William: Nickname?

Lucien: The Grim Reaper, the Dark One, Malach ha-Maet, Yama, Azreal, Shadow Walker, Mairya, King of the Dead. And Flowers—but only Anya can call me that.

William: Fine. I’ll call you Roses.

Lucien: You won’t.

William: I will. Zodiac sign, Roses?

Lucien: First, how does my woman stand you? Second, I don’t think I have a sign. I was created rather than born, and I am unsure of the day, much less the month.

William: I’ll just mark your sign as “Roses.” Choice of weapon, Roses?

Lucien: You are a bastard. But I like knives. I like to get up close and personal with my kills. Care for a demonstration?

William: Later. What are you looking for in a woman, Roses?

Lucien: Why don’t I call you Moron? Anya does. Anyway, I was not looking, but I certainly found my perfect match in Anya, supreme goddess of Anarchy. Do not call her a “minor” goddess if you know what’s good for you.

William: Favorite food, Roses, mate to the minor goddess of Anarchy?

Lucien: You are asking for a beating, you know that? But the answer is, I like anything Anya steals—er, cooks for me.

William: Favorite moment in the series so far, Roses?

Lucien: You are irritating. I shouldn’t admit this, but I loved the time Anya and I were in bed—after we’d been fighting—and she proved just how much she, uh, liked me.

William: Tell me more.

Lucien: No. That would be ungentlemanly.

William: All the fun things are.

Lucien: Next question. Now.

William: Least favorite moment in the series, Flowers?

Lucien: I hope someone stabs you. Again. As for my least favorite moment, that was when Anya couldn’t remember who I was. Talk about tearing my heart in two.

William: Hobbies, Flowers. Besides annoying me.

Lucien: You annoy me! But anyway, taking care of Anya is a full-time job. Someone has to put out the fires.

William: Household chores, Flowers?

Lucien: Paperwork.

William: Least favorite household responsibility, Flowers?

Lucien: Escorting Maddox to Hell each night before his curse was broken.

William: Describe yourself, Flowers. Or, if you’d rather, I could do it for you.

Lucien: I can handle this one. I’m ugly, distanced, hard.

William: I would have added annoying.

Anya: [entering the room] What did I tell you about calling yourself ugly, Flowers? Punishment time, big boy, and Mama’s not showing any mercy. Although you get bonus points for “hard.”

William: What do you think of the fact that your home has been invaded by women, Flowers?

Anya: Allow me to answer the rest of these questions for my man—he’s currently…tied up. What does he think about the invasion of estrogen? He loves it. And if you call him Flowers again, I’ll rip another page from your precious book.

William: You annoy me, too. Who do you think is the toughest Lord?

Anya: Flowers.

William: Why do you get to call him Flowers but I can’t?

Anya: Because I’m special.

William: This isn’t even your interview. Get lost.

Anya: There goes another page.

William: Bitch. If you knew you only had twenty-four hours before the Hunters found Pandora’s box and killed you, what would you do in the time you had left to live?

Anya: Trick question. No one would be dumb enough to kill him because they would know they’d soon feel the sting of my wrath.

Final thoughts from William: Someone should spank Anya. Hard!