Chapter 60
Elizabeth's spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted
Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her.
"How could you begin?" said she. "I can comprehend your going on
charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set
you off in the first place?" "I cannot fix on the hour, or the
spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is
too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
"My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners —my
behaviour to you was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and
I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than
not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?" "For
the liveliness of your mind, I did." "You may as well call it
impertinence at once. It was very little less. The fact is, that
you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention.
You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and
looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and
interested you, because I was so unlike them. Had you not been
really amiable, you would have hated me for it; but in spite of the
pains you took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always
noble and just; and in your heart, you thoroughly despised the
persons who so assiduously courted you. There — I have saved you
the trouble of accounting for it; and really, all things
considered, I begin to think it perfectly reasonable. To be sure,
you knew no actual good of me — but nobody thinks of that when they
fall in love." "Was there no good in your affectionate behaviour to
Jane while she was ill at Netherfield?" "Dearest Jane! who could
have done less for her? But make a virtue of it by all means. My
good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate
them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find
occasions for teazing and quarrelling with you as often as may be;
and I shall begin directly by asking you what made you so unwilling
to come to the point at last. What made you so shy of me, when you
first called, and afterwards dined here? Why, especially, when you
called, did you look as if you did not care about me?" "Because you
were grave and silent, and gave me no encouragement." "But I was
embarrassed." "And so was I." "You might have talked to me more
when you came to dinner." "A man who had felt less, might." "How
unlucky that you should have a reasonable answer to give, and that
I should be so reasonable as to admit it! But I wonder how long you
would have gone on, if you had been left to yourself. I wonder when
you would have spoken, if I had not asked you! My resolution of
thanking you for your kindness to Lydia had certainly great effect.
Too much, I am afraid; for what becomes of the moral, if our
comfort springs from a breach of promise? for I ought not to have
mentioned the subject. This will never do." "You need not distress
yourself. The moral will be perfectly fair. Lady Catherine's
unjustifiable endeavours to separate us were the means of removing
all my doubts. I am not indebted for my present happiness to your
eager desire of expressing your gratitude. I was not in a humour to
wait for any opening of your's. My aunt's intelligence had given me
hope, and I was determined at once to know every thing." "Lady
Catherine has been of infinite use, which ought to make her happy,
for she loves to be of use. But tell me, what did you come down to
Netherfield for? Was it merely to ride to Longbourn and be
embarrassed? or had you intended any more serious consequence?" "My
real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I
might ever hope to make you love me. My avowed one, or what I
avowed to myself, was to see whether your sister were still partial
to Bingley, and if she were, to make the confession to him which I
have since made." "Shall you ever have courage to announce to Lady
Catherine what is to befall her?" "I am more likely to want more
time than courage, Elizabeth. But it ought to done, and if you will
give me a sheet of paper, it shall be done directly." "And if I had
not a letter to write myself, I might sit by you and admire the
evenness of your writing, as another young lady once did. But I
have an aunt, too, who must not be longer neglected." From an
unwillingness to confess how much her intimacy with Mr. Darcy had
been over-rated, Elizabeth had never yet answered Mrs. Gardiner's
long letter; but now, having that to communicate which she knew
would be most welcome, she was almost ashamed to find that her
uncle and aunt had already lost three days of happiness, and
immediately wrote as follows: "I would have thanked you before, my
dear aunt, as I ought to have done, for your long, kind,
satisfactory, detail of particulars; but to say the truth, I was
too cross to write. You supposed more than really existed. But now
suppose as much as you choose; give a loose to your fancy, indulge
your imagination in every possible flight which the subject will
afford, and unless you believe me actually married, you cannot
greatly err. You must write again very soon, and praise him a great
deal more than you did in your last. I thank you, again and again,
for not going to the Lakes. How could I be so silly as to wish it!
Your idea of the ponies is delightful. We will go round the Park
every day. I am the happiest creature in the world. Perhaps other
people have said so before, but not one with such justice. I am
happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh. Mr. Darcy sends
you all the love in the world that he can spare from me. You are
all to come to Pemberley at Christmas. Your's, c." Mr. Darcy's
letter to Lady Catherine was in a different style; and still
different from either was what Mr. Bennet sent to Mr. Collins, in
reply to his last.
"Dear
Sir,
I must trouble you once more for congratulations. Elizabeth will
soon be the wife of Mr. Darcy. Console Lady Catherine as well as
you can. But, if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has
more to give. Your's sincerely, c." Miss Bingley's congratulations
to her brother, on his approaching marriage, were all that was
affectionate and insincere. She wrote even to Jane on the occasion,
to express her delight, and repeat all her former professions of
regard. Jane was not deceived, but she was affected; and though
feeling no reliance on her, could not help writing her a much
kinder answer than she knew was deserved. The joy which Miss Darcy
expressed on receiving similar information, was as sincere as her
brother's in sending it. Four sides of paper were insufficient to
contain all her delight, and all her earnest desire of being loved
by her sister. Before any answer could arrive from Mr. Collins, or
any congratulations to Elizabeth from his wife, the Longbourn
family heard that the Collinses were come themselves to Lucas
lodge. The reason of this sudden removal was soon evident. Lady
Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry by the contents of
her nephew's letter, that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match,
was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. At such a
moment, the arrival of her friend was a sincere pleasure to
Elizabeth, though in the course of their meetings she must
sometimes think the pleasure dearly bought, when she saw Mr. Darcy
exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her husband.
He bore it, however, with admirable calmness. He could even listen
to Sir William Lucas, when he complimented him on carrying away the
brightest jewel of the country, and expressed his hopes of their
all meeting frequently at St. James's, with very decent composure.
If he did shrug his shoulders, it was not till Sir William was out
of sight. Mrs. Phillips's vulgarity was another, and perhaps a
greater, tax on his forbearance; and though Mrs. Phillips, as well
as her sister, stood in too much awe of him to speak with the
familiarity which Bingley's good humour encouraged, yet, whenever
she did speak, she must be vulgar. Nor was her respect for him,
though it made her more quiet, at all likely to make her more
elegant. Elizabeth did all she could to shield him from the
frequent notice of either, and was ever anxious to keep him to
herself, and to those of her family with whom he might converse
without mortification; and though the uncomfortable feelings
arising from all this took from the season of courtship much of its
pleasure, it added to the hope of the future; and she looked
forward with delight to the time when they should be removed from
society so little pleasing to either, to all the comfort and
elegance of their family party at Pemberley.