Chapter 44

“Maggie-girl?” his hands went to my face, as if unable to believe it was really me.

“Dad?”

“I didn’t know if you would ever know what had happened...”

Killian cleared his throat, “Should I come over?”

And then there was a sound in the Other Side office. I turned and saw a guy who looked eerily like a younger version of my dad step through the door.

“Ulrich…” my dad hoarsely whispered.

“I think you should stay!” Ulrich roared.

I screamed, “Killian, come through!”

A blast shattered across the room and hit Killian, knocking him to the ground. But Killian didn’t let go of the jade lion and the statue’s gaze held open the portal.

“Dad?” I asked, turning to him.

Dad was no match for Ulrich right now. We both knew it. This was going to have to be my fight.

“Dad, I’ll be right back…”

Dad saw the resolve in my eyes and smiled, “That’s my Maggie-girl.”

He lifted the diamond lion. Energy crackled across the portal as its power connected across dimensions with the jade lion. He gave me a nod and I jumped through to the Other Side.

Uncle Ulrich laughed as he saw me come through, “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my long lost niece. I had such hopes for you...”

“Where is my mom?” I asked as I pulled my sai out of my boot tops.

“You mean that animal your father lay with?”

“Come on. That’s my mom you’re talking about,” I said.

Uncle Ulrich pulled a sword down from the wall, “Really, if you’ve come to fight your mighty uncle, you could have done better than those little blades.”

“Yah, well, I wasn’t planning on this being the final showdown. How did you get across?”

“My dear Maggie, it turns out that when you slaughter a room full of enough humans, you can gather enough energy to harmonize with the jade lion. It is awfully messy and inconvenient, though, so if you’ll just hand over the diamond lion, we can both go on with our separate lives.”

“I’m afraid that I can’t do that,” I replied.

“Then I’m afraid I will have to kill you.”

“No really, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t give it to you.”

“You are repeating yourself.”

“I’m trying to tell you something, jerkface!”

We circled each other in that small room, stepping carefully over Killian. Uncle Ulrich’s eyes squinted with hate when he saw who was standing on the other side of the border.

Dad gave him a weary little wave, “Good to see you again, brother.”

“I’m so pleased you’ll be here to witness me destroy your daughter,” said Ulrich as he attacked.

The clang of his sword against my sai sent shocks up my arm. I really should have brought a bigger knife. But the worst part was that the metal in my hand started to heat up. I jerked myself away.

“OW! Magic? Really?”

My uncle let out an evil laugh.

“And with the laughing…?” I said. Seriously, I would be doing the world a favor getting rid of this guy just for the maniacal cackling. He was like a frickin’ cartoon.

Unfortunately, he bounced back like a cartoon character, too, no matter how many anvils you dropped on his head.

I saw my dad twitch forward to try to come to my rescue and I shouted back, “Dad! No! Keep the portal open!”

While I was distracted, Uncle was able to slash me across the upper arm.

There’s this thing about getting cut with a sword. You don’t feel it for a second and then you see the blood and it hits you that hey, I’ve been cut with a sword.

And then little black and white dots start floating in front of your eyes from all of the nerve endings getting sliced.

“A little flesh wound is going to stop the mighty Maggie?” he taunted.

What an asshole. I had been on the giving end of such treatment, but the receiving end was a different matter. Good thing I had two hands and two sai, because the one in my left hand wasn’t working so good, which wouldn’t have been such a problem if this was a pop quiz, but this was a final examination to determine whether I was going to live or bite it.

I upped my attack, blocking and jabbing with my knives. If he needed an appendectomy, now would have been a great time because I opened him up for the surgeons with a nice little cut to his paunch, no co-pay required.

Unfortunately, it just pissed him off. And that’s when he started fighting dirty. A vase came flying at my head and I ducked just in time for it to miss me, watch it shatter against the wall, and turn back to Ulrich to block his incoming blade. Then a chair came sliding across the room, knocking me off my feet.

And the thing about it is that after years of scrabbling with vampires, I wasn’t above playing dirty, too.

Must be genetic.

I gave him a kick right in the boo-boo that I had just given him. He clutched his side and backed up, giving me a chance to jump to my feet and attack. I wasn’t about to give him a break out of sympathy. Do unto others and shit because sometimes they’ll do unto you.

He seemed to be able to handle my two hands pretty good, but was completely screwed trying to block two arms and two feet. Meanwhile, I was having a devil of a time blocking all of the stuff he was causing to fly at me. I hoped to god that Killian’s unconscious body wasn’t getting impaled by anything too dangerous. I would have loved to have helped him out, but I was kind of overwhelmed at the moment.

The backing and forthing was relentless.

I was getting tired and I could see my uncle was, too.

And then I saw a look in his eye and knew that this was it. He was going for broke. He lifted up his sword and swung it at my neck. The sonofabitch was going to decapitate me!

I instinctually raised my sai to block the blow, but his sword came too fast.

It hit my neck with a nasty “chunk” sound.

I staggered and then fell forward, resting against Ulrich’s chest. I looked up into his eyes and then pulled down the lace from my high Victorian neckline, “Neckguard.”

And as I gave him an apologetic smile for having to ruin Christmas, I lifted my knee and got him square in the groin.

His sword fell to the ground as he grabbed his man package.

I gave him a slight push and he staggered back, reaching out to steady himself on the wall of the portal.

“I’ll kill your father,” he gasped.

Oh, the dramatics. I leaned over and picked up the jade lion.

“Hey, Uncle Ulrich! One of my greatest disappointments is that as a child, you were never there to play CATCH!”

And with that, I threw that jade lion at him.

I saw his greedy little brain practically lick its lips as he reached up and caught it. He held it over his head in triumph.

“Now Dad!” I yelled.

And Dad, after having been trapped inside that boundary for years, knew what to do.

He turned the eyes of the diamond lion away, and there was only time for a look of “Oh SHIT” to cross Uncle Ulrich’s face before the portal crashed closed on him. And since there is no up or down in nowhere, no place for that damned jade lion to face to open up any portals, he was trapped forever, ensuring us that not only would he never show his ugly mug again, but that the lion could never fall into the hands of the wrong types of people. Types like him.

I bent over, resting my hands on my thighs. They suddenly started trembling uncontrollably and I collapsed onto the ground.

I looked down at my hands, where they had been burned by my heated sai. My neckguard may have prevented my head from being lopped off, but the hit was going to leave a mark. I took a deep breath and thanked whatever effed up god lived in whatever dimension it lived in for giving me a few more days to waste jumping between worlds.

I looked over at Killian. I rolled him on to his side, “Hey kid, wake up.”

He moaned and his eyelids fluttered a bit.

I gave him a shake, “Come on you faker, the danger is over.”

He slowly lifted his head and winced. He was probably sporting a banger of a concussion right now.

“How you feeling?” I asked.

He lay back down on the ground, “Like I got hit by a blast of magic.”

“Well, you’re in luck. That’s exactly how you are supposed to be feeling.” I put out my hand, “Come on, we still have to go find my mom.”

He nodded grimly and let me haul him to his feet. We were both limping as we made our way to the door.

“We better not run into any bad guys, because I’m liable to just let them kill me,” I moaned.

We opened the door and there were two vampires.

With a grimace, I tossed Killian a sai and we both staked the bastards before they were even able to move.

“The next bad guys. The next bad guys I’m going to let kill me,” I said as I yanked my sai out of the vamp’s heart.

Killian wiped the goo on his trousers and returned me my improvised stake. He then went back into the room and grabbed up Ulrich’s sword from the ground.

“I do not plan on doing any killing. I am just going to use this as a cane so that I do not fall over,” he said.

I couldn’t argue, “After you, old man.”

He hobbled out.

The halls were quiet, but we tried to remain alert for any surprise attacks. We didn’t find Master Vaclav and there was a noticeable decline in the undead types. I had the strangest feeling that perhaps he had some inkling how this was going to shake out and that’s why he had chosen to retire to some offsite location. Still, room by room, we cleared out the few bad critters we ran into and checked to make sure that my mom wasn’t chained to a wall.

When we found her, she actually was chained to a wall.

Mom looked up. Her hair was unkempt and her muumuu dirty, but she looked more put out than fearful. The moment I stepped in, she gave a huge sigh of relief and then started kvetching, “It took you so long, I wasn’t even sure you would come. Your uncle showed up and he acted as if I should be bowing down before him like he was the second coming of Erik Estrada, which, I will tell you, he is not. Then he says he is going to leave a ransom note, but you really can’t trust men with these sorts of things. He probably didn’t even tell you where to find me. Your uncle…”

I smiled. The sound of her voice had never been sweeter.

Killian found the keys hanging by the door on a big iron key ring and we had those manacles off of my mom’s hands lickety split. I threw my arms around her, not ever wanting to let go. Teach her to scare the bejeezus outta me.

She stroked my hair, “Now, now. I’m fine. I saw this coming.”

I pulled away and wiped some moisture that seemed to be leaking from my eyes, “I found Dad. He’s alive and safe, just like you always knew he was.”

She got very, very quiet, “Did you find the note he left you?”

I nodded.

“He knew someday that you would find out the truth. He insisted on leaving it for you. He didn’t want you to put yourself in harm’s way.” She leaned forward and gave me an Eskimo kiss, “I’m glad you didn’t listen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t. Your father and I made that decision to keep you and your sister alive. He was safe and we were safe. It was all we could do.”

I nodded. As I thought about the moment I had found the ransom note, of realizing Mom was missing, I understood what a person would try to do to keep their family safe.

She rubbed my back, “How does he look?”

“Like he could use some of your good cooking,” I said with a smile. “You ready to go see him?”

We all trooped back up to the office and I reopened the portal. Dad was standing right there on Earth waiting for us. His eyes lit up as he saw me. I stepped through and took the diamond lion from him. He wrapped me up in his arms, but I gave him a gentle shove towards someone on the Other Side who needed him more than me at the moment.

“Mom? How about you take Dad home? I’ve got to make sure this gets into the right hands,” I said waving the diamond lion casually.

She held out her arms and Dad stepped through the border, both of them crying and laughing like a couple of crazy kids who were just wild about each other.

“Get a room!” I shouted.

Killian cast a nifty little vampire glamour disguise on my folks as he ushered them out of the room.

But before he left, Killian turned and locked eyes with me. I gave him a little wave, “Thanks.”

And then I let the portal close.

I whipped my cell phone out of my satchel, trying not to look too out of place, what with my late 19th Century garb and vampire guts and diamond statue. I punched in a text and slowly made my way across the beach.

It’s funny how the most mundane situations can sometimes put things in such complete context. There were parents unloading strollers from the backs of their SUVs. Old ladies carrying umbrellas to stay out of the sun. The waves still roared. The birds still chirped. Crazy burnouts still played hacky sack. And none of them had a clue that they had just been saved from annihilation.

Nuts. The whole living thing was just nuts and I started to laugh all alone out there.

I don’t know if it was life choosing that particular moment to make sure I didn’t scare the children or what, but my euphoria was interrupted by my cell phone ringing.

“Hello?”

The line was silent, like it used to be back in the day when you were making an international call.

“Hello?” I asked again.

“Maggie MacKay. Magical Tracker,” stated some guy whose voice made my teeth ache like nails on a chalkboard.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“My minions have reported that you were successful in disposing of your uncle.”

The squirrels in my brain pushed the pieces together and you could almost hear a “clunk” as the cogs and wheels FINALLY started spinning.

“Vaclav?”

“A pleasure to finally speak with you, my dear Ms. MacKay.”

“You’re a dick,” I said. The guy tried tearing down the border and destroying the entire human race. I wasn’t in the mood for etiquette.

“Congratulations on your win, Ms. MacKay. After having spent some time with your uncle, I was quite certain he would not be a match for you,” said the master vampire.

“Um… thanks?”

“But know this – enjoy your victory while you can because it shall be your last.”

I sputtered into the handset, “I think that what you meant to say was that this was my first. Of many. I’m going to have so many firsts, you aren’t even going to be able to count how many firsts I have kicking your…”

“Make no mistake, Ms. MacKay!” he bellowed, giving a vocal performance unheard since Phantom left Broadway, “The vampires shall walk in the sun once again!”

I, however, had caught that particular musical and let me just say, he was not Michael Crawford.

I pounded the “off” button and hung up on the guy.

Life is too short to waste daytime cell minutes being yelled at by a vampire.

I stretched my arms over my head and stared out at the ocean. Not bad for a day’s work.

About a half hour later, my car pulled up by the boardwalk, the bitty driver barely able to see over the dashboard.

I opened up my car door and placed the diamond lion on the passenger side floor and covered it with my foil car shade.

“Thanks, Pipistrelle,” I said.

He gave me a little salute, “Good news?”

“Indeed,” I replied. “I have vanquished my evil uncle.”

“Then my work here is done,” he said wistfully. “I suppose I shall have to return to the Other Side before my permit expires.”

Vaclav’s phone call was sitting in my stomach like bad potato salad at a church picnic. And then I got a brilliant idea.

“Pipistrelle, would you like a new mission?”

He nodded his head, as if he couldn’t believe his good luck.

“My sister lives here on Earth and I need someone to make sure she is protected. Would you be up for the task?”

He hopped on the seat excitedly, “Indeed! I’m your brownie! Indeed!”

I nodded, “Good. Then you have yourself a job. Permanently. I’ll get all the paperwork done when I get to the Other Side.”

Pipistrelle jumped out of the car.

“Pipistrelle! Come back!” I shouted.

“No, Maggie, dear! I must go protect your sister’s home!”

I grinned as his little hat disappeared behind a flowerbed, knowing he had found his bliss.

The drive out to Chinatown was uneventful. I found parking over on Hill Street. I walked up those long steps to Xiaoming’s apartment. His lions gave me a nod as I stood there. Nice to see I got the hunks of concrete’s seal of approval.

I rapped on the flimsy aluminum screen door.

Xiaoming shuffled over to me, cigarette burned down to the filter. He lit another one off the end and asked, “What you want?”

“I got you a present.”

He opened up the door and ushered me in, barely giving me a glance. I took the lion out of my reusable shopping bag and set him on the table.

“Think you can get him home for me?” I asked.

Xiaoming’s craggy face broke into a smile. He took the statue from the table and cradled it like a baby, “I take good care of him. Will take him home now.”

He walked into the other room and was gone for several minutes. When he returned, he said, “He is safe.”

And then Xiaoming gave me a deep bow, “Thank you, Maggie MacKay.”

I gave him a little nod and awkwardly bunched up the empty bag. The lions guarding his door were still as I left.

I drove my car across town and wound my way up to Mulholland, rolling down my windows and letting the heat of the day wash over me.

I started reviewing the day’s events: destroyed my uncle. Check. Saved my Mom and Dad. Check. Delivered ancient artifact of unknown power to a crazy Chinese guy. Check. Dinner with the family?

I looked over the rim at the Los Angeles skyline as my stomach growled.

Seemed like the perfect time to drive off a cliff.

And I gunned it.