CHAPTER XXV
good and Bad Angels
I WAS GOING OUT AT MY DOOR ON THE MORNING
AFTER THAT deplorable day of headache, sickness, and repentance,
with an odd confusion in my mind relative to the date of my
dinner-party, as if a body of Titans had taken an enormous lever
and pushed the day before yesterday some months back, when I saw a
ticket-porter coming upstairs, with a letter in his hand. He was
taking his time about his errand, then, but when he saw me on the
top of the staircase, looking at him over the banisters, he swung
into a trot, and came up panting, as if he had run himself into a
state of exhaustion.
“T. Copperfield, Esquire,” said the ticket-porter,
touching his hat with his little cane.
I could scarcely lay claim to the name: I was so
disturbed by the conviction that the letter came from Agnes.
However, I told him I was T. Copperfield, Esquire, and he believed
it, and gave me the letter, which he said required an answer. I
shut him out on the landing to wait for the answer, and went into
my chambers again, in such a nervous state that I was fain to lay
the letter down on my breakfast-table, and familiarize myself with
the outside of it a little, before I could resolve to break the
seal.
I found, when I did open it, that it was a very
kind note, containing no reference to my condition at the theatre.
All it said was, “My dear Trotwood. I am staying at the house of
Papa’s agent, Mr. Waterbrook, in Ely Place, Holborn. Will you come
and see me today, at any time you like to appoint? Ever yours
affectionately, AGNES.”
It took me such a long time to write an answer at
all to my satisfaction, that I don’t know what the ticket-porter
can have thought, unless he thought I was learning to write. I must
have written half-a-dozen answers at least. I began one, “How can I
ever hope, my dear Agnes, to efface from your remembrance the
disgusting impression”—there I didn’t like it, and then I tore it
up. I began another, “Shakspeare has observed, my dear Agnes, how
strange it is that a man should put an enemy into his mouth”—that
reminded me of Markham, and it got no farther. I even tried poetry.
I began one note, in a six-syllable line, “Oh, do not remember”—but
that associated itself with the fifth of November, and became an
absurdity. After many attempts, I wrote, “My dear Agnes. Your
letter is like you, and what could I say of it that would be higher
praise than that? I will come at four o‘clock. Affectionately and
sorrowfully, T. C.” With this missive (which I was in twenty minds
at once about recalling, as soon as it was out of my hands), the
ticket-porter at last departed.
If the day were half as tremendous to any other
professional gentleman in Doctors’ Commons as it was to me, I
sincerely believe he made some expiation for his share in that
rotten old ecclesiastical cheese. Although I left the office at
half-past three, and was prowling about the place of appointment
within a few minutes afterwards, the appointed time was exceeded by
a full quarter of an hour, according to the clock of St. Andrew‘s,
Holborn, before I could muster up sufficient desperation to pull
the private bell-handle let into the left-hand door-post of Mr.
Waterbrook’s house.
The professional business of Mr. Waterbrook’s
establishment was done on the ground floor and the genteel business
(of which there was a good deal) in the upper part of the building.
I was shown into a pretty but rather close drawing-room, and there
sat Agnes, netting a purse.
She looked so quiet and good, and reminded me so
strongly of my airy fresh school days at Canterbury, and the
sodden, smoky, stupid wretch I had been the other night, that,
nobody “being by, I yielded to my self-reproach and shame, and—in
short, made a fool of myself. I cannot deny that I shed tears. To
this hour I am undecided whether it was upon the whole the wisest
thing I could have done, or the most ridiculous.
“If it had been anyone but you, Agnes,” said I,
turning away my head, “I should not have minded it half so much.
But that it should have been you who saw me! I almost wish I had
been dead, first.”
She put her hand—its touch was like no other
hand—upon my arm for a moment, and I felt so befriended and
comforted that I could not help moving it to my lips, and
gratefully kissing it.
“Sit down,” said Agnes, cheerfully. “Don’t be
unhappy, Trotwood. If you cannot confidently trust me, whom will
you trust?”
“Ah, Agnes!” I returned. “You are my good
Angel!”
She smiled rather sadly, I thought, and shook her
head.
“Yes, Agnes, my good Angell Always my good
Angel!”
“If I were, indeed, Trotwood,” she returned, “there
is one thing that I should set my heart on very much.”
I looked at her inquiringly, but already with a
foreknowledge of her meaning.
“On warning you,” said Agnes, with a steady glance,
“against your bad Angel.”
[“What is my bad Angel?”
“Say who,” she mildly replied.
“Who, then?”
“You know my meaning,” answered Agnes, and I felt
the proof was in my flushed and heated face. “I need not say any
more.”]
“My dear Agnes,” I began, “if you mean
Steerforth——”
“I do, Trotwood,” she returned.
“Then, Agnes, you wrong him very much. He my bad
Angel, or anyone‘s! He, anything but a guide, a support, and a
friend to me! My dear Agnes! Now, is it not unjust, and unlike you,
to judge him from what you saw of me the other night?”
“I do not judge him from what I saw of you the
other night,” she quietly replied.
“From what, then?”
“From many things—trifles in themselves, but they
do not seem to me to be so, when they are put together. I judge
him, partly from your account of him, Trotwood, and your character,
and the influence he has over you.”
[“Did you know him the other night, Agnes?”
“Yes, I heard them call him by his name.”
“Does he not look intelligent, gallant,
high-spirited?”
“Yes.”
“A gentleman, and a manly handsome fellow?”
“Yes.”
“And do you think it natural, or not, that I should
trust in him, and be attached to him, and fond of him?”
“Natural, perhaps,” said Agnes, “but not wise. No,
Trotwood,” raising her eyes to mine, and looking full upon me while
she spoke, “not wise. It may be only too natural, but it is not
wise, and not hopeful.”]
There was always something in her modest voice that
seemed to touch a chord within me, answering to that sound alone.
It was always earnest, but when it was very earnest, as it was now,
there was a thrill in it that quite subdued me. I sat looking at
her as she cast her eyes down on her work; I sat seeming still to
listen to her, and Steerforth, in spite of all my attachment to
him, darkened in that tone.
“It is very bold in me,” said Agnes, looking up
again, “who have lived in such seclusion, and can know so little of
the world, to give you my advice so confidently, or even to have
this strong opinion. But I know in what it is engendered, Trotwood,
in how true a remembrance of our having grown up together, and in
how true an interest in all relating to you. It is that which makes
me bold. I am certain that what I say is right. I am quite sure it
is. I feel as if it were someone else speaking to you, and not I,
when I caution you that you have made a dangerous friend.”
Again I looked at her; again I listened to her
after she was silent, and again his image, though it was still
fixed in my heart, darkened.
“I am not so unreasonable as to expect,” said
Agnes, resuming her usual tone, after a little while, “that you
will, or that you can, at once, change any sentiment that has
become a conviction to you, least of all a sentiment that is rooted
in your trusting disposition. You ought not hastily to do that. I
only ask you, Trotwood, if you ever think of me—I mean,” with a
quiet smile, for I was going to interrupt her, and she knew why,
“as often as you think of me—to think of what I have said. Do you
forgive me for all this?”
“I will forgive you, Agnes,” I replied, “when you
come to do Steerforth justice, and to like him as well as I
do.”
“Not until then?” said Agnes.
I saw a passing shadow on her face when I made this
mention of him, but she returned my smile, and we were again as
unreserved in our mutual confidence as of old.
“And when, Agnes,” said I, “will you forgive me the
other night?”
“When I recall it,” said Agnes.
She would have dismissed the subject so, but I was
too full of it to allow that, and insisted on telling her how it
happened that I had disgraced myself, and what chain of accidental
circumstances had had the theatre for its final link. It was a
great relief to me to do this, and to enlarge on the obligation
that I owed to Steerforth for his care of me when I was unable to
take care of myself.
“You must not forget,” said Agnes, calmly changing
the conversation as soon as I had concluded, “that you are always
to tell me, not only when you fall into trouble, but when you fall
in love. Who has succeeded to Miss Larkins, Trotwood?”
“No one, Agnes.”
“Someone, Trotwood,” said Agnes, laughing, and
holding up her finger.
“No, Agnes, upon my word! There is a lady,
certainly, at Mrs. Steerforth’s house, who is very clever, and whom
I like to talk to—Miss Dartle—but I don’t adore her.”
Agnes laughed again at her own penetration, and
told me that if I were faithful to her in my confidence she thought
she should keep a little register of my violent attachments, with
the date, duration, and termination of each, like the table of the
reigns of the kings and queens, in the History of England. Then she
asked me if I had seen Uriah.
“Uriah Heep?” said I. “No. Is he in London?”
“He comes to the office downstairs, every day,”
returned Agnes. “He was in London a week before me. I am afraid on
disagreeable business, Trotwood.”
“On some business that makes you uneasy, Agnes, I
see,” said I. “What can that be?”
Agnes laid aside her work, and replied, folding her
hands upon one another, and looking pensively at me out of those
beautiful soft eyes of hers:
“I believe he is going to enter into partnership
with Papa.”
“What? Uriah? That mean, fawning fellow, worm
himself into such promotion!” I cried, indignantly. “Have you made
no remonstrance about it, Agnes? Consider what a connexion it is
likely to be. You must speak out. You must not allow your father to
take such a mad step. You must prevent it, Agnes, while there’s
time.”
Still looking at me, Agnes shook her head while I
was speaking, with a faint smile at my warmth, and then
replied:
“You remember our last conversation about Papa? It
was not long after that—not more than two or three days—when he
gave me the first intimation of what I tell you. It was sad to see
him struggling between his desire to represent it to me as a matter
of choice on his part, and his inability to conceal that it was
forced upon him. I felt very sony.”
“Forced upon him, Agnes! Who forces it upon
him?”
“Uriah,” she replied, after a moment’s hesitation,
“has made himself indispensable to Papa. He is subtle and watchful.
He has mastered Papa’s weaknesses, fostered them, and taken
advantage of them, until—to say all that I mean in a word,
Trotwood—until Papa is afraid of him.”
There was more that she might have said, more that
she knew, or that she suspected, I clearly saw. I could not give
her pain by asking what it was; for I knew that she withheld it
from me to spare her father. It had long been going on to this, I
was sensible—yes, I could not but feel, on the least reflection,
that it had been going on to this for a long time. I remained
silent.
“His ascendancy over Papa,” said Agnes, “is very
great. He professes humility and gratitude—with truth, perhaps; I
hope so—but his position is really one of power, and I fear he
makes a hard use of his power.”
I said he was a hound, which, at the moment, was a
great satisfaction to me.
“At the time I speak of, as the time when Papa
spoke to me,” pursued Agnes, “he had told Papa that he was going
away, that he was very sorry and unwilling to leave, but that he
had better prospects. Papa was very much depressed then, and more
bowed down by care than ever you or I have seen him, but he seemed
relieved by this expedient of the partnership, though at the same
time he seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it.”
“And how did you receive it, Agnes?”
“I did, Trotwood,” she replied, “what I hope was
right. Feeling sure that it was necessary for Papa’s peace that the
sacrifice should be made, I entreated him to make it. I said it
would lighten the load of his life—I hope it will!—and that it
would give me increased opportunities of being his companion. Oh,
Trotwoodl” cried Agnes, putting her hands before her face, as her
tears started on it, “I almost feel as if I had been Papa’s enemy,
instead of his loving child. For I know how he has altered, in his
devotion to me. I know how he has narrowed the circle of his
sympathies and duties, in the concentration of his whole mind upon
me. I know what a multitude of things he has shut out for my sake,
and how his anxious thoughts of me have shadowed his life, and
weakened his strength and energy, by turning them always upon one
idea. If I could ever set this right! If I could ever work out his
restoration, as I have so innocently been the cause of his
declinel”
I had never before seen Agnes cry. I had seen tears
in her eyes when I had brought new honours home from school, and I
had seen them there when we last spoke about her father, and I had
seen her turn her gentle head aside when we took leave of one
another, but I had never seen her grieve like this. It made me so
sorry that I could only say, in a foolish, helpless manner, “Pray,
Agnes, don‘t! Don’t, my dear sisterl”
But Agnes was too superior to me in character and
purpose, as I know well now, whatever I might know or not know
then, to be long in need of my entreaties. The beautiful, calm
manner, which makes her so different in my remembrance from
everybody else, came back again, as if a cloud had passed from a
serene sky,
“We are not likely to remain alone much longer,”
said Agnes, “and, while I have an opportunity, let me earnestly
entreat you, Trotwood, to be friendly to Uriah. Don’t repel him.
Don’t resent (as I think you have a general disposition to do) what
may be uncongenial to you in him. He may not deserve it, for we
know no certain ill of him. In any case, think first of Papa and
me!”
Agnes had no time to say more, for the room-door
opened, and Mrs. Waterbrook, who was a large lady—or who wore a
large dress; I don’t exactly know which, for I don’t know which was
dress and which was lady—came sailing in. I had a dim recollection
of having seen her at the theatre, as if I had seen her in a pale
magic lantern, but she appeared to remember me perfectly, and still
to suspect me of being in a state of intoxication.
Finding by degrees, however, that I was sober, and
(I hope) that I was a modest young gentleman, Mrs. Waterbrook
softened towards me considerably, and inquired, firstly, if I went
much into the parks, and secondly, if I went much into society. On
my replying to both these questions in the negative, it occurred to
me that I fell again in her good opinion, but she concealed the
fact gracefully, and invited me to dinner next day. I accepted the
invitation, and took my leave, making a call on Uriah in the office
as I went out, and leaving a card for him in his absence.
When I went to dinner next day, and, on the
street-door being opened, plunged into a vapour-bath of haunch of
mutton, I divined that I was not the only guest, for I immediately
identified the ticket-porter in disguise, assisting the family
servant, and waiting at the foot of the stairs to carry up my name.
He looked, to the best of his ability, when he asked me for it
confidentially, as if he had never seen me before, but well did I
know him, and well did he know me. Conscience made cowards of us
both.
I found Mr. Waterbrook to be a middle-aged
gentleman, with a short throat, and a good deal of shirt-collar,
who only wanted a black nose to be the portait of a pug-dog. He
told me he was happy to have the honour of making my acquaintance,
and, when I had paid my homage to Mrs. Waterbrook, presented me,
with much ceremony, to a very awful lady in a black velvet dress,
and a great black velvet hat, whom I remember as looking like a
near relation of Hamlet‘s—say his aunt.
Mrs. Henry Spiker was this lady’s name, and her
husband was there too, so cold a man that his head, instead of
being grey, seemed to be sprinkled with hoar-frost. Immense
deference was shown to the Henry Spikers, male and female, which
Agnes told me was on account of Mr. Henry Spiker being solicitor to
something or to somebody, I forget what or which, remotely
connected with the Treasury.
I found Uriah Heep among the company, in a suit of
black, and in deep humility. He told me, when I shook hands with
him, that he was proud to be noticed by me, and that he really felt
obliged to me for my condescension. I could have wished he had been
less obliged to me, for he hovered about me in his gratitude all
the rest of the evening, and, whenever I said a word to Agnes, was
sure, with his shadowless eyes and cadaverous face, to be looking
gauntly down upon us from behind.
There were other guests—all iced for the occasion,
as it struck me, like the wine. But, there was one who attracted my
attention before he came in, on account of my hearing him announced
as Mr. Traddles! My mind flew back to Salem House, and could it be
Tommy, I thought, who used to draw the skeletons!
I looked for Mr. Traddles with unusual interest. He
was a sober, steady-looking young man of retiring manners, with a
comic head of hair, and eyes that were rather wide open, and he got
into an obscure comer so soon that I had some difficulty in making
him out. At length I had a good view of him, and either my vision
deceived me, or it was the old unfortunate Tommy.
I made my way to Mr. Waterbrook, and said that I
believed I had the pleasure of seeing an old school-fellow
there.
“Indeed!” said Mr. Waterbrook, surprised. “You are
too young to have been at school with Mr. Henry Spiker?”
“Oh, I don’t mean him!” I returned. “I mean the
gentleman named Traddles.”
“Oh! Aye, aye! Indeed!” said my host, with much
diminished interest. “Possibly.”
“If it’s really the same person,” said I, glancing
towards him, “it was at a place called Salem House where we were
together, and he was an excellent fellow.”
“Oh yes. Traddles is a good fellow,” returned my
host, nodding his head with an air of toleration. “Traddles is
quite a good fellow.”
“It’s a curious coincidence,” said I.
“It is really,” returned my host, “quite a
coincidence, that Traddles should be here at all, as Traddles was
only invited this morning, when the place at table, intended to be
occupied by Mrs. Henry Spiker’s brother, became vacant, in
consequence of his indisposition. A very gentlemanly man, Mrs.
Henry Spiker’s brother, Mr. Copperfield.”
I murmured an assent, which was full of feeling,
considering that I knew nothing at all about him, and I inquired
what Mr. Traddles was by profession.
“Traddles,” returned Mr. Waterbrook, “is a young
man reading for the bar. Yes. He is quite a good fellow—nobody’s
enemy but his own.”
“Is he his own enemy?” said I, sorry to hear
this.
“Well,” returned Mr. Waterbrook, pursing up his
mouth, and playing with his watch-chain, in a comfortable,
prosperous sort of way, “I should say he was one of those men who
stand in their own light. Yes, I should say he would never, for
example, be worth five hundred pound. Traddles was recommended to
me by a professional friend. Oh yes. Yes. He has a kind of talent
for drawing briefs, and stating a case in writing, plainly. I am
able to throw something in Traddles’s way, in the course of the
year, something—for him—considerable. Oh yes. Yes.”
I was much impressed by the extremely comfortable
and satisfied manner in which Mr. Waterbrook delivered himself of
this little word “Yes,” every now and then. There was wonderful
expression in it. It completely conveyed the idea of a man who had
been born, not to say with a silver spoon, but with a
scaling-ladder, and had gone on mounting all the heights of life
one after another, until now he looked, from the top of the
fortifications, with the eye of a philosopher and a patron, on the
people down in the trenches.
My reflections on this theme were still in progress
when dinner was announced. Mr. Waterbrook went down with Hamlet’s
aunt. Mr. Henry Spiker took Mrs. Waterbrook. Agnes, whom I should
have liked to take myself, was given to a simpering fellow with
weak legs. Uriah, Traddles, and I, as the junior part of the
company, went down last, how we could. I was not so vexed at losing
Agnes as I might have been, since it gave me an opportunity of
making myself known to Traddles on the stairs, who greeted me with
great fervour, while Uriah writhed with such obtrusive satisfaction
and self-abasement, that I could gladly have pitched him over the
banisters.
Traddles and I were separated at table, being
billeted in two remote corners, he in the glare of a red velvet
lady, I, in the gloom of Hamlet’s aunt. The dinner was very long,
and the conversation was about the Aristocracy—and Blood. Mrs.
Waterbrook repeatedly told us that if she had a weakness, it was
Blood.
It occurred to me several times that we should have
got on better if we had not been quite so genteel. We were so
exceedingly genteel, that our scope was very limited. A Mr. and
Mrs. Gulpidge were of the party, who had something to do at
second-hand (at least, Mr. Gulpidge had), with the law business of
the Bank, and what with the Bank, and what with the Treasury, we
were as exclusive as the Court Circular. To mend the matter,
Hamlet’s aunt had the family failing of indulging in soliloquy, and
held forth in a desultory manner, by herself, on every topic that
was introduced; These were few enough, to be sure, but as we always
fell back upon Blood, she had as wide a field for abstract
speculation as her nephew himself.
We might have been a party of Ogres, the
conversation assumed such a sanguine complexion.
“I confess I am of Mrs. Waterbrook’s opinion,” said
Mr. Waterbrook, with his wine-glass at his eye. “Other things are
all very well in their way, but give me Blood!”
“Oh! There is nothing,” observed Hamlet’s aunt, “so
satisfactory to one! There is nothing that is so much one’s
beau-ideal of—of all that sort of thing, speaking generally.
There are some low minds (not many, I am happy to believe, but
there are some) that would prefer to do what I should
call bow down before idols. Positively Idols! Before services,
intellect, and so on. But these are intangible points. Blood is not
so. We see Blood in a nose, and we know it. We meet with it in a
chin, and we say, ”There it is! That’s Blood!‘ It is an actual
matter of fact. We point it out. It admits of no doubt.“
The simpering fellow with .the weak legs, who had
taken Agnes down, stated the question more decisively yet, I
thought.
“Oh, you know, deuce take it,” said this gentleman,
looking round the board with an imbecile smile, “we can’t forego
Blood, you know. We must have Blood, you know. Some young fellows,
you know, may be a little behind their station, perhaps, in point
of education and behaviour, and may go a little wrong, you know,
and get themselves and other people into a variety of fixes—and all
that—but deuce take it, it’s delightful to reflect that they’ve got
Blood in ‘em! Myself, I’d rather at any time be knocked down by a
man who had got Blood in him, than I’d be picked up by a man who
hadn’t!”
This sentiment, as compressing the general question
into a nutshell, gave the utmost satisfaction, and brought the
gentleman into great notice until the ladies retired. After that, I
observed that Mr. Gulpidge and Mr. Henry Spiker, who had hitherto
been very distant, entered into a defensive alliance against us,
the common enemy, and exchanged a mysterious dialogue across the
table for our defeat and overthrow.
“That affair of the first bond for four thousand
five hundred pounds has not taken the course that was expected,
Spiker,” said Mr. Gulpidge.
“Do you mean the D. of A.’s?” said Mr.
Spiker.
“The C. of B.‘s,” said Mr. Gulpidge.
Mr. Spiker raised his eyebrows, and looked much
concerned.
“When the question was referred to Lord—I needn’t
name him,” said Mr. Gulpidge, checking himself—
“I understand,” said Mr. Spiker, “N.”
Mr. Gulpidge darkly nodded—“was referred to him,
his answer was, ‘Money, or no release.’ ”
“Lord bless my soul!” cried Mr. Spiker.
“‘Money, or no release,”’ repeated Mr. Gulpidge,
firmly. “The next in reversion—you understand me?”
“K.,” said Mr. Spiker, with an ominous look.
“—K. then positively refused to sign. He was
attended at Newmarket for that purpose, and he point-blank refused
to do it.”
Mr. Spiker was so interested, that he became quite
stony.
“So the matter rests at this hour,” said Mr.
Gulpidge, throwing himself back in his chair. “Our friend
Waterbrook will excuse me if I forbear to explain myself generally,
on account of the magnitude of the interests involved.”
Mr. Waterbrook was only too happy, as it appeared
to me, to have such interests, and such names, even hinted at,
across his table. He assumed an expression of gloomy intelligence
(though I am persuaded he knew no more about the discussion than I
did), and highly approved of the discretion that had been observed.
Mr. Spiker, after the receipt of such a confidence, naturally
desired to favour his friend with a confidence of his own;
therefore, the foregoing dialogue was succeeded by another, in
which it was Mr. Gulpidge’s turn to be surprised, and that by
another in which the surprise came round to Mr. Spiker’s turn
again, and so on, turn and turn about. All this time we, the
outsiders, remained oppressed by the tremendous interests involved
in the conversation, and our host regarded us with pride, as the
victims of a salutary awe and astonishment.
I was very glad indeed to get upstairs to Agnes,
and to talk with her in a corner, and to introduce. Traddles to
her, who was shy, but agreeable, and the same good-natured creature
still. As he was obliged to leave early, on account of going away
next morning for a month, I had not nearly so much conversation
with him as I could have wished, but we exchanged addresses, and
promised ourselves the pleasure of another meeting when he should
come back to town. He was. greatly interested to hear that I knew
Steerforth, and spoke of him with such warmth that I made him tell
Agnes what he thought of him. But Agnes only looked at me the
while, and very slightly shook her head when only I observed
her.
As she was not among people with whom I believed
she could be very much at home, I was almost glad to hear that she
was going away within a few days, though I was sorry at the
prospect of parting from her again so soon. This caused me to
remain until all the company were gone. Conversing with her, and
hearing her sing, was such a delightful reminder to me of my happy
life in the grave old house she had made so beautiful, that I could
have remained there half the night, but, having no excuse for
staying any longer, when the lights of Mr. Waterbrook’s society
were all snuffed out, I took my leave very much against my
inclination. I felt then, more than ever, that she was my better
Angel, and if I thought of her sweet face and placid smile, as
though they had shone on me from some removed being, like an Angel,
I hope I thought no harm.
I have said that the company were all gone, but I
ought to have excepted Uriah, whom I don’t include in that
denomination, and who had never ceased to hover near us. He was
close behind me when I went downstairs. He was close beside me when
I walked away from the house, slowly fitting his long skeleton
fingers into the still longer fingers of a great Guy Fawkes pair of
gloves.
It was in no disposition for Uriah’s company, but
in remembrance of the entreaty Agnes had made to me, that I asked
him if he would come home to my rooms, and have some coffee.
“Oh, really, Master Copperfield,” he rejoined,—“I
beg your pardon, Mister Copperfield, but the other comes so
natural—I don’t like that you should put a constraint upon yourself
to ask a numble person like me to your ouse.”
“There is no constraint in the case,” said I. “Will
you come?”
“I should like to, very much,” replied Uriah, with
a writhe.
“Well, then, come along!” said I.
I could not help being rather short with him, but
he appeared not to mind it. We went the nearest way, without
conversing much upon the road, and he was so humble in respect of
those scarecrow gloves that he was still putting them on, and
seemed to have made no advance in that labour, when we got to my
place.
I led him up the dark stairs to prevent his
knocking his head against anything, and, really, his damp cold hand
felt so like a frog in mine that I was tempted to drop it and run
away. Agnes and hospitality prevailed, however, and I conducted him
to my fireside. When I lighted my candles, he fell into meek
transports with the room that was revealed to him, and when I
heated the coffee in an unassuming block-tin vessel in which Mrs.
Crupp delighted to prepare (chiefly, I believed, because it was not
intended for the purpose, being a shaving-pot, and because there
was a patent invention of great price mouldering away in the
pantry), he professed so much emotion that I could joyfully have
scalded him.
“Oh, really, Master Copperfield—I mean Mister
Copperfield,” said Uriah, “to see you waiting upon me is what I
never could have expected! But, one way and another, so many things
happen to me which I never could have expected, I am sure, in my
umble station, that it seems to rain blessings on my ed. You have
heard something, I des-say, of a change in my expectations, Master
Coppefield—I should say, Mister Copperfield?”
As he sat on my sofa, with his long knees drawn up
under his coffee-cup, his hat and gloves upon the ground close to
him, his spoon going softly round and round, his shadowless red
eyes, which looked as if they had scorched their lashes off, turned
towards me without looking at me, the disagreeable dints I have
formerly described in his nostrils coming and going with his
breath, and a snaky undulation pervading his frame from his chin to
his boots, I decided in my own mind that I disliked him intensely.
It made me very uncomfortable to have him for a guest, for I was
young then, and unused to disguise what I so strongly felt.
“You have heard something, I des-say, of a change
in my expectations, Master Copperfield—I should say, Mister
Copperfield?” observed Uriah.
“Yes,” said I, “something.”
“Ah! I thought Miss Agnes would know of it!” he
quietly returned. “I’m glad to find Miss Agnes knows of it. Oh,
thank you, Master—Mister Copperfield!”
I could have thrown my bootjack at him (it lay
ready on the rug) for having entrapped me into the disclosure of
anything concerning Agnes, however immaterial. But I only drank my
coffee.
“What a prophet you have shown yourself, Mister
Copperfield!” pursued Uriah. “Dear me, what a prophet you have
proved yourself to be! Don’t you remember saying to me once that
perhaps I should be a partner in Mr. Wickfield’s business, and
perhaps it might be Wickfield and Heep? You may not recollect it,
but when a person is umble, Master Copperfield, a person treasures
such things up!”
“I recollect talking about it,” said I, “though I
certainly did not think it very likely then.”
“Oh! who would have thought it likely,
Mister Copperfield!” returned Uriah, enthusiastically. “I am sure I
didn’t myself. I recollect saying with my own lips that I was much
too umble. So I considered myself really and truly.”
He sat, with that carved grin on his face, looking
at the fire, as I looked at him.
“But the umblest persons, Master Copperfield,” he
presently resumed, “may be the instruments of good. I am glad to
think I have been the instrument of good to Mr. Wickfield, and that
I may be more so. Oh what a worthy man he is, Mister Copperfield,
but how imprudent he has been!”
“I am sorry to hear it,” said I. I could not help
adding, rather pointedly, “on all accounts.”
“Decidedly so, Mister Copperfield,” replied Uriah.
“On all accounts. Miss Agnes’s above all! You don’t remember your
own eloquent expressions, Master Copperfield, but 1 remember
how you said one day that everybody must admire her, and how I
thank you for it! You have forgot that, I have no doubt, Master
Copperfield?”
“No,” said I, drily.
“Oh how glad I am you have not!” exclaimed Uriah.
“To think that you should be the first to kindle the sparks of
ambition in my umble breast, and that you’ve not forgot it!
Oh!—would you excuse me asking for a cup more coffee?”
Something in the emphasis he laid upon the kindling
of those sparks, and something in the glance he directed at me as
he said it, had made me start as if I had seen him illuminated-by a
blaze of light. Recalled by his request, preferred in quite another
tone of voice, I did the honours of the shaving pot, but I did them
with an unsteadiness of hand, a sudden sense of being no match for
him, and a perplexed suspicious anxiety as to what he might be
going to say next, which I felt could not escape his
observation.
He said nothing at all. He stirred his coffee round
and round; he sipped it; he felt his chin softly with his grisly
hand; he looked at the fire; he looked about the room; he gasped
rather than smiled at me; he writhed and undulated about, in his
deferential servility; he stirred and sipped again, but he left the
renewal of the conversation to me.
“So, Mr. Wickfield,” said I, at last, “who is worth
five hundred of you—or me,” for my life, I think, I could not have
helped dividing that part of the sentence with an awkward jerk,
“has been imprudent, has he, Mr. Heep?”
“Oh, very imprudent indeed, Master Copperfield,”
returned Uriah, sighing modestly. “Oh, very much so! But I wish
you’d call me Uriah, if you please. It’s like old times.”
[“Didn’t I call you Uriah?” said I, for want of
anything better to say.
“N-n-no!” he replied, with a fawning air, that made
me almost afraid to be in the room with him, he became so
ugly.]
“Well! Uriah,” said I, bolting it out with some
difficulty.
“Thank youl” he returned, with fervour. “Thank you,
Master Copperfield! It’s like the blowing of old breezes or the
ringing of old bellses to hear you say Uriah. I beg your
pardon. Was I making any observation?”
“About Mr. Wickfield,” I suggested.
“Oh! Yes, truly,” said Uriah. “Ah! Great
imprudence, Master Copperfield. It’s a topic that I wouldn’t touch
upon to any soul but you. Even to you I can only touch upon it, and
no more. If anyone else had been in my place during the last few
years, by this time he would have had Mr. Wickfield (oh, what a
worthy man he is, Master Copperfield, too!) under his thumb.
Un—der—his thumb,” said Uriah, very slowly, as he stretched out his
cruel-looking hand above my table, and pressed his own thumb down
upon it, until it shook, and shook the room.
If I had been obliged to look at him with his splay
foot on Mr. Wickfield’s head, I think I could scarcely have hated
him more.
“Oh dear, yes, Master Copperfield,” he proceeded,
in a soft voice, most remarkably contrasting with the action of his
thumb, which did not diminish its hard pressure in the least
degree, “there’s no doubt of it. There would have been loss,
disgrace, I don’t know what all. Mr. Wickfield knows it. I am the
umble instrument of umbly serving him, and he puts me on an
eminence I hardly could have hoped to reach. How thankful should I
be!” With his face turned towards me as he finished, but without
looking at me, he took his crooked thumb off the spot where he had
planted it, and slowly and thoughtfully scraped his lank jaw with
it, as if he were shaving himself.
I recollect well how indignantly my heart beat, as
I saw his crafty face, with the appropriately red light of the fire
upon it, preparing for something else.
“Master Copperfield,” he began—“but am I keeping
you up?”
“You are not keeping me up, [Mr. Heep.] I generally
go to bed late.”
[“Won’t you call me Uriah?” he said,
sweetly.
I thought of Agnes, and I did, but, in spite of
myself, with such a bad grace, and in such an abrupt manner, as he
could not but observe. He appeared, nevertheless, to be quite
placid.]
“Thank you, Master Copperfield! I have risen from
my umble station since first you used to address me, it is true,
but I am umble still. I hope I never shall be otherwise than umble.
You will not think the worse of my umbleness, if I make a little
confidence to you, Master Copperfield? Will you?”
“Oh no,” said I, with an effort.
“Thank you!” He took out his pocket-handkerchief,
and began wiping the palms of his hands. “Miss Agnes, Master
Copperfield—”
“Well, Uriah?”
“Oh, how pleasant to be called Uriah,
spontaneously!” he cried, and gave himself a jerk, like a
convulsive fish. “You thought her looking very beautiful tonight,
Master Copperfield?“
“I thought her looking as she always does,
superior, in all respects, to everyone around her,” I
returned.
“Oh, thank you! It’s so truel” he cried. “Oh, thank
you very much for that!”
“Not at all,” I said, loftily. “There is no reason
why you should thank me.”
“Why that, Master Copperfield,” said Uriah, “is, in
fact, the confidence that I am going to take the liberty of
reposing. Umble as I am,” he wiped his hands harder, and looked at
them and at the fire by turns, “umble as my mother is, and lowly as
our poor but honest roof has ever been, the image of Miss Agnes (I
don’t mind trusting you with my secret, Master Copperfield, for I
have always overflowed towards you since the first moment I had the
pleasure of beholding you in a pony-shay) has been in my breast for
years. Oh, Master Copperfield, with what a pure affection do I love
the ground my Agnes walks on!”
I believe I had a delirious idea of seizing the
red-hot poker out of the fire, and running him through with it. It
went from me with a shock, like a ball fired from a rifle, but the
image of Agnes, outraged by so much as a thought of this red-headed
animal‘s, remained in my mind (when I looked at him, sitting all
awry as if his mean soul griped his body), and made me giddy. He
seemed to swell and grow before my eyes; the room seemed full of
the echoes of his voice, and the strange feeling (to which,
perhaps, no one is quite a stranger) that all this had occurred
before, at some indefinite time, and that I knew what he was going
to say next, took possession of me.
[“If no one so umble might aspire to be her
husband, Master Copperfield,” exclaimed Uriah, with a general twist
of himself, arms, legs, chin, and all.
May I die, but I felt, in my keen desire to lay
hold of him by the windpipe, and give him a shake, as if he had got
hold of mine, and were shaking me!
“And I hope you’ll not think it inconsistent my
saying that though I’m very umble indeed, I do aspire to
that!” he added, with a sidelong look.]
A timely observation of the sense of power that
there was in his face did more to bring back to my remembrance the
entreaty of Agnes, in its full force, than any effort I could have
made. I asked him, with a better appearance of composure than I
could have thought possible a minute before, whether he had made
his feelings known to Agnes.
“Oh no, Master Copperfield!” he returned, “oh dear,
no! Not to anyone but you. You see I am only just emerging from my
lowly station. I rest a good deal of hope on her observing how
useful I am to her father (for I trust to be very useful to him
indeed, Master Copperfield), and how I smooth the way for him, and
keep him straight. She’s so much attached to her father, Master
Copperfield (oh, what a lovely thing it is in a daughter!) that I
think she may come, on his account, to be kind to me.”
I fathomed the depth of the rascal’s whole scheme,
and understood why he laid it bare.
“If you’ll have the goodness to keep my secret,
Master Copperfield,” he pursued, “and not, in general, to go
against me, I shall take it as a particular favour. You wouldn’t
wish to make unpleasantness. I know what a friendly heart you’ve
got, but, having only known me on my umble footing (on my umblest,
I should say, for I am very umble still), you might, unbeknown, go
against me rather, with my Agnes. I call her mine, you see, Master
Copperfield. There’s a song that says, ‘I’d crowns resign, to call
her mine!’ I hope to do it, one of these days.”
Dear Agnes! So much too loving and too good for
anyone that I could think of—was it possible that she was reserved
to be the wife of such a wretch as this?
“There’s no hurry at present, you know, Master
Copperfield,” Uriah proceeded, in his slimy way, as I sat gazing at
him, with this thought in my mind. “My Agnes is very young still,
and mother and me will have to work our way upwards, and make a
good many new arrangements, before it would be quite convenient. So
I shall have time gradually to make her familiar with my hopes, as
opportunities offer. Oh, I’m so much obliged to you for this
confidence! Oh, it’s such a relief, you can’t think, to know that
you understand our situation, and are certain (as you wouldn’t wish
to make unpleasantness in the family) not to go against me!”
He took the hand which I dared not withhold, and,
having given it a damp squeeze, referred to his pale-faced
watch.
“Dear mel” he said, “it’s past one. The moments
slip away so, in the confidence of old times, Master Copperfield,
that it’s almost half-past onel”
I answered that I had thought it was later. Not
that I had really thought so, but because my conversational powers
were effectually scattered.
“Dear me!” he said, considering. “The ouse that I
am stopping at—a sort of a private hotel and boarding ouse, Master
Copperfield, near the New River ed—will have gone to bed these two
hours.”
“I am sorry,” I returned, “that there is only one
bed here, and that I—”
“Oh, don’t think of mentioning beds, Master
Copperfield!” he rejoined ecstatically, drawing up one leg. “But
would you have any objections to my laying down before the
fire?”
“If it comes to that,” I said, “pray take my bed,
and I‘II lie down before the fire.”
His repudiation of this offer was almost shrill
enough, in the excess of its surprise and humility, to have
penetrated to the ears of Mrs. Crupp, then sleeping, I suppose, in
a distant chamber, situated at about the level of low water-mark,
soothed in her slumbers by the ticking of an incorrigible clock, to
which she always referred me when we had any little difference on
the score of punctuality, and which was never less than
three-quarters of an hour too slow, and had always been put right
in the morning by the best authorities. As no arguments I could
urge, in my bewildered condition, had the least effect upon his
modesty in inducing him to accept my bedroom, I was obliged to make
the best arrangements I could, for his repose before the fire. The
mattress of the sofa (which was a great deal too short for his lank
figure), the sofa pillows, a blanket, the table-cover, a clean
breakfast-cloth, and a greatcoat, made him a bed and covering, for
which he was more than thankful. Having lent him a nightcap, which
he put on at once, and in which he made such an awful figure that I
have never worn one since, I left him to his rest.
I never shall forget that night. I never shall
forget how I turned and tumbled, how I wearied myself with thinking
about Agnes and this creature, how I considered what could I do,
and what ought I to do, how I could come to no other conclusion
than that the best course for her peace was to do nothing, and to
keep to myself what I had heard. If I went to sleep for a few
moments, the image of Agnes with her tender eyes, and of her father
looking fondly on her, as I had so often seen him look, arose
before me with appealing faces, and filled me with vague terrors.
When I awoke, the recollection that Uriah was lying in the next
room sat heavy on me like a waking nightmare, and oppressed me with
a leaden dread, as if I had had some meaner quality of devil for a
lodger.
The poker got into my dozing thoughts besides, and
wouldn’t come out. I thought, between sleeping and waking, that it
was still red hot, and I had snatched it out of the fire, and run
him through the body. I was so haunted at last by the idea, though
I knew there were nothing in it, that I stole into the next room to
look at him. There I saw him, lying on his back, with his legs
extending to I don’t know where, gur glings taking place in his
throat, stoppages in his nose, and his mouth open like a
post-office. He was so much worse in reality than in my distempered
fancy that afterwards I was attracted to him in very repulsion, and
could not help wandering in and out every half hour or so, and
taking another look at him. Still, the long, long night seemed
heavy and hopeless as ever, and no promise of day was in the murky
sky.
When I saw him going downstairs early in the
morning (for, thank Heaven! he would not stay to breakfast), it
appeared to me as if the night was going away in this person. When
I went out to the Commons, I charged Mrs. Crupp with particular
directions to leave the windows open, that my sitting-room might be
aired, and purged of his presence.