Chapter 2: Step 1: Cultivate Your Friendship

Are you friends with your partner? If you have lost or trying to build friendship with your partner, here are some ideas that can help you:

Show your efforts to build your friendship. You have to accept the fact that it will need a lot of work. Your partner is a potential best friend that you can trust. But, it will not happen on its own. Sad but true – most couples become too busy with their own endeavors, that they grow distant to each other without even noticing it. The perfect way to start building friendship is to plan when you will be alone with your partner. Make long walks as an opportunity to talk and share what is going on in their lives such as events happened at work.

Provide quality time. Everyone would definitely enjoy spending quality time with loved ones. Who would not cherish a fun game or a chat with their partners even for a few minutes? Hugging and kissing your partner is much easier and quicker to give compared to sitting down with them to share stories. Being interested and engaged in spending time with your partner is really a gift to them.

Learn to deal with the hurtful past. For instance, your spouse committed adultery. The process of going through acceptance, healing and recovery reveal that you have been trapped in an unhealthy communication relationship with your spouse. This is the best part of the situation – you get to learn your mistakes and still have a chance to mend what has been broken.

Always care and nourish each other. Losing a child is a devastating situation that both parents endure. The best person who can be with you at this point in your life is your spouse or partner. Remember, both of you lost a child. This is the perfect time to comfort each other.

Explore common interests and hobbies. Find out what your partners interests are, passions, or likes? What usually eats up your partner's  free time? This activity entails your efforts, time and a little sacrifice to know more about the interests and hobbies of your partner.  Take note, you might have known your partner for years but things might have changed over time. There might be things that were not interesting to them before that are now. 

Keep your gadgets away during weekends or family day. Ensure that when you are home, you do not spend most of your time tinkering on your laptop of mobile phone to answer business matters. Save it on a work day.

Practice speaking gently and softly. More and more couples are speaking in phrases with each other – what they actually want their partner to do especially in doing household chores like “Take out the trash” or “Go and wash the dishes.” While it may be normal among close friends, it may not be as amusing, neither effective, when you do it to your significant other. There is a great possibility that you end up shouting and yelling all the time just to get things done at home.

Learn to respect personal space and privacy. As a partner, it does not give you a license to invade their privacy. Everyone loves to enjoy personal time and space regardless how you well know each other. They need time to sit back and relax, to energize themselves and to be quiet alone. If you share a work area or office room, respect the personal time and space of your partner.

Always speak good things about your partner. It is tempting to share with your close friends or relatives what is currently happening between you and your partner. However, saying negative things about your partner and his/her weaknesses is like bathing yourself with negative emotions. These negative words or rants about your partner will only absorb your energy. Punish yourself by keeping quiet for 10 minutes when you notice yourself speaking negative words about your partner. However, it is healthy to let it out with a few trusted people your rants or issues about your spouse.

Be patient. Try to ponder on this: patience takes practice. Once you become patient each day, you get stronger on this aspect. Patience also gives you self-control and the capability to stop being negative. From that position, you will be able to make good choices and wise decisions in your life.