Monday morning
For God’s sake, Will, you’re not gay!
Chris had come round to pick me up for school. He’d just got his Provisional license and had managed to scam the car for the day. I’d barely slept all night and looked pretty bad. The recurring theme for the night was my own sexuality. Could you be seventeen and not know you were gay? Could it be possible that I was gay and I had missed it? Maybe I was in, what do they call it on TV, denial? Then I’d get these pictures in my head of me in a pair of tights singing onstage but it wasn’t with Elizabeth, it was with Mark! We’d get to the kissing scene and then I’d run screaming from the hall, because of my state of denial.
I knew I couldn’t tell a soul. I had to sort this one out for myself.
But then Chris said those magic words.
Will, you look like shit.
Chris, I think I’m gay. I’ve been thinking about it all night. It makes perfect sense. I play the guitar. I’m good at English. I’m in the musical. And there was that time in Year Seven when I accidentally looked at another guy at the urinal. I didn’t mean to, but it’s something I’ve never forgotten and if I wasn’t gay I would have forgotten it by now. Sure, he got me by the throat and accused me of being a pervert. But you know, I suppose he had every right, right?
Calm down, mate.
No, really, Chris, I’m wired! I’ve been thinking it through all night—
Will, you’re not gay.
Chris, you don’t know. Even you were giving me crap about asking about Mark.
Man, you really have lost it. You’re carrying on like some kind of nutter! Wasn’t the whole conversation about Elizabeth?
He was looking at me like I was a nutter. A girl, you idiot!
I told Chris about The Conversation with Mark.
So he’s not interested in Elizabeth, then.
That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Your best friend just outs himself to you and you say, He’s not interested in Elizabeth!
Then finally it hit me.
He’s not interested in Elizabeth.
So he wasn’t a threat to me. I could be interested in Elizabeth. Maybe I actually had a chance with Elizabeth!
I’m not gay.
Chris was looking at me very strangely. OK, you have definitely lost it. Meet me in the music room during homeroom. I’m worried about you.
I just felt relieved.