Not funny

Andrews was tying up the first half of the day and looking very pleased with himself.

Lunch, gentlemen. Be back here by two-thirty sharp.

I walked over to the front of the orchestra pit where he’d been sitting watching and taking notes for the past three hours. His head was down and he was scribbling something next to the guy’s name who had just sung really badly.

Sir?

Yes, Will?

How do teachers know who you are without looking up?

Why no girls?

He didn’t look surprised in the slightest that I’d asked him this question.

I thought I explained this morning. He smiled at me. Disappointed?

I’ll give him disappointed. Couldn’t the idiot see that these auditions were a stupid waste of time? The whole idea was stupid.

It doesn’t make any sense. Obviously these guys have got to be matched up with the girl characters, right?

He nodded. In most cases, yes.

Then why aren’t they auditioning at the same time?

He turned around, hitched himself up onto the stage and put his feet on one of the chairs in the orchestra pit.

Truthfully, we thought it might be easier for all involved to audition in a setting that wasn’t threatening, so we decided on single-sex auditions for the first phase. Don’t you think you’d be even more nervous if you had to perform for the first time in front of a hall full of Lakeside girls? His tone changed. Or perhaps, considering your latest escapade, you may have experienced no difficulty whatsoever.

That’s not funny, sir.

I saw just a hint of surprise on Andrews’s face.

Come on, Will, it was a joke.

I decided to break my silence. Let him know he’d stuffed up my life.

You stitched me up, sir.

He smiled again. Was this bloke actually enjoying this?

I’m sorry you feel I betrayed you, Will. That wasn’t my intention.

That was it? That was all he had to say? He was sorry if I felt I’d been betrayed? It had nothing to do with how I bloody felt and everything to do with what he had bloody done. If he hadn’t opened his mouth, I probably would have only copped a term’s worth of detentions. They wouldn’t have thrown me out of the school, not this time anyway. I could feel my heart hammering against my chest, and I was clenching my teeth.

Come off it, sir, how was I meant to react? Because of you I’ve got the longest punishment in the history of Australian education. What did you expect me to do—come up and tell you what a great guy you are?

I could tell by his eyes that he was surprised at how pissed off I was at him. Andrews rarely lost his temper; it was one of the things the boys liked about him. But there was something inside me that wanted to push him till he lost it. That wasn’t happening, though. He seemed to get more calm the angrier I got.

He said really softly, I know it seems like I’m singling you out at the moment, Will, but I honestly think you’re going to get a whole lot out of this experience.

He paused for a moment and looked at me. He went to say something and then stopped. Then he started again.

Will, I didn’t want you to lose everything you had built up for yourself over the past four years, and Mr. Waverton was seriously considering asking you to leave. Which is the last thing your mother needs at the moment and the last thing you need. I know it’s been really hard for you. This was my way of trying to show you my support. Last year you were one of the best—

Every bloody time they always got back to this! I cut him off before he could get started. That was last year, sir! Things are different now! Everything is different! I’m different!

I turned and left him sitting on his pedestal.

Will
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