Round one

Great show, Mark.

I caught him just before he went into the change rooms. His face shut down as soon as he saw it was me.

Thanks.

I continued. Look, I’ve been away, I’ve been—

He interrupted. Sick, yeah, Chris said you were crook. So how are you feeling now?

His voice was distant.

Yeah, no, better.

I was no longer floating anywhere. It was pretty obvious that Mark wasn’t OK, and knew I wanted to apologize for being piss weak in front of everybody and not backing him up. I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t say it. Looking at Mark, I began to wonder whether saying anything was going to make any difference anyway.

I tried to get things back to normal.

So I suppose I’ll see you at the pizza place once you’ve said hello to everyone?

No, I don’t think I’ll be going tonight.

He continued to stare at me, his face unreadable.

Right.

We both looked at one another, neither one of us saying anything. Quiet. He wasn’t going to speak first, it had to come from me. I took a deep breath.

Mark, I’m sorry.

His eyes flashed, the first sign of a reaction.

Sorry for what I didn’t do the other day. At the tuckshop, you know when those—

He cut me off. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re talking about, Will. What have you got to be sorry about? You didn’t have to do anything, you weren’t involved.

That’s the point, Mark, I wasn’t involved and I made bloody sure I wasn’t. Then when you tried to talk to me afterwards I dogged you completely.

He fired up now.

Look, Will, as far as the tuckshop incident was concerned, I dealt with it. Those wankers won’t say anything to me again because they’re cowards.

He turned to walk away, then thought better of it.

But you know what I thought you might have apologized for? For treating me like I was some sort of freak in the quad. You said it, Will, you did completely dog me. It was pretty obvious you didn’t want anyone to know we had anything to do with each other. So why is it so different now? Because no one can see us? That’s not being a mate, Will! I don’t even treat people I can’t stand like that.

Silenced. Burning.

Mark, I …

Yeah, you’re sorry. But you know that’s a bullshit easy word to say, especially when you’ve already said it once. It doesn’t mean anything unless you back it up with what you do.

With that he turned away and walked toward the crowds of people who wanted to congratulate him. I stood there not knowing what to do or say.