Chapter 7: Step 6: Learn to Forgive: Restore Hope

When you forgive your partner, you also refuse to keep a record of all his/her wrongdoings. Here are the things you need to keep in mind to master the art of forgiving and forgetting.

Make a list of the things that you want to discuss.

This could be the instances when you had disagreements and were not able to talk it through. This includes the things that you are afraid to discuss. If in case you fight about everything each day you live, you have greater chances of facing more challenging differences. You need to improve the manner of speaking and talking with each other. Both of you need major upgrade on communication skills. 

Say your concerns constructively.

Follow these four starting statements:

a.              I feel (anxious, devastated, sad, frustrated)

b.              My concerns are…

c.              I would really love to … (never use “I would love you to…”)

d.              What are your thoughts about… or how do you feel…

Come up with mutually agreeable solutions in each item.

Resolve new issues as you meet them with win-win solutions. No party should just give in on the proposed solution just to end the discussion. Both of you must compromise and agreed on the solutions.

Concentrate on yourself.

When discussing issues, avoid telling your partner that they are a bad person or what they are doing is wrong. No one would ever want to hear how bad they are. It is much better you figure out how you can divert your energies into positive ones.

Increase your positive energies.

Smile more. Hug more. Touch more. Show your eye kisses. Show more appreciation to your partner.