William: Nickname?

Sabin: Doubtie-poo

William: Zodiac sign?

Sabin: Aries.

William: Why?

Sabin: Because I’m independent and courageous.

William: And short-tempered and impatient.

Sabin: You say tomato, I say shut the hell up.

William: I rest my case. So, what are you looking for in a woman?

Sabin: Straight up hot. With a vicious dark side. Red hair, of course. And breasts that fill my hands. Oh, and those breasts have to have hard, pink nipples that are always ready for my mouth. And the woman herself must have legs that—

Gwen: [who decided to sit in on the entire interview, refusing to leave, even after I begged] I apologize for Sabin. Also, I’ve decided to answer the rest of the questions for him.

William: Favorite sexual position?

Gwen: Pass!

William: Women. No fun. Favorite food?

Gwen: Cheese tots. He’s even got me addicted to them.

William: Favorite outfit? Please say “naked” and then offer to model for me.

Gwen: Pervert! The crazier the T-shirt, the more he likes it. But then, he’s weird like that.

William: Choice of weapon?

Gwen: Me. But if the weapon kills, he likes it.

William: Favorite moment in the series so far?

Gwen: No question. When he met me.

William: Least favorite?

Sabin: Taking my own interview back over for a sec, and I’m just gonna say it. When Galen got away. Sorry, baby!

William: Hobbies?

Gwen: First, no need to apologize. Second, he loves making me happy.

William: Household chores?

Gwen: Are you kidding? He can’t even clean his own room.

William: Least favorite household responsibility?

Gwen: How can he have a least favorite when he doesn’t do anything?

Sabin: Hey, now. Who took you shopping? Who helped you plan a wedding? Who calmed you down when you went off the deep end a few thousand times?

Gwen: “Went off the deep end” better be code for “got sweeter by the day.”

William: I actually think “off the deep end” means you were a total bridezilla. But we digress. Describe yourself.

Gwen: Sensitive, charming, and utterly caring. When he’s not making me angry.

Sabin: None of that is true! I’m a badass, and she knows it. Did you hear the part about how I make her angry? Woman, what are you trying to do to me?

William: What do you think of the fact that your home has been invaded by women?

Gwen: He loves it, of course! He can’t imagine his life without me.

William: Who do you think is the toughest/strongest/smartest/cutest Lord?

Gwen: Me. I may not technically be a Lord, but I’m still his favorite everything.

William: If you knew you only had twenty-four hours before the Hunters found Pandora’s box and killed you, what would you do in the time you had left to live?

Sabin and Gwen (simultaneously): Kill our enemies. Every single one of them.

William: What kind of underwear do you prefer?

Gwen: My sisters stole all of his underwear.

Sabin: Along with my weapons. And my cash. And my—

Gwen: But he preferred briefs.

Final thoughts from William: I am never getting married.