FORTY-TWO
Staring at the screen, the sonographer averted her
eyes and smiled at the happy couple. ‘Your baby looks just fine,
everything is as it should be.’
‘Thank God for that,’ James said, squeezing Maria’s
hand. He’d been ever so worried because of Maria’s alcohol intake.
It wasn’t her fault: she wouldn’t have been drinking if she had
known she was pregnant.
‘Most women have cravings for ice cream or
doughnuts. Not my old woman – she was necking the wine,’ James
joked.
The sonographer laughed, but Maria didn’t. She knew
what the next question would be and she was absolutely dreading the
answer.
‘How far gone is she?’ James asked, squeezing his
wife’s hand.
Maria had been insistent that they didn’t tell a
soul until they knew how far gone she was.
The sonographer looked intently into the screen.
‘Approximately thirteen weeks.’
Maria’s heart lurched: the timing couldn’t have
been any worse. Thirteen weeks ago, she’d been having regular sex
with her husband, but it was also the same time that she’d been
raped by his brother.
James kissed her on the forehead. ‘Good job for
your sake it was thirteen weeks.’
‘What do you mean?’ Maria asked nervously.
‘Well, if it was any less, I’d have had to beat up
the milkman.’
Maria tried to smile, but couldn’t. The way she
felt at this particular moment, she could never imagine smiling
again. As the scan came to an end, James helped Maria stand
up.
‘Thanks ever so much,’ he said, shaking the
sonographer’s hand.
‘Good luck and don’t worry, everything’s
fine.’
James was annoyed as they left the hospital. The
woman that scanned Maria had been lovely, but Maria hadn’t even
thanked her or said goodbye. Even when they learned that the baby
was fine, she hadn’t cracked a smile.
‘I’m getting sick of your moods, Maria. You were
really rude to that woman in there, you didn’t say fuck all to her.
We know that the baby’s OK, so what’s your fuckin’ problem? Is it
me? Don’t you love me any more?’
Maria started to cry. ‘It’s not you James, I love
you more than life itself.’
‘Well, what is it, then? You’ve got me doting on
you, two beautiful daughters, a nipper on the way. We’ve no money
worries, so what the fuck is your problem?’
Maria couldn’t stop apologising. ‘I’m so sorry,
James, I think I’m just hormonal. Once the baby’s born, I’ll be
fine, you’ll see.’
James shook his head. ‘I’ll tell you something,
Maria, best you try and lighten up, because I ain’t putting up with
another six months of this.’
Sobbing, Maria ran after him as he stormed out of
the building.
Over in Stepney, Ethel was hungry and restless.
Maureen was no company these days – she was always asleep. ‘Maur,
Maur, wake up for fuck’s sake. You still ain’t done me any lunch
yet, and I’m sitting ’ere wasting away.’
Maureen rubbed her tired eyes. Ethel had the
appetite of a carthorse and there was more chance of Elvis turning
up alive and well than her wasting away.
She stood up. ‘Whaddya fancy?’
Ethel took her false teeth out of the cup and
popped them back into her mouth. ‘Do us that other pair of kippers.
Bleedin’ handsome they were, them ones I had yesterday.’
Maureen looked at her in horror. ‘What have I told
you about putting your teeth in the cups? It’s disgusting, Mum,
people have to drink out of them.’
Ethel shrugged her shoulders. ‘I can’t help it if
these new gnashers hurt me. What am I meant to do? Sit here in
fuckin’ pain?’
Maureen ignored her and went out to the kitchen.
Looking after Ethel was getting her down lately and she was
struggling to wait on her hand and foot. The tiredness had started
a couple of months back. She couldn’t put her finger on it: she
didn’t exactly feel ill, just listless all the time.
‘Probably old age catching up with me,’ she
convinced herself, as she slung the kippers in the frying
pan.
Thinking of Kenny’s visit the previous week, she
smiled to herself. She’d certainly perked up while he was here.
Maybe that’s what she needed, a few more visits from Kenny.
‘Hurry up! What you doin’? Catching the bloody
things?’ Ethel shouted.
Maureen shook her head. As much as she loved the
old girl, sometimes she could quite happily ring her bloody
neck.
Tommy opened his front door and bent down to pick
up the post. Glancing at it, he lobbed it on the stairs – all he
ever got sent to him was fucking bills. Checking his answerphone,
he was relieved that there were no messages from James. The slag
had obviously kept her mouth shut, then. He went to the fridge and
cracked open a beer. A long break in Clacton had done him the world
of good. He’d had a good drink while away, but had left the gear
alone. He felt much better for it, his head was a lot
clearer.
Going over his messages again, he felt a pang of
guilt. Alfie had left loads. ‘Dad, where are you? Please pick the
phone up if you’re there. I really miss you and I wanna come home.
I’m worried about you, Dad. Please ring me back so I know that
you’re all right.’
Tommy had taken his mobile away with him, but
hadn’t spoken to a soul. Alfie had left tons of messages on that as
well.
He pressed speed dial and smiled as his son
answered his phone. ‘All right, Alfie? I’m sorry I didn’t call you,
son. I went away to sort me head out, but I’m back now and feel
much better, so you can come home if you want.’
Alfie was overjoyed. ‘That’s blinding, Dad. I’ve
been so worried and I’ve really missed you. I’ll be round within
the hour.’
Tommy cracked open another can. Some people in life
had no one; he was lucky, he had a son who loved him. Thinking of
Maria, he smiled to himself. Retribution was the greatest feeling
in the world and now he’d gained his, he could finally move
on.
With James barely speaking to her, Maria left her
dinner untouched and walked out of the room.
‘Where are you going, Mummy?’ Tara asked,
concerned.
‘You haven’t eaten your vegetables,’ Lily said
sarcastically.
‘Just shut up and eat your dinner,’ James told his
daughters. His temper was getting shorter by the second.
Sitting on her bed, Maria felt more alone than ever
before. She needed to spill her guts to someone and get some
much-needed advice. Debating whether to speak to her mum, she
quickly decided against it. Her mum would get too involved and
would probably take her anger out on Maureen, with Tommy being her
son. Desperately racking her brains for an answer, she struggled to
find one. The problem was, whoever she told, she would have to come
clean about her fling with Tommy. Who could she trust? Suddenly the
answer came to her.
‘Maureen,’ she whispered.
Her mother-in-law was as honest as the day was
long. She was great at giving advice and she’d know exactly what to
do for the best.
She picked up her mobile and rang her number.
‘Hello, darling. To what do I owe this pleasure?’
Maureen said chirpily.
Maria took a deep breath. ‘I need to talk to you,
Maur. It’s really important and I can’t speak in front of Ethel. I
don’t want me mum to see me, so can you meet me outside The
Bancroft in about an hour? I’ll park up and wait in the
motor.’
Maureen had known her daughter-in-law long enough
to recognise how distressed she sounded. Instantly, she knew it had
something to do with Tommy.
‘Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be there.’
‘Who was that?’ Ethel asked nosily.
‘Oh, just one of the girls from the bingo. I think
she’s got some problems with her husband, wants to meet me for a
quick drink,’ Maureen lied.
Ethel hated having the wool pulled over her eyes.
‘What girl? You don’t even go to the bingo any more.’
Maureen came out with the first name she could
think of. ‘Maggie, Maggie Delaney. She lives in Canning Town, I
don’t think you know her.’
Ethel huffed and puffed. ‘Of course I don’t know
her, she don’t bleedin’ exist, that’s why. I know I’m old, but I’m
not senile. Where you really going?’
Ignoring her, Maureen walked out of the room and
rang Brenda.
‘Can you do us a favour, Bren? I’ve gotta nip out
for a bit and I was wondering if you could sit with Mum for me? I
don’t know how long I’ll be, but I shouldn’t be that long.’
Brenda agreed immediately. ‘Don’t worry about
Ethel. Sarn’s here with me, we’ll both come over and get her on the
Guinness. You take as long as you like.’
Maureen smiled as she ended the call. She didn’t
socialise as much with Brenda and Sandra these days, but they were
true friends and she could always rely on them. They’d been
fantastic when she’d had breast cancer. They’d insisted on
accompanying her to her gruelling chemo sessions, they’d helped her
with her housework and even cooked her meals for her. Diamonds they
were, the pair of them, and she loved them both to bits.
Maria pulled up opposite the pub and turned off the
engine. She opened her bag, took out her baseball cap and placed it
on top of her head. She was well known in this area, having lived
there for years, and she certainly didn’t need or want to be
recognised.
Waiting for Maureen to arrive felt like she was
waiting for a death sentence. She just hoped and prayed that she
was doing the right thing by telling her. Disclosing your innermost
secrets was never easy at the best of times and she prayed that her
mother-in-law would understand.
With her eyes firmly fixed on the mirror, she saw
Maureen walking towards her. She hadn’t seen her for nearly a month
and was shocked by how much weight she had lost. As she opened the
door, Maria smiled nervously.
‘Thanks for coming, Maur. Get in and we’ll drive
somewhere quiet.’
Maureen knew that something bad had happened.
Maria’s face was etched with worry and her voice sounded
desperate.
As they drove along, Maria did her best to sound
cheerful. ‘You look ever so slim, Maur. Have you been
dieting?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘I’ve never dieted in me
bleedin’ life and I certainly ain’t startin’ at my age. Running
around after Ethel twenty-four seven has probably made me lose this
lot. I’m up and down like a whore’s drawers trying to keep up with
her needs.’
Maria drove for about ten minutes and then stopped
outside a quiet-looking pub. ‘I think we’re both gonna need a
drink, Maur. Shall we talk inside?’
Feeling apprehensive, Maureen agreed.
The pub was virtually empty, bar one or two
workmen.
‘Sit in that corner, Maur. What you
drinking?’
‘I’ll have a Guinness, make it a pint,’ Maureen
said. She had a feeling that a crate would be more appropriate for
what she was about to hear.
Maria sat down and swallowed half of her drink in
one gulp. She wished now that they’d talked in the car. At least it
would have been dark and Maureen wouldn’t have been able to see the
guilt in her face. Clearing her throat, she tore her eyes away from
her mother-in-law and stared at the table.
‘Years ago, before I ever got with James, I had a
one-night stand with Tommy. Please don’t think badly of me,
Maureen. I swear it was a drunken mistake, a moment of
madness.’
Maureen squeezed her hand. ‘It’s OK, Maria, I’ve
always known, anyway. Did it happen the night of Susan’s
engagement?’
Maria looked at her in amazement. ‘Yeah, but how
did you know? Did Tommy tell you?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘I noticed the change in
atmosphere between you and him from that time onwards. Your
awkwardness, his comments, it was obvious. No one else clocked it,
only me. Call it mother’s intuition.’
Maria carried on. ‘Obviously, when I got with
James, I never said anything. One night James came home and I swear
he knew, so to stop him confronting me, I blurted out that I was
pregnant. I wasn’t lying – it was true, as I’d just found out that
I was pregnant with Tara.’
Maureen smiled, ‘Why are you tellin’ me this now,
Maria?’
Maria downed the rest of her drink and averted her
eyes once more. ‘Over the years Tommy has been a bastard to me, he
could never let sleeping dogs lie and has many a time threatened to
tell James. Anyway, a few months back, James was away on a business
trip and I was in the house alone. There was a knock at the door
and I was expecting some friends, so I thought they’d arrived
early. To cut a long story short, it was Tommy, he was out of his
nut on drink and drugs and he barged his way in. He kept rambling
on about me insulting him at Susan’s funeral and getting his own
back. Then he, he –’
As Maria started to cry, Maureen moved seats and
sat next to her. She put her arm around her shoulder. ‘Ssh, now
come on. None of this is your fault, Maria. What did he do to
you?’
‘He raped me,’ Maria sobbed. ‘And now I’m pregnant
and I don’t know who the father is.’
Maureen felt as sick as a dog as she tried to
comfort her distressed daughter-in-law. What the hell had she done
so wrong in raising her kids? How could anyone have raised such a
fucking animal?
Maureen’s first thought was for James. This would
break his heart and he must never, ever find out. ‘Does anyone else
know, Maria? And I mean anyone? Have you told your mum?’
Maria shook her head, ‘James knows there’s
something wrong, but I’ve been blaming my hormones. He’s not stupid
though, Maur, I’m sure he’s got his suspicions. I wish I’d have
come clean with him all those years ago, I should have told him
about Tommy then. Keeping it a secret was a stupid idea, it’s
fucked my life up and now I can’t say anything.’
Maureen stood up. ‘You can never tell James, Maria,
not now, not ever. Now, I’m gonna get us another drink and between
us we’ll sort this out. Everything will be all right, darling, I
promise you.’
As Maureen walked back from the bar, Maria
gratefully snatched the glass of wine.
‘What am I gonna do about the baby? James is so
excited and all I can do is pray for a miscarriage. Please don’t
think badly of me, but I’ve been secretly drinking every day while
James is at work, hoping that I’ll lose it.’
Maureen felt like crying herself, but what use was
that? Drumming up some inner strength, she spoke firmly, but
calmly.
‘Maria, listen to me. Firstly you have to stop the
drinking. If you don’t, you might cause the baby to have
disabilities and that’s not the answer to anything. Now, had you
and James been trying for a baby when you fell?’
Maria nodded. ‘Up until Tommy attacked me, we’d
been trying for months, but the hospital reckon I’m about thirteen
weeks gone and that’s around the same time he raped me.’
‘Look, I know this is hard, but you have to think
positive, Maria. These hospitals always get the dates wrong and
chances are the baby belongs to James.’
‘Do you really think so?’ Maria asked. A glimmer of
hope was vital for her.
‘Definitely,’ Maureen insisted.
Maria grabbed her hand. ‘What am I gonna do about
Tommy? When he finds out about the baby, he’ll put two and two
together and make mine and James’s life a misery.’
Maureen slammed her fist onto the table. ‘Over my
dead body he will. You leave Tommy to me – I’ll sort him out, I
promise you. And may God be my judge, when I’ve done what I’ve got
to do, he will never bother you or James, or interfere in your
lives ever again.’