CHAPTER V
I Am Sent Away from Home
WEMIGHT HAVE GONE ABOUT HALF A MILE, AND MY
pocket-handkerchief was quite wet through, when the carrier stopped
short.
Looking out to ascertain for what, I saw, to my
amazement, Peggotty burst from a hedge and climb into the cart. She
took me in both her arms, and squeezed me to her stays until the
pressure on my nose was extremely painful, though I never thought
of that till afterwards when I found it very tender. Not a single
word did Peggotty speak. Releasing one of her arms, she put it down
in her pocket to the elbow, and brought out some paper bags of
cakes which she crammed into my pockets, and a purse which she put
into my hand, but not one word did she say. After another and a
final squeeze with both arms, she got down from the cart and ran
away, and my belief is, and has always been, without a solitary
button on her gown. I picked up one of several that were rolling
about, and treasured it as a keepsake for a long time.
The carrier looked at me, as if to inquire if she
were coming back. I shook my head, and said I thought not. “Then,
come up,” said the carrier to the lazy horse, who came up
accordingly.
Having by this time cried as much as I possibly
could, I began to think it was of no use crying any more,
especially as neither Roderick Random, nor that Captain in the
Royal British Navy, had ever cried, that I could remember, in
trying situations. The carrier, seeing me in this resolution,
proposed that my pocket-handkerchief should be spread upon the
horse’s back to dry. I thanked him, and assented, and particularly
small it looked, under those circumstances.
I had now leisure to examine the purse. It was a
stiff leather purse, with a snap, and had three bright shillings in
it, which Peggotty had evidently polished up with whitening, for my
greater delight. But its most precious contents were two
half-crowns folded together in a bit of paper, on which was
written, in my mother’s hand, “For Davy. With my love.” I was so
overcome by this that I asked the carrier to be so good as to reach
me my pocket-handkerchief again, but he said he thought I had
better do without it, and I thought I really had, so I wiped my
eyes on my sleeve and stopped myself.
For good, too, though, in consequence of my
previous emotions, I was still occasionally seized with a stormy
sob. After we had jogged on for some little time, I asked the
carrier if he was going all the way.
“All the way where?” inquired the carrier.
“There,” I said.
“Where’s there?” inquired the carrier.
“Near London,” I said
“Why, that horse,” said the carrier, jerking the
rein to point him out, “would be deader than pork afore he got over
half the ground.”
“Are you only going to Yarmouth, then?” I
asked.
“That’s about it,” said the carrier. “And there I
shall take you to the stage-cutch, and the stage-cutch that’ll take
you to —wherever it is.”
As this was a great deal for the carrier (whose
name was Mr. Barkis) to say—he being, as I observed in a former
chapter, of a phlegmatic temperament, and not at all
conversational—I offered him a cake as a mark of attention; which
he ate at one gulp, exactly like an elephant, and which made no
more impression on his big face than it would have done on an
elephant’s.
“Did she make ‘em, now?” said Mr. Barkis,
always leaning forward, in his slouching way, on the footboard of
the cart with an arm on each knee.
“Peggotty, do you mean, sir?”
“Ah!” said Mr. Barkis. “Her.”
“Yes. She makes all our pastry and does all our
cooking.”
“Do she though?” said Mr. Barkis.
He made up his mouth as if to whistle, but he
didn’t whistle. He sat looking at the horse’s ears, as if he saw
something new there, and sat so for a considerable time. By-and-by,
he said:
“No sweethearts, I b‘lieve?”
“Sweetmeats did you say, Mr. Barkis?” For I thought
he wanted something else to eat, and had pointedly alluded to that
description of refreshment.
“Hearts,” said Mr. Barkis. “Sweethearts; no person
walks with her?”
“With Peggotty?”
“Ah!” he said. “Her.”
“Oh, no. She never had a sweetheart.”
“Didn’t she, though?” said Mr. Barkis.
Again he made up his mouth to whistle, and again he
didn’t whistle, but sat looking at the horse’s ears.
“So she makes,” said Mr. Barkis, after a long
interval of reflection, “all the apple parsties, and doos all the
cooking, do she?”
I replied that such was the fact.
“Well. I’ll tell you what,” said Mr. Barkis.
“P‘raps you might be writin’ to her?”
“I shall certainly write to her,” I rejoined.
“Ah!” he said, slowly turning his eyes towards me.
“Well! If you was writin’ to her, p‘raps you’d recollect to say
that Barkis was willin’, would you?”
“That Barkis was willing,” I repeated, innocently.
“Is that all the message?”
“Ye—es,” he said, considering. “Ye—es. Barkis is
willin‘.”
“But you will be at Blunderstone again tomorrow,
Mr. Barkis,” I said, faltering a little at the idea of my being far
away from it then, “and could give your own message so much
better.”
As he repudiated this suggestion, however, with a
jerk of his head, and once more confirmed his previous request by
saying, with profound gravity, “Barkis is willin‘. That’s the
message,” I readily undertook its transmission. While I was waiting
for the coach in the hotel at Yarmouth that very afternoon, I
procured a sheet of paper and an inkstand and wrote a note to
Peggotty, which ran thus: “My dear Peggotty. I have come here safe.
Barkis is willing. My love to Mama. Yours affectionately. P.S. He
says he particularly wants you to know—Barkis is
willing.”
When I had taken this commission on myself
prospectively, Mr. Barkis relapsed into perfect silence, and I,
feeling quite worn out by all that had happened lately, lay down on
a sack in the cart and fell asleep. I slept soundly until we got to
Yarmouth, which was so entirely new and strange to me in the
inn-yard to which we drove, that I at once abandoned a latent hope
I had had of meeting with some of Mr. Peggotty’s family there,
perhaps even with little Em‘ly herself.
The coach was in the yard, shining very much all
over, but without any horses to it as yet, and it looked in that
state as if nothing was more unlikely than its ever going to
London. I was thinking this, and wondering what would ultimately
become of my box, which Mr. Barkis had put down on the
yard-pavement by the pole (he having driven up the yard to turn his
cart), and also what would ultimately become of me, when a lady
looked out of a bow-window where some fowls and joints of meat were
hanging up, and said:
“Is that the little gentleman from
Blunderstone?”
“Yes, ma‘am,” I said.
“What name?” inquired the lady.
“Copperfield, ma‘am,” I said.
“That won’t do,” returned the lady. “Nobody’s
dinner is paid for here, in that name.”
“Is it Murdstone, ma‘am?” I said.
“If you’re Master Murdstone,” said the lady, “why
do you go and give another name first?”
I explained to the lady how it was, who then rang a
bell, and called out, “William! Show the coffee-room!” upon which a
waiter came running out of a kitchen on the opposite side of the
yard to show it, and seemed a good deal surprised when he was only
to show it to me.
It was a large long room with some large maps in
it. I doubt if I could have felt much stranger if the maps had been
real foreign countries, and I cast away in the middle of them. I
felt it was taking a liberty to sit down, with my cap in my hand,
on the comer of the chair nearest the door, and when the waiter
laid a cloth on purpose for me, and put a set of casters on it, I
think I must have turned red all over with modesty.
He brought me some chops and vegetables, and took
the covers off in such a bouncing manner that I was afraid I must
have given him some offence. But he greatly relieved my mind by
putting a chair for me at the table, and saying very affably, “Now,
six-foot! come on!”
I thanked him, and took my seat at the board, but
found it extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with
anything like dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the
gravy, while he was standing opposite, staring so hard, and making
me blush in the most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye.
After watching me into the second chop, he said:
“There’s half-a-pint of ale for you. Will you have
it now?”
I thanked him and said, “Yes.” Upon which he poured
it out of a jug into a large tumbler, and held it up against the
light, and made it look beautiful.
“My eye!” he said. “It seems a good deal, don’t
it?”
“It does seem a good deal,” I answered with a
smile. For it was quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant.
He was a twinkling-eyed, pimple-faced man, with his hair standing
upright all over his head, and as he stood with one arm a-kimbo,
holding up the glass to the light with the other hand, he looked
quite friendly.
“There was a gentleman here yesterday,” he said—“a
stout gentleman, by the name of Topsawyer—perhaps you know
him?”
“No,” I said, “I don’t think—”
“In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey
coat, speckled choker,” said the waiter.
“No,” I said bashfully, “I haven’t the
pleasure—”
“He came in here,” said the waiter, looking at the
light through the tumbler, “ordered a glass of this ale—would order
it—I I told him not—drank it, and fell dead. It was too old for
him. It oughtn’t to be drawn; that’s the fact.”
I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy
accident, and said I thought I had better have some water.
“Why, you see,” said the waiter, still looking at
the light through the tumbler, with one of his eyes shut up, “our
people don’t like things being ordered and left. It offends ‘em.
But I’ll drink it, if you like. I’m used to it, and use is
everything. I don’t think it’ll hurt me, if I throw my head back,
and take it off quick. Shall I?”
I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking
it, if he thought he could do it safely, but by no means otherwise.
When he did throw his head back, and take it off quick, I had a
horrible fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the
lamented Mr. Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it
didn’t hurt him. On the contrary, I thought he seemed the fresher
for it.
“What have we got here?” he said, putting a fork
into my dish. “Not chops?”
“Chops,” I said.
“Lord bless my soul!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t know
they were chops. Why a chop’s the very thing to take off the bad
effects of that beer! Ain’t it lucky?”
So he took a chop by the bone in one hand, and a
potato in the other, and ate away with a very good appetite, to my
extreme satisfaction. He afterwards took another chop, and another
potato, and after that another chop and another potato. When he had
done, he brought me a pudding, and having set it before me, seemed
to ruminate, and to become absent in his mind for some
moments.
“How’s the pie?” he said, rousing himself.
“It’s a pudding,” I made answer.
“Pudding!” he exclaimed. “Why, bless me, so it is!
What!” looking at it nearer. “You don’t mean to say it’s a
batter-pudding?”
“Yes, it is indeed.”
“Why, a batter-pudding,” he said, taking up a
table-spoon, “is my favourite pudding! Ain’t that lucky? Come on,
little ‘un, and let’s see who’ll get most.”
The waiter certainly got most. He entreated me more
than once to come in and win, but what with his table-spoon to my
tea-spoon, his dispatch to my dispatch, and his appetite to my
appetite, I was left far behind at the first mouthful, and had no
chance with him. I never saw anyone enjoy a pudding so much, I
think, and he laughed, when it was all gone, as if his enjoyment of
it lasted still.
Finding him so very friendly and companionable, it
was then that I asked for the pen and ink and paper, to write to
Peggotty. He not only brought it immediately, but was good enough
to look over me while I wrote the letter. When I had finished it,
he asked me where I was going to school
I said, “Near London,” which was all I knew.
“Ohl my eyel” he said, looking very low-spirited,
“I am sorry for that.”
“Why?” I asked him,
“Oh, Lord!” he said, shaking his head, “that’s the
school where they broke the boy’s ribs—two ribs—a little boy he
was. I should say he was—let me see—how old are you, about?”
I told him between eight and nine.
“That’s just his age,” he said. “He was eight years
and six months old when they broke his first rib, eight years and
eight months old when they broke his second, and did for
him.”
I could not disguise from myself, or from the
waiter, that this was an uncomfortable coincidence, and inquired
how it was done. His answer was not cheering to my spirits, for it
consisted of two dismal words, “With whopping.”
The blowing of the coach-horn in the yard was a
seasonable diversion, which made me get up and hesitatingly
inquire, in the mingled pride and diffidence of having a purse
(which I took out of my pocket), if there were anything to
pay.
“There’s a sheet of letter-paper,” he returned.
“Did you ever buy a sheet of letter-paper?”
I could not remember that I ever had.
“It’s dear,” he said, “on account of the duty.
Threepence. That’s the way we’re taxed in this country. There’s
nothing else, except the waiter. Never mind the ink. I lose
by that.”
“What should you—what should I—how much ought I to
—what would it be right to pay the waiter, if you please?” I
stammered, blushing.
“If I hadn’t a family, and that family hadn’t the
cowpock,” said the waiter, “I wouldn’t take a sixpence. If I didn’t
support a aged pairint, and a lovely sister,”—here the waiter was
greatly agitated—“I wouldn’t take a farthing. If I had a good
place, and was treated well here, I should beg acceptance of a
trifle, instead of taking of it. But I live on broken wittles—and I
sleep on the coals”—here the waiter burst into tears.
I was very much concerned for his misfortunes, and
felt that any recognition short of ninepence would be mere
brutality and hardness of heart. Therefore I gave him one of my
three bright shillings, which he received with much humility and
veneration, and spun up with his thumb, directly afterwards, to try
the goodness of.
It was a little disconcerting to me to find, when I
was being helped up behind the coach, that I was supposed to have
eaten all the dinner without any assistance. I discovered this from
overhearing the lady in the bow-window say to the guard, “Take care
of that child, George, or he’ll burst!” and from observing that the
women-servants who were about the place came out to look and giggle
at me as a young phenomenon. My unfortunate friend the waiter, who
had quite recovered his spirits, did not appear to be disturbed by
this, but joined in the general admiration without being at all
confused. If I had any doubt of him, I suppose this half-awakened
it, but I am inclined to believe that with the simple confidence of
a child, and the natural reliance of a child upon superior years
(qualities I am very sorry any children should prematurely change
for worldly wisdom), I had no serious mistrust of him on the whole,
even then.
I felt it rather hard, I must own, to be made,
without deserving it, the subject of jokes between the coachman and
guard as to the coach drawing heavy behind, on account of my
sitting there, and as to the greater expediency of my travelling by
waggon. The story of my supposed appetite getting wind among the
outside passengers, they were merry upon it likewise, and asked me
whether I was going to be paid for, at school, as two brothers or
three, and whether I was contracted for, or went upon the regular
terms, with other pleasant questions. But the worst of it was that
I knew I should be ashamed to eat anything, when an opportunity
offered, and that, after a rather light dinner, I should remain
hungry all night—for I had left my cakes behind, at the hotel, in
my hurry. My apprehensions were realized. When we stopped for
supper I couldn’t muster courage to take any, though I should have
liked it very much, but sat by the fire and said I didn’t want
anything. This did not save me from more jokes either, for a
husky-voiced gentleman with a rough face, who had been eating out
of a sandwich-box nearly all the way, except when he had been
drinking out of a bottle, said I was like a boa con strictor, who
took enough at one meal to last him a long time, after which he
actually brought a rash out upon himself with boiled beef.
We had started from Yarmouth at three o‘clock in
the afternoon, and we were due in London about eight next morning.
It was Midsummer weather, and the evening was very pleasant. When
we passed through a village, I pictured to myself what the insides
of the houses were like, and what the inhabitants were about, and
when boys came running after us, and got up behind and swung there
for a little way, I wondered whether their fathers were alive, and
whether they were happy at home. I had plenty to think of,
therefore, besides my mind running continually on the kind of
place. I was going to—which was an awful speculation. Sometime
resigned myself to thoughts of home and endeavouring, in a confused
blind way, to recall how I had felt, and what sort of boy I used to
be, before I bit Mr. Murdstone, which I couldn’t satisfy myself
about by any means, I seemed to have bitten him in such a remote
antiquity.
The night was not so pleasant as the evening, for
it got chilly, and being put between two gentlemen (the rough-faced
one and another) to prevent my tumbling off the coach, I was nearly
smothered by their falling asleep, and completely blocking me up.
They squeezed me so hard sometimes that I could not help crying
out, “Oh, if you please!”—which they didn’t like at all, because it
woke them. Opposite me was an elderly lady in a great fur cloak,
who looked in the dark more like a haystack than a lady, she was
wrapped up to such a degree. This lady had a basket with her, and
she hadn’t known what to do with it, for a long time, until she
found that, on account of my legs being short, it could go
underneath me. It cramped and hurt me so, that it made me perfectly
miserable, but if I moved in the least, and made a glass that was
in the basket rattle against something else (as it was sure to do),
she gave me the cruellest poke with her foot, and said, “Come,
don’t you fidget. Your bones are young enough
I’m sure!”
At last the sun rose, and then my companions seemed
to sleep easier. The difficulties under which they had laboured all
night, and which had found utterance in the most terrific gasps and
snorts, are not to be conceived. As the sun got higher, their sleep
became lighter, and so they gradually one by one awoke. I recollect
being very much surprised by the feint everybody made, then, of not
having been to sleep at all, and by the uncommon indignation with
which everyone repelled the charge. I labour under the same kind of
astonishment to to this day, having invariably observed that of all
human weaknesses, the one to which our common nature is the least
disposed to confess (I cannot imagine why) is the weakness of
having gone to sleep in a coach.
What an amazing place London was to me when I saw
it in the distance, and how I believed all the adventures of all my
favourite heroes to be constantly enacting and re-enacting there,
and how I vaguely made it out in my own mind to be fuller of
wonders and wickedness than all the cities of the earth, I need not
stop here to relate. We approached it by degrees, and got, in due
time, to the inn in the Whitechapel district, for which we were
bound. I forget whether it was the Blue Bull, or the Blue Boar, but
I know it was the Blue Something, and that its likeness was painted
up on the back of the coach.
The guard’s eye lighted on me as he was getting
down, and he said at the booking-office door:
“Is there anybody here for a yoongster booked in
the name of Murdstone, from Bloonderstone, Sooffolk, to be left
till called for?”
Nobody answered.
“Try Copperfield, if you please, sir,” said I,
looking helplessly down.
“Is there anybody here for a yoongster, booked in
the name of Murdstone, from Bloonderstone, Sooffolk, but owning to
the name of Copperfield, to be left till called for?” said the
guard. “Come! Is there anybody?”
No. There was nobody. I looked anxiously around,
but the inquiry made no impression on any of the bystanders, if I
except a man in gaiters, with one eye, who suggested that they had
better put a brass collar round my neck, and tie me up in the
stable.
A ladder was brought, and I got down after the lady
who was like a haystack, not daring to stir until her basket was
removed. The coach was clear of passengers by that time, the
luggage was very soon cleared out, the horses had been taken out
before the luggage, and now the coach itself was wheeled and backed
off by some hostlers, out of the way. Still, nobody appeared, to
claim the dusty youngster from Blunderstone, Suffolk.
More solitary than Robinson Crusoe, who had nobody
to look at him and see that he was solitary, I went into the
booking-office, and, by invitation of the clerk on duty, passed
behind the counter, and sat down on the scale at which they weighed
the luggage. Here, as I sat looking at the parcels, packages, and
books, and inhaling the smell of stables (ever since associated
with that morning), a procession of most tremendous considerations
began to march through my mind. Supposing nobody should ever fetch
me, how long would they consent to keep me there? Would they keep
me long enough to spend seven shillings? Should I sleep at night in
one of those wooden bins, with the other luggage, and wash myself
at the pump in the yard in the morning, or should I be turned out
every night, and expected to come again to be left till called for,
when the office opened next day? Supposing there was no mistake in
the case, and Mr. Murdstone had devised this plan to get rid of me,
what should I do? If they allowed me to remain there until my seven
shillings were spent, I couldn’t hope to remain there when I began
to starve. That would obviously be inconvenient and unpleasant to
the customers, beside entailing on the Blue Whatever-it-was, the
risk of funeral expenses. If I started off at once, and tried to
walk back home, how could I ever find my way, how could I ever hope
to walk so far, how could I make sure of anyone but Peggotty, even
if I got back? If I found out the nearest proper authorities, and
offered myself to go for a soldier, or a sailor, I was such a
little fellow that it was most likely they wouldn’t take me in.
These thoughts, and a hundred other such thoughts, turned me
burning hot, and made me giddy with apprehension and dismay. I was
in the height of my fever when a man entered and whispered to the
clerk, who presently slanted me off the scale, and pushed me over
to him, as if I were weighed, bought, delivered, and paid
for.
As I went out of the office, hand-in-hand with this
new acquaintance, I stole a look at him. He was a gaunt, sallow
young man, with hollow cheeks, and a chin almost as black as Mr.
Murdstone‘s, but there the likeness ended, for his whiskers were
shaved off, and his hair, instead of being glossy, was rusty and
dry. He was dressed in a suit of black clothes which were rather
rusty and dry too, and rather short in the sleeves and legs, and he
had a white neckerchief on, that was not over clean. I did not, and
do not, suppose that this neckerchief was all the linen he wore,
but it was all he showed or gave any hint of.
“You’re the new boy?” he said.
“Yes, sir,” I said.
I supposed I was. I didn’t know.
“I’m one of the masters at Salem House,” he
said.
I made him a bow and felt very much overawed. I was
so ashamed to allude to a commonplace thing like my box, to a
scholar and a master at Salem House, that we had gone some little
distance from the yard before I had the hardihood to mention it. We
turned back, on my humbly insinuating that it might be useful to me
hereafter, and he told the clerk that the carrier had instructions
to call for it at noon.
“If you please, sir,” I said, when we had
accomplished about the same distance as before, “is it far?”
“It’s down by Blackheath,” he said.
“Is that far, sir?” I diffidently
asked.
“It’s a good step,” he said. “We shall go by the
stage-coach. It’s about six miles.”
I was so faint and tired that the idea of holding
out for six miles more was too much for me. I took heart to tell
him that I had had nothing all night, and that if he would allow me
to buy something to eat, I should be very much obliged to him. He
appeared surprised at this—I see him stop and look at me now—and
after considering for a few moments, said he wanted to call on an
old person who lived not far off, and that the best way would be
for me to buy some bread, or whatever I liked best that was
wholesome, and make my breakfast at her house, where we could get
some milk.
Accordingly, we looked in at a baker’s window, and
after I had made a series of proposals to buy everything that was
bilious in the shop, and he had rejected them one by one, we
decided in favour of a nice little loaf of brown bread, which cost
me threepence. Then, at a grocer’s shop, we bought an egg and a
slice of streaky bacon, which still left what I thought a good deal
of change out of the second of the bright shillings, and made me
consider London a very cheap place. These provisions laid in, we
went on through a great noise and uproar that confused my weary
head beyond description, and over a bridge which, no doubt, was
London Bridge (indeed I think he told me so, but I was half
asleep), until we came to the poor person’s house, which was a part
of some alms-houses, as I knew by their look, and by an inscription
on a stone over the gate, which said they were established for
twenty-five poor women.
The Master at Salem House lifted the latch of one
of a number of little black doors that were all alike, and had each
a little diamond-paned window on one side, and another little
diamond-paned window above, and we went into the little house of
one of these poor old women, who was blowing a fire to make a
little saucepan boil. On seeing the master enter, the old woman
stopped with the bellows on her knee, and said something that I
thought sounded like “My Charley!” but, on seeing me come in too,
she got up, and rubbing her hands, made a confused sort of half
curtsey.
“Can you cook this young gentleman’s breakfast for
him, if you please?” said the Master at Salem House.
“Can I?” said the old woman. “Yes can I,
sure!”
“How’s Mrs. Fibbitson today?” said the Master,
looking at another old woman in a large chair by the fire, who was
such a bundle of clothes that I feel grateful to this hour for not
having sat upon her by mistake.
“Ah, she’s poorly,” said the first old woman. “It’s
one of her bad days. If the fire was to go out, through any
accident, I verily believe she’d go out too, and never come to life
again.”
As they looked at her, I looked at her also.
Although it was a warm day, she seemed to think of nothing but the
fire. I fancied she was jealous even of the saucepan on it, and I
have reason to know that she took its impressment into the service
of boiling my egg and broiling my bacon, in dudgeon, for I saw her,
with my own discomfited eyes, shake her fist at me once, when those
culinary operations were going on, and no-one else was looking. The
sun streamed in at the little window, but she sat with her own back
and the back of the large chair .towards it, screening the fire as
if she were sedulously keeping it warm, instead of it keeping her
warm, and watching it in a most distrustful manner. The completion
of the preparations for my breakfast, by relieving the fire, gave
her such extreme joy that she laughed aloud—and a very unmelodious
laugh she had, I must say.
I sat down to my brown loaf, my egg, and my rasher
of bacon, with a basin of milk besides, and made a most delicious
meal. While I was yet in the full enjoyment of it, the old woman of
the house said to the Master:
“Have you got your flute with you?”
“Yes,” he returned.
“Have a blow at it,” said the old woman, coaxingly.
“Do!”
The Master, upon this, put his hand underneath the
skirts of his coat, and brought out his flute in three pieces,
which he screwed together, and began immediately to play. My
impression is, after many years of consideration, that there never
can have been anybody in the world who played worse. He made the
most dismal sounds I have ever heard produced by any means, natural
or artificial. I don’t know what the tunes were—if there were such
things in the performance at all, which I doubt—but the influence
of the strain upon me was, first, to make me think of all my
sorrows until I could hardly keep my tears back, then, to take away
my appetite, and lastly, to make me so sleepy that I couldn’t keep
my eyes open. They begin to close again, and I begin to nod, as the
recollection rises fresh upon me. Once more the little room, with
its open comer cupboard, and its square-backed chairs, and its
angular little staircase leading to the room above, and its three
peacock’s feathers displayed over the mantelpiece—I remember
wondering, when I first went in, what that peacock would have
thought if he had known what his finery was doomed to come to—fades
from before me, and I nod, and sleep. The flute becomes inaudible,
the wheels of the coach are heard instead, and I am on my journey.
The coach jolts, I wake with,a a start, and the flute has come back
again, and the Master at Salem House is sitting with his legs
crossed, playing it dolefully, while the old woman of the house
looks on delighted. She fades in her turn, and he fades, and all
fades, and there is no flute, no Master, no Salem House, no David
Copperfield, no anything but heavy sleep.
I dreamed, I thought, that once while he was
blowing into this dismal flute, the old woman of the house, who had
gone nearer and nearer to him in her ecstatic admiration, leaned
over the back of his chair and gave him an affectionate squeeze
round the neck, which stopped his playing for a moment. I was in
the middle state between sleeping and waking, either then or
immediately afterwards, for, as he resumed—it was a real fact that
he had stopped playing—I saw and heard the same old woman ask Mrs.
Fibbitson if it wasn’t delicious (meaning the flute), to which Mrs.
Fibbitson replied, “Ay, ay! yesl” and nodded at the fire, to which,
I am persuaded, she gave the credit of the whole performance.
When I seemed to have been dozing a long while, the
Master at Salem House unscrewed his flute into the three pieces,
put them up as before, and took me away. We found the coach very
near at hand, and got upon the roof, but I was so dead sleepy that,
when we stopped on the road to take up somebody else, they put me
inside where there were no passengers, and where I slept
profoundly, until I found the coach going at a footpace up a steep
hill among green leaves. Presently, it stopped, and had come to its
destination.
A short walk brought us—I mean the Master and me—to
Salem House, which was enclosed with a high brick wall, and looked
very dull. Over a door in this wall was a board with SALEM HOUSE
upon it, and through a grating in this door we were surveyed, when
we rang the bell, by a surly face, which I found, on the door being
opened, belonged to a stout man with a bull-neck, a wooden leg,
overhanging temples, and his hair cut close all round his
head.
“The new boy,” said the Master.
The man with the wooden leg eyed me all over—it
didn’t take long, for there was not much of me—and locked the gate
behind us, and took out the key. We were going up to the house,
among some dark heavy trees, when he called after my
conductor.
“Hallo!”
We looked back, and he was standing at the door of
a little lodge, where he lived, with a pair of boots in his
hand.
“Here! The cobbler’s been,” he said, “since you’ve
been out, Mr. Mell, and says he can’t mend ‘em any more. He says
there ain’t a bit of the original boot left, and he wonders you
expect it.”
With these words he threw the boots towards Mr.
Mell, who went back a few paces to pick them up, and looked at them
(very disconsolately, I was afraid) as we went on together. I
observed then, for the first time, that the boots he had on were a
good deal the worse for wear, and that his stocking was just
breaking out in one place, like a bud.
Salem House was a square brick building with wings,
of a bare and unfurnished appearance. All about, it was so very
quiet that I said to Mr. Mell I supposed the boys were out, but he
seemed surprised at my not knowing that it was holiday-time. That
all the boys were at their several homes. That Mr. Creakle, the
proprietor, was down by the sea-side with Mrs. and Miss Creakle.
And that I was sent in holiday-time as a punishment for my
misdoing. All of which he explained to me as we went along.
I gazed upon the schoolroom into which he took me,
as the most forlorn and desolate place I had ever seen. I see it
now. A long room, with three long rows of desks, and six of forms,
and bristling all round with pegs for hats and slates. Scraps of
old copy-books and exercises litter the dirty floor. Some
silkworms’ houses, made of the same materials, are scattered over
the desks. Two miserable little white mice, left behind by their
owner, are running up and down in a fusty castle made of pasteboard
and wire, looking in all the comers with their red eyes for
anything to eat. A bird, in a cage very little bigger than himself,
makes a mournful rattle now and then in hopping on his perch, two
inches high, or dropping from it, but neither sings nor chirps.
There is a strange unwholesome smell upon the room, like mildewed
corduroys, sweet apples wanting air, and rotten books. There could
not well be more ink splashed about it, if it had been roofless
from its first construction, and the skies had rained, snowed,
hailed, and blown ink through the varying seasons of the
year.
Mr. Mell having left me while he took his
irreparable boots upstairs, I went softly to the upper end of the
room, observing all this as I crept along. Suddenly I came upon a
pasteboard placard, beautifully written, which was lying on the
desk, and bore these words: “Take care of him. He
bites.”
I got upon the desk immediately, apprehensive of at
least a great dog underneath. But, though I looked all round with
anxious eyes, I could see nothing of him. I was still engaged in
peering about, when Mr. Mell came back, and asked me what I did up
there?
“I beg your pardon, sir,” says I, “if you please,
I’m looking for the dog.”
“Dog?” says he. “What dog?”
“Isn’t it a dog, sir?”
“Isn’t what a dog?”
“That’s to be taken care of, sir, that
bites?”
“No, Copperfield,” say he, gravely, “that’s not a
dog. That’s a boy. My instructions are, Copperfield, to put this
placard on your back. I am sorry to make such a beginning with you,
but I must do it.”
With that he took me down, and tied the placard,
which was neatly constructed for the purpose, on my shoulders like
a knapsack, and wherever I went, afterwards, I had the consolation
of carrying it.
What I suffered from that placard nobody can
imagine. Whether it was possible for people to see me or not, I
always fancied that somebody was reading it. It was no relief to
turn round and find nobody, for wherever my back was, there I
imagined somebody always to be. That cruel man with the wooden leg
aggravated my sufferings. He was in authority, and if he ever saw
me leaning against a tree, or a wall, or the house, he roared out
from his lodge-door in a stupendous voice, “Hallo, you sir! You
Copperfield! Show that badge conspicuous, or I’ll report you!” The
playground was a bare gravelled yard, open to all the back of the
house and the offices, and I knew that the servants read it, and
the butcher read it, and the baker read it, that everybody, in a
word, who came backwards and forwards to the house, of a morning
when I was ordered to walk there, read that I was to be taken care
of, for I bit. I recollect that I positively began to have a dread
of myself, as a kind of wild boy who did bite.
There was an old door in this playground, on which
the boys had a custom of carving their names. It was completely
covered with such inscriptions. In my dread of the end of the
vacation and their coming back, I could not read a boy’s name,
without inquiring in what tone and with what emphasis he
would read, “Take care of him. He bites.” There was one boy—a
certain J. Steerforth—who cut his name very deep and very often,
who, I conceived, would read it in a rather strong voice, and
afterwards pull my hair. There was another boy, one Tommy Traddles,
who, I dreaded, would make game of it, and pretend to be dreadfully
frightened of me. There was a third, George Demple, who, I fancied,
would sing it. I have looked, a little shrinking creature, at that
door, until the owners of all the names—there were five-and-forty
of them in the school then, Mr. Mell said—seemed to send me to
Coventry by general acclamation, and to cry out, each in his own
way, “Take care of him. He bites!”
It was the same with the places at the desks and
forms. It was the same with the groves of deserted bedsteads I
peeped at, on my way to, and when I was in, my own bed. I remember
dreaming, night after night, of being with my mother as she used to
be, or of going to a party at Mr. Peggotty‘s, or of travelling
outside the stage-coach, or of dining again with my unfortunate
friend the waiter, and in all these circumstances making people
scream and stare, by the unhappy disclosure that I had nothing on
but my little night-shirt, and that placard.
In the monotony of my life, and in my constant
apprehension of the reopening of the school, it was such an
insupportable afffiction! I had long tasks every day to do with Mr.
Mell, but I did them, there being no Mr. and Miss Murdstone here,
and got through them without disgrace. Before and after them, I
walked about, supervised, as I have mentioned, by the man with the
wooden leg. How vividly I call to mind the damp about the house,
the green cracked flagstones in the court, an old leaky water-butt,
and the discoloured trunks of some of the grim trees, which seemed
to have dripped more in the rain than other trees, and to have
blown less in the sun! At one we dined, Mr. Mell and I, at the
upper end of a long bare dining-room, full of deal tables, and
smelling of fat. Then, we had more tasks until tea, which Mr. Mell
drank out of a blue tea-cup, and I out of a tin pot. All day long,
and until seven or eight in the evening, Mr. Mell, at his own
detached desk in the schoolroom, worked hard with pen, ink, ruler,
books, and writing-paper, making out the bills (as I found) for
last half-year. When he had put up his things for the night, he
took out his flute, and blew at it, until I almost thought he would
gradually blow his whole being into the large hole at the top, and
ooze away at the keys.
I picture my small self in the dimly-lighted rooms,
sitting with my head upon my hand, listening to the doleful
performance of Mr. Mell, and conning tomorrow’s lessons. I picture
myself with my books shut up, still listening to the doleful
performance of Mr. Mell, and listening through it to what used to
be at home, and to the blowing of the wind on Yarmouth flats, and
feeling very sad and solitary. I picture myself going up to bed,
among the unused rooms, and sitting on my bedside crying for a
comfortable word from Peggotty. I picture myself coming downstairs
in the morning, and looking through a long ghastly gash of a
staircase window at the school-bell hanging on the top of an
outhouse with a weather-cock above it, and dreading the time when
it shall ring J. Steerforth and the rest to work. Such time is only
second, in my foreboding apprehensions, to the time when the man
with the wooden leg shall unlock the rusty gate to give admission
to the awful Mr. Creakle. I cannot think I was a very dangerous
character in any of these aspects, but in all of them I carried the
same warning on my back.
Mr. Mell never said much to me, but he was never
harsh to me. I suppose we were company to each other, without
talking. I forgot to mention that he would talk to himself
sometimes, and grin, and clench his fist, and grind his teeth, and
pull his hair in an unaccountable manner. But he had these
peculiarities. At first they frightened me, though I soon got used
to them.