keep his wured?”
“No,” she returned.
“Why not?” said Mr. Peggotty.
“It is impossible. He would disgrace himself. You
cannot fail to know that she is far below him.”
“Raise her upl” said Mr. Peggotty.
“She is uneducated and ignorant.”
“Maybe she’s not; maybe she is,” said Mr. Peggotty.
“I
think not, ma‘am, but I’m no judge of them things.
Teach her betterl“
“Since you oblige me to speak more plainly, which I
am very unwilling to do, her humble connexions would render such a
thing impossible, if nothing else did.”
“Hark to this, ma‘am,” he returned, slowly and
quietly. “You know what it is to love your child. So do I. If she
was a hundred times my child, I couldn’t love her more. You doen’t
know what it is to lose your child. I do. All the heaps of riches
in the wureld would be nowt to me (if they was mine) to buy her
back! But save her from this disgrace, and she shall never be
disgraced by us. Not one of us that she’s growed up among, not one
of us that’s lived along with her, and had her for their all in
all, these many year, will ever look upon her pritty face again.
We’ll be content to let her be; we’ll be content to think of her,
far off, as if she was underneath another sun and sky; we’ll be
content to trust her to her husband—to her little children,
p’raps—and bide the time when all of us shall be alike in quality
afore our God!”
The rugged eloquence with which he spoke, was not
devoid of all effect. She still preserved her proud manner, but
there was a touch of softness in her voice, as she answered:
“I justify nothing. I make no counter-accusations.
But I am sorry to repeat, it is impossible. Such a marriage would
irretrievably blight my son’s career, and ruin his prospects.
Nothing is more certain than that it never can take place, and
never will. If there is any other compensation—”
“I am looking at the likeness of the face,”
interrupted Mr. Peggotty, with a steady but a kindling eye, “that
has looked at me, in my home, at my fireside, in my boat—wheer
not?—smiling and friendly, when it was so treacherous, that I go
half-wild when I think of it. If the likeness of that face don’t
turn to burning fire at the thought of offering money to me for my
child’s blight and ruin, it’s as bad. I doen’t know, being a
lady‘s, but what it’s worse.”
She changed now, in a moment. An angry flush
overspread her features, and she said, in an intolerant manner,
grasping the arm-chair tightly with her hands:
“What compensation can you make to me for
opening such a pit between me and my son? What is your love to
mine? What is your separation to ours?”
Miss Dartle softly touched her, and bent down her
head ‘to whisper, but she would not hear a word.
“No, Rosa, not a word! Let the man listen to what I
say! My son, who has been the object of my life, to whom its every
thought has been devoted, whom I have gratified from a child in
every wish, from whom I have had no separate existence since his
birth—to take up in a moment with a miserable girl, and avoid me!
To repay my confidence with systematic deception, for her sake, and
quit me for her! To set this wretched fancy against his mother’s
claims upon his duty, love, respect, gratitude—claims that every
day and hour of his life should have strengthened into ties that
nothing could be proof against! Is this no injury?”
Again Rosa Dartle tried to soothe her, again
ineffectually.
“I say, Rosa, not a word! If he can stake his all
upon the lightest object, I can stake my all upon a greater
purpose. Let him go where he will, with the means that my love has
secured to him! Does he think to reduce me by long absence? He
knows his mother very little if he does. Let him put away his whim
now, and he is welcome back. Let him not put her away now, and he
never shall come near me, living or dying, while I can raise my
hand to make a sign against it, unless, being rid of her for ever,
he comes humbly to me and begs for my forgiveness. This is my
right. This is the acknowledgment I will have. This is the
separation that there is between us! And is this,” she added,
looking at her visitor with the proud intolerant air with which she
had begun, “no injury?”
While I heard and saw the mother as she said these
words, I seemed to hear and see the son, defying them. All that I
had ever seen in him of an unyielding, wilful spirit, I saw in her.
All the understanding that I had now of his misdirected energy,
became an understanding of her character too, and a perception that
it was, in its strongest springs, the same.
She now observed to me, aloud, resuming her former
restraint, that it was useless to hear more, or to say more, and
that she begged to put an end to the interview. She rose with an
air of dignity to leave the room, when Mr. Peggotty signified that
it was needless.
“Doen’t fear me being any hindrance to you, I have
no more to say, ma‘am,” he remarked as he moved towards the door.
“I come heer with no hope, and I take away no hope. I have done
what I thowt should be done, but I never looked fur any good to
come of my stan’ning where I do. This has been too evil a house fur
me and mine, fur me to be in my right senses and expect it.”
With this, we departed, leaving her standing by her
elbow-chair, a picture of a noble presence and a handsome
face.
We had, on our way out, to cross a paved hall, with
glass sides and roof, over which a vine was trained. Its leaves and
shoots were green then, and, the day being sunny, a pair of glass
doors leading to the garden were thrown open. Rosa Dartle, entering
this way with a noiseless step, when we were close to them,
addressed herself to me:
“You do well,” she said, “indeed, to bring this
fellow here!”
Such a concentration of rage and scorn as darkened
her face, and flashed in her jet-black eyes, I could not have
thought compressible even into that face. The scar made by the
hammer was, as usual in this excited state of her features,
strongly marked. When the throbbing I had seen before came into it
as I looked at her, she absolutely lifted up her hand and struck
it.
“This is a fellow,” she said, “to champion and
bring here, is he not? You are a true man!”
“Miss Dartle,” I returned, “you are surely not so
unjust as to condemn me?”
“Why do you bring division between these two mad
creatures?” she returned. “Don’t you know that they are both mad
with their own self-will and pride?”
“Is it my doing?” I returned.
“Is it your doing!” she retorted. “Why do you bring
this man here?”
“He is a deeply injured man, Miss Dartle,” I
replied. “You may not know it.”
“I know that James Steerforth,” she said, with her
hand on her bosom, as if to prevent the storm that was raging
there, from being loud, “has a false, corrupt heart, and is a
traitor. But what need I know or care about this fellow, and his
common niece?”
“Miss Dartle,” I returned, “you deepen the injury.
It is sufficient already. I will only say, at parting, that you do
him a great wrong.”
“I do him no wrong,” she returned. “They are a
depraved, worthless set. I would have her whipped!”
Mr. Peggotty passed on, without a word, and went
out at the door.
“Oh, shame, Miss Dartle! shame!” I said
indignantly. “How can you bear to trample on his undeserved
affliction!”
“I would trample on them all,” she answered. “I
would have his house pulled down. I would have her branded on the
face, dressed in rags, and cast out in the streets to starve. If I
had the power to sit in judgment on her, I would see it done. See
it done? I would do it! I detest her. If I ever could reproach her
with her infamous condition, I would go anywhere to do so. If I
could hunt her to her grave, I would. If there was any word of
comfort that would be a solace to her in her dying hour, and only I
possessed it, I wouldn’t part with it for Life itself.”
The mere vehemence of her words can convey, I am
sensible, but a weak impression of the passion by which she was
possessed, and which made itself articulate in her whole figure,
though her voice, instead of being raised, was lower than usual. No
description I could give of her would do justice to my recollection
of her, or to her entire deliverance of herself to her anger. I
have seen passion in many forms, but I have never seen it in such a
form as that.
When I joined Mr. Peggotty, he was walking slowly
and thoughtfully down the hill. He told me, as soon as I came up
with him, that, having now discharged his mind of what he had
purposed doing in London, he meant “to set out on his travels,”
that night. I asked him where he meant to go? He only answered,
“I’m a-going, sir, to seek my niece.”
We went back to the little lodging over the
chandler’s shop, and there I found an opportunity of repeating to
Peggotty what he had said to me. She informed me, in return, that
he had said the same to her that morning. She knew no more than I
did where he was going, but she thought he had some project shaped
out in his mind.
I did not like to leave him, under such
circumstances, and we all three dined together off a beefsteak
pie—which was one of the many good things for which Peggotty was
famous —and which was curiously flavoured on this occasion, I
recollect well, by a miscellaneous taste of tea, coffee, butter,
bacon, cheese, new loaves, firewood, candles, and walnut ketchup,
continually ascending from the shop. After dinner we sat for an
hour or so near the window, without talking much, and then Mr.
Peggotty got up, and brought his oilskin bag and his stout stick,
and laid them on the table.
He accepted, from his sister’s stock of ready
money, a small sum on account of his legacy, barely enough, I
should have thought, to keep him for a month. He promised to
communicate with me, when anything befell him, and he slung his bag
about him, took his hat and stick, and bade us both
“Good-bye!”
“All good attend you, dear old woman,” he said,
embracing Peggotty, “and you too, Mas‘r Davy!” shaking hands with
me. “I’m a-going to seek her, fur and wide. If she should come home
while I’m away,—but ah, that ain’t like to be!—or if I should bring
her back, my meaning is that she and me shall live and die where no
one can’t reproach her. If any hurt should come to me, remember
that the last words I left for her was, ’My unchanged love is with
my darling child, and I forgive her!‘ ”
He said this solemnly, bare-headed; then, putting
on his hat, he went down the stairs, and away. We followed to the
door. It was a warm, dusty evening, just the time when, in the
great main thoroughfare out of which that by-way turned, there was
a temporary lull in the eternal tread of feet upon the pavement,
and a strong red sunshine. He turned, alone, at the comer of our
shady street, into a glow of light, in which we lost him.
Rarely did that hour of the evening come, rarely
did I wake at night, rarely did I look up at the moon, or stars, or
watch the falling rain, or hear the wind, but I thought of his
solitary figure toiling on, poor pilgrim, and recalled the
words:
“I’m a-going to seek her, fur and wide. If any hurt
should come to me, remember that the last words I left for her was,
‘My unchanged love is with my darling child, and I forgive her!’
”