Chapter 2:  How to Keep the Sexual Relationship Healthy

The mere act of having sex does not make the sexual relationship healthy.  There are other factors that couple needs to observe in order to make their relationship healthy.   Below are some of those factors.

Respect.   According to psychologists, the lack of respect during sexual intercourse or activity may harm not just the sexual relationship but the whole relationship.  A disrespected or scarred spouse or partner is most likely to look for another person who would treat them with respect. 

Also sexual activity that degrades one of the couple does not make the relationship healthy.  As said before, sex is the outlet of showing love.  It is not an act of making one partner suffer, just like what is being done in a dominant-submissive relationship. What kind of love would that be if one of the partners is treated as a whore or worse, a slave?

Experimenting with BDSM sex is not entirely frowned upon by experts.  Exploring with BDSM sex can add excitement in the couple’s sexual relationship.  However, it should not replace the intimate sexual activities of the couple.

Comfort.  Comfort makes sex pleasurable.  The sexual positions and sexual act must be comfortable for both parties.  If one of the parties does not enjoy the sexual act or position, he or she may lose interest in having sex in the future.   Also, if the sexual activity is comfortable between the couple, they are more likely to make love to each other long and more often.

Variety.  There are three kinds of sex that the couple can perform.  These are oral sex, anal sex, and frontal sex.  Under these kinds of sex, there are many varieties of sexual positions that the couple may explore to make their sex life exciting.  Sticking to traditional positions (e.g., missionary and doggy) can get quite boring if it becomes repetitive.  Trying a variety of sexual positions can really help strengthen the intimacy between the couple.

Also, when partners are exploring many varieties of sexual positions, they become more excited to be with each other.

Satisfaction.  When it comes to sexual relationship, partners are not expected to be just contented.  Couples want to be satisfied when they engage in sex.  Thus, it is important that the parties satisfy each other during sexual activities.  An unsatisfied partner may develop insecurities about himself and distrust to his partner.  Some of them may even resort to finding another partner that can keep them satisfied.

Communication.  Marriage counselors often advise couples to have an open communication with each other.  This includes the communication while having sex.

Aside from moaning, grunting or screaming their satisfaction, the couple also needs to communicate their other concerns to their partner like their preference or the performance of their partner. This will help them enjoy the sexual act more.

Lovers often do not communicate their sexual concerns to their partners, especially if the concern is about performance, because they are afraid to offend them.  So instead of having satisfying sex, they end up with a mediocre one where one of them or both of them have to fake their orgasms. 

Experts say that the couple needs to tell their partners if their performance is below satisfactory.  It is not something to be kept.  Sex, naturally, is between two people.  It has to be enjoyed by the people performing it and not just by one of them.  The couple should not wait until their sexual relationship becomes shaky before addressing the concerns.