KINDER AND GENTLER

John's changing hormone levels were ushering in a kinder, gentler man. He still lost his temper when he got stuck behind "Sunday" drivers, but overall he was a little more patient and tolerant. His mature male brain was beginning to see the world more as it had when he was a boy, before the hormonal changes at puberty stimulated his circuits for anger and defense. And because he now had less testosterone, his oxytocin was having a bigger calming effect on his brain. This makes men a little less territorial, and they no longer feel compelled to fight so hard for their place in the pecking order. At this age, men even begin to risk showing more emotions without being so concerned about losing face. And they may also find themselves becoming more physically affectionate.

While cuddling had always seemed silly to John, now that his oxytocin was having a greater effect, he liked it. The skin-to-skin spooning that Kate liked to do before going to sleep now made him feel warm and content. John was no longer the unemotional robot that his ex-wife used to complain about. His new brain fuels were laying the groundwork for greater intimacy. And he said the sexual intimacy was the best he'd ever experienced. He found that with a younger woman, his sexual desire was reignited without using porn for the first time in twenty years. He was surprised by how much he liked pleasing Kate sexually; it was almost more important to him than his own pleasure. This was also new for him. Now he could slow down sexually, be a better listener, and be more affectionate. This hormonal turn of events can make men John's age become more like the ideal man that women say they want.