FLIRTING IS A "CONTACT-READINESS" SPORT

When Nicole gave me a detailed recap of their first meeting, it was clear that somehow Ryan had charmed her. If we could have watched the play-by-play of Ryan's nonverbal body movements we would have seen him walk casually but deliberately toward Nicole, hoping she'd look up. Once she did, we'd see him tilt his chin and raise his eyebrows ever so slightly, smiling as he took a step closer. Next, Nicole tipped her head toward him, returned the smile, and leaned back just a little. Her body was saying, I'm interested, but cautious. Ryan's mating brain read Nicole right. While still smiling, he took a half-step back.

While Ryan didn't have that chiseled GQ look that Nicole found most attractive, he was cute and looked harmless enough. His smile and the twinkle in his hazel eyes disarmed her, and she could feel her own smile widening as she looked down to coyly break eye contact.

In scientific lingo, these nonverbal flirting signals that Ryan and Nicole were displaying are called contact-readiness cues. Without saying a word, they were signaling interest to the other's brain. I still smile at the memory of my scientist husband trying to flirt with me and hanging on my every word at the business lunch where we first met. Flirting is a contact-readiness sport, and men who do it best score the most.

As this scene with Ryan and Nicole played out, it might have looked as though their movements and facial expressions had been carefully rehearsed to suit Western culture. But these nonverbal microflirtations appear to come preprogrammed deep in the human brain. Researchers have filmed first encounters between men and women in a variety of cultures and have found that people around the world give the same flirtatious cues as Ryan and Nicole.

While Ryan continued in pursuit mode, he took a deep breath as he quickly screwed up the courage to make his next move, desperately hoping this gorgeous woman was not out of his league. Trying to sound as confident and laid-back as possible, he addressed both Nicole and Maggie: "You two look thirsty. Can I get you some drinks?"

Before Nicole could say no, Maggie accepted the offer. "Thanks! I'd like a glass of Chardonnay. I'm Maggie, by the way, and this is Nicole."

Ryan nodded as he said, "I'm Ryan." Then he turned to Nicole and asked, "And what would you like?"

"Chardonnay sounds good to me too," she said, and Ryan was immediately turned on by the musical quality of her voice.

When he returned with the drinks, Nicole asked, "Are you here to watch the game?"

Ryan, feeling a little more confident now, flashed his most charming smile and said, "No, I'm here to watch you." Nicole was flattered, even though she knew it was just a line. Ryan was playfully incorporating what scientists call little deceits and exaggerations into his flirtation. Researchers found that because men believe women expect flattery from them, they don't see anything

wrong with meeting those expectations . While Ryan was comfortable with a few flirtatious exaggerations, he didn't want to push his luck too far, so he casually asked, "Are you a Giants fan or an A's fan?"

"Neither," Nicole said with a grin. "I've been studying for the bar exam, and Maggie threatened to remove me from her friends list if I didn't take a break."

Before Nicole had a chance to say another word, Maggie said, "Pull up a chair, Ryan."