INTRODUCTION

A colleague recently told me about a person who had managed to get a face-to-face meeting with Elon Musk, the entrepreneur famous for founding Tesla and SpaceX. Getting a meeting is not an easy feat. This is a man who once told his alma mater (the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania) not to call him more than once a year, and that even then, the answer is probably no. Musk’s net worth is around $20.2 billion, so each minute of his time is worth thousands of dollars, even calculated conservatively.

But the reason this story is noteworthy is not because an unknown, unimportant individual was able to get a meeting with him in the first place. It’s because Elon ended the meeting not more than thirty seconds later. As the story goes, he took one look at his visitor and said, “No. Get out of my office.”

It shows how difficult it is to actually get access to someone of that stature. (And how even if you do, it doesn’t ensure that you’ll be heard.) It emphasizes how the rich and powerful must be blunt and maintain unyielding focus on what furthers their own careers. It demonstrates that the time and resources of someone like Musk are so well protected that access—let alone any gains that might result—is near impossible.

As this person finished telling the story to me, he commented, “Anyway, I don’t know if this story is even actually true.”

To which I replied, “It’s true.” And I know it’s true because the person who got kicked out of Elon Musk’s office was me.

The meeting with Elon happened serendipitously. A friend of mine was in the audience when Elon was giving a university commencement speech and lucked his way into getting the billionaire’s contact info. And that was how this friend of mine, Byron (who generously invited me along), and I found ourselves waiting for our appointment with Elon, sitting in his SpaceX office.

Byron knew I was working on research that examined the challenges that start-up companies in the private space industry face as they go up against massive players such as Boeing, Lockheed Martin, and even the US government and NASA. We planned to talk to Elon about his thoughts on the future of private space tourism—the opportunity for normal people (“normal” meaning those who have two hundred thousand dollars to spend on a trip aboard a space shuttle) to take a suborbital flight to experience three to six minutes of weightlessness, a view of a twinkle-free star field, and a vista of the curved earth below.

Knowing how special this opportunity was, Byron and I had prepared well. We had put lots of hard work and effort into our research. We knew an immense amount about SpaceX and the private space industry. We knew Elon’s entire life history. We had a list of well-researched, intelligent questions on hand. We had specific topics in mind, an understanding of any current events he could have mentioned, and thoughtful perspectives on all aspects of his business (not just SpaceX but also Tesla, PayPal, and even Hyperloop). We even had some ideas for how we could help his companies, and we had a small gift for him. We were prepared.

Except that none of our hard work was going to make much of a difference. Because as I alluded to earlier, we got kicked out of his office (which was really just his cubicle in the corner of an open office floor plan, in case anyone was interested).

Almost. That’s where the story got it wrong. Elon did try to kick us out of his office. But somehow we were able to regain our composure and turn what was quite nearly a thirty-second disaster into an invigorating hour-long conversation.

It’s true that the first word he said to us was no. Literally, we sat down, he looked at us, and he said, “No.” I was totally disoriented, and looked at him blankly and asked, “No?” To which he replied, “No.” And then he told us to leave.

Somehow during this rather disorienting “oh shit” moment, I suddenly realized that his eyes weren’t, in fact, on us. They were on something Byron was holding: the gift that we had brought him.

I realized that Elon didn’t know we were academics. He thought we were entrepreneurs trying to pitch him and that the gift was a product prototype. He thought we wanted something from him: his endorsement, or his money, or some sort of support for the company that we were presumably starting. Of course he said no. This is a man who is constantly getting asked for things and constantly barraged with requests. His default response has to be no. Even when the requests come from completely legitimate and powerful people—but especially when they come from two young and seemingly unimportant people.

And so it was that this meeting almost ended disastrously—except that I did something out of the blue that somehow humored him beyond belief.

It was nothing special. It certainly wasn’t premeditated. I just started giggling. Maybe I should have simply nodded politely and left, but the giggling gave Elon pause. I sputtered through my uncontrollable laughter: “You thinking we’re pitching you? [more uncontrollable laughter] We don’t want your money. . . . What, like you’re rich or something?”

That threw him off completely, and then he started laughing uncontrollably.* He realized that we didn’t want anything from him (or at least not his money or endorsement for our “product”), and we endeared ourselves enough to him to at least not get kicked out of the meeting.

Truth be told, we crushed the meeting. We chatted, debated, riffed, and by the end, we were like old friends (okay, not really, but he did give me a hug on the way out).

And upon leaving, Elon gave us a card with the contact details of someone who headed up operations for SpaceX. He told us that he could help us obtain more information about what we were studying. In the end, he offered up exactly the kind of resources and connections that he thought we had initially wanted.

Why were we able to turn it around and endear ourselves to him?

We gained an edge. We gained an edge over one of the richest, most powerful men in the country.

What do I mean by “edge”? Having an edge is about gaining an advantage, but it goes beyond just advantage. It’s about recognizing that others will have their own perceptions about us, right or wrong. When you recognize the power in those perceptions and learn to use them in your favor, you create an edge.

Certain people seem to be endowed with a unique advantage in which they can execute faster and better and get the things they need, because they are positioned in such a way that others help them move forward. These people have a well-oiled path to success, something that just makes success and achievement flow more easily. It is like rowing with the current carrying you.

In some circumstances, this might be you. But in many circumstances—those that are nonetheless important and critical—it’s not.

Gaining an edge is about knowing that even without certain endowments, you can create an advantage for yourself, especially in the circumstances that are most challenging and consequential.

Let me say more.

People generally underestimate two things:

1. How hard it is to get your foot in the door as an outsider (whatever “outsider” means to you).

2. How wide doors are open once you’re on the inside.

That is what this book is about. You can create your own edge and open doors—wide-open doors—for yourself.

Gaining an edge is critical in nearly all situations. Sometimes, it’s about taking charge of tough challenges in the moment, such as in pitch meetings, job interviews, or public presentations. But it’s also about furthering your career strategically over the long term. Structural inequity and bias are real, and we must acknowledge that they play a significant part in whether people will be successful. This book is about going beyond those whom we see as typically having an advantage, and how having an edge transcends gender, race, ethnicity, age, and wealth, so that you can thrive and flourish regardless of these factors. We will all find ourselves at a disadvantage from time to time. Creating an edge means that we give ourselves the ability to turn those disadvantages into unique assets—to turn adversity into an advantage.

Over the course of my career, I’ve studied those who have been underestimated and disadvantaged—entrepreneurs who can’t get funding for their ventures, employees who are never able to rise to higher levels in an organization, medical patients who die in emergency rooms because of unequal treatment. I’ve studied how we make perceptions and attributions about people’s character and competence as a result. I’ve studied how “soft” factors*—such as personality, the extent to which you are seen as trustworthy, passionate, or committed, and the way you interact with people—rather than objective data, drive the decisions and outcomes of individuals and firms. My work has helped me understand my own journey—from a child of immigrants with humble beginnings, to years of being underestimated and facing obstacles, constraints, and setbacks, to where I am now, a Harvard professor who is privileged enough to have the chance to share what I’ve learned about how individuals can create their own edge.

I draw from my own personal experiences, sharing what went through my head as I faced those who underestimated me. I’ve also sought out individuals, teams, and companies—some who have always naturally seemed to have an edge, some who have had to create an edge, and some who gained an edge and lost it. I share their stories, and mine, because I have seen the power of those who are able to take the perceptions, attributions, and stereotypes of others—the very things that were meant to personally disadvantage them—and turn them around to work in their favor. These are people and companies who have turned adversity into advantage, obstacles into opportunities, and bias into breaks. Alongside these stories, I’ll illuminate relevant sociological, psychological, and business research and theories.

This book is not about “gaming the system” or relying on insincere methods; there is no magic formula offering you instant success. Instead, I show how you can harness your personality and strengths—and even your weaknesses—to create a unique edge. The more of yourself you put into creating this edge, the more powerful it becomes—an advantage that could only be yours.

And that’s the key, because not only will you know yourself more intimately, you will also have the tools to influence how others value and understand you. Those who are able to create the most effective and most sustained edge are the ones who are actually the most sincere, because their edge comes from a place of authenticity and self-knowledge.

Regardless of whether it appears to be through a thoughtful, premeditated process or a spontaneous natural reaction, you can effectively influence external circumstances in your favor—like we did with Elon.

Because we were able to spontaneously delight Elon, a door opened for us to guide his perceptions away from seeing us as entrepreneurs asking for money. He could then perceive us in a way that we intended, rather than based on his own quick judgments and stereotypes. In turn, we showed him how we brought value to the discussion and how engaging with us actually enriched his own perspective. Those who can create that for themselves are the ones who Enrich, Delight, and Guide—to make their Effort go further. These four concepts make up the core structure of this book.

The first part of this book is called “Enrich.” The foundation of your edge is your ability to provide value to and enrich those around you. This section focuses on the difference between those who truly enrich and bring value to others and those who don’t actually bring value (but are good at convincing others that they do). Those who have an edge are the former; they do bring value, rather than posturing about the supposed value they bring (we all know people like that). Those who have an edge, however, are also able to demonstrate and effectively communicate the value they bring, rather than leaving it up to others to guess.

I’ll share some of the ways to identify how to enrich in a way that creates an edge, and the tools that you have at your disposal to both identify and communicate the value you bring. I’ll challenge you to reflect on why we see constraints as impediments, sharing stories about how to flip them into opportunities. Along the way, you’ll discover the significance of self-knowledge, which provides an inimitable type of worth: with an eye on your true assets and shortcomings, you can create your own unique advantages.

The second part of the book is called “Delight.” Before you can enrich, you have to be let in. Byron and I knew how we could enrich Elon’s businesses—but he didn’t. We had to delight him first in order to gain the opportunity to show him how we could add value. Those who already have an understanding of how they enrich are most equipped to delight. I’ll show what delighting another person means, and why it is so important. You’ll see how delighting isn’t synonymous with being charming or entertaining, or charismatic in the typical sense. Everyone has the power to delight, as you’ll learn from the story of a woman who was laid off from her job, only to find them begging her to stay. You’ll see how delight can help pacify skepticism and misgivings, how the director of a famous movie was able to convince an even more famous band to set aside stereotypes so that they could together rewrite the narrative on biases and prejudices, and how a father was able to change his young daughter’s view of what it meant to be an empowered, emboldened individual so that she too could have an edge.

The third part of the book is called “Guide.” Gaining an edge is about you in relation to other people. It’s about navigating the perceptions we have of ourselves, the perceptions others have of us, and the attributions about our skills, competence, and character that are made as a result. This section explains how we can empower ourselves to guide our own contexts.

When we know (and can figure out) how others see us, it gives us the capacity to guide and redirect that perception, so that we can influence how they grasp and appreciate the value we command and the edge we bring. You’ll see how this paved the way for one woman’s journey from bookkeeper to Louis Vuitton executive, and how an entrepreneur scored a massive funding check despite initially being disparaged for his foreign accent. From there, I’ll consider why it is that when we more fully own what is within us, by making allowances for what is around us, we actually end up affecting others more organically and authentically, furthering the edge that we have.

I’ll close with the final part, “Effort,” in which I’ll point to how effort and hard work reinforce the edge that you create for yourself. Sometimes it’s as much what we do as it is the effort that we put into not doing other things. Don’t be mistaken—hard work is critical. But ultimately, gaining an edge requires hard work, plus. You need hard work, but when so many decisions are driven by the outside perceptions of others, you also need to know how to allocate effort.

When you learn to identify what these perceptions are, how they operate, and the attributions that people are making about your character and abilities, you can empower yourself to face challenges with grace and to smooth your path to success. You give yourself the ability to delight others, open up opportunities, and strategically guide the interactions that you have with others. In short: you create an edge.

A final note: When I was first approached to write this book, I was extremely hesitant. I didn’t want to write something that was going to be just like the books that other business school professors have written. I pointed out that I wouldn’t be able to give examples of prominent, well-known people and how they gained an edge. I wouldn’t be able to present idealized stories about people we know, such as Thomas Edison,* Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee, Margaret Thatcher, W. E. B. Du Bois, and Frida Kahlo. I’d instead be telling stories about Oussama, a nondescript French-Lebanese man who so charmed me with his story that I ended up telling my husband to apply to work at the company that Oussama later started. For every story I’d be telling about someone like the Olympic medal–winning figure skater Mirai Nagasu, I’d be sharing twice that number of examples of people like Oussama, or my neighborhood hairdresser, Jennie, or Peter, a student of mine looking for an internship.

But it is precisely because I can share the stories of ordinary people who didn’t have their foot in the door that I finally agreed to write this book. My hope is that through the experiences of normal, otherwise unexceptional individuals like you and me, you’ll see how they were able to create an edge despite their seeming disadvantage. I hope that you’ll see the power and potential of creating your edge, in instances where you are underestimated, just as I have learned from my years of research on disadvantage. And I hope the research and stories in this book will show you what works, but just as important, what doesn’t work.