ELIOT
Afterward Quentin couldn’t remember much of the
rest of that night, except that he spent it there at the school. He
was exhausted, and weak, like he’d been drugged. His chest felt
hollowed out and empty. He wasn’t even hungry anymore, just
desperate to sleep. It was embarrassing, but nobody seemed to mind.
Professor Van der Weghe—it turned out that was the dark-haired
woman’s name—told him it was perfectly natural to be tired because
he had just cast his first Minor Incantation, whatever that was,
and that would wear anybody out. She further promised him that
matters had been squared with his parents. They wouldn’t be
worried. By that point Quentin barely cared, he just wanted to pass
out.
He let her half lead, half carry him up
approximately ten thousand flights of stairs to a small, neat room
containing a very, very soft featherbed with cool white sheets. He
lay down on it with his shoes still on. Ms. Van der Weghe took them
off for him—it made him feel like a little kid to have somebody
untie his shoes for him. She covered him up, and he was asleep
before she closed the door.
The next morning it took him a long, confused
minute to figure out where he was. He lay in bed, slowly piecing
together his memories of the day before. It was a Friday, and by
rights he should be in school now. Instead he was waking up in an
unfamiliar bedroom wearing yesterday’s clothes. He felt vaguely
confused and regretful, like he’d drunk too much at a party with
people he didn’t know very well and fallen asleep in the host’s
spare bedroom. He even had a trace of what felt like a
hangover.
What exactly had happened last night? What had he
done? His memories were all wrong. The events were like a
dream—they had to be—but they didn’t feel like a dream. And this
room wasn’t a dream. A crow cawed loudly outside and immediately
stopped, as if it were embarrassed. There was no other sound.
From where he lay he took stock of the room he was
in. The walls were curved—the room was in the shape of a section of
a circle. The outer wall was stone; the inner was taken up with
dark wooden cabinets and cubbies. There was a Victorian-looking
writing desk and a dresser and a mirror. His bed was tucked into a
wooden alcove. There were small vertical windows all along the
outer wall. He had to admit it was a highly satisfactory room. No
danger signs yet. Maybe this wasn’t a complete disaster. At any
rate it was time to get up. Time to get it over with and find out
what was going on.
He got up and padded over to a window. The stone
floor was cool on his bare feet. It was early, a misty dawn, and he
was very high up, higher than the tops of the highest trees. He had
slept for ten hours. He looked down on the green lawn. It was
silent and empty. He saw the crow: it drifted by below him on
glossy blue-black wings.
A note on the desk informed him that he would be
having breakfast with Dean Fogg at his earliest convenience.
Quentin discovered a dormitory-style bathroom on the floor below,
with shower stalls and rows of capacious white porcelain sinks and
stacks of neatly folded scratchy white institutional towels. He
washed up—the water was hot and strong, and he let it blast him
till he felt clean and calm. He took a long pent-up acid-yellow
piss in the shower and watched it spiral down the drain. It felt
deeply weird not to be in school, to be on an adventure somewhere
new, however dubious. It felt good. A mental meter in his brain was
totting up the damage that his absence would be wreaking at home in
Brooklyn; so far it was still within acceptable limits. He made
himself as presentable as possible in his day-old, slept-in
interview suit and walked downstairs.
The place was completely deserted. He hadn’t
expected a formal reception, exactly, but he had to wander around
for twenty minutes, through empty hallways and drawing rooms and
classrooms and out onto terraces, before the white-gloved butler
who’d served him his sandwich yesterday finally found him and
deposited him in the Dean’s office, which was surprisingly small
and mostly taken up by a presidential desk the size of a panzer
tank. The walls were lined with an assortment of books and
old-looking brass instruments.
The Dean arrived a minute later wearing a light
green linen suit and a yellow tie. He was brusque and peppy and
showed no sign of embarrassment, or any other emotion, relating to
the scene the night before. He had already had breakfast, Fogg
explained, but Quentin would eat while they talked.
“Now.” He clapped his hands on his knees and
quirked his eyebrows. “First things first: magic is real. But
you’ve probably already gotten that far.”
Quentin said nothing. He kept his face, his whole
body, carefully still in his chair. He looked at a spot over Fogg’s
shoulder. He was giving nothing away. Certainly it was the simplest
possible explanation for what had happened last night. Part of him,
the part he trusted least, wanted to leap on this idea like a puppy
on a ball. But in light of everything else that had ever happened
to him, in his entire life, he checked himself. He’d spent too long
being disappointed by the world—he’d spent so many years pining for
something like this, some proof that the real world wasn’t the only
world, and coping with the overwhelming evidence that it in fact
was. He wasn’t going to be suckered in just like that. It was like
finding a clue that somebody you’d buried and mourned wasn’t really
dead after all.
He let Fogg talk.
“To answer your questions of last night, you are at
the Brakebills College for Magical Pedagogy.” The butler arrived
with a tray crowded with covered dishes, which he busily uncovered,
like a room-service waiter. “Based on your performance in the
Examination yesterday, we’ve decided to offer you a place here. Try
the bacon, it’s very good. Local farm, they raise the pigs on cream
and walnuts.”
“You want me to go to school here. College.”
“Yes. You’d come here instead of matriculating at a
conventional university. If you like it, you can even keep the room
you stayed in last night.”
“But I can’t just—” Quentin didn’t know exactly how
to put everything that was ridiculous about that idea in a single
sentence. “I’m sorry, this is a little confusing. So I would put
off college?”
“No, Quentin. You wouldn’t put off college. You
would abandon college. Brakebills would be your college.” The Dean
had obviously had a lot of practice at this. “There would be no Ivy
League for you. You wouldn’t go off to school with the rest of your
class. You would never make Phi Beta Kappa or be recruited by a
hedge fund or a management consultancy. This isn’t summer school,
Quentin. This is”—he pronounced the phrase precisely, eyes wide—“
‘the whole shebang.’ ”
“So it’s four years—”
“Five, actually.”
“—at the end of which I get what? A bachelor’s of
magic?” It was actually funny. “I can’t believe I’m having this
conversation,” he said to nobody.
“At the end of which you will be a magician,
Quentin. It is not the obvious career path, I know. Your guidance
counselor would not approve. No one will know what you’re doing
here. You would be leaving all that behind. Your friends, whatever
career plans you had, everything. You would be losing one world but
gaining another. Brakebills would become your world. It’s not a
decision to be taken lightly.”
Well, no, it wasn’t. Quentin pushed his plate away
and crossed his arms. He stalled.
“So, how did you find me?”
“Oh, we have a device for that, a globe.” Fogg
indicated a shelf holding a whole menagerie of them: modern globes;
blackwater globes; pale lunar globes; glittering midnight-blue
celestial globes; dark, smoky, unreadable globes awash with
ludicrously inaccurate continents. “It finds young people like
yourself who have an aptitude for magic—essentially it senses magic
being performed, often inadvertently, by unregistered sorcerers, of
which you are one. I suppose it must have picked up that Wandering
Nickel trick of yours.
“We have scouts, too,” he added. “Your odd friend
Ricky with the whiskers is one.” He touched his jawline where
Ricky’s Amish beard was.
“What about that woman I met, with the braids. The
paramedic. Was she a scout, too?”
Fogg frowned. “With braids? You saw her?”
“Well, yes. Right before I came here. Didn’t you
send her?”
Fogg’s face became studiously empty.
“In a manner of speaking. She’s a special case.
Works on an independent basis. Freelance, you might say.”
Quentin’s mind spun. Maybe he should ask to see a
brochure. And no one had said anything about tuition yet. And gift
horses and all that notwithstanding, how much did he know about
this place? Suppose it really was a school for magic. Was it any
good? What if he’d stumbled into some third-tier magic college by
accident? He had to think practically. He didn’t want to be
committing himself to some community college of sorcery when he
could have Magic Harvard or whatever.
“Don’t you want to see my SATs?”
“I have,” Fogg said patiently. “And a lot more than
that. But yesterday’s Exam was all we really needed. It’s very
comprehensive. Admission here is quite competitive, you know. I
doubt there’s a more exclusive school of any kind on the continent.
We held six Exams this summer, for twenty places. Only two Passed
yesterday, you and another boy, the boy with the tattoos and the
hair. Penny, he says his name is. Can’t be his real name.
“This is the only magical school in North America,”
Fogg went on, leaning back behind his desk. He almost seemed to be
enjoying Quentin’s discomfort. “There’s one in the UK, two on the
Continent, four in Asia, and so on. One in New Zealand for some
reason. People talk a lot of guff about American magic, but I
assure you we are quite up to the international standard. In Zurich
they still teach phrenology, if you can believe that.”
Something small but heavy fell off Fogg’s desk with
a clunk. He bent to retrieve it: a silver statue of a bird that
seemed to be twitching.
“Poor little thing,” he said, petting it with his
large hands. “Someone tried to change it into a real bird, but it
got stuck in between. It thinks it’s alive, but it’s much too heavy
to fly.” The metal bird cheeped feebly, a dry clicking noise like
an empty pistol. Fogg sighed and put it away in a drawer. “It’s
always launching itself out of windows and landing in the
hedges.
“Now.” The Dean leaned forward and steepled his
fingers. “Should you choose to matriculate here, we’ll do some
minor illusion work with your parents. They can’t know about
Brakebills, of course, but they’ll think you’ve been accepted to a
very prestigious private institute—which isn’t at all far from the
truth—and they’ll be very proud. It’s painless and quite effective,
as long as you don’t say anything too obvious.
“Oh, and you’ll start right away. The semester
begins in two weeks, so you’ll have to skip the rest of your senior
year. But I really shouldn’t be telling you all this before we’ve
done your paperwork.”
Fogg took out a pen and a fat sheaf of closely
handwritten paper that looked like a treaty between two
eighteenth-century nation-states.
“Penny signed yesterday,” he said. “Very quick
Examination, that boy. What do you say?”
So that was it, that was the sales pitch. Fogg put
the papers in front of him and held out the pen. Quentin took it, a
fancy-looking metal fountain pen as thick as a cigar. His hand
hovered over the page. This was ridiculous. Was he really going to
throw everything away? Everything: everybody he knew, James and
Julia, whatever college he would have gone to, whatever career he
would have had, everything he thought he’d been getting ready for.
For this? This bizarre charade, this fever dream, this fancy-dress
role-playing game?
He stared out the window. Fogg watched him
impassively, just waiting for him to fall for it. If he cared one
way or the other, he wasn’t letting on. The little floundering
metal bird, having escaped its drawer, butted its head
industriously against the wainscoting.
And then a vast stony weight suddenly lifted off
Quentin’s chest. It felt like it had been there his entire life, an
invisible albatross, a granite millstone holding him down, and all
at once it just dropped away and disappeared without a splash. His
chest expanded. He was going to bob up to the ceiling like a
balloon. They were going to make him a magician, and all he had to
do was sign. Jesus, what the hell was he thinking? Of course he was
going to sign. This was everything he’d always wanted, the break
he’d given up on years ago. It was right in front of him. He was
finally on the other side, down the rabbit hole, through the
looking glass. He was going to sign the papers and he was going to
be a motherfucking magician. Or what the hell else was he going to
do with his life?
“Okay,” Quentin said evenly. “All right. On one
condition: I want to start now. I want to stay in that room. I
don’t want to go home.”
They didn’t make him go home. Instead, his things
arrived from home in a collection of duffel bags and rolly
suitcases, packed by his parents, who had, as Fogg promised,
somehow been squared with the idea that their only child was
suddenly matriculating in the middle of the semester at a
mysterious educational institution they had never visited or even
heard of. Quentin slowly unpacked his clothes and his books and put
them away in the cabinets and cubbies in the little curved tower
room. He didn’t even want to touch them now. They were part of his
old self, his old life, the one he was molting away. The only thing
missing was the book, the notebook the paramedic gave him. That was
nowhere to be found. He’d left it in the exam room on the
assumption that he’d be going back there, but when he finally did
it was gone. Dean Fogg and the butler pled ignorance.
Sitting there alone in his room, his folded clothes
around him on the bed, he thought about James and Julia. God only
knew what they were thinking. Did she miss him? Now that he was
gone, would she realize she’d had the wrong man all along? He
should probably get in touch with them somehow. Though really, what
the hell could he say? He wondered what would have happened if
James had taken the envelope from the paramedic too. Maybe he would
have gotten to take the exam, too. Maybe that was part of the
test.
He let himself unclench a little. Just slightly, he
stopped bracing for the blow from above, and for the first time he
seriously considered the idea that it might not come at all.
With nothing else to do Quentin roamed through the
huge house, unsupervised and rudderless. The Dean and the teachers
were nice enough when he ran into them, but they had their own work
to do and their own problems to deal with. It was like being at a
fancy beach resort during the off-season, rattling around in a
grand hotel with no guests, just empty rooms and empty gardens and
empty, echoing hallways. He ate his meals alone in his room and
loitered in the library—naturally they had the complete works of
Christopher Plover—and luxuriously contemplated, one by one, in
order, each of the problem sets and projects and papers he would
never have to finish. Once he found his way up to the clock tower
and spent an afternoon watching the huge rusty iron pendulum sway
back and forth, following the massive gears and levers and
catchments as they turned and meshed, carrying out their mechanical
syllogism, until the glow of the setting sun shone through the
tremendous backward clock face.
Sometimes he burst out laughing out of nowhere, for
no reason. He was experimenting cautiously with the idea of being
happy, dipping an uncertain toe into those intoxicatingly
carbonated waters. It wasn’t something he’d had much practice at.
It was just too fucking funny. He was going to learn magic! He was
either the greatest genius of all time or the biggest idiot. But at
least he was actually curious about what was going to happen to him
next. For the first time in he didn’t know how long he was actually
following the action with interest. In Brooklyn reality had been
empty and meaningless—whatever inferior stuff it was made of,
meaning had refused to adhere to it. Brakebills was different. It
mattered. Meaning—is that what magic was?—was everywhere here. The
place was crawling with it. Out there he had been on the edge of
serious depression, and worse, he had been in danger of learning to
really dislike himself. He was on the verge of incurring the kind
of inward damage you didn’t heal from, ever. But now he felt like
Pinocchio, a wooden boy who was made real. Or maybe it was the
other way around, he’d been turned from a real boy into something
else? Either way the change was for the better. It wasn’t Fillory,
but it would do.
He didn’t spend all his time alone. Once in a while
he spotted Eliot from a distance, loping across the empty green or
lolling with his long legs folded up in a window seat, staring out
the window or leafing distractedly through a book. He had an air of
magnificent melancholy sophistication, as if his proper place were
elsewhere, somewhere infinitely more compelling even than
Brakebills, and he’d been confined to his present setting by a
grotesque divine oversight, which he tolerated with as much good
humor as could be expected.
One day Quentin was walking the edge of the great
lawn when he came across Eliot leaning against an oak tree, smoking
a cigarette and reading a paperback book. It was more or less the
same spot where they first met. Because of the odd way Eliot’s jaw
was built, the cigarette stuck out at an angle.
“Want one?” Eliot asked politely. He stopped
reading and held out a blue-and-white pack of Merit Ultra Lights.
They hadn’t spoken since Quentin’s first day at Brakebills.
“They’re contraband,” he went on, not visibly
disappointed that Quen tin didn’t take one. “Chambers buys them for
me. I once caught him in the wine cellar drinking a very
good petite syrah from the Dean’s private collection. Stags’ Leap,
the ninety-six. We came to an understanding. He’s really a nice
fellow, I shouldn’t hold it over his head. Quite a good amateur
painter, albeit in a sadly outdated realist mode. I let him paint
me once—draped, thank you very much. I was holding a Frisbee. I
think I was supposed to be Hyacinthus. Chambers is a
pompiste at heart. Deep down I don’t think he believes
Impressionism ever happened.”
Quentin had never met anybody so staggeringly and
unapologetically affected. It was hard to know how to respond. He
summoned up all the wisdom he’d accumulated during his entire life
in Brooklyn.
“Merits are for pussies,” he said.
Eliot looked at him appraisingly.
“Very true. But they’re the only cigarette I can
stand. Disgusting habit. Come on, smoke one with me.”
Quentin accepted the cigarette. He was in
unfamiliar territory here. He’d handled cigarettes before—they were
common props in close-up magic—but he’d never actually put one in
his mouth. He made the cigarette vanish—a basic thumb palm—then
snapped his fingers to bring it back.
“I said smoke it, not fondle it,” Eliot said
curtly.
He muttered something under his breath, then
snapped his own fingers. A lighter-size flame sprang into being
over the tip of his index finger. Quentin leaned in and
inhaled.
It felt like his lungs had been crumpled up and
then incinerated. He coughed for five solid minutes without
stopping. Eliot laughed so hard he had to sit down. Quentin’s face
was slick with tears. He forced himself to take another drag and
threw up into a hedge.
They spent the rest of that afternoon together.
Maybe he felt guilty for giving Quentin the cigarette, or maybe
Eliot had decided that the tedium of solitude was ever so slightly
greater than the tedium of Quentin’s company. Maybe he just needed
a straight man. He led Quentin around the campus and lectured him
on the underground lore of life at Brakebills.
“The keen-eyed incoming freshman will have noticed
the weather, which is uncommonly clement for November. That’s
because it’s still summer here. There are some very old spells on
the Brakebills grounds to keep people from spotting it from the
river or walking in by accident, that kind of thing. Fine old
enchantments. Classic work of their kind. But they’re getting
eccentric in their old age, and somewhere in the 1950s time started
spinning off its axis here. Gets worse every year. Nothing to worry
about, in the larger picture, but we’re a little behind the
mainstream. Two months twenty-eight days, give or take a few
hours.”
Quentin didn’t know whether to act as awestruck as
he felt or try to produce an imitation of cool worldly ennui. He
changed the subject and asked about the curriculum.
“You won’t have any choice about your schedule your
first year. Henry”—Eliot only ever referred to Dean Fogg by his
first name—“makes everybody do the same thing. Are you
smart?”
There was no non-embarrassing answer to this.
“I guess.”
“Don’t worry about it, everybody here is. If they
even brought you in for the Exam you were the smartest person in
your school, teachers included. Everyone here was the cleverest
little monkey in his or her particular tree. Except now we’re all
in one tree together. It can be a shock. Not enough coconuts to go
round. You’ll be dealing with your equals for the first time in
your life, and your betters. You won’t like it.
“The work is different, too. It’s not what you
think. You don’t just wave a wand and yell some made-up Latin.
There’s reasons why most people can’t do it.”
“Which are what?” Quentin asked.
“The reasons why most people can’t do magic? Well.”
Eliot held up a long, thin finger. “One, it’s very hard, and
they’re not smart enough. Two, it’s very hard, and they’re not
obsessive and miserable enough to do all the work you have to do to
do it right. Three, they lack the guidance and mentorship provided
by the dedicated and startlingly charismatic faculty of the
Brakebills College for Magical Pedagogy. And four, they lack the
tough, starchy moral fiber necessary to wield awesome magical
energies calmly and responsibly.
“And five”—he stuck up his thumb—“some people have
all that stuff and they still can’t do it. Nobody knows why. They
say the words, wave their arms, and nothing happens. Poor bastards.
But that’s not us. We’re the lucky ones. We have it, whatever
it is.”
“I don’t know if I have the moral fiber one.”
“I don’t either. I think that one’s optional,
actually.”
Silent for a while, they walked along a lush,
ruler-straight allée of fence trees leading back toward the lawn.
Eliot lit another cigarette.
“Listen, I don’t want to pry,” Quentin said, “but
I’m assuming you have some secret magical way of dealing with the
negative health effects of all those cigarettes.”
“It’s kind of you to ask. I sacrifice a virgin
schoolgirl every other fortnight by the light of a gibbous moon,
using a silver scalpel forged by Swiss albinos. Who are also
virgins. Clears my little lungs right up.”
After that Quentin saw Eliot most days. Eliot spent
one entire afternoon teaching him how to navigate the hedge maze
that separated the House—“as everybody calls it”—from the great
lawn, which was officially named Seagrave’s Lawn after the
eighteenth-century Dean who cleared and leveled it, and which
“everybody” referred to as the Sea, or sometimes the Grave. There
were six fountains scattered throughout the maze (the Maze), and
each one had an official name, usually that of a deceased Dean, as
well as a nickname generated by the collective unconsciousness of
generations of Brakebillian undergraduates. The hedges that made up
the Maze were cut in the shape of heavy, slow-thighed beasts—bears
and elephants and other less-easily-identifiable creatures. Unlike
ordinary topiary they moved: they lumbered along very slowly,
almost imperceptibly, wading half submerged in the dark foliage
like hippopotami wallowing in an equatorial African river.
On the last day before classes began, Eliot led him
around to the front of the House, which looked out on the Hudson.
There was a scrim of plane trees between the front terrace and the
river and a flight of wide stone steps that led down to a handsome
Victorian boathouse. They decided on the spot that they absolutely
had to go out on the water, even though neither of them had any
practical ideas about how to do it. As Eliot pointed out, they were
both certified sorcerer-geniuses, and how hard could it be to row a
damn boat?
With a lot of grunting and yelling at each other,
they wrestled a long wooden double scull down from the rafters. It
was a fabulous object, strangely light, like the husk of a colossal
stick insect, wreathed in cobwebs and redolent with the heady smell
of wood varnish. Mostly by luck they managed to turn it over and
splash it down into the water without injuring it or themselves or
getting so pissed off at each other that they had to abandon the
whole project. After some early close calls they got it pointed in
a plausible direction and settled into a slow, halting rhythm with
it, hindered but not daunted by their incompetence and by the fact
that Quentin was hopelessly out of shape and Eliot was both out of
shape and a heavy smoker.
They got about half a mile upstream before the
summer day abruptly vanished around them and became chilly and
gray. Quentin thought it was a summer squall until Eliot explained
that they’d reached the outer limits of whatever concealment spells
had been applied to the Brakebills grounds, and it was November
again. They wasted twenty minutes rowing up past the change and
then drifting back down again, up and back, watching the sky change
color, feeling the temperature drop and then soar and then drop
again.
They were too tired to row on the way back, so they
drifted with the current. Eliot lay back in the scull and smoked
and talked. Because of his air of infallible entitlement Quentin
assumed he’d been raised among the wealthy mandarins of Manhattan,
but it turned out he’d actually grown up on a farm in eastern
Oregon.
“My parents are paid not to grow soybeans,” he
said. “I have three older brothers. Magnificent physical
specimens—kind-hearted, thick-necked, three-sport athletes who
drink Schlitz and feel sorry for me. My dad doesn’t know what
happened. He thinks he chewed too much dip before I was conceived,
and that’s why I ‘di’n’t come out reg’lar.’ ” Eliot stubbed out his
Merit in a glass ashtray balanced precariously on the glossy wooden
hull and lit another one. “They think I’m at a special school for
computer geeks and homosexuals.
“That’s why I don’t go home in the summertime.
Henry doesn’t care. I haven’t been home since I started here.
“You probably feel sorry for me,” he went on
airily. He wore a dressing gown over his regular clothes, which
gave him a shabby princely look. “You shouldn’t, you know. I’m very
happy here. Some people need their families to become who they’re
supposed to be. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But there are
other ways to do it.”
Quentin hadn’t realized how hard-won Eliot’s air of
ludicrously exaggerated insouciance must be. That facade of lofty
indifference must be there to hide real problems. Quentin liked to
think of himself as a sort of regional champion of unhappiness, but
he wondered if Eliot had him outclassed on that score, too.
As they drifted home they were passed by a few
other boats, sailboats and cabin cruisers and a hard-charging
eight-woman scull out of West Point, which was a few miles upriver.
The occupants looked grim and bundled-up against the cold, in gray
sweatshirts and sweatpants. They couldn’t perceive, or somehow
weren’t part of, the August heat that Quentin and Eliot were
enjoying. They were warm and dry and didn’t even know it. The terms
of the enchantment locked them out.