The incredible shrinking hypocrite

The next morning I pried the doona off and pushed myself out of bed. I could picture Chris telling me how much I looked like shit. The way Mum was carrying on in the kitchen she would’ve obviously agreed with him. I managed to delude her into thinking I was on some heroic mission to save the musical and Brother Patrick couldn’t survive without me. The more she zapped me with her beams of pride the more I shrank into a very tiny hypocrite. Man, did I have her fooled. I only just succeeded in getting her to let me ride my bike to school. I told her I needed to clear my head. At least that part was true.

I arrived just after homeroom and hid in the hall. I figured if I stayed out of people’s way, did my job and went home then I couldn’t hurt anyone else. Part of my gut kept nagging me about the unresolved stuff with the Freak and Mark. But there was only so much facing-up a guy could do in one day. Today was about keeping Brother Pat happy and me from having some sort of breakdown.

Good to see you here, Will.

I nearly fell off the stage. Brother Pat had appeared and was standing behind me.

You don’t look too good, Will, maybe—

I cut him off.

No, I’m fine, Brother, really. You just gave me a bit of a shock.

I stopped. And thanks for the note.

Nothing but the truth, Will. Sometimes we all need a bit of encouragement to keep going.

He began to arrange the music stands as we talked, and I automatically fell into helping.

I said as much to your mother when I rang to find out how you were. I told her the young ones wouldn’t know what to do without you. Especially young Zach.

He looked directly at me when he said it.

He’s looked quite lost over the past couple of days.

I busied myself with the stands, shrinking with each word.

No doubt he will pick up when he sees you.

I reduced even farther in size. The incredible shrinking hypocrite.

Brother stood facing the hall doors and sighed appreciatively.

Here they come, right on cue. Come on, boys, set yourselves up. Look who’s back!

I looked in the direction of the Freak. I was sure he’d seen me because he was making it so obvious he hadn’t that he must have. He was either going through his bag or cleaning out his mouthpiece or looking the other way. His awkwardness was killing me. I had just decided to go over and tell him what an arsehole I was when Brother started with the school song for the St. Andrew’s Day service. Considering I was the guy who was leading them I figured I’d better not stuff up that job as well. I faced the band, made sure I didn’t look at the Freak and started. It was good to have an excuse to stop thinking and have something to do, even if I did have to wave a little stick at some geeks in front of the entire school. All my energy was going into getting the job done. I was too tired to worry about anyone and the potential for anything. Let them go for it.

We didn’t have time for a break after the service. The band stayed onstage practicing for the run of the musical. I liked my state of unthinking and unfeeling and was determined for it to stay that way. I led the geeks through all the numbers and we sounded good. If I hadn’t been feeling so wiped out I might actually have felt proud.

I sensed the change in atmosphere before I saw the girls arrive. Excitement and hormones buffeted the air. It wasn’t often girls found their way onto St. Andrew’s turf. I was aware that maybe I should be a little concerned about how the boys would react to Elizabeth, but I figured that she and the other girls were more than capable of looking after themselves. After all, they were only performing to Years 7 and 8 and they would have been snuck in the back way to avoid testosterone-driven groupies.

I had plenty to do to keep me out of the way. Brother Patrick had given me a whole list of jobs, including making sure that everything was present and accounted for and in the right spot—meaning instruments, music stands, leads and amps—overseeing sound checks and the tuning of the instruments, and ensuring the sheet music was in the right order and ready to go. I wondered fleetingly how someone like me who did everything to make sure I had a low profile had become so high profile. But for the moment it didn’t matter because it kept me busy, and out of the way of the leading man and lady. Elizabeth did call out and ask me with her hands why I hadn’t returned her calls. Mark didn’t even acknowledge my existence.

I was the only person in the hall who wasn’t pumped. Having the juniors there made it work. They were excited enough about missing out on school. The oldies from the homes were already in love with the show before it even started. It was exactly the type of audience you wanted for a practice run.

The geeks were noisier than usual but, unlike most other times, I didn’t tell them to shut up. I sat back and happily let Brother Pat run the show. The Freak hid behind his trombone and didn’t move. I could hear Andrews delivering his third last motivational speech to everyone backstage.

The lights went out and we started with the overture. Elizabeth opened with her first line and it was on….

Only ten hours to go before it was over.