Chapter 3: Step 2: Perform Positive Marital Habits

Keeping a happy relationship requires time and effort. Both you and your partner must work hand and hand to make your relationship work. Good habits lead to a happy and blissful journey together.

It is a inevitable to meet challenges along the way that may test your relationship. Arguments and disagreements will surely happen. In any relationship, no matter how compatible or similar you are, there will be some point in your lives that you will clash and argue be it something serious or petty. In order to avoid these, here are some habits that you and your partner can start together.

Catch your partner doing something “right.”

You have been telling your spouse to always bring the trash bag before going to sleep. You can give him/her a smack and say, “Thank you for doing this honey.” No more sarcastic and insulting comments such as “Thank God, you are finally bringing the trash” or “Now you are doing something.” Sarcastic statements are not healthy to say to your spouse even you mean well. It will only ruin both your moods and might trigger a heated argument. A little appreciation surely helps improve any relationship especially your marriage. It is great to let your spouse know that you acknowledge something good about him/her.

Emphasize your point in three sentences.

Some casual conversations of couples end up in heated arguments because one spouse brings up the past or unresolved issues. You'd be surprised to learn that most marriages that end up in divorce started from these. It helps a lot if you stay within the current conversation and avoid bringing up old wounds.  Here are easy steps in order to do this:

Step one: State and focus only on the current issue.

Step two: Describe the issue in not more than three sentences. Here is an example, “You said yesterday that you will be cleaning up the garage today and you didn’t.” 

Step three: Prevent yourself adding other information which could be related to the current situation such as “You do not do what you have promised you are going to do. I can no longer trust you. I do not even know what you are going to do next. By the way, I noticed you left your dishes last night in the sink.”

Perform household chores together.

Doing chores can make a huge difference in your marital relationship. It can help keep your love alive in one way or another. In marriage, sharing everything, be it a small or a big responsibility, is a clear manifestation of your commitment to care and honor each other. This is the ideal and perfect setting. Surveys show that couples who share household chores are more capable to handle stress. Apart from finishing the tasks faster, both of you will enjoy bonding moments together. Below is a list of tips on how to share household chores.

Tip #1: Divide the household chores. You wash the clothes then your spouse will be in-charge of hanging it.

Tip #2: Create a schedule who takes care of a task for the day like it is your task to bring the kids to school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays while your spouse is in-charge on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. 

Study the things that interest your spouse.

This does not mean you need to be a fan or an expert of the hobby or the interest of your partner. For instance, basketball is your husband’s favorite sport. Get to know more about the basic terminologies or how to score in playing basketball. Surprise your spouse – watch a live game of his favorite team or know the profile of his favorite players.

Surprise your spouse through giving gifts that are related to his/her hobby.

Your partner is into photography. A new tripod or camera bag is perfect for your spouse. This simple gesture shows that you are encouraging and supporting your partner's hobby.

Find out who are the people influencing your partner right now.

Your partner might be reading a good book from his/her favorite author that has positive effects on how he/she views things these past few days. It could be the reason why there are improvements on her/his parenting style or in handling your relationship issues. This is a great chance for you to jump in to support your partner because it is about raising your children or dealing with marital challenges.    

Get rid of bad habits.

Contract yourself to do something new today even for five minutes before you give in doing the bad habit you used to do. Have a ready list of punishment and reward programs for yourself. For instance, if you always swear in front of your partner, put a dollar in your swear jar.

Avoid making unwise decisions on your financials.

Financial concerns are one of the major reasons of a broken relationship. It is usually because of bad habits. Creating good money habits can help you achieve your financial goals for yourself and for your family.

Chapter 4: Step 3: Unleash Your Creativity

Being together for so long has its own unique challenges for couples.  There are times when everything feels like a routine and monotonous.  That said, there is nothing wrong with having a routine however, there will be times when one of you (or both) will be looking for something different.  A sure-fire way of rekindling the old fire (so to speak) is by surprising them.  Here are a few tips:

Give your partner customized love coupons. You can easily print these at home. Include wild fantasies of your partner, love making sessions, washing the dishes for your partner, cleaning his/her car or simply take out the trashes. This is a perfect DIY gift that you can give on special occasions.

Send your partner love messages out of the blue during work days through email, text messages or chat messages. This might sound corny to many couples but it can bring back the spark between you and your partner.

Give your partner a big hug and kisses before he/she leaves for work. You kiss your partner all the time but when was the last time you hugged him/her so tight that you do not want him/her to let go? Hugging does not involve a lot of your time. Let your partner feel your warm embrace without any reason at all.

Write your partner a love letter using a fancy stationery and ball pen. In this age of technology, it is easy to write an email or a text message. However, sending your partner a hand written love letter or card makes it more romantic and sweet.

Do something for your partner that he/she hates to do such as cleaning the car or organizing his/her office.

Remember that little things and simple gestures mean a lot to your partner. It might not be expensive but it will surely be appreciated and remembered. Unleash your creativity to show your love and how much you care for your partner.