EPILOGUE
That dreaded time has come now, and I’m desperate
to hang on just a little bit longer. One minute I’m conscious, the
next minute I’m not, but I know where I am, I’m aware.
Everybody’s here, the room is full. James, Kenny,
Ethel, Johnny, Freddie, even Brenda and Sandra were here
earlier.
There have been plenty of tears, but they try to
hide them. I told them I didn’t want tears on my deathbed and I
bloody well meant it.
I wake up once more. Maria had her baby this
morning, a little boy, and I’m desperate to see the child, I need
to know.
‘Go and find out where she is,’ I urge James. My
voice sounds awful. It has that rattle that sounds like a chest
infection, but really means death.
As James leaves the room, I look at Kenny. He
smiles at me with that beautiful smile of his.
Ethel squeezes my lifeless hand. ‘I love you, Mum,’
I whisper.
As she starts to cry, I shut my eyes. I need to
hold on – I have to.
I wake up once more and look at Freddie. No words
are needed, he knows what the look means and so do I. Nobody else
apart from Freddie knows about the phonecall, you see.
Tommy heard that I was dying and rang me up. ‘I’m
sorry, Mum, and I love you,’ he said.
We had a little chat. ‘Promise me you’ll never come
home,’ I asked him.
He paused. ‘I can’t promise you that, Mum. It all
depends if that baby belongs to me.’
Fearfully, I dropped the phone with shock. That was
the last I heard from him; he never had the guts to call
back.
As my breathing becomes more laboured, I start to
worry. Please hurry, James, I say to myself.
Finally, I’m aware of the door bursting open. As
James pushes Maria towards me in the wheelchair, I try to sit up.
But I can’t, I’m too ill, it’s impossible.
James lifts the baby up so I can see him, maybe
give him a little kiss.
‘Mum. Meet Jack, your grandson.’
One look at the child tells me all I need to know.
He has Tommy’s eyes, his mouth, his nose. I gasp. How can I rest in
peace now?
Tears in my eyes, I whisper my final words, ‘God
bless my sweet baby James.’