I slept a bit after Ray left. Paul was in for a shower after his run then he disappeared downstairs for breakfast. I could smell bacon and coffee and hear the boisterous talk of more men than I could guess.
The last night I saw Paul before he left the message started out much like the others.
Food, sex, sleep.
I’d learned more about him since our first night together. He was ten years older and spent over a decade serving the US overseas. He couldn’t tell me most of what he did other than to say his teams took care of things that needed to be done quietly. He said was still in touch with the men he served with and they helped each other out adjusting to life back stateside.
I’d woken from vivid nightmare, bolted into the headboard, fallen out of bed and crawled under the desk before Paul realized I was gone. He was usually the jumpy one at night. The noise I made woke him and he called to me sleepily from the warm blankets. When I didn’t answer he turned the light on.
“What are you doing under there?”
I couldn’t respond. He tried to pull me out I crossed my arms and backed in further. “You awake? Must have been a hell of a bad dream.”
He sat next to me until I got up. I was chilled and at least had a chance of being coherent. He pulled me back to the bed and waited as I hesitated to get in. I couldn’t lie on my side so I got in his.
“Are you in there now?”
I nodded, embarrassed.
“You move fast. You could have been on top of me before I had my eyes open.”
I curled up closer. “You usually have your eyes open when I’m on top.”
“True,” he said and reached over to turn off the light. “Do you want to tell me about it? It won’t be in your head any more if you let it out your mouth.”
I shook my head.
“Are you sure? It can’t hurt you,” he encouraged.
He was right. I was still learning to put my stubbornness aside when it came to Paul.
“I was in a cabin. The man who brought me there came in while I slept. The fire had gotten low and the room was cooling off. I didn’t know who it was at first.
“He said, “I know you’re awake.” And he pulled me out of bed.
““You stink of him,” he said.
“He hit me a couple of times and let me drop to the floor.” I reached up to rub my cheek. Even awake it still stung. My words ran on as I watched it replay.
“I don’t understand why he was so mad. He kicked me on the ground over and over then he rolled me on my back and in the fire light I saw he had a beautiful dagger. The guard was like lace sparkling in the flames. He held it to my throat.
“Then he heard something outside. He picked me up with one hand and threw me on the bed. He turned me to face the door and said if I moved we would both die. Then he went to stand by the fire and pretended to clean his dagger.
“Another man came in, crouched low with a knife in his own hand. He didn’t see me right away and when he did, he stopped.
“The man by the fire said. “You’re too late.”
“They stared at each other and the second man got down on his knees. He dropped his dagger and opened his collar. Then he lifted his chin and closed his eyes.
“The man who beat me walked slowly around behind him and grabbed him under the jaw. He watched my face as he cut his throat. His neck opened up. His blood shot out and ran. When he stopped breathing he let him fall.
“He said “Are you still with me, Catherine? I know you are. Maybe he’ll have better luck next time.”
“He cut my stomach open. I died before I could watch him leave.” My eyes were wide open in the dark.
“It’s just a dream,” Paul whispered. He held me tight like he was trying to hold me in the present.
“I can feel the blows Paul. If I walk over to the other side of the bed my feet will stick in the blood and I’ll trip over his body. I can see it.”
“Can you turn the light on so I can see something else? Please?”
He did. Then he pulled the blanket up to my chin.
“It’s over Sugar. Just a bad dream. Try and sleep now.”
I tried but all I could see inside my lids was the dead man on the floor.
In the morning Paul was quiet. I was still too shaken to notice how withdrawn he’d become. After a sullen breakfast downstairs he said goodbye in the room and went to his cab.
I didn’t think he’d call again. His no commitments casual sex girl had turned into something that was work. Frightened. Hiding. Needy. I upset myself with my behaviour. It came out of nowhere and exposed a part of my character I worked hard to get by without. He was a different man when he said good-bye than he’d been when he greeted me at the door the night before.
I packed as fast as I could and fled. The drained body was still on the floor. Its dull eyes seemed to follow me wherever I went. I jumped home as soon as I was clear of the city and slept for eighteen hours.
A polite tap on the closed bedroom door snapped me out of my reverie. Paul or Ray would just come in.
“Miss Creedy?”
Creedy? I thought. “Anna?” I answered.
“No it’s Denis … Lieutenant Martin, I—.”
There was a clatter of cutlery followed by an ‘Ah shit.’ He had food and a solid vocabulary. I liked him already. “I helped the Captain carry you in the other night. Are you hungry?”
I quickly made sure I was buttoned up and my legs were covered. “Bet your ass Denis.”
The tallest man I’d ever seen pushed his way in. He had a huge grin on his face and a tray in his hands. He made Paul look like he’d have trouble reaching the top of the fridge.
“I knew it,” he said as he put the tray down on the foot of the bed. “Any patient of Ray’s is hungry.” The tray held two plates heaped with steak, eggs, and fried potatoes. There were two cups of coffee and two bowls of Jell-O.
“Be right back,” he said over his shoulder and thundered down the hall. He was back in a minute with fresh steak knives, two glasses and a carton of juice.
“Someone let on that I’m a sucker for orange Jell-O?” I asked.
Denis passed me a plate and slid the tray closer so I could dump cream in my coffee. “You won’t be after you eat that. Ray is such a bad cook he took two terms of screwing up Jell-O in university. Nobody should have to eat it alone.”
I quickly forgot about wondering how you could screw up Jell-O with the first bite of steak. “I think I’m in love Denis.”
He laughed and dug in. “You won’t tell Ray I fed you, will you?”
“He seems to be under enough stress already,” I said wincing as I straightened up.
“Yeah, but it’s endearing in a way. Oh and with the exception of the new words you taught him when you came in you’ve been a really good patient. It’s going to his head. Most of us would rather bleed out than eat his Jell-O.”
I got my arms around my ribs as my laughter turned into a moan of pain. “How many did you break?” Denis asked.
“Feels like all of them.”
“Then you broke three. I’ve broke plenty; both my own and other peoples. Your bike is nice … you got a Canadian mechanic?”
“No,” I paused as the spicy potatoes melted in my mouth. “My Dad taught me if you can’t fix it you shouldn’t drive it or live in it. Do it myself.”
“Really? Not much to do around here though the Captain manages to keep us busy. Your bike is stashed in the shop,” he pointed back through the bathroom, “and there’s always things to fix. Your gun’s in the lockup downstairs. I’ll take you shooting when Ray lets you out.”
He was interrupted by the sound of the fallen cutlery being pushed out of the way outside the door.
“Ray?” I whispered.
“Naw, he can sneak up on anything. One thing I’m glad of is I’m not smaller than Ray,” he said as Paul came in catching me shoving the last of the steak in my mouth.
“What’s going on Lieutenant?”
“He was starving her Paul,” Denis started, eye roll emphasis on ‘starving.’ Paul cleared his throat suddenly looking bigger than Denis. “Lieutenant Jackson was starving her Captain Richards … I could hear her stomach rumbling all the way to my cabin.”
Paul thought a moment then swiped a piece of potato from my plate before reloading my IV with painkiller and swapping the bag.
“I could too,” he said as he left. “Visiting hours are over in ten Denis or I’m telling Ray you’re constipated.”
Denis gulped, his eyes wide. “You better get to the Jell-O Miss Creedy.” He passed me one and took one for himself. He finished it in a few mouthfuls and I watched him breathe through his nose for a minute like he wasn’t so sure it would stay put. “If you can’t get it down or keep it down then you’re not well enough for real food but it’s so damn bad. Down the hatch.”
I took a spoonful and put it to my nose. It smelled fine so I put it in my mouth as Denis started to smile. I smooshed it around with my tongue as he nodded. “See?”
“It’s lumpy,” I said after I swallowed. “And chewy; otherwise it’s not too bad.”
Denis laughed as he got our plates together. “I’m sure you’ll still feel that way after you eat the ten that are still in the fridge. I’ll leave you be.”