Paul woke me quietly our first morning in Edmonton. After making a slow trip across British Columbia we settled on the hotel in West Edmonton Mall for a couple of days before we would head south to Calgary then back to my place for Christmas.
He had pulled himself in close to me, a long jewellery box in his hand.
“Happy Birthday Anna,” he said softly.
First day in December. I reached up and put my hand on the box but he didn’t let go.
“You can’t open it just yet. I want to explain.”
“Okay,” I said tucking my head into his chest to listen.
“I know you’re not much for this kind of thing but it’s a traditional gift in the family … something we give our mates. Like exchanging rings but longer term. I got it when we were in Reno. I brought it along thinking there might be an occasion I could give it to you.”
“Okay,” I said then I tilted my head up to his neck to put my lips on it.
“You can open it now,” he said. Inside was a heavy gold necklace woven to look like a ribbon. The lamp light shimmered along its surface like it was alive.
“It’s really beautiful Paul,” I said softly. It really was. “Thank you.”
“You’ll wear it?”
“Of course,” I would be happy to. He was pleased.
“Sit up,” he said, “I’ll help you put it on.”
I held my hair up out of the way and ran my finger along it, feeling how smooth it was as Paul closed it behind my neck.
“What’s the tradition behind giving it?” I asked.
“The shape symbolizes our lines … and when it’s closed in a circle it’s our promise to be there again for you. Not too long … it should reach to where your line is … that’s perfect.” He reached around to feel it on my chest.
“Is there something I should give you in return?”
“No … it must be beautiful,” he added in my ear, “but never more beautiful than the woman receiving it.”
“I like that tradition,” I giggled as his hand started to drop lower. “Did you just make that last part up?”
“New tradition,” he whispered, pulling me over.
“I like new tradition too.”
Our days since leaving my house had been quiet like our nights together when we first met. Food, sex, sleep. Paul looked more like his normal self. He’d gained back much of the weight he lost while I was away and seemed to forgive himself for whatever he’d tried to do to my line. We ordered in room service and pulled the table up to the window to eat looking out over the city.
“Can I ask you something without coming off as insecure or paranoid?”
He laughed. “I can’t picture you as either … sure.”
“Do some of you have more than one woman like me?” I couldn’t stomach sharing him with someone else even in the interests of the family.
“By some of us do you mean me?”
“I told you it would sound paranoid and insecure,” I frowned at the table.
“You really worry about it? I guess we’ve never talked about how that works,” he paused. “Come on let’s get your feet up. You did a lot of walking today.”
We brought our unfinished drinks to the bed. I thought he was trying to change the subject and hoped he knew better.
“Do you remember when you told me what you felt about Damian? It was like what you feel for me but weak.” He could see I didn’t want to talk about that. “I’m sorry … I need to relate it to something you understand. If I wasn’t in your life you would have been as attracted to him as you were to me. Alina felt it strongly … we can have that effect on women who aren’t like you. With you my attraction to another mate would be as weak as yours was to him. No comparison.”
That I understood.
“Why didn’t Catherine want him any more … she felt that way at first.”
“He …” then Paul hesitated. “He took what she was willingly offering. He beat her and he took it.”
“Why didn’t what you tried to do to my line cause the same thing?” I didn’t like saying it out loud but he didn’t seem too bothered by it.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you … I didn’t force you to give me something you could give me. Like I said, it’s complicated … and to answer your question I don’t have another.”
“Do all the women have two?”
“Again, usually,” he said.
He said he wouldn’t be attracted to another mate but other women could be strongly attracted to him. My mood soured as I realized what I might have to do to drive him away for a while. Mistrust him. It was simple.
“I get it,” I sighed. “I’m sorry for asking … sometimes I feel like I’m not giving much back.”
He put his hand on my stomach. “You are giving me more than you can imagine every day. Keep doing what you’re doing, okay?”
“Okay Paul,” I said. “I felt pretty shallow asking that.”
“Don’t worry about it. Keep asking questions like that when you have them, please? I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings. What made you want to ask?”
I struggled inside for a minute and decided that now was a good a time as any to start to really sound paranoid and insecure.
“When we were out today … I noticed how some of the women looked at you. Their interest bothered me after a while.”
“Awe, you have nothing to worry about Sugar. You know that don’t you?”
“Yes,” I told him, “after I lost my mother I ruined my ties to everyone in my life and never let myself get close to anyone until I met you. Today I kept picturing myself alone again … it wasn’t the peace I pretended it to be.”
That part was true. I liked that I wasn’t alone any more. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes surprised with how I felt.
Paul didn’t say anything right away. He put his hand on the side of my face and kissed my forehead.
“Are you jealous?” he whispered.
“Yes,” I said but I shrugged. “No. Selfish. Territorial. I’ve found a reasonable excuse to be back on the road running and I’ve dragged you along with me.”
“We can go back to your place first thing tomorrow,” Paul offered.
“Not there … I’m homesick for your place. It’s the first place I’ve felt settled since I was a kid,” I sighed. “I want off the roller coaster … my mood is all up and down today. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to forgive. I have to go make sure the truck is still there … did you want to come along or stay here?”
“I think I’ll wait here for you.”