Chapter Nine

Marie stroked the soft skin of her son’s cheek.

He was a miracle, and the great pain it took to bring him into this world was nothing compared to the joy of holding him like this – though she would not tell Joseph that little fact. The boy was at her breast nursing, his sweet-baby smell warm and wonderful.

A quick knock sounded at the door and before she could even answer, the door opened to reveal a woman in a cloak. “It’s me, Marie. It’s Nissa. You have to believe me.”

Nissa. Thank heavens she was not hurt. Joseph had told her Benton had returned and protected her, but Joseph was tight-lipped over the other details. He’d said he wanted her to rest after the birth, but the way he carried himself screamed uneasy thoughts. She’d been too tired to question him any further.

Marie chuckled. “As tired as I am, I’d take your word that you were the tooth fairy. Are you all right? What’s with the cloak?” When Nissa stood there and said nothing, unease began to tighten Marie’s stomach. “Nissa, did something happen last night? I told Joseph he should never have let you out of his sight, Benton or no! I’m so sorry-”

A hand shot out from beneath the cloak, fingers spread in a sign to calm down. A deep breath and a long exhale were audible from the cloaks folds. “Marie, I’m fine. I’m fine. Just remember, I’m your Nissa.” With that, she pulled off the cloak.

What game was this? It had sounded like Nissa, but this woman was as far from her friend in looks as the moon was from the sun. Marie’s grip tightened on her baby, bringing him flush against her body. “I don’t understand. Who are you, and why are you joking like this? Where’s Nissa?”

The woman swallowed. She took another deep breath before she stepped forward to kneel beside the bed. She looked straight into Marie’s eyes, the position and the direct glance showing her violet eyes clearly. “It’s me. I need you now, just like I needed you before. Please don’t abandon me.”

Please don’t abandon me. The words rung through her head, echoing the first words she had heard from Nissa three years ago, the lost and broken woman she’d somehow managed to put together again. Marie’s breathing went ragged. “How can you be Nissa?”

The beautiful woman stroked her right hand over her left forearm, a nervous habit Marie was all-too-familiar with. The woman drew a deep breath and turned the full force of those violet eyes on Marie. “Do you believe in magic?”

Magic. Yes, she always had. Her mother’s house was steeped in the belief of magic, stories of fairy godmothers and brave knights and happily-ever-afters told to her daily

It was one of the reasons she had been drawn to Nissa in the first place. Nissa three years ago had been a broken doll, so shattered only magic could explain how she still moved in spite of the fractures. It made Marie want to get close, to help heal where maybe the magic couldn’t reach, to be part of a miracle.

“You came from the north, you said,” Marie began, and Nissa’s whole body tensed like someone does when waiting for a blow. “That was the only clue you would ever give to your past. Not long after you arrived, Joseph traveled north on business for Benton. It was a little town he stopped at to rest for the night.”

Nissa turned so her face was in profile. Her visible eye was wide, staring ahead to watch whatever memory raced past.

Marie continued. “They talked in that village, of a beautiful woman, the type of beauty that drives men to become beasts. They said she was the governess to the local lord’s five children. They said one day the lord forced her to be brought to him when his lady wife and their children were not home. But the lord’s brother was there, as well as the brother’s two sons, both of them of age and all of them, all of them , evil. The villagers said they never saw her again, that they didn’t expect to, not after what was surely done to her by those men. Her name was Nissa, and she had violet eyes.” Marie’s voice cracked at the end, and the baby wailed. Marie looked down where her son was covered in her tears, crying himself as they dripped over his face. “And I thought, ‘It’s not her, thank the heavens. Look at her, she’s not what anyone would ever call a beauty’.”

Nissa’s eyes closed and her head tilted to the side, falling against her shoulder. Old pain seeped into the air around her in a near visible cloud, its tendrils snaking through space to cover even to the far corners of the room. Her voice was low when she spoke. “They fell asleep, and I walked out the front door. I kept expecting to be stopped. After everything, it felt wrong to be able to leave so easily. I walked. And when I stopped, there was a woman. She held me. She said nothing could change the past, but she would use every bit of magic she possessed to heal me.”

Her trembling arms cradled her torso. “I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I woke I was alone. There was a piece of parchment nearby and a rucksack. The rucksack was filled, and the letter said to travel south, that I would know when to stop and when I stopped, that’s where I would heal. I… There was a river nearby. I went to splash my face and get a drink, and the reflection that stared up at me was a woman I had never seen before, a woman with dirty-blond hair and a pinched little face. That’s when I knew that magic was real, and I picked up the rucksack. I never looked back.”

Nissa lifted her head and looked over at Marie. Her smile was as moving as any painted by a great master, hope apparent under the still-present pain. “I met you and it was time to stop. It was as obvious to me as the sun rising in the morning. I had you, and then I had Joseph, and finally I had Benton.”

As Benton’s name left her lips a new pain enveloped her features, one more recent. Her mouth twisted while her fists clenched against her stomach.

“Benton was with you last night, that’s what Joseph told me.”

“Benton was Byron.”

Of course he was. Every question about Byron fell into place and was answered. “He made a wish, didn’t he?”

Nissa nodded but didn’t give details.

“What does this mean? Is he going to be Byron again? Will you go back to being the other Nissa?”

She raised her hand to rub the side of her neck. “I think not. I remember vaguely something about how once the wish has run its course and the magic’s gone, it’s over. We are now both as we really are.”

“And what does Benton think?”

Nissa didn’t cry, not over anything, but as soon as the question left Marie’s mouth great sobs escaped from Nissa and she bent over with the force of them.

Marie put her son in his crib and went to Nissa to wrap the now-stunning woman in her arms. “Shh, it will be all right. No matter what it is, we’ll get through it together as we always have.”

In a tear-choked voice, Nissa said, “He doesn’t love me like this.”

Scoffing would be counterproductive, so Marie chose the more conservative approach. “Benton couldn’t not love you. You are as vital to him as air. I don’t know why we keep coming back to this point, but one day you will trust me on this.”

Nissa shook her head and pulled back. “You don’t understand. We made love last night, at least I thought it was making love, but this morning he saw me like this, and he ran away.” The last words were said under choked sobs, and she placed her hands over her face. She caught her breath again, and said in a strained tone, “Wouldn’t it be irony if all this time I held him at arm’s length because I wasn’t pretty enough, and then when I finally give in, I discover that he’s attracted to the other me and now that I look like this he isn’t attracted to me at all and doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”

“That was too much for someone who gave birth less than twenty-four hours ago to follow, but I think I got your meaning. Nissa, Benton loves you. Period. No questions about it. End of the line and for all time.”

“Then why did he leave me?”

Marie exhaled sharply. “Do any of them make sense? I don’t know why he did, and it was a shitty thing to do. I swear I’ll grab the fireplace poker and smack some sense into that skull of his. But you need to let him explain.”

Nissa didn’t say anything so Marie pressed forward. “Again, it wasn’t right, but this is a confusing time for him as well as you. You’ve both had a lot of changes and a lot of shocks in a very short period of time. It would throw anyone off. Give him some breathing room. I promise you, I promise , Benton could no more leave you than he could his heart.”

“I didn’t know Nissa had a cousin – and you also named Nissa!”

Nissa glanced around the tavern hall, praying a guest would signal her to their table so she had an excuse to leave Councilor Hale. Every time she made the slightest motion to leave he would come up with another conversational angle to keep her there. What was worse, he kept trying to “accidentally” stroke some part of her body with some part of his.

“It’s a family name, Councilor. There are at least six more family members named ‘Nissa’ that I know of. And we’re a small clan who has stayed in a little town. Nissa is one of the few who ever braved forth, and now me.”

“A shame about her mother.” It was as good a cover story as she and Marie could concoct at such short notice. The “other” Nissa went back to her family to take care of her dying mother, and this Nissa came to stay and help.

Actually, “this” Nissa was going to go to the cabin and talk some sense into a big, hulking idiot male who had been avoiding her for three days, ever since he left her there.

She sighed. Yes, he was avoiding her, but to be fair, she was avoiding him as well. As much as she wanted to believe Marie’s thoughts on the subject, she had felt a little too raw to risk confronting him. But that changed today. If there was one thing this little Byron adventure taught her, it was the stupidity of not being honest with her feelings.

Nissa turned her attention back to the conversation. “Yes, Aunt Dawn is a wonderful woman, and she’ll be so happy to see my cousin again.”

“It was good of you to stay to help your cousin so she wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving so suddenly. Does this mean there is no young man anxious for your return?” Hale gave her a look that he probably thought was sexy and inviting, but under even the best of circumstances she would think he was suffering from a mild bout of constipation.

While she didn’t want to encourage him, she didn’t want to get on his bad side. With the return of her old face the habits she’d spent her earlier life acquiring came back quick and easy, including the way to handle men. “Well, Councilor, I’m afraid I can’t part with all my secrets at once. We need to leave something for our next conversation.” And with a smile that held friendliness with only the barest edge of flirtation, she walked off.

She made her way into the kitchen before allowing herself the shudder that built up throughout the conversation. The bad parts that came with being an attractive woman were already starting again.

Men were coming into the tavern to see her, all of them acting like Hale with what they thought were witty come-ons. She wasn’t afraid of it getting out of hand, but that didn’t stop it from being annoying.

More worrisome was her teaching position. Madam Pierce’s manner was frost personified when she was told the cover story. When Nissa volunteered to take over the teaching responsibilities for her “cousin,” the stern woman merely gave a tight-lipped smile and said in a sickeningly-sweet voice, “Such a kind offer, but we will see. Perhaps with Nissa gone it may be a good time to vet other candidates. There has been some interest lately.”

Old witch. No one else had ever shown interest in the job.

Joseph came over to her. Thankfully, her good friend had not changed his attitude toward her since her revelation. He was so in love with Marie and his new son that outside of the immediate shock, he had no other reaction to her new looks. “Business is booming because of you.”

She smiled at his attempt at humor. “I’m glad to keep your son in diapers.”

He smiled back at her, but the movement was brief and nervous energy began to pour from him. “I need to tell you something about Benton.”

“Is he okay?” He couldn’t be hurt. He wasn’t allowed to be hurt when they had so much unresolved between them. Nissa grabbed Joseph’s upper arms. “What happened?”

“Calm down, Benton’s fine. I’m sorry I didn’t say that better.” He extracted her hand from his arm and held it between his own. “Benton is fine. This is something of a more personal nature.” He swallowed hard and looked around the kitchen, obvious in his desire to look at anything but her. “Benton came to talk to me. He wanted to know who had hurt you. I told him”

“You did what?” Nissa ripped her hand from his, holding it against her body as if he had physically hurt it. “You had no right to talk about that.”

He gave a loud exhale and forced his gaze to meet hers. “I had to tell him.”

She shook her head. “No, you didn’t. You should have left it be, just as he should have. That was a long time ago in another life.”

“It isn’t another life anymore, Nissa, not now that you are back to your original body. It’s the past of this life, and all you can do to the past is face it, fix what you can, and move on. Benton is fixing what he can.”

“It wasn’t any of his concern.”

Joseph laughed at that, the laughter given to a joke so cruel it was almost shameful to find it funny. “Benton has every right to know. It’s a man’s pride and his privilege to care for his woman, at least any man worthy of being called a man.”

Nissa’s arm slashed through the air in agitation. “You know what he’ll do.”

“Good,” said Joseph, teeth bared. The kind, loving husband was gone, and in his place was a warrior who lived for the scent of blood. “I would lose all respect for him if he didn’t. You know who Benton is, Nissa. Do you think he, of all men, would let such harm against his heart go unpunished?”

“I gotta get out of here.” Nissa grabbed her coat and fled out the back. A cascade of thoughts and images flooded her brain, and by the time she had them sorted enough that reality could once again impress upon her, she found herself in front of Benton’s cabin.

No sign of life existed. It seemed Benton had acted quickly on the information he got from Joseph.

She wandered over to her tree, the grass beneath the canopy of leaves starting to brown. She wanted Benton back. She wanted them to be beneath this tree. She wanted him to make love to her until it was physically impossible for him to continue, and then she wanted, finally , for him to read to her. That was the extent of the level of excitement she wanted from her life from now on, at least until their children arrived to give her gray hair with their dares and spills. That was her definition of a happy life.

She turned to the lake, and there, standing at the shore and looking out over the calm water, was an older lady, her gray hair pinned up.

Sara?

Before the conscious thought materialized, Nissa was already running toward the woman, picking up her skirt. “Sara,” she called out. “Sara!”

The grandmotherly woman turned, displaying pink cheeks and laughing eyes. When Nissa was within shouting distance, Sara called out, “Good heavens, child, I would have waited for you. No need to wear yourself out.”

Nissa pulled up next to her. Her heart was going to burst out of her chest and her lungs would never get enough oxygen again, but it was Sara. After all this time, Sara had returned to her.

She stared at the fairy godmother, using her breathing as an excuse to take an extra moment to clear her jumbled thoughts. It was probably best to start safe. “You granted Benton’s wish?”

Sara smiled, bringing her hand up to cup Nissa’s cheek. “Of course it was me. I would never trust your happiness to anyone else.”

Nissa took in the grandmotherly woman, wanting to bury herself in those surprisingly strong arms again. “Sara, I turned back.”

Sara smoothed the black mass of hair away from Nissa’s face. “Of course you did. Your wish had been granted.”

“But you never told me I would turn back again.”

Sara studied her for a moment and then took Nissa’s young, unlined hand into her own. They walked several minutes around the lake before Sara said, “Do you remember the wish you made that night?”

Nissa shook her head. “I only remember bits and pieces. I remember… I remember I wanted you to take it away.”

“Yes, that was your first wish, but I told you no magic could do that. Do you remember what you said afterward?”

“No, that’s one of the blank times.”

Sara stopped and faced them both toward the lake, where the setting sun reflected the most harmonious mix of red and gold to paint the clear blue of the water. “You said, ‘Then hide me until I’m strong again’.”

The bugs were starting to come out. Nissa swept her hand in a lazy pattern in front of her to displace the first wave of insects. “I feel confused and anxious and scared. I’m not sure that translates to strong.”

Sara smiled, a smile that hinted at secrets behind secrets. “Few people are truly strong alone. It’s only when we are with the person we trust with everything we are that we find true strength. That’s the strength needed to not only endure, but to overcome and make everything around us better.”

“Benton,” Nissa said, and Sara inclined her head, a benediction upon the realization. “But why did I have to change back if Benton liked the other Nissa?”

“Because this is the real you. This is who you are meant to be, just as Benton could never be comfortable as Byron.” Sara pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders. “That other face wasn’t you, and it’s a fundamental truth you can’t hide forever. You shouldn’t want to.”

“How was she not me? This isn’t the same situation as Benton where the magic changed parts of his personality. The other Nissa versus me, the only difference is looks.”

Sara shrugged. “It’s not that simple. Yes, you are right. The other Nissa was you. She had your humor and your compassionate nature and your stubborn streak – all of those were the same. But she was also a shield for you. You used her to keep away from the world and to keep the world back from you.”

That was a truth undeniable. Even today she had wished she was the old Nissa in the tavern. Perhaps it was time for the crutch to be set aside. “So I’m brave now? Then why does the thought of confronting Benton terrify me?”

Sara’s voice was warm and maternal. “What are you scared of?”

“That he’s left me. I’m scared that I turned into Beauty, but this is one time she isn’t wanted by the Beast.”

Sara rested her hand on Nissa’s shoulder. “He gave up his world for you, and then he threw away his only chance at living in regular society to protect you. He’s fighting your dragons even now. Do you think anything can turn that man away from you? You give him far too little credit. If his relationship with you was nothing but looks, the minute I transformed him he would have been on a quest to bed any woman he could. He never even looked at another woman.”

“He saw me and he ran away. How am I supposed to take that?”

Sara waved away the concern with a motion of her hand and a twist to her lips. “Child, there is one thing you need to realize when dealing with men – they are all emotionally stunted. On their own they bollix everything up, so you need to take charge. Sit Benton down, explain to him what the rules are, and then before he can make any protests throw him on the bed and don’t let him out until the only words he can speak are ‘Yes, dear’.”

Nissa choked at the older woman’s forthrightness. “Sara!”

“Do you love Benton and does he love you?”

Sara’s question cut through the cobwebs and the gray sticky mess that had been strewn inside her head. Yes, and yes. They were the simplest words in the world, but it was no less true because of that. Yes, and yes. “Next time I see Benton I’m laying down the law and grabbing him by the ear.”

“I was thinking lower, child.”