Chapter 28

I wasn’t too sure how great I felt about hanging out on an elevated platform to catch a train instead of staying nice and safe with my feet on the ground. But for whatever reason, Xiaoming thought we needed to take the train. So be it.

After about ten minutes watching clouds of smoke erupt all over Chinatown from whatever amateur was trying to wield the lion, I looked down the track for the train.

And then I saw our transport.

If I wouldn’t have felt so completely ridiculous doing it, I would have rubbed my eyes in disbelief. There was Xiaoming, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, on a pump cart like you see in the old Wile E. Coyote cartoons. The thing that made this cart different was that the whole thing was made of polished silver.

I stuck my thumb out and Xiaoming pulled up to the platform.

“Nice ride,” I remarked.

“I pimped it for you,” he replied dryly.

I always get the comedians.

Killian leapt over to the cart and then held out his hand for me. Usually, I would scoff at such niceties, but my head was bleeding fairly profusely in that way that only head wounds can bleed.

“Thanks,” I said. He helped me to sit and then took a place on the opposite handle. Between him and Xiaoming, we accelerated to a pretty respectable speed.

“So,” I said, trying to come up with some polite chit chat, “you just keep this baby locked in your garage?”

Xiaoming grunted, “It is for protection. Silver wheels keep us from bad magic attack. Like your stealth bomber, but on train track.”

Stealth. Right. You know, if you’re not blind to three people perched on a shiny handcart and deaf to rhythmic squeaky pumping.

“So, where are we off to?” I asked, my eyes watching the buildings as they whizzed by.

“I get you out of Chinatown before you destroy it.”

“Excuse me, I did not destroy anything.”

“You bring fist of destruction. You will not make portal in my neighborhood.”

“I am the victim here!” I pointed out, holding up my blood-covered hand.

“Does not matter who started it. I end it. You go home.”

“Killian is the one that got me into this. I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him. If you want to blame someone, maybe you should bark up that tree.”

Xiaoming gave Killian the old fisheye and then declared, “He working. You sitting. He okay. You lazy.”

There was no winning with this guy. He and Father Killarney were a match made in heaven.

“How they find you so fast?” Xiaoming scowled at me.

“I have no idea,” I replied, “Although you need to be on the lookout. Evidently your place is being…”

I’m an idiot.

That tail had nothing to do with the long arm of the law. There was no antiquities stakeout. I was a chump and had even given the guy my contact nformation.

“Crap,” I said.

“What you do now?” Xiaoming accused.

I looked over at Killian apologetically, “The guy in the SUV who was tailing us. He looked like a fed. I had a little talk with him. Thought I was doing you a favor by straightening him out. The attack came right after he made a positive ID on me.”

“You so stupid.”

“Yah, Xiaoming, I get that,” I snapped. God, he was like a high school gym teacher from hell who kept telling the fat kid all she had to do was run faster. I turned to Killian, “I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on it.”

Xiaoming gave a huff, “You able to open portal. Lion is like a positive magnet and you a negative magnet. It drawn to you. They just have to find where you are and point. You like diamond lion, except not as good.”

“Thanks for the kind words, Xiaoming. Have you ever considered a career in motivational speaking?”

“There are ways to talk between border. You say you have ‘shitty’ family here on Earth, correct?”

“And some very nice family, too, I’ll have you know.”

“Your phone go through border so you can talk to family?”

I thought only my dad was strong enough to set up an inter-dimensional phone line. Evidently I was wrong, “So the fake fed has a phone line to the Other Side, too, and told them where to aim the Jade Lion?”

“If you facing right way, jade lion open up portal like jian sword to enemy belly button. You make sure not to look at border when it is coming at you.”

I finally got what he was trying to tell me. Facing the right way at the wrong time was hazardous for my health. I couldn’t believe we had survived this long, “Killian? Did you know I wasn’t supposed to be looking at the border?”

“Not an inkling.”

Seriously, if fate was going to suck me into an alternate dimension because of an inappropriate glance, I didn’t really think I had much of a fighting chance.

“Okay. Well. You just promise you’ll spin me like we’re playing Pin the Tail on the Wood Sprite the next time they try to punch a hole through.”

We entered a tunnel and the red tip of Xiaoming’s cigarette was the only light in the place. Thank god the guy could chain smoke like a mutha otherwise we would have been plunged into complete darkness. Still, as he lit up his fourth, hacking up a nasty wad of phlegm, I commented, “You don’t worry much about your health, do you?”

“I read air quality report,” he said, removing the cigarette from his mouth to point it at me, “At least I have filter.”

As we emerged from the tunnel, a familiar brownie was standing at the switch. Pipistrelle threw the lever and we rolled off onto a side track.

“Pipistrelle! You found us!” I said with a smile. I know he had been pretty much useless up until this point, but I was sort of warming up to him like you do a friend’s puppy.

The little guy gave a smart salute.

“My master sent me with word of your uncle,” he informed us cheerily.

“What?” I asked as Killian and I hopped off the cart.

“Ulrich is coming to kill you,” said the brownie.

I looked up at Xiaoming. He gave me a “so it goes” sort of shrug, flipped a couple gears on the handcar, and took off the way he came, leaving us standing out there in that field.

Good to know he cared.

“Pipistrelle, do you know when or how?” I asked as I patted myself down to make sure my stake was still within easy reach.

The brownie nodded so hard he almost fell over, “I learned that he has brought a clan of vampires over by way of a sulfur circle. They will come tonight. You would do well to find shelter before the sun gives way to the darkness.”

He was so excited to be able to give us something useful, he made the imminent attack by a clan of vampires sound like it was a surprise party.

I looked over at the hill. The sun had already touched its ridge, “Killian, we gotta get moving. We’ve got a half hour, maybe forty five minutes.”

“Pipistrelle,” Killian said patiently, crouching down so that he was almost eye level, “are they tracking us?”

“They do not know where you are currently. I heard him say that you had visited Chinatown. They will most likely smell you there and come find you here.”

Killian looked up at me worried.

I calmed him, “The handcar’s silver wheels will have protected our path.”

Killian pointed at my head wound, “Except that you are bleeding.”

Fucking elf. He was right. I had probably dribbled enough blood along the way for a pack of regular old hound dogs to sniff us out, much less a gaggle of blood suckers who track bodily fluids for a living.

“Let’s just worry about them tracking us from this point forward. It’ll be pure luck if they find us all the way out here.”

Killian became very still, “Do you think they know about your sister?”

Shit.

Her house was a fortress, but other than that, my sister was utterly defenseless. Her husband was a great guy, but he knew more about battling it out with the vampires of Wall Street than the more garden-variety blood sucking ones. It appears I may have inadvertently brought an (un)living nightmare to her doorstep and I was all the way across town.

“We can’t go there tonight,” I said. “Not while they are tracking me. They shouldn’t know about Mindy, but we can’t go back there again until this is done.”

I turned to the little brownie, “Pipistrelle, as soon as we are safe for the night, I need you to go take care of my sister. Get your boss to put a glamour around her and her husband. He owes us one more mark and I’m calling it in. He has to protect them from anyone who would do them harm.”

Pipistrelle nodded seriously, “I hear and I will obey. My master will protect Maggie’s sister and Maggie’s sister’s husband. I will make sure!”

I ruffled that little guy’s hair and he looked like he was about to pop from the show of affection.

I turned back to Killian, “If we find a payphone, I’ll call her and give her the rundown.”

Killian pointed to my cell phone, “Do you want to try to call her now?”

I thought about that damned business card I had just handed over to the faux government goon, “They’ll trace any number I dial, or at least that’s what I’d do.”

Killian nodded in understanding, “Well, then, it appears we are on our own tonight. Pipistrelle? Do you have any recommendations for shelter?”

The little guy nodded, “There is an inn close by.”

Killian turned to me, “Do we risk harming innocent people by staying there?”

It was probably a deep philosophical question, but I was still bleeding, “As long as we get ourselves over a threshold and nobody around us invites any of the bastards in, everyone should be okay. They can only hold us under siege until morning.”

“Unless they have your uncle’s talisman.”

“Right.”

Next time I saw my uncle, I was going to let him know he was a real jerk.

Killian held out his arm in a sweeping bow to the brownie, “To the inn, Pipistrelle!”

Twilight began to fall and every squirrel in the brush sounded like an attack. Fortunately, you can’t go too far in LA without running into civilization somewhere. The desert-like scrub gave way to urban blight and old homes. There were streets and buckled sidewalks which made moving much easier. The thing about Los Angeles, though, is that no one walks. You can go for miles and miles and see plenty of cars, but not a single soul. To say it is creepy is an understatement, especially when you’re waiting for a clan of vampires to jump out at you at any moment.

As the darkness closed in, we started hugging the buildings and checking around the corners before we moved. My heart rate was definitely up and my senses on high alert.

The last light of day faded to nothing and Killian picked up his pace to a brisk jog. Besides elves being absolutely gorgeous, they’re pretty much crazy athletes and have never heard of “fatigue” or “dropping dead from exhaustion”.

Trying to keep up with the fairy version of Carl Lewis meant that I almost didn’t see the vampire. He was hiding behind the column of an old, abandoned gas station as we ran by. His pale face matched the peeling paint of the building.

The vamp tried to slink away. I realized I was running at him as if heading straight towards the undead was an automatic default setting in my primal lizard brain. If I let the sucker get away, he’d tell his buddies, and Killian and I were toast.

Killian almost didn’t notice that I had turned off. He glanced over his shoulder and then stopped as he saw me charge towards the abandoned building.

“Maggie?” he called in a worried voice.

I pulled out my silver stake and broke into a flat out sprint. The vamp was having a tough time navigating the steep slope behind the building. Tough as in “still supernaturally strong and faster than any person could ever be”, but not as quick as a vampire might like. The fact he was struggling meant he was a young one and perhaps his brains were not, shall we say, the most oxygen-rich bag in the blood bank.

I had one shot. His back was to me, he was halfway up the hill. I aimed and threw. It was a long shot to expect it to A) hit him and B) pierce his heart. But that’s what happened and I was totally impressed with myself. The vamp went down and he was out.

I looked over at Killian and Pipistrelle.

“Did you see that?” I said, pointing at the pile of ex-vampire.

The little brownie gave me a thumbs up.

I climbed up the hill to go retrieve my stake.

Killian hissed at me, “Get back here! We have to go!”

I glanced over my shoulder, “It’s fine. I just need to get my stake. It’ll be awhile before they figure out where to come looking for him.”

Evidently not long enough, though, because the moment I turned back, there was another undead mug peeking over the hill at me.

Crap.

They must have just sent out pairs in a huge wide net hoping that one of them would get lucky. And unfortunately for us, today was their lucky day.

I grabbed the stake and wiped it on my pants, “You’re right. I’m wrong. Let’s go. Now.”

I skittered down the hill. I knew when to fight and when to run away to fight again another day. Or when to run in the hopes of not having to fight at all.

“What did you see?” asked Killian, catching up with me as I tore off down the street.

“Another scout. I don’t know if they were trying to taunt me into following them right into a trap or if they have a buddy system now, but whatever it is, it is bad and we need to get out of here.”

Killian didn’t need another warning.

We turned, following Pipistrelle down a residential street. He seemed to think this was a great evening jaunt and tons of fun.

“Pipistrelle, quit humming!” I hissed for the umpteenth time.

He shut up, but I could tell the musical earworm was still singing itself in his head, because every now and again, he’d pause to bust a move.

I guess brownies aren’t too concerned about being turned into vampire food.

We turned another street and there was the most blessed sight I had ever seen - a great big yellow hotel sign of a dive not even good enough to sail under a corporate flag. The neon light read “vacancy”.

I’m sure that Killian and I looked like hell when we came in, but the guy behind the bulletproof glass looked like he had seen worse.

“One room or two?” he asked, barely looking up from his game of minesweeper.

“One,” we said in unison.

“With two beds,” I added.

The guy handed us two actual, real keys on green plastic key chains. As we were leaving, I turned back and said offhanded, “Thanks. Don’t invite any vampires in.”

The guy behind the glass gave me a sarcastic smile and went back to his game. Boy, I hope he listened.

Pipistrelle had disappeared by the time we got outside. I hoped the little dude was on his way to my sister’s and/or was hiding somewhere safe. I didn’t need a tiny corpse on my guilt list.

Our room was a threadbare, nasty flea trap. The carpet was a throw-up green and the walnut laminate furniture chipped and covered in a greasy film. I hated to think of the action the bedspreads had seen.

And yet, I have to say as I crossed its threshold, it was one of the most beautiful rooms I had ever laid eyes on.

We got in, threw the deadbolt, and turned off the light so that we could watch the street.

I could see the vampires stake out the place, so to speak.

“How many?” asked Killian, peeking over my shoulder.

“I counted five. I don’t know how many more we can’t see.”

I let the blinds close and walked over to the bed to pull off my shoes.

Killian lay across the other bed and picked up the remote control, flipping it to The Discovery Channel. Mike Rowe, had I got a dirty job suggestion for you…

The hours faded one into the other. There were knocks at the door and knocks at the window, announcements of pizza we didn’t order and taunts to come out. Killian just turned up the volume.

Around 2:00AM, I started hitting the wall as the vamps continued to hound us. The fact the night manager hadn’t called the police led me to believe he hadn’t heeded my warning and was probably sporting a couple of nasty hickeys. We were well into a QVC wasteland of late night commercials. I was moments away from believing that a food vacuum sealer held all the keys to happiness in a re-sealable plastic bag when a heavy thunk caused the door to shake on its hinges.

I looked over at Killian, “I swear to god if they don’t cut it out with all the banging, I’m going to go out there and kill them all.”

“I would be happy to carry your extra gun,” Killian replied.

I sighed as I flipped stations.

“So what is the plan for tomorrow?” Killian asked.

I had no idea, “I need to go reclaim my car from Father Killarney. Maybe he’ll have some ideas.”

“Do you feel like we have missed something?” Killian mused.

I kept flipping stations, “Nah, there’s really nothing good on.”

“I meant about the vampires.”

He got out a pad and pen from the bedside drawer and started mapping out his thoughts à la pictogram. I folded up the pillow beneath my head and looked over at what he was trying to flowchart.

“They want to walk in the sun, which your uncle is working on,” Killian said. “He wants to return home, and the vampires are gathering up the lions. They had the jade lion, but they don’t seem to have the diamond lion, yet. Why bother themselves with you?”

The pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

I took the pen out of his hand and drew a little stick figure with straight black hair and eyelashes holding an ugly kitty cat, “They think I have it.”

Killian looked me dead in the eye, having the same moment of realization. He threw himself back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling, “Well, at least the solution is easy.”

“And what is that?”

Mirrored grins crossed our faces.

“Get the diamond lion first,” Killian and I said at the same time.

“Jinx,” said Killian. We stared at one another in silence before he asked, “Now what?”

“I’m not allowed to talk until I buy you a Coke,” I replied.

“Seems like a fair exchange.”

I threw the pillow at his head.

He caught it and put it on the far side of his bed before taking the remote out of my hands and turning off the light, “Rest. I promise to wake you in two hours time or prior to Armageddon, whichever comes first.”

You don’t get into my line of work if you don’t learn how to grab sleep whenever it comes. Sure, the ground was probably more comfortable than the beds we were on and death was literally at our door, but I sandwiched my ears between my remaining pillows and was out.

I woke up with dawn breaking in the room. Killian had opened up the blinds and was looking outside.

“You were going to wake me,” I said, feeling like a total slacker.

Killian shrugged, “For some reason, they all took off and I fell asleep shortly after you.”

So much for him having the first watch.

I joined him over at the window. The vamps were definitely gone and the sun was definitely up.

“What shall we do today?” Killian asked.

“I say we check out and find some food,” I replied, looking down at the office, “I’m thinking continental breakfast might not be offered this morning.”

To our surprise, the night manager was still sitting there, still playing his computer games. The office all around him looked spic and span, though. Pipistrelle probably got bored and decided to do some cleaning while the guy wasn’t looking.

The night manager was completely underwhelmed that we were checking out.

“Some friends of yours stopped by,” he said. “We don’t allow unregistered guests in the rooms.”

“We did not let them in,” I replied in earnestness.

“Good,” he said, sliding the receipt towards me.

I raised an eyebrow at the bill and noted to Killian, “I’m adding this to your tab and expect to be reimbursed.”

The night clerk threw me the ol’ fisheye.

“I’m doing a job for him…” I protested.

“Not interested in knowing what kind of ‘job’ you did for him last night. If the cops come, I don’t want any information. Don’t come back. Got it?”

Fantastic. I was sitting there saving the world from destruction and this jerk-off thought I was hooking in his hotel.

I scrawled out my signature sloppily on the receipt and stalked out of the lobby. I didn’t even look back as Killian jogged over to keep up.

“You could have protected my honor,” I sulked.

“The lady doth protest too much,” he replied.

“Um, excuse me. The guy was thinking I was whoring myself out at a $49.99 motel. You could have set the record straight.”

“It is a better cover than ‘I am a tracker and I am hiding out from vampires’,” Killian replied.

Why did that fucking elf always have to be right?