Dinner had been amazing. The smell of winter barbeque followed Ross and an empty platter in as we came down the stairs. After Ray took out the IV I’d been allowed down for meals and had met everyone. Paul, Lieutenant Ross Wells, Denis and Ray were the Officers. The rest were from what I could tell enlisted men.
After dinner I went up and got the cigars. “I don’t know if these are any good, but they were in my bag.”
Paul’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Anna, these are really expensive … are you sure?”
“I won’t smoke them and if they’re expensive I’ll have to take your word for it.”
He opened the box and took one and passed it around the table. A couple of them lit up at the table and Ross shooed them out.
“I guess I’m pretty generous when I don’t have to pay for the presents.” I told Paul as we found a corner in the common room.
“Am I paying you back for these?” he asked.
“No, I won’t be paying for any of the things I got.”
He sulked for a moment. “Is someone else paying you back?”
I nudged him with my shoulder. “The credit card number on the receipts is mine, but the charges will never show up on my bill.”
“Wait,” he said. “You had a ten thousand dollar week in Toronto and you don’t have to pay for it?”
“Long weekend?” Ray asked. He’d come in with short glasses of something for him and Paul and took over the armchair beside us. “No scotch for you Anna.”
I made a face. Never did like the smell.
“She has seven days of receipts including six nights plus room service at a really expensive hotel.” Paul explained.
“You told him?”
“He figured it out first,” Paul said.
Ray must have talked Paul out of tossing me straight out on my ass so I offered a smile in thanks. “Technically, I’m off bed rest now.”
“Yeah, I heard you,” Ray said.
I felt my cheeks turn pink and looked away. I’d have to remember how good Ray’s hearing was.
“Why don’t you have to pay?” Paul asked again.
“Well, my cash is gone, spent … physically left behind; anything I picked up comes back. But I’m not going to be there tonight running up a hotel bill, or buying cigars in two days, or checking out in seven. I’m here … so I’m never actually there.
“Anyway, I’m keeping a shopping list in my pocket for next time in case there’s anything you want me to get.” Neither of them seemed particularly pleased with the idea of a next time.
“Smoke. I’ll go earn my keep.” I went to give Ross and the others some help with the cleanup. Then I grabbed my coat and boots and went to sit outside to get some fresh air. It took longer than I thought for Paul to come looking for me.
“Did you lose something?” I asked.
“No, I thought you went up to bed but you weren’t there.”
“Ah,” I said. “So are the cigars any good? Maybe I got them so you could hand them out in the spring but I figured they’d be stale by then, so why wait.”
He ruffled my hair. “I can get more.”
“Already on my list,” I said.
“Ray’s looking for you.”
I yawned and got up. “Can you distract him for me? He can find me tomorrow.”
“Okay,” he said. “Give me sixty seconds.”
“Thanks, should I wait up for you?” I asked playfully.
“Unless you want to be woken up,” he replied. “Sixty.”
After I counted to sixty, I snuck upstairs. I’d pinched a Do Not Disturb sign from the hotel and I hung it on the doorknob. Maybe it would keep Ray out until morning. I was still warming the bed when I heard Paul laugh at the sign. The smell of cigar smoke came in with him.
Paul took off his knife and gun and put them on his night table. He also had a bullet proof vest under his heavy jacket.
“Do I need one of those?” I asked. I was beginning to wonder if I might need protection from whatever he was worried about.
“Mm,” he said. The sound he made when he had to choose between lying and not answering.
“It was easy to be without you when I could just call you up and see you again. I could run around working or be here and you would always answer the phone and be there with me no strings attached. But when you disappeared today …” he trailed off, dropping down on the bed with his back to me.
I crawled up behind him and put my arms around his waist and my head on his shoulder. He was warm on my bare skin in the cool air of his room.
“I spent a month needing you back in my life,” I whispered into his back. “I don’t care the time or the place, as long as there’s going to be an again … I just need to be smothered in you … again … and again.”
He turned around, wrapped an arm around me and dragged me up to the pillows. I was already helping him undress as we dug our way under the covers.
Paul got up a few hours later.
“What?” I asked.
“I have a shift on watch. You’ll still be asleep when I get back.”
“Mmf,” I said. “I don’t have to like that, do I?”
“No Sugar, you don’t.”
“‘kay,” I said. “Look after yourself.”
After he left I went to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror the woman was there, looking at me from my own bathroom back home. Paul’s mirror went all the way down to the sink so I could see that she was different from me … that was something new. She had always appeared as I did. Except she spoke to me like a mean big sister. Her stomach was big and flames covered both her arms.
So, everything’s fine now?
What do you mean?
Sex. Everything’s working below the waist so it’s all right with the world?
That’s crude.
All Paul’s parts are working fine too?
Do I have to answer that?
No, but don’t you find his place a little weird?
I hadn’t thought about it.
You have … he’s getting suspicious.
I’m trying to not cause problems.
You’re forgetting what they said … they’re protecting your daughter, not you.
I dreamed that, I told her.
Didn’t and you know it … when did you turn your instincts off girl? She turned her head slightly listening to something behind her. Oh I know. It was when you met him. You told me to fuck off in the restaurant bathroom and took him straight to your bed to spend your virginity underneath him.
My nostrils flared with anger but she reacted faster slamming her hands on the glass. I felt it in my hips resting on the sink and I leaned forward, nose to nose with my evil reflection.
They watched you disappear at lunch and smoked your cigars from the future like nothing happened while all that went through your mind is you’re getting laid again.
I had no answer, she was right. I hated that.
She startled and raised a defensive hand to her face. You’re going to fuck everything up! I was surprised to see a tear break through her heartless veneer. And if you need a reminder I highly recommend you take a look at what’s stashed under the tarp behind the small garage.
You need to jump. Jump and find help. There are things he can’t tell you that you have to find out on your own. Things he won’t tell you either.
Like what? As usual you’re thin on the details.
I won’t spoil the ending. Jump. Find help. Take Paul to his father.
How do I do that?
You’ll figure it out.
You were wrong last time.
Then I was looking at my real self in the mirror.
“Maybe next time you show up you could be a little more helpful,” I muttered.
I turned off the light and blind in the dark, headed toward the bed and bounced off a wall.
“Who’s there?” I panicked and as I tried to duck back into the bathroom I backed into the door jam before I found the corner by the sink.
“Who were you talking to Anna?”
“Paul?” I asked.
“Who were you talking to?” Paul asked again.
Don’t lie, I told myself. You won’t be able to keep things straight. “Myself. You could actually hear me?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Could you hear her too? I thought it was all in my head.”
“Hear who Anna? Who were you talking to?”
“The woman in the mirror,” I whispered.
The light came on and I had to blink in the brightness that had made me blind in the dark. Paul put out his hand.
“You sounded angry,” he said softly. “I thought you were mad with me for going out. You got a concussion not that long ago. Ray said to watch for any odd behaviour from you for the next little bit … just in case.”
My hand shook as I took his and I stepped out of my corner. I was still naked and Paul towering over me in his boots with his gun was intimidating and reassuring at the same time.
My voice shook. “You really startled me good.”
“Come on, you’re shivering. I came back for another layer and I heard you. It sounded like you were fighting with someone. You can tell me about it in the morning when you warm up. I’m running late,” he said. “Sorry for startling you.”
Then he kissed me again and disappeared out the door.
Tension rolled down my body leaving me momentarily numb. I woke disoriented. I had fallen asleep on my sore ribs and pain quickly had me wide awake. Paul was facing me, eyes closed, so after carefully making it over to my good side I backed myself into his lap and tried to go back to sleep. His arm curled around me and he relaxed with a big sigh. He was cold from the outside.
“I woke you up.”
“No,” I said. “I did that to myself. I fell asleep on my sore side. It’s better now.”
“Ray’s worried your concussion was worse than we thought. I’m worried too.”
I was surprised. “Why?”
“You were arguing with someone in the mirror last night,” he said. “Not normal.”
I sighed. “Is there anything about me being here that has been normal? Anyway that woman has been around for years, not just last night. She tries to keep me out of trouble … I put up with her … she can be sort of mean sometimes.”
“How?”
“Well, the night we met she wanted me to run the other way. She thought I would be some sort of prize for you, that you would ruin things for me.”
He thought a moment. “Like Kenny?”
“Ray …” I muttered. “Yes, like Kenny. What did he tell you?”
“Everything,” he said. “I guess it helps me understand you more.”
I didn’t say anything. Fresh humiliation filled me. I put a hand on my face to try and hide from it.
“Short fuse?” he asked. “Do girls really talk like that?”
“I guess I picked it up from Alina and her friends.” I told him. “I finished high school and left home at sixteen to ride around the southern States alone. She seemed to know when I was headed for trouble. The last time I saw her I told her to beat it and went back to join you for dinner. I hadn’t seen her since.”
“Mm, what did she want last night?” he asked.
I thought about it.
“She said that just because everything is working from the waist down again doesn’t mean we can dodge any decisions we have to make.”
“Wise woman,” he said.
If you only knew half of what she said, I thought.
“I suppose, but anyone who is going to demand to know if your parts are working right is crossing the line.”
Paul laughed then he yawned.
“Breakfast is in a couple of hours, let’s get some sleep.”
I could smell cigar smoke on my pillow and closed my eyes. Slowly Paul warmed up against me. Maybe he was doing the same thing … lying awake thinking that I was asleep or lying awake knowing that I was pretending.