Chapter Ten

Two weeks later, Nissa took one look at the now-filled woodshed next to the tavern and knew Benton had returned. Pausing only long enough to tell Joseph where she was heading she set off for Benton’s cabin.

She banged the door as she entered his bedroom. He looked up but there was no surprise in his gaze. He was shirtless, his clothing lying on the bed.

They stared at each other for several moments until Nissa decided to break the stalemate. “Nathaniel stood up in front of the entire class yesterday and apologized for his recent behavior. After class, he came up to me to ask specifically that I tell you what he did. Any idea what happened?”

“None.” His voice and face were still. He could have been talking to a stranger for all the regard he gave her. Maybe Sara and Marie were wrong. Maybe-

No. No more playing. It was time to take Sara’s advice. This was going to get sorted out. He loved her, and she would convince him he would get used to this new body and become attracted to her again. They’d been through too much together for their story to end over something as meaningless as looks.

Nissa squared her shoulders. Her voice firm, she said, “This stops now. Everything you’ve done these last few weeks – Byron, and facing my past for me – you can’t tell me you don’t love me. And I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so long I can’t even remember when it started, but I do know it won’t end until the day I die and maybe not even then. So this distance ends now. I’m sorry you don’t like me now. I would do anything to be attractive to you, but I can’t change back. But I know you can learn to live with it and accept me.”

He stared at her like she was insane. His deep voice went even an octave lower. “You’re gorgeous. You are perfect. Men kill to be with women like you. How can you think for a moment I don’t find you the most beautiful female I’ve ever seen?”

“Wait, you like how I look? You’ve avoided me! You left me naked in your bed and ran out like demons from hell were after you! Why would you put me through all that if you thought I’m attractive in this form?”

His eyes roamed over her, and a spark of heat flared within his gaze before he looked away.

Wait. What?

She rubbed her eyes, trying to process this. Benton was attracted to her, that look in his eyes confirmed it more surely than his words could have. But his words said she was beautiful.

That she was perfect.

Just as he called the other Nissa perfect.

“Benton, are you upset that you find me attractive?”

His jaw clenched and anger stole over his features. He turned away from her, his muscles tensed for flight or fight.

Benton was the most loyal man she had ever known. He loved the old Nissa and told her she was perfect.

A man like that, wouldn’t he be upset if he thought he was betraying those words? And if he found this new body prettier than the old one, that’s how he would feel, wouldn’t it? Like he was betraying her.

Betraying her with her.

It wasn’t that Benton didn’t like the way she looked. Benton liked the way she looked now too much. Benton was turned on by her, and he felt guilty.

Only Benton could inspire her to fall deeper in love with him while simultaneously inspiring in her the desire to choke him. That was for later. Right now, she needed to get him past this. They had a life to start together, and she was tired of putting it off.

She took a step forward, close enough that she could run her finger down the length of his spine. “Did I ever tell you the first thing that attracted me was your body? I love big men. I love muscles, and I love standing next to a man who makes me feel delicate and fragile.” Her mouth slid over his warm skin and she took in the sharp inhale of his breath at her touch. She breathed in his unique smell. “I won’t lie. Your face took some getting used to. First it was a little scary, then as we spent time together I didn’t mind it, but I didn’t dream about it either. But this body… from the first moment I saw you this body made my mouth water. I didn’t want to do anything with it – that urge took a while to form – but by the heavens I have always loved looking at your body.”

“Nissa.” He started to turn but with steady hands she held him still.

“When I started feeling affection for Byron, I felt a little guilty. I liked him very much. I never loved him, but he was becoming an important person to me, one I wanted to be with. But when I looked at him, I always had this stab of disappointment that he was so slight and slender. He had a nice face, but his body never sent shivers through me, or made me wet at the thought of the opportunity to run my tongue over him.”

Benton swallowed hard, his head turning to look at her over his shoulder. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I would have eventually come to love Byron. Not in the way I loved you, but I would have fallen in love with him. I would have been happy with him, and trusted him with my body, and been grateful he came into my life. But no matter how much I loved him, he would never be able to fully turn me on. He didn’t fit my ideal.”

He shook his head, his voice stubborn as he said, “Love should be more important. If it isn’t, it can’t be true.”

Her voice was exasperated. “Of course love is more important. Did you hear me say I wouldn’t have been with Byron because he wasn’t my ideal? No, not once. But just because you love someone heart and soul doesn’t mean there aren’t things you wish you could change about them.”

His head tilted slightly, his eyebrows drawn as he considered her words. She turned him so they were facing each other and he didn’t fight her. “Answer me honest, Benton. You loved the other Nissa, didn’t you? You were going to marry her and have a family with her and love and protect her for your entire life.”

“It’s all I ever wanted, to be her husband.”

Nissa almost melted at those words, but she pressed on. “And now? I’m Nissa. Only the shell has changed.”

He shook his head, shame casting itself over his features. “It’s not right.”

“It’s not right if the outside takes precedence over the inside. But that’s not what you feel.” She brought his hand down to her stomach. “In time, when you put your children here-” and his eyes burned at the mention of children, his fingers squeezing the flat plane of your stomach, “-you know this is going to grow and stretch, don’t you? And while it will shrink down after every birth, with each child it will get a little flabbier and it will never be this flat again. Does this mean you don’t want me to have your sons?”

His voice was rough, his eyes paler and brighter than she had ever seen them. “Never. I want as many as you will give me.”

“What about these?” she asked, bringing his hand to her breasts. “With each child they are going to lose some of their shape and firmness, and what your children don’t destroy, age and gravity will. When that happens, will you turn away from me in disgust and refuse to look at my naked body? What about when my hips spread, or my thighs get jiggly, or when my face is covered in lines or my one chin becomes two? Are you going to leave me when these things happen? Because each of them will. If I am blessed to live a long life with many children I need to care for and love and feed and worry over, all of those will happen. Will I be worthless to you once this body is no longer a sexual plaything?”

He shook his head, his hands stroking up and down her body, as gentle on her body as if she was already pregnant with his child. “You know that’s not the case.”

“That’s right, because you love me. Part of love is living with and caring for the scars that develop on your lover over time.” She caressed his cheek, rubbing the red markings that lined his face. “We take care of each other, no matter the marks that living leaves on us. That’s what you were doing these last few weeks for me, wasn’t it?”

He laid his hand over hers, watching her with those ice eyes of his, looking to see something in her own gaze. Whatever he found, he was satisfied with, because he leaned down and nuzzled her neck. It was sensual but not sexual, and so affectionate tears sprung to her eyes. Yes, that was what Benton did. He cared for her scars as surely as she cared for his. Just because hers were hidden better didn’t mean they didn’t exist.

He trailed small kisses up the side of her neck and nuzzled her ear. “Your scars don’t scare me,” he said, an echo of her earlier thought. “I am by your side always. I will fight your demons as many times as you need me to. I live to protect you.”

Her voice broke when she spoke, thick with tears, but his words also brought pure happiness racing through her, a joy that she couldn’t help but smile with. “So why does it matter that you think I’m beautiful this way? I’m proud that I can be that for you. I want every man to envy you as I walk through the village on your arm. And in the future, when these looks fade, I want you to recall these days fondly and tell our children how gorgeous their mother was and watch them discount that their mother could ever be thought of as attractive. And when you look at me then, it won’t be with the overwhelming desire you have for me now, but that’s okay, because the overwhelming love will never fade away.”

He kissed her, his love in the kiss, his loyalty, his passion, his mouth promising her desire and love and a future with him always at her side. This was perfect. This was everything.

She broke it off, nuzzling him under his chin. “Benton, take me to bed.”

He kissed her again but it soon turned into a grimace. “Damn, Hale is coming over. He wants to talk about – something. He’ll be here soon.” She must have made a face at that because Benton’s eyebrows drew close together. “What is it?”

She shook her head, not wanting Benton to get overprotective. “Nothing serious. Hale has been very persistent in his desire to court me.”

That didn’t help. In fact, the glower worsened. “What do you mean, ‘court’?”

“What every woman means when she says that. It’s a nice way of saying the man wants to lift her skirt and get between her legs.”

Benton’s hands clenched. “Has he done anything?”

She laid her hands on his forearms and looked at him. “Let’s get this settled right now. You are not allowed to be offended when other men pay attention to me. I want you to defend me when there is a need, but you can’t get threatening any time a man shows interest.”

“So he hasn’t done anything I can punch him for.”

“No, he hasn’t.” Benton’s mouth compressed, but in a moment his face cleared. He looked her up and down, and then he smiled. That smile made her nervous. “What?”

“When you said you wanted every man to envy me. Was that true?”

“Of course it was. I’m yours and you are mine, and I want everyone to know we are together.” She put her hands on her hips. “Benton, you aren’t getting any more silly ideas in your head, are you? Like thinking I’d be ashamed to be seen with you, or you wanting to protect me by not being seen with me? Because I have to warn you, any more stupidity and I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

He shook his head, a slow smile gracing his features. He was smiling more now, though whether it was his stint as Byron or the fact that they finally admitted their feelings was the cause of it, she didn’t know. “No. You are mine now, Nissa. Nothing and no one will take you away.”

She smiled back, happy and content and cherished. “Good. Glad to have that settled. Then why do you ask?”

He shrugged, opening the top few buttons of her dress. “Thought of a plan where Hale would envy me and realize you are not interested, all at the same time.”

She leaned her head back when he brought his lips to the base of her throat, the better to give him full access to her neck. “Really? What’s this plan?”

His hands traveled underneath her skirt, and before she could inquire what he was doing, he ripped the underwear from her body. “Benton!”

He wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her outside, his mouth never leaving her throat.

In a flash of insight, she said, “Public sex? You’re going to let him see me naked?”

Benton growled. “Never. You are for me only.” And he pushed her against her tree. “But if he sees me thrusting while you are moaning and have your legs wrapped around me, he might suspect we have a thing going on.”

“Godmother Sara, you should be ashamed of yourself!”

Sara waved off her fellow FG. “Hush, Irene. It’s not as though I’m peeping through a window. If they’re going to put it out there like that, they can’t be upset if someone accepts their invitation.”

Irene huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I still say it’s beneath the dignity of your office.”

“Oh good, that tosser Hale is coming down the path. He should make it just in time for the climax.”

Irene groaned. “You couldn’t resist, could you?”

“I really couldn’t.”

Irene rolled her eyes, but there was a smile in them. She handed Sara a folder. “The official HEA just came down. It was a job well done.”

Sara opened the folder. It wasn’t as if she didn’t believe Irene, she just enjoyed seeing “Happily Ever After” in letters so big no one could deny it. “Yes, it was.”

“I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure this one would work out. A lot of damage there.”

“That’s why I handled it myself. Next time I’ll let Laura take point.”

“Good idea. She’s not quite at Reina’s level yet, but she’s getting there.”

Screams and groans brought the two FGs attention back to the couple, and just in time to see the disbelief and jealousy on Hale’s face.

“I wonder if he’s jealous because Benton got Nissa or because he saw Benton’s equipment.”

“Sara!”

“Believe me, Irene, that boy has nothing to hide in that department.”

Irene batted at the arm of her superior. “Come away now, enough mischief. We have more files to go through. Those HEA’s won’t happen on their own.”

“That’s why it’s a good thing we’re here.”

The End