Chapter 11
When they were gone, Elizabeth, as if intending to
exasperate herself as much as possible against Mr. Darcy, chose for
her employment the examination of all the letters which Jane had
written to her since her being in Kent. They contained no actual
complaint, nor was there any revival of past occurrences, or any
communication of present suffering. But in all, and in almost every
line of each, there was a want of that cheerfulness which had been
used to characterise her style, and which, proceeding from the
serenity of a mind at ease with itself, and kindly disposed towards
every one, had been scarcely ever clouded. Elizabeth noticed every
sentence conveying the idea of uneasiness, with an attention which
it had hardly received on the first perusal. Mr. Darcy’s shameful
boast of what misery he had been able to inflict gave her a keener
sense of her sister’s sufferings. It was some consolation to think
that his visit to Rosings was to end on the day after the next, and
a still greater, that in less than a fortnight she should herself
be with Jane again, and enabled to contribute to the recovery of
her spirits, by all that affection could do.
She could not think of Darcy’s leaving Kent without
remembering that his cousin was to go with him; but Colonel
Fitzwilliam had made it clear that he had no intentions at all,
and, agreeable as he was, she did not mean to be unhappy about
him.
While settling this point, she was suddenly roused
by the sound of the door bell; and her spirits were a little
fluttered by the idea of its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who
had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to
enquire particularly after her. But this idea was soon banished,
and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter
amazement, she saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In a hurried
manner he immediately began an enquiry after her health, imputing
his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered
him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then
getting up walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said
not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her
in an agitated manner, and thus began:—
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My
feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how
ardently I admire and love you.”
Elizabeth’s astonishment was beyond expression. She
stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered
sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and
had long felt for her immediately followed. He spoke well, but
there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and
he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of
pride. His sense of her inferiority, of its being a degradation, of
the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to
inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the
consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his
suit.
In spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, she could
not be insensible to the compliment of such a man’s affection, and
though her intentions did not vary for an instant, she was at first
sorry for the pain he was to receive; till, roused to resentment by
his subsequent language, she lost all compassion in anger. She
tried, however, to compose herself to answer him with patience,
when he should have done. He concluded with representing to her the
strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours,
he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope
that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he
said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a
favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but
his countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could
only exasperate farther; and when he ceased, the colour rose into
her cheeks, and she said,—
“In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the
established mode to express a sense of obligation for the
sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is
natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel
gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot—I have never desired
your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most
unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has
been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short
duration. The feelings which you tell me have long prevented the
acknowledgment of your regard can have little difficulty in
overcoming it after this explanation.”
Mr. Darcy, who was leaning against the mantel-piece
with his eyes fixed on her face, seemed to catch her words with no
less resentment than surprise. His complexion became pale with
anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every
feature. He was struggling for the appearance of composure, and
would not open his lips, till he believed himself to have attained
it. The pause was to Elizabeth’s feelings dreadful. At length, in a
voice of forced calmness, he said,—
“And this is all the reply which I am to have the
honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why,
with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected.
But it is of small importance.”
“I might as well enquire,” replied she, “why, with
so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to
tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason,
and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for
incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations.
You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against you, had
they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable, do you
think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the man who
has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a
most beloved sister?”
As she pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed
colour; but the emotion was short, and he listened without
attempting to interrupt her while she continued,—
“I have every reason in the world to think ill of
you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted
there. You dare not, you cannot deny that you have been the
principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other,
of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and
instability, the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and
involving them both in misery of the acutest kind.”
She paused, and saw with no slight indignation that
he was listening with an air which proved him wholly unmoved by any
feeling of remorse. He even looked at her with a smile of affected
incredulity.
“Can you deny that you have done it?” she
repeated.
With assumed tranquillity he then replied, “I have
no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate
my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success.
Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.”
Elizabeth disdained the appearance of noticing this
civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely
to conciliate her.
“But it is not merely this affair,” she continued,
“on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my
opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the
recital which I received many months ago from Mr. Wickham. On this
subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of
friendship can you here defend yourself? or under what
misrepresentation can you here impose upon others?”
“You take an eager interest in that gentleman’s
concerns,” said Darcy, in a less tranquil tone, and with a
heightened colour.
“Who that knows what his misfortunes have been can
help feeling an interest in him?”
“His misfortunes!” repeated Darcy,
contemptuously,—“yes, his misfortunes have been great
indeed.”
“And of your infliction,” cried Elizabeth, with
energy. “You have reduced him to his present state of
poverty—comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages which
you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the
best years of his life of that independence which was no less his
due than his desert. You have done all this! and yet you can treat
the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule.”
“And this,” cried Darcy, as he walked with quick
steps across the room, “is your opinion of me! This is the
estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so
fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed!
But, perhaps,” added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards
her, “these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride
been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long
prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations
might have been suppressed, had I, with greater policy, concealed
my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being
impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by
reflection, by every thing. But disguise of every sort is my
abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were
natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority
of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of
relations whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my
own?”
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every
moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when
she said,—
“You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that
the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way than as
it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you,
had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.”
She saw him start at this; but he said nothing, and
she continued,—
“You could not have made me the offer of your hand
in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.”
Again his astonishment was obvious: and he looked
at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification.
She went on,—
“From the very beginning, from the first moment, I
may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners
impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your
conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were
such as to form that groundwork of disapprobation, on which
succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not
known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the
world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.”
“You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly
comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what
my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your
time, and accept my best wishes for your health and
happiness.”
And with these words he hastily left the room, and
Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit
the house. The tumult of her mind was now painfully great. She knew
not how to support herself, and, from actual weakness, sat down and
cried for half an hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what
had passed, was increased by every review of it. That she should
receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy! that he should have
been in love with her for so many months! so much in love as to
wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him
prevent his friend’s marrying her sister, and which must appear at
least with equal force in his own case, was almost incredible! it
was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an
affection. But his pride, his abominable pride, his shameless
avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane, his unpardonable
assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the
unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty
towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity
which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment
excited.
She continued in very agitating reflections till
the sound of Lady Catherine’s carriage made her feel how unequal
she was to encounter Charlotte’s observation, and hurried her away
to her room.