FORTY-FOUR
Maureen’s instincts about her health proved right
and, after a couple of appointments, which included an MRI scan,
she was told that her cancer had returned and was unfortunately at
a very advanced stage.
‘You have weeks, rather than months,’ the doctor
told her bluntly.
From the day she received the news, she decided to
write down pages and pages of her life story. Why she did this she
didn’t know, as she certainly had no real intentions of showing
anyone. As she flicked back through her memoirs, she was aware that
it made extremely uncomfortable reading. Some of this was her own
fault, but most of it wasn’t. It was all down to the cards she’d
been dealt. She knew it was time to show her hand to her family. If
she didn’t, the truth would die with her and she couldn’t allow
that to happen. She owed them honesty, if nothing else.
Something Maria had said to her had helped her to
make her decision. ‘I wish I’d have come clean years ago. Keeping
secrets has fucked up my life and now I can’t say anything,’ she
had said.
Maureen knew exactly how she felt, as her own
secrets had inwardly ripped her apart for years. Spilling the beans
was going to be the hardest thing she had ever had to do, and she
prayed that her family would forgive her.
On his first visit to Kent, young Johnny Hutton was
in his element. For months he had yearned to meet his dad’s other
family and finally his dreams had come true. His dad’s wife, Candy,
had been a bit cold towards him at first.
‘She’ll be fine once she gets to know you. It’s
because your mum was on drugs and that,’ his dad explained to him.
He could hardly tell his son the truth, that Candy didn’t like him
because his mum had been white.
‘Mmm, that dinner was amazing. It’s one of the
nicest meals I’ve ever had,’ Johnny said sincerely.
Candy smiled. She liked being praised for her
cooking. Goat curry was her signature dish, an old recipe from her
Jamaican grandma.
‘What dinners do you eat at home?’ she asked
politely.
Johnny smiled. ‘Some of Nan’s cooking is a bit old
fashioned. We have liver and bacon, rabbit stew, steak and kidney
pudding, that type of stuff. Sometimes she cooks me spag bol,
that’s my favourite.’
Candy pulled a face. How anybody could eat offal in
this day and age, she would never know.
Johnny winked at his two little half-sisters.
Unlike Candy, they’d taken an instant shine to him. They couldn’t
take their eyes off him and all day had been following him around,
like two little lap dogs.
‘I’m glad you’re my brother, Johnny,’ said the
older one, Whitney.
‘I’m glad as well,’ piped up Macey, the
youngest.
Johnny’s smile lit up the room. Whitney and Macey
were adorable and he felt like the luckiest brother in the whole
wide world.
Back in Stepney, Maureen was certainly not smiling.
She’d just broken the news of her illness to Sandra and Brenda. All
three of them were in floods of tears and no one knew what to say.
Annoyed with herself for blubbering, Maureen quickly pulled herself
together.
‘Look, I need one of yous to do me a big favour. I
have a lot of things I need to sort out and I need someone to take
care of Ethel for me for a couple of days.’
‘She can stay here,’ Sandra said immediately. ‘My
Pete’s goin’ fishing at the weekend, so it’ll be no problem. I’ve
got a fold-down bed, she can sleep on that.’
Maureen thanked her. ‘Whatever you do, don’t say
anything to her about the cancer. What I’m gonna do is tell the
rest of the family first and I’ll tell Mum last. She knows I’m ill,
she’s not stupid, but I don’t think she knows that I’m
dying.’
Brenda was distraught. She’d known Maureen for over
fifty years and couldn’t imagine life without her. ‘I can’t believe
it, Maur, my life won’t be the same without yer. And what’s gonna
happen to Ethel? You know, in the long run?’
Maureen shrugged her listless shoulders. ‘I’ve no
idea, this is what I’m trying to sort out. Apart from yous two,
I’ve told no one yet, but this weekend, I’m gonna have all the
family round, one by one. There’s stuff we need to talk about,
things I’ve never told them.’
Sandra began to sob again. ‘You are so brave, Maur.
I couldn’t imagine telling my kids, and what about James? That poor
little sod adores you, he’ll be heartbroken.’
Maureen stood up and put on her jacket; she had to
get away from all these tears. Strength must become her motto from
now on.
‘Is it OK if I bring Ethel over in a minute? I’m
gonna tell her that I’ve got to go into hospital for a few days to
have some more tests done.’
Brenda stood up. ‘Won’t she think it strange? They
don’t normally take you in for tests on weekends.’
Maureen shook her head. ‘She won’t have a clue.
Apart from when she had her fall, she’s never had any other
dealings with hospitals. I know she’s had arthritis for years, but
she goes to the doctor for that.’
As Maureen walked down the path, she paused and
looked back. Sandra and Brenda were both standing at the front
door, crying.
‘Thanks for being such good friends to me,’ she
said sadly.
With a heavy heart, Maureen walked away.
Over in Ingatestone, James, Maria and the girls
were celebrating the sale of the renovated house.
‘Want another glass of champers, Nelly?’
Maria laughed. James was such a piss-taking bastard
and his new pet name for her was Nelly, after the elephant.
Pretending to be annoyed, Maria gently punched his arm. Giving up
the gym hadn’t exactly helped her weight gain. She’d intended to
keep going throughout her pregnancy, but Lavinia and the girls had
been such bitches to her that she’d had little option other than to
cancel her membership.
‘Go on, have another glass. You ain’t had a drink
for months and two ain’t gonna hurt yer,’ James said, as he waved
the champagne bottle tantalisingly near her face.
‘Oh, go on then, just a small one,’ Maria
agreed.
‘Can Tara and I have some, please?’ Lily asked
indignantly. She hated being a child and was desperate to become an
adult.
Both Maria and James burst out laughing. She was a
handful, their youngest, with a capital H.
‘Put a tiny splash in a glass and fill it up with
lemonade,’ Maria ordered her husband.
James stood up. At eight months gone, he was used
to running around after Maria like a blue-arsed fly.
‘Does anyone else want anything while the waiter’s
standing up?’ he joked.
Maria giggled as he left the room. Ever since Tommy
had disappeared, their relationship had improved no end. The
arguments had been replaced by friendly banter and they were like
loved-up teenagers once again.
Tommy’s disappearance was a shock to both of them.
It had happened about five months ago, Alfie had informed everybody
and, by all accounts, Tommy had just vanished overnight. It was
certainly one of life’s mysteries and for Maria it was a godsend.
Obviously, she still had worries about who the baby belonged to,
but she’d sort of convinced herself that James was the father. With
her tormentor finally out of her life, she could look forward to
the future, rather than worry about the past.
Back in Stepney, Maureen poured herself a large
brandy and crossed the first name off her list. Freddie was on his
way over and should be here pretty soon. The last few months had
been torture for Maureen since Tommy had disappeared. She didn’t
think she’d be that bothered, but she was absolutely beside
herself. In the beginning, she’d been adamant that she didn’t want
to know the fate of her eldest, but as the months passed, the worry
and disbelief over what she had done had set in. What type of an
awful person was she? No decent woman would set up their own child,
would they? The only excuse she had for her actions was that she
knew exactly why she’d done it. Two boys she’d given birth to and
it had been a straight choice between the pair of them.
Unfortunately for Tommy, James had won. Now she
couldn’t live with herself. Whatever the truth was, she had to
know.
As the doorbell rang, she felt herself shake from
head to foot.
Over the road, Ethel was chewing Sandra and
Brenda’s ears off. As she sipped her fourth Guinness, her voice was
getting louder and louder by the second.
‘I mean, I know she ain’t been herself, but
chucking me out of me own home, it’s a fuckin’ liberty. I’m nearly
eighty-seven, I shouldn’t have to be pushed from pillar to fuckin’
post.’
Sandra sat down next to the bitter old lady. ‘Don’t
say anything bad about Maureen; she’s not well, Ethel, and I mean
really not well.’
As the seriousness of their faces hit home, Ethel
felt a tear roll down her cheek. Surely her cancer wasn’t back –
please God, no.
Freddie accepted the beer gratefully and sat down
at the kitchen table. Maureen took a deep breath and poured herself
another brandy.
She sat down opposite him. ‘You remember me tellin’
you that I thought I was ill, that me cancer might be back?’
Freddie nodded.
‘Well, I was right. It’s back with a vengeance and
apparently I’ve only got weeks to live.’
Freddie couldn’t look at her, he didn’t want her to
see him upset. ‘I’m so sorry, Maur, does James know?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘Not yet, I wanted to speak
to you first. Look, I’m sorry to have to ask you this, Freddie, but
I need to know what happened to Tommy. Please don’t lie to me.
However bad it is, I have to know the truth.’
Freddie held her bony hand. ‘It’s OK, Maur, he is
alive. After I organised things, I went to see him, told him to get
out of town, fast. He knew what was coming to him, so he left that
night.’
Maureen breathed a sigh of pure relief. ‘Are you
sure, Freddie? I desperately want the truth.’
‘Honestly, Maur, he ain’t been touched, I promise
yer. I’ve got a feeling he’s gone abroad, but I ain’t sure. I’m
just glad that I warned him as I don’t think I could have lived
with meself if I hadn’t.’
As ill as she felt, Maureen threw herself against
him like a rugby player. ‘Thank you so much, Freddie, I knew I
could rely on you. I haven’t been able to sleep at night for
worrying about him. Do you think he’ll ever come back?’
Freddie shook his head. ‘No, he knows what will
happen if he does. He’ll start a new life somewhere and, knowing
Tommy, he’ll be having a whale of a time as we speak.’
Rubbing his arm, Maureen thanked him again. ‘You’ve
always been like a son to me, Freddie, and I’m forever grateful to
you. Can I ask yer for another favour?’
Choked up, Freddie tried his best to make a joke of
things. ‘As long as it ain’t like the last one, Maur.’
Maureen smiled. She felt so much happier now; the
relief was a tonic.
‘I want you to take care of James for me. When I
die, I need you to keep an eye on him. I’ve gotta tell him
something that’s probably gonna break his heart. I need yer to make
sure he forgives me, Freddie.’
Freddie nodded. Whatever she had to tell James was
obviously family business and he wasn’t about to pry. ‘Don’t worry,
Maureen, I’ll take good care of him for yer, I promise.’
Miles away in Turkey, Tommy was thoroughly enjoying
himself. After the initial shock of Freddie knocking on his door
and telling him that uncle Bobby was about to turn him into
mincemeat, life had taken a turn for the better. Mustapha had
sorted him out with his new life.
‘Get away fast. Go and stay with my cousin, Kazim,
in Gumbet,’ he insisted, giving him the address.
Gumbet was a lively little holiday resort, not too
far from Bodrum. Kazim ran a bar and had given Tommy a job on the
door. Sunbathing by day, then pissing it up and shagging birds by
night wasn’t such a bad life, after all.
Apart from Mustapha and Alfie, no one else knew
where he was. His son had wanted to come with him, but Tommy had
said no.
‘If we both disappear, it’ll look well dodgy. I
need you to stay at home, act all upset. You’re the only person who
can cover for me.’
Alfie agreed. He loved his dad and would do
anything for him.
Tommy took a sip of his beer and smiled. He’d had
two bits of good news this week and he was well excited about both
of them. Firstly, Mustapha should very soon walk free. The court
case was next month and Emre, the guy he’d been caught with, had
held his hands up to everything and insisted that Mustapha was
innocent. The second bit of good news was that his son had booked a
holiday to come and see him. According to everyone at home, Alfie
was going away with his mates, but really he was coming to Turkey
to see Tommy. He was flying to Greece first to cover his tracks,
just to be on the safe side.
‘All right mate? This is the life, ain’t it?’ said
a silly, sunburnt English holidaymaker.
Tommy smiled. ‘It sure is, me old china.’
In not so sunny Stepney, Maureen had had a
sleepless night. For months, due to her illness, she’d slept like a
baby, but last night was a no-go.
As she peered into her wardrobe, she chose her
outfit with care. Just because she looked and felt ill didn’t mean
that she couldn’t still make an effort. Today was the most
important day of her life and she needed to look the part. She
applied her make-up, then nervously looked at her watch. The
phonecalls had been made last night and Kenny was due to arrive
first.
Unable to fancy any breakfast, she made herself a
cup of tea and added some brandy. Her nerves were shot to pieces.
As she heard Kenny’s car pull up, she felt a flutter in her stomach
and scolded herself for being so stupid.
‘How can you have teenager’s butterflies at a time
like this?’ she mumbled.
Kenny was shocked as he walked into the house. He
hadn’t seen Maureen since he’d popped in for Sunday dinner, and to
say she looked ill was an understatement. Ethel had told him on the
phone that she’d been under the weather, but he hadn’t expected her
to look so bad.
He hugged her awkwardly. ‘Are you OK, Maur? You’ve
done some weight, girl, ain’t yer?’
Maureen did not reply, but led him into the
kitchen.
‘Sit down, Kenny, and I’ll pour us both a
brandy.’
‘It’s too early for me, Maur,’ Kenny said.
Maureen ignored him and poured the drinks anyway.
Unbeknown to him, she was about to drop the biggest bombshell of
his life.
She sat down and looked at the floor. She couldn’t
beat around the bush; she just had to spit it out.
‘Kenny, I’m dying. The doctors say I’ve got a
matter of weeks.’
Kenny gasped. ‘Please, no.’
Maureen carried on. ‘There’s something I must tell
you, Kenny, and I know you’re never gonna forgive me for not
telling you earlier.’
Kenny couldn’t stop the tears. He hated men who
cried – even took the piss out of them. ‘What?’ he asked, his voice
shaking.
‘Kenny, James is your son.’
Kenny looked at her in total disbelief. They’d only
slept together once and, according to the quacks, he had a sperm
count of zilch.
‘He can’t be, Maureen.’
She nodded. ‘He is. I never slept with anyone else
when he was conceived and that includes your brother.’
Kenny stood up and poured himself another drink. He
couldn’t look at her, there must be some mistake. He struggled to
find his voice. ‘If what you’re saying is true, Tommy must have
known that James wasn’t his.’
Suddenly, he was annoyed. ‘Well did he?’ he
shouted.
Maureen crumbled. Kenny had never yelled at her in
her life. ‘Oh Kenny, I’m so sorry. Tommy didn’t have a clue; he was
always so drunk, he didn’t know what day it was. When I found out I
was pregnant, I lied and told him we’d slept together. He didn’t
question it, he just believed me. Please don’t hate me, Kenny, I’ve
wanted to tell yer for years, but I really didn’t know how
to.’
Unable to stop his legs from giving way, Kenny
flopped onto the chair. If he’d seen a ghost, he’d have been less
shocked.
‘Does James know?’ he asked. Even his voice didn’t
sound like his own.
Maureen shook her head. ‘I haven’t told him yet.
He’s coming round later and I’ll tell him then.’
Kenny sat in stunned silence. What else was there
to say? One drunken fling all them years ago, when he’d fallen out
with Wendy and Maureen had been rowing with Tommy, had led to him
having a son that he’d never known about. And what a lad he was. A
smart, funny, clever lad, a lad he’d always felt an inexplicable
connection with. His son, his very own son.
He stood up. ‘Maur, I’m glad you told me, but I
need to get me head around this. Ring me later when you’ve spoken
to James and I’ll pop back then. In the meantime, I’ll tell Wendy.
It’ll be the end of me and her. She’ll never forgive me for this, I
know she won’t.’
As Maureen watched him walk away, she broke down.
She hadn’t expected him to leave so quickly. Worse still, she
hadn’t expected him to run straight home and tell Wendy. Now she
felt like an old stray, a home-wrecker. Kenny hated her now, she
sensed it, and it hurt like hell.
Obviously, she still loved him, always had and
always would. He’d forever been the one spark of excitement in her
otherwise dull and mundane life. She remembered their little fling
as though it was yesterday; how could she forget it?
Kenny had turned up unexpectedly at a
Saturday-night party at hers. He’d had a row with Wendy and
everyone else had gone to bed. They’d had a real heart to heart,
both their marriages were shit. Neither of them had meant for it to
happen, it just had. In Maureen’s eyes, it was wonderful and she’d
relived that night for many years. Things had been awkward between
them for ages afterwards, but they’d got through it. There was too
much feeling between them for them not to.
Maureen stood up; she desperately needed another
brandy. At this rate, she’d die of liver disease before the cancer
came and took her. She picked up the phone. The quicker James got
here and heard the truth, the better.
Across the road, Ethel was totally uncomfortable.
She liked her own house, her own bed and, more than anything, her
own toilet.
‘I’m not stayin’ ’ere one minute longer. I need a
shit and I can’t shit in somebody else’s house. Take me home right
now.’
‘You’ve got to stay here, Maureen’s gone into
hospital,’ Sandra lied.
Ethel got up and balanced on her frame. ‘So fuckin’
what? I’ve got me own key and I’m quite capable of looking after
meself.’
There was nothing Sandra could do, bar warn Maureen
that Ethel was on her way.
‘She’s comin’ across the road now, Maur. I tried to
stop her, but you know what she’s like.’
Maureen was furious. James was due in an hour and
she needed to speak to him alone.
As the door opened, she helped Ethel inside.
‘What’s goin’ on, Maur? I’m not stupid, I know
you’re not well.’
Maureen sat her on the sofa. She’d wanted the rest
of the family to be present when she told Ethel, because of her
age. She couldn’t tell her about Kenny being James’s dad; the
thought of that made her feel cheap and tarty.
She sat opposite Ethel. ‘Mum, I’m dying. Me
cancer’s come back and there’s nothin’ more they can do.’
Ethel’s lips began to quiver. Maureen had been the
daughter she’d never had, and life without her didn’t bear thinking
of. She started to cry.
‘I don’t wanna be here if you’re not. What am I
gonna do without you, Maur? I ain’t goin’ in one of them
homes.’
Maureen held her frail hands; it was typical of
Ethel to be more worried about herself. ‘Now, don’t cry, we’ll sort
something out. I’ll make sure you don’t go in a home if it’s the
last thing I do. I need you to do me a favour. James is coming
around in a minute and I have to speak to him alone, so will yer
stay at Sandra’s just for today?’
‘Please let me stay ’ere; I won’t get in the way or
butt in,’ Ethel pleaded.
Maureen shook her head. ‘No, Mum, I have something
to tell him that’s very important and I need to do it alone.’
Ethel looked deep into her eyes. ‘If I ask you a
question, Maur, will you promise to tell me the truth?’
‘I promise,’ Maureen said.
‘Swear on James’s and young Johnny’s lives,’ Ethel
insisted.
Desperate to get her out of the house as quickly as
possible, Maureen did as she asked. She wasn’t in the mood for
silly games, especially not today.
Ethel cleared her throat. ‘Is Kenny James’s
dad?’
To say Maureen was shocked was putting it mildly.
Unable to look Ethel in the eye, she fidgeted with her hands and
stared at the floor.
‘How did you know?’
Ethel shrugged. ‘Intuition, I suppose, and the
atmosphere between you and Kenny. James was always so different
from Tommy and Susan, there had to be an explanation for it. I’ve
always said, what’s bred in the bone comes out in the flesh.’
Maureen began to plead her innocence, ‘Please don’t
think I’m some hussy. It was one night, Mum, a silly drunken fling,
and it was the only time I was ever unfaithful to Tommy. I made a
mistake, it’s as simple as that.’
Ethel held her hand. ‘I could never think badly of
you, Maureen, and please don’t call it a mistake. You have the most
wonderful son and both you and Kenny should be very proud of
that.’
Maureen smiled. ‘I only told Kenny this morning. He
was shocked, to say the least.’
Ethel hugged her. ‘He’ll be fine, you mark my
words. I wonder if he tells Lady Penelope.’
Maureen nodded. ‘He went straight home to tell
her.’
Ethel had to laugh. ‘Christ, that’ll put the cat
amongst the pigeons,’ she chuckled. She stood up and balanced on
her frame. ‘I’ll have a shit on me commode, and then I’ll go back
over to Sandra’s. Good luck with James.’
Maureen smiled. She’d thought Ethel would throw a
wobbly, but the clever old cow already knew.
‘Bye, Mum,’ she said. ‘Kenny’s coming back later.
As soon as he’s gone, I’ll ring Sandra and you can come
home.’
Ethel smiled as she walked away. Unbeknown to
Maureen, she had caught her and Kenny at it that fateful night.
Unable to sleep, she’d spotted that the light was still on opposite
and had trotted across the road for a nightcap. But before she’d
knocked, she’d seen movement through the curtains and had peeked
in.
Kenny and Maureen writhing about on the floor was a
sight that she’d never forgotten. At first she’d been annoyed, as
they were both married, but over the years, she’d learned to see
the funny side. Watching them together afterwards had been
hilarious; beetroot red, they’d turn, the pair of ’em. Tommy and
Wendy turned out to be the husband and wife from hell, and in
Ethel’s eyes deserved to be cheated on.
Just about to knock on Sandra’s door, she saw a car
pull up.
‘Nan,’ James shouted.
She waved.
‘You comin’ in to see me?’ he asked.
‘In a bit,’ she shouted.
As Sandra opened the door, Ethel hobbled inside as
fast as her old legs would take her. Poor James was in for a major
shock and the further away she was, the better.
Back in Turkey, the weather was scorching. Drenched
in sun oil, Tommy was lying flat on his back on the busy beach,
reading a copy of the Sun newspaper. As his phone rang, he
checked the number. Alfie – that was OK. He never answered numbers
that he didn’t recognise; in his situation, you could never be too
careful.
‘All right, son? What’s occurring?’
As Tommy listened to what Alfie had to say, he sat
bolt upright.
‘Good lad, now I need you to do me a favour. Pay
Nan a visit or ring her and find out exactly when it’s due.’
Tommy’s heart was beating at a rapid pace as he
ended the call. Alfie was his eyes and ears back home, his little
spy.
Maria preggers and ready to drop soon, what a twist
of fate! Counting the months on his fingers, he tried to work out
the dates.
He stood up and smiled. He was no mathematician,
but chances were the kid was his. With a spring in his step, he
headed up to the beach bar.
‘You got a bottle of champagne, mate?’
The barman smiled. ‘Yes I have. Very early though.
What you celebrate?’
Tommy’s grin lit up the beach. ‘A baby. I’ve just
found out that I’m gonna be a daddy again.’
The barman handed him the champagne.
‘Congratulations.’
Tommy felt a million dollars as he sipped his
drink. James was an ugly fucker, hence his two plain daughters. Not
him though, he was the looker out of the two of them, and with
Maria looking like Cheryl Cole, their kid was destined for
greatness. Between them, they would create a special one.
Back in Stepney, Maureen poured two large brandies
and handed one to her son.
‘I really don’t want one, Mum,’ James said for the
third time.
‘Please just drink it, James. You’re gonna need it,
believe me.’
James sipped the foul-tasting drink and tapped his
feet nervously. He knew his mum looked really ill and Maria had
been banging on for months about visiting her more often.
‘What’s goin’ on, Mum? Are you ill or something?’
he asked her. It was a question he had to ask, but didn’t really
want the answer to.
Maureen held his hands. Telling him was harder than
telling anyone else.
‘My cancer’s come back, James, and the doctor says
that it’s at an advanced stage.’
James was horrified. ‘You’re not gonna die, are
yer?’
Maureen nodded. ‘Probably, love. There’s nothing
more they can do for me.’
Tears streaming down his face, James took her in
his arms. ‘I love you so much, Mum. What am I gonna do without you,
eh?’
Maureen held him as though he was a child again.
‘Listen, James, there’s something else that I have to tell you,
something very important.’
He pulled away from her. ‘Go on,’ he
whispered.
Unable to face him, Maureen turned her back and
leaned against the worktop.
‘My life was never easy, when yous kids were young.
Your dad was never around and even when he was, you know what he
was like.’
James was worried now. What was she trying to tell
him? ‘Go on, Mum,’ he urged.
Maureen shook with nerves. ‘I had an affair, James,
a fling, and you were the result of that.’
Stunned, James stood up. ‘What? Is this some joke?
Who the fuck is my dad, then?’
Maureen turned back to face him. She was crying
now, she couldn’t help it; his poor confused face was enough to
break her heart.
‘Please don’t be angry with me, but your real dad
is your uncle Kenny.’
James suddenly felt claustrophobic. The walls
seemed to be closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe.
‘James, please, come back!’ Maureen yelled as he
ran from the house.
Unable to think straight, James jumped in his car
and sped away as though his life depended on it.
In Ingatestone, Maria was at home teaching the
girls how to make a trifle, when she got the phonecall.
‘Whatever’s the matter, Maureen?’
Maureen was in a terrible state. ‘Please come over,
Maria. I need to see yer now, I have to talk to you.’
Knowing that James had gone to visit her, Maria
immediately feared the worst.
‘You haven’t told him about you know what, have
you?’
‘Of course not,’ Maureen sobbed. ‘Just hurry,
Maria, please.’
Leaving the unfinished trifle on the table, Maria
ordered the girls to get their coats.
‘Where are we going?’ Tara asked.
‘What’s “you know what”?’ Lily pried.
‘Just shut up and get in the car!’ Maria yelled.
The quicker she got to Maureen, the better.
Back in Gumbet, Tommy was on his second bottle of
champers when Alfie called back.
‘Well?’ he asked impatiently.
‘Nanny didn’t answer the phone, so I rang Mum. The
baby’s due in a few weeks’ time,’ Alfie said.
Tommy thanked him and ended the call. The baby’s
due date was perfect, a revenge gift from God. Fuck Bobby Adams: if
that kid was his, he was going back home. Mustapha should be out
soon, he’d know what to do, and with the Turks behind him, he’d at
least have some serious back-up. If the baby was his, he wanted to
be part of its life and no one, including Bobby fucking Adams,
could stop him from being a father. He and Maria were about to be
parents and he could scarcely believe his own luck.
Maria dropped the girls at her mum’s and knocked
next door. A distraught Maureen told her the full story in five
minutes flat.
‘What am I gonna do, Maria? Please talk to James
for me. If he doesn’t forgive me, I’ll never be able to rest in
peace.’
Maria was shocked by the whole thing. Maureen
dying, Kenny being James’s dad; it was like a bad dream.
‘Don’t worry,’ she assured Maureen. ‘I’ll ring
Freddie; he’ll find him and talk to him for you. James is obviously
just in shock, Maur. Once he gets his head together, he’ll be fine,
you’ll see. If Freddie has no joy, I’ll talk some sense into him
meself.’
As her daughter-in-law was about to leave, Maureen
called her back. ‘Just to let you know, Tommy’s gone away for good,
as I promised. You’ll never see or hear from him again,
Maria.’
Maria hugged her. ‘Thanks, Maur, thanks for
everything.’
Freddie found James standing alone at the bar in
the Horn of Plenty. ‘Maria rang me; I know what’s happened,’ he
said as he stood opposite him.
James shook his head. ‘I can’t believe it, it’s as
if my whole life has been one fucked-up lie. I don’t even know who
I am any more. How can me mum not have told me before, Fred?’
Freddie shrugged. ‘It can’t have been easy for her,
James. She probably hated carrying around a secret like that. Maybe
she was afraid of ripping the family apart or something.’
James took a gulp of his lager and slammed the
bottle on the bar. ‘Uncle Kenny, of all people. I mean, I like the
geezer, but fuck me, what am I meant to do now? Go fishing with the
cunt?’
Freddie smiled. Difficult situation or not, at
least James had retained his sense of humour. ‘I don’t know how
it’s gonna pan out with Kenny, but one thing I do know is you have
to forgive your mum. She’s dying, James, and if you don’t sort
things out with her, you’ll regret it for the rest of your
life.’
Aware of the tears in his eyes, James looked away.
‘Get us another beer, Fred. Maybe I’ll go and see her in the week,
when I’ve calmed down a bit.’
Freddie got the beers in. ‘Drink that and go and
see her now. She’s ill, you ain’t got time to waste. Your mum’s the
bollocks, James. She’s been more of an influence in my life than me
own mum. Please sort things out with her today, she’ll be worried
sick about yer if yer don’t.’
James nodded. ‘All right, I’ll drink this and go
straight round there.’
Physically and emotionally drained, Maureen flopped
onto the sofa. It was getting dark now and all of a sudden she felt
very tired. She hadn’t eaten properly for days and all the upset
had finally taken its toll on her.
When the doorbell rang, hope helped her find the
strength to leap up. Maybe James had come back to sort things out.
As she opened the door, she was surprised to see Kenny. She hadn’t
rung him back like he’d told her to.
‘All right, Maur. These are for you,’ he said,
handing her the biggest bouquet of flowers she’d ever seen.
She thanked him, poured them a drink and sat down
opposite him.
Kenny smiled. ‘I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t
mean to get angry; I was in a state of shock, I think.’
Maureen shook her head. ‘You’ve no need to be
sorry, it’s me that should be apologising. I should never have kept
it a secret for all these years.’
He forced a smile. ‘I told Wendy – she went
ballistic. She’s leaving me, in fact, she’s packing her bags as we
speak.’
Maureen felt terrible. ‘I’m so sorry, Ken.’
Kenny sipped his drink. ‘Don’t be, we haven’t got
along for years and I’m sure I’ll be much happier without
her.’
Maureen smiled. ‘You were always chalk and cheese,
yous two.’
Kenny stood up; he needed a refill. ‘Did you speak
to James?’
Maureen nodded. ‘He took it about as well as you –
ran out the door, he did. Like father, like son, eh?’
Kenny sat back down opposite her. ‘Things could
have been so different if you’d have told me, Maur. I’ve always
loved you, you know.’
As Maureen felt her cheeks redden, she was saved
from answering by the bell. Feeling like a teenager in the first
throes of love, she ran to answer the door, her earlier tiredness
forgotten.
‘James!’ she exclaimed.
‘I’ve had a chat with Freddie and I’m sorry for
running off like that. Yer know I love yer and I wouldn’t hurt yer
for the world, Mum.’
Maureen hugged him. ‘Kenny’s in the kitchen. I’m
gonna pop over the road to see your nan while yous two have a
little chat.’
James looked at her in horror. ‘Don’t leave me. I
dunno what to say to him,’ he whispered.
She pushed him towards the kitchen. ‘You’ll be
fine. I won’t be long.’
Leaving them to it was the best way, the only
way.
As James looked at Kenny he felt like a rabbit
caught in the headlights. ‘How yer doin’?’ he asked
awkwardly.
Kenny handed him a beer. ‘I’ve had better days. How
about you?’
James smiled at the joke, and decided to play it
the same way himself. ‘What happens now, then? Do you take me
football, fishing or what?’
Kenny laughed. ‘If you like. I’m just glad you’re
too old for me to have to wipe your arse.’
With the ice well and truly thawed, the
conversation evolved.
‘Are you gonna tell Wendy?’ James asked.
Kenny raised his eyebrows. ‘I’ve already had the
pleasure of that. Flew at me like a tomcat, she did, and what she
didn’t call me. Still, I suppose she had every right. To be honest,
James, we haven’t been happy for years, and her leaving me is a
godsend.’
‘Can I ask yer something personal, Kenny?’
‘Course you can.’
‘Did yer love my mum?’
Kenny nodded. ‘I’ve always loved her, James. She’s
such a beautiful, strong woman. If she hadn’t have been with me
brother, I’d have whisked her off her feet. When she met our Tommy,
I was only a boy, so she wouldn’t have looked at me twice.’
Relieved that he’d been created out of love, rather
than some sordid fling, James was about to ask some more, but was
stopped from doing so by his mum and nan returning.
‘Let’s go for a beer, eh? And we can have a proper
chat,’ he whispered to Kenny.
‘Everything all right?’ Maureen asked
dubiously.
James hugged her. ‘Everything’s fine, Mum.’
Kenny smiled at her. ‘If it’s OK with you, I’m
gonna take James out for a pint. We won’t be long. We’ll grab a
takeaway while we’re out, and we can all have a bite to eat and a
chat together later.’
‘Don’t get any of that foreign shit, will yer?’
Ethel shouted.
Maureen smiled as she ushered them towards the
door. ‘Get her fish or chicken and chips or something, and I’ll
just have a little bit of whatever you’re having.’
As she watched them walk away, Maureen felt so
unbelievably proud. Her James and Kenny going out for their first
ever pint as father and son. With the weight lifted off her
shoulders, she did her best to tidy up the kitchen, and poured
Ethel a Guinness. As she took it into the lounge, she had to smile.
Ethel was fast asleep, and snoring like a miner.
Relieved to be able to sit in silence and mull over
the day’s events, Maureen crept back into the kitchen and made
herself a brew. The day she’d dreaded so much had been sad, but yet
so happy. Everyone knew that she was dying now, even Johnny, who
had been told by his father. She’d prearranged that by insisting
that Royston take him home and explain things gently.
‘If I’m not gonna be around for him, he needs to be
included and welcomed into your family,’ she told him.
Johnny had rung her earlier, crying his eyes out.
‘I love you so much, Nan. I wanted to drive straight home, but Dad
said not to. He said you needed time on your own, as you had stuff
to sort out. I’ll come back now, shall I?’
Maureen had been firm with him; it was the only way
that she could cope.
‘Now listen to me, Johnny, I want yer to stop all
them tears and look forward to your future. You’ve got James,
Ethel, your dad, your sisters. You’ll be fine: they’ll look after
yer and I will always be watching down on yer. Promise me that
you’ll be strong, ’cause if yer get all upset, then Nanny will
too.’
She was glad that Royston had done the honours.
Having brought Johnny up, she couldn’t face telling him herself. He
was still so young, bless him. Alfie, she wasn’t so close to, but
she still loved him. She’d rung Lucy earlier to explain the
situation and Lucy had kindly offered to tell him for her.
‘Have you heard from Tommy?’ Lucy asked her.
‘Not a word,’ Maureen replied. She could tell how
worried Lucy was, but she could hardly tell her the truth. Telling
her son’s former partner that she’d organised a heavy mob to
forcefully remove him from the area wasn’t the way she wanted to be
remembered.
Thinking of Kenny, she felt her usual butterflies.
He’d told her that he’d always loved her and that alone had made
her so very happy. He’d make a wonderful dad for James and between
them they’d take care of Ethel and Johnny, she was sure of
that.
Dying didn’t seem quite so awful now. Her body was
tired, worn out and felt almost ready to go, but she needed to hang
on to see James’s new baby. One glance would tell her who the
father was, and with that thought, she said her prayers.
‘Please God, to rest in peace I need to live long
enough to see my unborn grandchild. Please God, make him belong to
James, and if by any chance he belongs to Tommy, please take care
of my sweet baby James for me.’
Maureen went to the kitchen cupboard and took out
her memoirs. She picked up a box of matches and went into the
garden. She’d remembered all she had to remember, said everything
that needed to be said.
As the flames took hold, Maureen smiled. Her whole
life in writing, going up in smoke.
How very apt was that?