Holden bear hug

Slowly, I became aware of where I was. It was the most exhausted I had ever felt, even on the day of the funeral. I could feel my breathing come back to normal. It was only then I felt Chris’s presence on my right. I didn’t remember him walking over or sitting on the case next to me. My eyes felt like sandpaper and I could tell my face needed a wash.

I looked over at Chris and made a halfhearted attempt to appear normal.

Looks like I’m cracking up, huh?

His eyes were far more serious than his voice.

Yeah, pretty freaky.

We didn’t say anything else again for a while.

So do you reckon everyone knows I’m a basket case?

Yeah, pretty much, but they thought that before your dad died.

The word died hung in the air.

Will, I can’t believe I just said that….

My gut shrank like a chip packet in front of a heater, but I actually managed a little bit of a laugh, mainly at how tragic Chris looked.

It’s all right, Chris. Really. Dad would want to see the Holden versus Armstrong piss-taking tradition continued. He always gave you heaps.

I looked over at him. He was smiling and nodding and wiping his face.

You know what, Will … I miss him too.

That blew me away! And I didn’t think that there was any part of me that had been left intact.

He was always so ready to be up for something. He’d always have time and I didn’t have to line up behind four others. He was like a cross between a mate and an uncle.

I’d never figured Chris might miss him too.

But you never talked about it.

Well, I wasn’t going to, was I? It was pretty clear that you were never going to and I had to go with that. I might miss him, Will, but he was your dad.

Yeah. I could feel the tears start again but it didn’t matter. It felt better just to let them fall.

We sat in silence for a while longer. I wiped my face with my sleeve and tried to move the conversation away from Dad.

So what do you think I should do about Mark and Zach?

Talk to them.

I tried to do that with Mark and he basically told me to get stuffed.

Well, let’s face it, the guy’s got good reason.

I nodded in agreement.

So let him calm down. As for the little fella, God, you’re his hero, Will.

Yeah, and that’s what makes all of this so bad.

So tell him that. Tell him you were a complete dickhead and you’re sorry. And give Mark another twenty-four hours and try again.

Something came into my head that I’d wanted to ask Chris for ages.

How come you never told me he was gay?

He shrugged. ’Cause he asked me not to.

You see, that’s why you are going to be school captain and I’m king of the geeks. I tried to stand up and rocked on my feet. I feel like I’ve just done twenty laps of the oval and headbutted Jock fifty times.

You’ve looked better.

Cheers, mate.

I looked over at him and grinned. I was exhausted but lighter. And there was Chris doing the same thing he’d been doing for the past seventeen years—just being Chris. You’ve got to love the bloke for that. I walked over and offered my hand.

No really, Chris, thanks. I couldn’t have done that with anyone else. You’re family.

I extended my hand. He pushed it aside.

Well, in that case, he said, grinning, Dad would expect us to give each other a Holden bear hug.

I bolted as soon as he got close.

Yeah, I know what one of your bloody bear hugs are like! I could barely feel my nipples for a week after the last time.

He ran straight after me, jumping over the various music stands and cases that were lying all over the pit.

Come on, mate, that’s what families do.

And with that he grabbed me in a headlock and wrestled me to the ground. Then he proceeded to move through the repertoire of nipple cripples, the typewriter and other Holden favorites.

Get off, you—

Chris had my shoulders pinned back and was just about to inflict more pain when … 

Here I was thinking that something had happened to you and you’re male bonding!

It was Elizabeth. Chris and I froze like we’d been busted by our mums. She might have looked hot but she sounded angry.

You left me with your mum so you could wrestle with Chris?

Chris winked, unpinned me and said very loudly that he was going over to the library.

I called from where I was still trying to get up, Chris, could you tell Mum to go home without me? I can’t do the library meet and greet tonight.

Sure, mate, I’ll tell her you’re very busy being responsible Will and that I’ll make sure you get home safely.

Chris said goodbye to Elizabeth and mouthed Good luck to me.

I suppose Elizabeth did have a right to be pissed off. I just wasn’t sure how I could tell her about what happened. But I knew if I didn’t come up with something soon I could add her to the list of people who thought I was a drop-kick.

Look, Elizabeth, I’m really sorry, but I have to clean up this mess, otherwise Brother Pat will …

This time she looked more disappointed than pissed off. I tried another tack.

But how about once I’ve done that we go to the pizza place and I’ll tell you why everything’s been such a stuff-up tonight? I mean, why I’ve been such a stuff-up tonight.

She took a deliberately long time to answer.

Well, Mum and Dad have already gone home after finally saying I could hang out with you guys, but then Mark went and piked it, so I suppose you’ll have to do.

Her tone shifted slightly. It was less angry and more teasing.

And if it were anyone else I’d offer some assistance but since it’s you, consider it payback.