Home Again
I’m still a redhead.
Before we left Texas, I touched up the roots,
and then I had some tawny apricot highlights put in. I guess that
meant I intended to keep this color for a while. Symbolic—I’d made
a commitment, at least to my hair.
Too bad I couldn’t do the same with Chance. I
didn’t trust him entirely, and what was more, he didn’t trust me,
either. He secretly thought I’d leave, which I had done; die, which
I’d nearly done; or break his heart. I just
hoped I wouldn’t combine the three.
Until we resolved the conflict between us—such
as his luck, which might kill me, and the former lover he wouldn’t
talk about—I couldn’t be more than a friend to him. He knew it too.
I think he’d known as much even when he pressed the point back in
Laredo.
The Mustang purred along, emphasizing Chance’s
silence. He wasn’t happy about this trip to Kilmer, Georgia, but
he’d promised, and I wanted answers. He owed me.
When he’d shown up at my pawnshop in Mexico
City, asking for my help after our breakup eighteen months before,
I agreed because he swore to turn his luck toward helping me find
out what happened the night my mother died. This point was
nonnegotiable. I needed to understand why it happened, and who was
responsible. I wanted justice for her death. Now that I’d fulfilled
my end of the bargain in Laredo, he was keeping his promise.
We passed the woods that encircled the town.
Sometimes, when I was a kid, it had seemed to me that someone
simply burnt a patch out of the forbidding forest, and there,
Kilmer had been built. Over long years, the trees grew back in
around it, overhanging the rutted road.
With the windows open, I smelled dank vegetation
heavy in the air, and pallid sunlight filtering through the canopy
overhead threw a sickly green glow over the car as Chance drove.
McIntosh County didn’t get snow or earthquakes, and the median
temperature was sixty-six degrees. It was also deeply historical,
containing forty-two markers. I knew all about local history: how
old Fort King George was built nearby in 1721; how the Highlanders
voted against slavery in 1739, not that it did them any good in the
long run; and how the War of Jenkins’ Ear motivated early settlers
to attack Spanish forts. There were still ruins on Sapelo
Island.
Just a piece up the road, there lived the only
known band of Shouters, a Gullah music group. I’d seen them perform
the ring shout once at Mount Calvary Baptist Church. I couldn’t
remember which foster parent had taken me; there had been so many,
and most of them had thought I could benefit from religion in some
form or another. On paper, this seemed the perfect place to live,
steeped in cultural heritage and tradition.
On paper.
In Kilmer, the rules of the Deep South lasted
long after laws and social expectations changed in the wider world.
White men did as they pleased, and everyone else kept their mouths
shut. I couldn’t rightly say I’d missed it.
“This place has a weird feel,” Chance said,
breaking the silence at last.
“You’re getting it too?” I’d always thought it
was the trees, but we’d passed beyond them. Now only scrubby grass
lay between us and the weathered buildings of town. Overhead, the
sky glowed blue and white; it was a pretty, partly sunny day that
should’ve warmed me a lot more than it did.
“Yeah.” Before he could say more, a dark shape
darted in front of the cherry red Mustang. Chance slammed on the
brakes, and only the seat belt kept my head from kissing the dash.
The car fishtailed to a stop.
Butch whined and popped his head out of my
handbag. He was a blond Chihuahua we’d picked up along the way; I’d
resigned myself to keeping him, but I hoped we hadn’t scared the
shit out of him. I had important stuff in my purse.
I soothed him with an absent touch on his head,
my heart still going like a jackhammer.
“What the—”
Chance motioned me to silence as he got out of
the car. Hands shaking, I needed two tries to do the same. I
checked the back, staring into the dead air beneath the tunnel of
trees. Black skid marks smeared the pavement behind us.
He knelt and peered under the Mustang. Despite
my better judgment, I joined him. Butch hopped down and backed up
three steps, yapping ferociously. A low animal growl answered
him.
Near the tires, a big black dog lay dying—a
Doberman. We hadn’t hit him, but all the blood oozing out of his
ragged wounds told me he wasn’t long for this world. He’d come from
the tall grass that lined the road, or maybe from the trees beyond
the field. A hard shudder rocked through me, and the air turned as
cold as a northern winter night.
“Something got at him,” Chance said finally.
“Are there bears here? Wolves?”
I had no idea. I wasn’t a wildlife expert in any
location, and I hadn’t been back to Kilmer in nine years. Things
changed; habitats evolved. But times must be tough if wild animals
had been forced to resort to hunting dogs.
I couldn’t seem to look away from the
shadow-dark flesh. The animal gave one final whine, as if he
understood we couldn’t help, and then he died. I saw the moment his
eyes went liquid still, living tissue reverting to dead meat. There
was a blood trail we could follow, but I didn’t think that was a
good idea. Sizable claws created those wounds;
nothing we need to mess with just before nightfall.
I glanced down at the Chihuahua as he sniffed
around next to my feet. “What do you think? Do you smell anything
you recognize?”
He yapped twice. Hm, so it
probably wasn’t a regular wild animal. I shivered, wanting
nothing more than to get off this road.
We’d acquired Butch after his prior owner was
killed, and we were astonished to learn he could communicate on a
basic level. There was something special about him for sure, but I
had lacked the opportunity to investigate what his other talents
might be. This certainly wasn’t the time.
Never one to miss an opportunity, Butch
scampered into the weeds and did his business. I exhaled a long,
unsteady breath, and then pulled myself to my feet using the
Mustang’s hood. If I believed in omens, we were off to a hell of a
start.
Chance went to the trunk and wrapped his hands
in rags used to wipe off the oil dipstick. Before we left Laredo,
Chuch—our mechanic friend—had taught him how and threatened to beat
him if he didn’t look after this car properly. So far Chance was
doing fine.
Wordlessly, he reached under the chassis and
towed the carcass to the side of the road. Without a shovel, that
was really all we could do, but I appreciated the kindness.
Otherwise, that poor dog would be splattered all over the road when
the next car came, and he had suffered enough.
Even if we did have digging tools in the car for
some unlikely reason, I wouldn’t have been interested in hanging
around. My intestines coiled into knots over the idea of losing the
light out there, within a stone’s throw of those dark trees. The
whorls on the bark resembled demonic sigils in the wicked
half-light, and the long, skeletal limbs stirred in the breeze in a
way I simply couldn’t like.
There was a reason I hated these trees. I’d hid
among them while my mother died.
While Chance took care of the dead dog, I gave
Butch a drink and tried to reassure him that he wasn’t doomed to
suffer the same fate. His bulging brown eyes glistened with what
I’d call a skeptical light as I hopped back in the Mustang. Chance
joined us shortly, working the manual transmission with a dexterity
I couldn’t help but admire.
“What a welcome.” He shook his head.
“Tell me about it.” As I said that, we passed a
faded white sign that I knew read WELCOME TO KILMER, HOME OF THE
RED DEVILS AND THE WORLD’S BEST PEACH PIE.
“Think anyone will recognize you?”
I shook my head absently, taking in the familiar
sights. It was bizarre. The road into town hadn’t changed at all.
Ma’s Kitchen, an old white clapboard restaurant, still sat just
outside the city limits. The shopping plaza on the left had been
given a face-lift—fresh paint and new lines in the tiny parking
lot—but the general store, the dry cleaner’s, the Kilmer bank, and
a coffee shop still occupied it. The names on the dry cleaner’s and
coffee shop had changed, but otherwise, the town seemed just as I’d
left it.
If we stayed on this street, we’d wind up in the
town square, where the old courthouse reigned like an aging duchess
who refused to admit her day had passed. The clock on the tower
hadn’t worked since before I moved away, and I couldn’t imagine,
given the faded air, that they’d come into the money to fix it
since. The “historical” district simply contained the oldest
houses; most hadn’t been restored.
But Kilmer retained a certain
turn-of-the-century charm, if you didn’t know what lurked beneath
its exterior. I recognized Federal-inspired houses with their
rectangular structure and slim, delicate iron railings; those
stately old dames mingled freely with Georgian homes with hipped
roofs and quoins.
Most of those neighborhoods exuded a genteel
aura of decay. The streets hadn’t been paved in a long time; they
were faded to the pale gray of rotting teeth from years of neglect,
and Chance had to turn smartly to avoid the deep potholes.
“It seems sadder,” I said at last.
“Smaller.”
“Well, you’re older now.” To his credit, he
didn’t say I was bigger. That would’ve earned him a slap upside the
head.
Anyway, I wasn’t bigger.
I still needed to lose a few pounds, but I’d been pretty chunky at
eighteen when I climbed on that Greyhound bus. At the gas
station-cum-video store, I’d begged a lift from a farmer headed
into Brunswick. I’d known buses ran from there, so I’d used my
school ID to get a discount ticket and I rode all night. The next
morning, I got off in Atlanta with just a backpack and a few
dollars in my pocket.
My chest felt tight, remembering. I’d gotten
work at a used bookstore the following day. The owner had felt
sorry for me, I think, but I loved that job. I rented a room in a
boardinghouse, and I was happier than I’d ever been in Kilmer. I
had been sadder than Roy to see the bookstore go under. With no
friends and little money in the bank, my life took a turn for the
worse. I’d left Atlanta with only enough money for a bus ticket,
and things went south from there.
But I didn’t want to think about that.
By the time Chance met me, I’d put myself back
together somewhat. But I’d held eight different jobs in half as
many years, and I seldom stayed in one place for long. There was
nothing like running from your memories while trying to fit in,
though I never made it. People always seemed to suss out that I
wasn’t quite like them.
It was more than the scars on my palms that came
from a gift I didn’t want. My mother’s death stayed with me in the
form of the pain that subsumed me each time I read a charged
object. There was a name for what I did. Most people called it
psychometry; I called it a curse.
For years, I tried to forget.
When Chance came into my life, he changed
everything. But I wouldn’t think about that, either. Sometimes the
past needed to stay buried; it was the only way you could move on.
And sometimes you had to dig it up, because that too was the only
way.
For my mother’s sake, I had to deal with what’d
happened in Kilmer. I’d find answers about the men who came by
night to our house and burnt the place with her trapped inside. I’d
discover why. Maybe then the dreams would stop. Maybe then she
could rest. In the twilight, the town looked so quiet, almost
peaceful, but to me, it hid a fetid air. Corruption fed in the
stillness, like a pretty corpse that, when split open, spilled out
a host of maggots.
I’d be the knife that cut this place wide and
the fire that burnt it clean.