William: Nickname?

Kane: Plaster, Unlucky.

William: Zodiac sign?

Kane: Libra maybe.

William: Choice of weapon?

Kane: I most often use long-range rifles. Cameo and I have a stash of them. The further away I am from my target, the less likely I am to meet with a deadly disaster of my own.

William: What are you looking for in a woman?

Kane: I stopped looking a long time ago. I’m no good for anyone, least of all someone I could grow to love.

William: And you let a little thing like that stop you? Five words: You don’t want it enough. Now, favorite food?

Kane: Anything without plaster or burns or debris.

William: Favorite outfit?

Kane: Anything without plaster or burns or debris.

William: Your new nickname should be Picky. Favorite moment in the series so far?

Kane: Each time one of my friends has fallen in love and made it work. That means there’s hope for the rest of us. Maybe.

William: Least favorite?

Kane: Every time I’m left behind from battle because I’m too dangerous to have around.

William: Why don’t you just go anyway? I would.

Kane: I care about my friends.

William: Yeah, but you should love yourself more. That’s my philosophy. Any hobbies?

Kane: Don’t tell anyone, but I like to draw. I swear to the gods, if you tell anyone, I will rip out a page of your book. Yeah, Anya told me where she keeps it.

William: Like that scares me. You’re not the first to threaten me today. Or even in the last hour.

Kane: Anya! Anya, get in here!

[short recess while a fight breaks out]

Note from William: We return to our regularly scheduled programming, now that a wall has crumbled to dust and our chairs are in tatters. Oh, yeah. And I won. Or would have, if that chunk of rock hadn’t bashed right into my temple.

William: What are your household chores?

Kane: First, the fight was a tie. Second, I’ve been helping Aeron with the cleaning.

William: What’d he bribe you with?

Kane: Bribe? He didn’t bribe. He asked and I agreed.

William: Sucker! Least favorite household responsibility?

Kane: I don’t mind any of it, really. The chores make for a clean, well-run home and a clean, well-run home is a happy home. Except when people trying to interview you say they’re going to spill your secrets to everyone.

William: It shouldn’t surprise you that I don’t do off-the-record.

Kane: Anyone ever tell you that you’re the male version of Anya?

William: No, but thank you! Describe yourself.

Kane: Catastrophe walking.

William: What do you think of the fact that your home has been invaded by women?

Kane: Honestly? I wish they’d leave. Not to be cruel, you understand, but I’m just afraid I’ll hurt them. I should be able to relax at home, you know?

William: Agreed. A man’s home is his love nest. And if you can’t relax in your love nest, life isn’t worth living. Who do you think is the strongest Lord?

Kane: Sabin. He always has been, always will be. That’s why I follow him. Boy is ruthless, and you gotta love that in a leader.

William: If you knew you only had twenty-four hours before the Hunters found Pandora’s box and killed you, what would you do in the time you had left to live?

Kane: Strider told me you asked him this, as well. He also told me his answer, taking as many Hunters as he could with him. I like that.

William: Copying answers is not allowed.

Kane: What are you going to do? Give me an F?

William: Moving on. What kind of underwear do you prefer?

Kane: It’s actually best if I wear a cup.

Final thoughts from William: I had no idea Kane would prove to be the most frustrating of the Lords.

Final final thoughts from William: The Lords of the Underworld are loyal, brave and fierce—boring!—as well as ill-mannered, shady and borderline nymphomaniacs. I know, I’m as shocked as you are. But suddenly I’m feeling like a proud papa, as if I somehow corrupted them just right. There might even be a tear in my eye.

But if this interview taught me anything, it’s that I actually like the men here. Not that I’ll ever admit that out loud. What I will admit: they are a shitload of fun to tease. And yeah, I think I’ll stick around for a while longer. Hell, maybe I’ll even start helping with their little war. Bashing a few heads in could be interesting….