The Boyfriend!
I didn’t get it. Lakeside was meant to be full-on into girls can do anything, including producing Australia’s first female prime minister, so why the hell were they doing a musical set in the 1920s written in the 1950s, set in a girls’ finishing school, called The Boy Friend? And as for Andrews and all the stuff he carries on about in English, well, he’s just a hypocrite.
Not that I gave a crap. I zoned out again, securing the ear plug of my iPod in my left ear. I drifted in and out, but you didn’t need to be an extension 2 mathematics freak to figure out the plot. It was the usual boy meets girl, boy and girl can’t get together because of parents, but boy and girl get it on anyway and everyone loves everyone by the end.
Will, get rid of that MP3 player or I will take it. Sit up and show the courtesy of listening.
Nobhead. It was an iPod, not an MP3 player. I pulled the plug out of my ear, shoved it in my pocket and glared at him.
Not in your pocket, in your bag. We don’t want you to be tempted.
He couldn’t be serious!
Come on, sir …
Now!
I shoved past the midget circus, thinking of ways I could humiliate him back. The wanker had managed to get everyone to focus on me. I threw them one of the filthiest looks I could and sat where I left my bag.
OK, Brother Pat got to do the fun part. It is up to me to spell out the reality of putting on a show in eight weeks.
What!!! I got the distinct impression I was the only person reacting because eight weeks was way too long.
Yes, eight weeks. It is not a long time, people, and it is going to mean a whole lot of hard work and dedication.
This guy must be on some serious drugs.
You will be required every Saturday for the entire day and when it comes closer to the performances, you will be expected to attend on both Saturday and Sunday.
The man’s dreaming.
Every Wednesday afternoon until six o’clock you will be working in your specialized areas, which means leads, chorus, band, dancers, et cetera.
Thank you, God! Detention. It made the water-bombing even more worthwhile, and Waddlehead would never let me get out of it.
As for the actual performances, they will take place on Friday and Saturday night consecutively.
I put my head in my hands. This couldn’t be happening! My life was ruined. I may as well just give up right now.
If there is anyone in this hall, and I mean anyone, who cannot meet these commitments, then I need you to stand up and walk out now.
The hall was full of silent noise, the type that comes from people shifting in their seats with their coats rubbing against the backs of the chairs. I felt Andrews and the other boys looking in my direction for the third time that day. But this time I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
Right, then. That means one hundred percent commitment from one hundred percent of you. Congratulations, you are all part of the musical team.
The hall sadly but predictably erupted into applause.
As for the girls … Silence. Yes, I thought that might stop you. As you can see, the teachers from Lakeside have been here this morning. Their auditions will be happening tomorrow.
So let’s get started. Those wishing to audition for main parts over here with me, please. Chorus over to Ms. Sefton and the band with Brother Patrick, of course. We will be working right through until lunch. Good luck, everybody.
I watched everyone move to their areas. The hall was buzzing. The geeks circled Brother Pat, eagerly awaiting instructions.
Brother Pat pointed at me and waved me over. As I approached I heard him saying something about me being his right-hand man.
Isn’t this right, Will?
Speechless, I nodded my reply.
Will, here is your score. The younger lads can work with photocopies.
Right at that moment, if someone had said stay on earth and be Brother Pat’s right-hand man or be taken by aliens, stuck in an isolation chamber and piped with ’80s power rock ballads for half a decade, I would have willingly and knowingly chosen the alien abduction.