CHAPTER XX
Steerforth’s Home
WHEN THE CHAMBERMAID TAPPED AT MY DOOR AT
EIGHT’ o‘clock, and informed me that my shaving-water was outside,
I felt severely the having no occasion for it, and blushed in my
bed. The suspicion that she laughed too, when she said it, preyed
upon my mind all the time I was dressing, and gave me, I was
conscious, a sneaking and guilty air when I passed her on the
staircase, as I was going down to breakfast. I was so sensitively
aware, indeed, of being younger than I could have wished, that for
some time I could not make up my mind to pass her at all, under the
ignoble circumstances of the case, but, hearing her there with a
broom, stood peeping out of window at King Charles on horseback,
surrounded by a maze of hackney-coaches, and looking anything but
real in a drizzling rain and a dark-brown fog, until I was
admonished by the waiter that the gentleman was waiting for
me.
It was not in the coffee-room that I found
Steerforth expecting me, but in a snug private apartment,
red-curtained and Turkey-carpeted, where the fire burnt bright, and
a fine hot breakfast was set forth on a table covered with a clean
cloth, and a cheerful miniature of the room, the fire, the
breakfast, Steerforth, and all, was shining in the little round
mirror over the sideboard. I was rather bashful at first,
Steerforth being so self-possessed, and elegant, and superior to me
in all respects (age included), but his easy patronage soon put
that to rights, and made me quite at home. I could not enough
admire the change he had wrought in the Golden Cross, or compare
the dull forlorn state I had held yesterday, with this morning’s
comfort and this morning’s entertainment. As to the waiter’s
familiarity, it was quenched as if it had never been. He attended
on us, as I may say, in sackcloth and ashes.
“Now, Copperfield,” said Steerforth, when we were
alone, “I should like to hear what you are doing, and where you are
going, and all about you. I feel as if you were my property.”
Glowing with pleasure to find that he had still
this interest in me, I told him how my aunt had proposed the little
expedition that I had before me, and whither it tended.
“As you are in no hurry, then,” said Steerforth,
“come home with me to Highgate, and stay a day or two. You will be
pleased with my mother—she is a little vain and prosy about me, but
that you can forgive her—and she will be pleased with you.”
“I should like to be as sure of that, as you are
kind enough to say you are,” I answered, smiling.
“Oh!” said Steerforth, “everyone who likes me has a
claim on her that is sure to be acknowledged.”
“Then I think I shall be a favourite,” said
I.
“Good!” said Steerforth. “Come and prove it. We
will go and see the lions for an hour or two—it’s something to have
a fresh fellow like you to show them to, Copperfield—and then well
journey out to Highgate by the coach.”
I could hardly believe but that I was in a dream,
and that I should wake presently in number forty-four, to the
solitary box in the coffee-room and the familiar waiter again.
After I had written to my aunt and told her of my fortunate meeting
with my admired old school-fellow, and my acceptance of his
invitation, we went out in a hackney-chariot, and saw a Panorama
and some other sights, and took a walk through the Museum, where I
could not help observing how much Steerforth knew, on an infinite
variety of subjects, and of how little account he seemed to make
his knowledge.
“You’ll take a high degree at college, Steerforth,”
said I, “if you have not done so already, and they will have good
reason to be proud of you.”
“I take a degree!” cried Steerforth. “Not I!
my dear Daisy —will you mind my calling you Daisy?”
“Not at all!” said I.
“That’s a good fellow! My dear Daisy,” said
Steerforth, laughing, “I have not the least desire or intention to
distinguish myself in that way. I have done quite sufficient for my
purpose. I find that I am heavy company enough for myself as I
am.”
“But the fame—” I was beginning.
“You romantic Daisy!” said Steerforth, laughing
still more heartily, “why should I trouble myself, that a parcel of
heavy-headed fellows may gape and hold up their hands? Let them do
it at some other man. There’s fame for him, and he’s welcome to
it.”
I was abashed at having made so great a mistake,
and was glad to change the subject. Fortunately it was not
difficult to do, for Steerforth could always pass from one subject
to another with a carelessness and lightness that were his
own.
Lunch succeeded to our sight-seeing, and the short
winter day wore away so fast that it was dusk when the stage-coach
stopped with us at an old brick house at Highgate on the summit of
the hill. An elderly lady, though not very far advanced in years,
with a proud carriage and a handsome face, was in the doorway as we
alighted, and, greeting Steerforth as “My dearest James,” folded
him in her arms. To this lady he presented me as his mother, and
she gave me a stately welcome.
It was a genteel old-fashioned house, very quiet
and orderly. From the windows of my room I saw all London lying in
the distance like a great vapour, with here and there some lights
twinkling through it. I had only time, in dressing, to glance at
the solid furniture, the framed pieces of work (done, I supposed,
by Steerforth’s mother when she was a girl), and some pictures in
crayons of ladies with powdered hair and bodices, coming and going
on the walls, as the newly kindled fire crackled and sputtered,
when I was called to dinner.
There was a second lady in the dining-room, of a
slight short figure, dark, and not agreeable to look at, but with
some appearance of good looks too, who attracted my attention,
perhaps because I had not expected to see her, perhaps because I
found myself sitting opposite to her, perhaps because of something
really remarkable in her. She had black hair and eager black eyes,
and was thin, and had a scar upon her lip. It was an old scar—I
should rather call it, seam, for it was not discoloured, and had
healed years ago—which had once cut through her mouth, downward
towards the chin, but was now Barely visible across the table,
except above and on her upper lip, the shape of which it had
altered. I concluded in my own mind that she was about thirty years
of age, and that she wished to be married. She was a little
dilapidated—like a house—with having been so long to let, yet had,
as I have said, an appearance of good looks. Her thinness seemed to
be the effect of some wasting fire within her, which found a vent
in her gaunt eyes.
She was introduced as Miss Dartle, and both
Steerforth and his mother called her Rosa. I found that she lived
there, and had been for a long time Mrs. Steerforth’s companion. It
appeared to me that she never said anything she wanted to say,
outright, but hinted it, and made a great deal more of it by this
practice. For example, when Mrs. Steerforth observed, more in jest
than earnest, that she feared her son led but a wild life at
college, Miss Dartle put in thus:
“Oh, really? You know how ignorant I am, and that I
only ask for information, but isn’t it always so? I thought that
kind of life was on all hands understood to be—eh?”
“It is education for a very grave profession, if
you mean that, Rosa,” Mrs. Steerforth answered with some
coldness.
“Oh! Yes! That’s very true,” returned Miss Dartle.
“But isn’t it, though?—I want to be put right, if I am wrong—isn’t
it, really?”
“Really what?” said Mrs. Steerforth.
“Oh! You mean it’s not!” returned Miss
Dartle. “Well, I’m very glad to hear it! Now, I know what to do!
That’s the advantage of asking. I shall never allow people to talk
before me about wastefulness and profligacy, and so forth, in
connexion with that life, any more.”
“And you will be right,” said Mrs. Steerforth. “My
son’s tutor is a conscientious gentleman, and, if I had not
implicit reliance on my son, I should have reliance on him.”
“Should you?” said Miss Dartle. “Dear me!
Conscientious, is he? Really conscientious, now?”
“Yes, I am convinced of it,” said Mrs.
Steerforth.
“How very nice!” exclaimed Miss Dartle. “What a
comfort! Really conscientious? Then he’s not—but of course he can’t
be, if he’s really conscientious. Well, I shall be quite happy in
my opinion of him, from this time. You can’t think how it elevates
him in my opinion, to know for certain that he’s really
conscientious!”
Her own views of every question, and her correction
of everything that was said to which she was opposed, Miss Dartle
insinuated in the same way, sometimes, I could not conceal from
myself, with great power, though in contradiction even of
Steerforth. An instance happened before dinner was done. Mrs.
Steerforth speaking to me about my intention of going down into
Suffolk, I said at hazard how glad I should be, if Steerforth would
only go there with me, and, explaining to him that I was going to
see my old nurse, and Mr. Peggotty’s family, I reminded him of the
boatman whom he had seen at school.
“Oh! That bluff fellow!” said Steerforth. “He had a
son with him, hadn’t he?”
“No. That was his nephew,” I replied, “whom he
adopted, though, as a son. He has a very pretty little niece too,
whom he adopted as a daughter. In short, his house (or rather his
boat, for he lives in one, on dry land) is full of people who are
objects of his generosity and kindness. You would be delighted to
see that household.”
“Should I?” said Steerforth. “Well, I think I
should. I must see what can be done. It would be worth a journey
(not to mention the pleasure of a journey with you, Daisy) to see
that sort of people together, and to make one of ‘em.”
My heart leaped with a new hope of pleasure. But it
was in reference to the tone in which he had spoken of “that sort
of people,” that Miss Dartle, whose sparkling eyes had been
watchful of us, now broke in again.
“Oh, but really? Do tell me. Are they, though?” she
said.
“Are they what? And are who what?” said
Steerforth.
“That sort of people. Are they really animals and
clods, and beings of another order? I want to know so much.”
“Why, there’s a pretty wide separation between them
and us,” said Steerforth, with indifference. “They are not to be
expected to be as sensitive as we are. Their delicacy is not to be
shocked, or hurt very easily. They are wonderfully virtuous, I dare
say. Some people contend for that, at least, and I am sure I don’t
want to contradict them. But they have not very fine natures, and
they may be thankful that, like their coarse rough skins, they are
not easily wounded.”
“Really!” said Miss Dartle. “Well, I don’t know,
now, when I have been better pleased than to hear that. It’s so
consoling! It’s such a delight to know that, when they suffer, they
don’t feel! Sometimes I have been quite uneasy for that sort of
people, but now I shall just dismiss the idea of them altogether.
Live and learn. I had my doubts, I confess, but now they’re cleared
up. I didn’t know, and now I do know, and that shows the advantage
of asking—don’t it?”
I believed that Steerforth had said what he had, in
jest, or to draw Miss Dartle out, and I expected him to say as much
when she was gone, and we two were sitting before the fire. But he
merely asked me what I thought of her.
“She is very clever, is she not?” I asked.
“Cleverl She brings everything to a grindstone,”
said Steerforth, “and sharpens it, as she has sharpened her own
face and figure these years past. She has worn herself away by
constant sharpening. She is all edge.”
“What a remarkable scar that is upon her lip!” I
said.
Steerforth’s face fell, and he paused a
moment.
“Why, the fact is,” he returned, “I did
that.”
“By an unfortunate accident!”
“No. I was a young boy, and she exasperated me, and
I threw a hammer at her. A promising young angel I must have
been!”
I was deeply sorry to have touched on such a
painful theme, but that was useless now.
“She has borne the mark ever since, as you see,”
said Steerforth, “and she’ll bear it to her grave, if she ever
rests in one, though I can hardly believe she will ever rest
anywhere. She was the motherless child of a sort of a cousin of my
father’s. He died one day. My mother, who was then a widow, brought
her here to be company to her. She has a couple of thousand pounds
of her own, and saves the interest of it every year, to add to the
principal. There’s the history of Miss Rosa Dartle for you.”
“And I have no doubt she loves you like a brother?”
said I.
“Humph!” retorted Steerforth, looking at the fire.
“Some brothers are not loved overmuch, and some love—but help
yourself, Copperfield! Well drink the daisies of the field, in
compliment to you, and the lilies of the valley that toil not,
neither do they spin, in compliment to me—the more shame for me!” A
moody smile that had overspread his features cleared off as he said
this merrily, and he was his own frank, winning self again.
I could not help glancing at the scar with a
painful interest when we went in to tea. It, was not long before I
observed that it was the most susceptible part of her face, and
that, when she turned pale, that mark altered first, and became a
dull, lead-coloured streak, lengthening out to its full extent,
like a mark in invisible ink brought to the fire. There was a
little altercation between her and Steerforth about a cast of the
dice at backgammon, when I thought her, for one moment, in a storm
of rage, and then I saw it start forth like the old writing on the
wall.
It was no matter of wonder to me to find Mrs.
Steerforth devoted to her son. She seemed to be able to speak or
think about nothing else. She showed me his picture as an infant,
in a locket, with some of his baby-hair in it; she showed me his
picture as he had been when I first knew him, and she wore at her
breast his picture as he was now. All the letters he had ever
written to her, she kept in a cabinet near her own chair by the
fire, and she would have read me some of them, and I should have
been very glad to hear them too, if he had not interposed, and
coaxed her out of the design.
“It was at Mr. Creakle‘s, my son tells me, that you
first became acquainted,” said Mrs. Steerforth, as she and I were
talking at one table, while they played backgammon at another.
“Indeed, I recollect his speaking, at that time, of a pupil younger
than himself who had taken his fancy there, but your name, as you
may suppose, has not lived in my memory.”
“He was very generous and noble to me in those
days, I assure you, ma‘am,” said I, “and I stood in need of such a
friend. I should have been quite crushed without him.”
“He is always generous and noble,” said Mrs.
Steerforth, proudly.
I subscribed to this with all my heart, God knows.
She knew I did, for the stateliness of her manner already abated
towards me, except when she spoke in praise of him, and then her
air was always lofty.
“It was not a fit school generally for my son,”
said she, “far from it, but there were particular circumstances to
be considered at the time, of more importance even than that
selection. My son’s high spirit made it desirable that he should be
placed with some man who felt its superiority, and would be content
to bow himself before it, and we found such a man there.”
I knew that, knowing the fellow. And yet I did not
despise him the more for it, but thought it a redeeming quality in
him, if he could be allowed any grace for not resisting one so
irresistible as Steerforth.
“My son’s great capacity was tempted on, there, by
a feeling of voluntary emulation and conscious pride,” the fond
lady went on to say. “He would have risen against all constraint,
but he found himself the monarch of the place, and he haughtily
determined to be worthy of his station. It was like himself.”
I echoed, with all my heart and soul, that it was
like himself.
“So my son took, of his own will, and on no
compulsion, to the course in which he can always, when it is his
pleasure, outstrip every competitor,” she pursued. “My son informs
me, Mr. Copperfield, that you were quite devoted to him, and that
when you met yesterday you made yourself known to him with tears of
joy. I should be an affected woman if I made any pretence of being
surprised by my son’s inspiring such emotions, but I cannot be
indifferent to anyone who is so sensible of his merit, and I am
very glad to see you here, and can assure you that he feels an
unusual friendship for you, and that you may rely on his
protection.”
Miss Dartle played backgammon as eagerly as she did
everything else. If I had seen her, first, at the board, I should
have fancied that her figure had got thin, and her eyes had got
large, over that pursuit, and no other in the world. But I am very
much mistaken if she missed a word of this, or lost a look of mine
as I received it with the utmost pleasure, and, honoured by Mrs.
Steerforth’s confidence, felt older than I had done since I left
Canterbury.
When the evening was pretty far spent, and a tray
of glasses and decanters came in, Steerforth promised, over the
fire, that he would seriously think of going down into the country
with me. There was no hurry, he said, a week hence would do, and
his mother hospitably said the same. While we were talking, he more
than once called me Daisy, which brought Miss Dartle out
again.
“But really, Mr. Copperfield,” she asked, “is it a
nickname? And why does he give it to you? Is it—eh?—because he
thinks you young and innocent? I am so stupid in these
things.”
I coloured in replying that I believe it was.
“Oh!” said Miss Dartle. “Now I am glad to know
that! I ask for information, and I am glad to know it. He thinks
you young and innocent, and so you are his friend? Well, that’s
quite delightful!”
She went to bed soon after this, and Mrs.
Steerforth retired too. Steerforth and I, after lingering for
half-an-hour over the fire, talking about Traddles and all the rest
of them at old Salem House, went upstairs together. Steerforth’s
room was next to mine, and I went in to look at it. It was a
picture of comfort, full of easy-chairs, cushions and footstools,
worked by his mother’s hand, and with no sort of thing omitted that
could help to render it complete. Finally, her handsome features
looked down on her darling from a portrait on the wall, as if it
were even something to her that her likeness should watch him while
he slept.
I found the fire burning clear enough in my room by
this time, and the curtains drawn before the windows and round the
bed, giving it a very snug appearance. I sat down in a great chair
upon the hearth to meditate on my happiness, and had enjoyed the
contemplation of it for some time, when I found a likeness of Miss
Dartle looking eagerly at me from above the chimney-piece.
It was a startling likeness, and necessarily had a
startling look. The painter hadn’t made the scar, but I made
it, and there it was, coming and going, now confined to the upper
lip as I had seen it at dinner, and now showing the whole extent of
the wound inflicted by the hammer, as I had seen it when she was
passionate.
I wondered peevishly why they couldn’t put her
anywhere else instead of quartering her on me. To get rid of her, I
undressed quickly, extinguished my light, and went to bed. But, as
I fell asleep, I could not forget that she was still there looking,
“Is it really, though? I want to know,” and, when I awoke in the
night, I found that I was uneasily asking all sorts of people in my
dreams whether it really was or not—without knowing what I
meant.